I may have said this before , but as a kid growing up both my mother and my daddy work full-time jobs. it meant that we had a nice home, nice car, nice holiday , posh clothes and bloody good education. (well my sisters got the good education, I was kick out of 3 schools and ended up in a pru, but hey hum!) What we didn’t have was a stable home life or enough time with either parents. But that never mattered very much to us because we had the love , care and guidance of the most amazing grandparents , ever! well on my daddy’s side. my mother’s side were as cold and distant as my mother. My granddah was a very funny , sweet and charming man, but he suffered from Parkinson’s from the age of 62 and I was only 12 when I lost him. My Nana, well she was my world. She was amazing, sweet and the perfect wife, mother, grand-mother, great Nan, and great great nanny. she was a lot like me (mind out the gutter please), Shy, submissive and hated conflict or having to take the lead. growing up I swear I only ever heard her wanting 3 things , a large sherry, M&S clothes and for her family to be happy. But underneath all this she was a really clever lady too. She was her own boss, working as a cleaner, cook and nanny , while bringing up 9 kids. she had ways of getting us kids to behave and get along , when the were times I could happily wacked my cousins over the head. I remember that if we fought about anything she would make us hug the person we had been fighting with and make us say why the had made us angry. you see her way of thinking was that you can’t be cross with someone your hugging, and she is bloody right!
as I got older I started to suffer with what she called, the twisted voices in my head. The self-doubt , anxiety and learned hate of myself. I did stuff as a teenager that I am not proud of, that I could not tell anyone or express in any other way than self harm. but the one person I knew I could always turn to was my nana. she got me through the hard times by loving me and never, ever stopping loving me, for me. When you think and feel like the family fuck up , to have someone just love you is an awesome feeling. she was a very shred lady to and had a nach of knowing when to not trust someone. Ha, she hated my ex from the first time she met him and always told me I could do better. (SO should have listen to her!) .
She had learnt a way of dealing with her nasty voices from her mummy and she in turn taught it to her kids, and then to me. We called it nana’s 1 to 5 principle. Basic what you do is take 1 really yucky , crappy thought or situation , sit down think super hard and come up with 5 amazing , awesome and cool things you have in your life , or that you have done. it’s not really rocket science , but it works on a lot of different level really . firstly saying what has happened out loud really helps you own what is wrong. Then the fact that you sit down and think of something other than what is wrong is incredibly calming! Then coming up with 5 things that are good and positive really makes you go ‘ oh yeah, so my life don’t suck too bad!’ . kind of the best self-care , self-help thing ever.
So this is how I have used it this week to help myself . Bad, yucky thing my mother has been super nasty about my sisters and I not doing what she wants. good things – 1) I have written everyday this week, over 20000 words in total, Super proud of that. 2)I have been allowed to get back to yoga. still able to do my moves and stretch, so I will be back to fully flexible soon! 3)I am down to 1 antibiotic each day and no anit- viral, with no sign of infections! 4) I have sat down and planned out the first 3 post for a series of blog posts. Go pixie pops!!! 5) I have 2 of the most beautiful little girls in the world, something I never thought would ever happen to me!
Hope that made you smile as much as it did me !
Pixie x x x x