From the heart, Masturbation Monday, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

All good things….

I’ve been sat outside sirs house waiting for the last 15 minutes, knowing how much he hates tardiness , I’m always get to appointments and work early now. I would hate to disappoint him or let him down, but that’s not the reason I am early today. We have been apart, with no contact for the last 2 weeks. No were not 24/7 , but were not casual either. no I don’t have a collar nor are we exclusive, I mean we’ve not really put a label on what we have, not yet. I mean we have talked about collaring and where we see this , what ever it is going but not agreed on a solid future or putting things on a more formal footing. what I do know is that not being able to text him or speak to him or see for the last 2 weeks has left me with an ache in heart and sadness in my soul. So when he text last night saying he was back from his business trip and that he wanted to see me today at lunch time , so we could talk , but only if I was free. I jumped at the chance to see him and be near him. The fact that I had been meant to be working and having lunch with my sisters , well they could be put off and called in sick to , but i so needed to see him.

the fact is for some horrid self-doubting reason that I just can’t shake , I think this is not going to be a nice chat . Nope I have a feeling that I am going to be told that you don’t want to take it any farther and your going to send me away. I mean most of the time we’ve met it’s been at a bar and then we have gone back to your place, rather than my tiny little studio flat. we talk, and laugh, we play and screw. I’m treated with care and respect, I know you feel desire for me and that you enjoy using my body. You must know how much I’m in to you and what we do, maybe a little too much. have I started to feel more for you than you do for me. Do I want more than are casual informal fun. Am I feeling for you and been lying to both of us when I said I was happy with how things are.

Then It hits me like a punch to the chest and brings tears to my eyes. I so feel more than I thought and want more than we have, but I don’t know how to deal with these very new and extremely strange to me feelings. I don’t even know what I want . To be moved from casual fun to what? Kinky girlfriend? No, I want something more formal. I want rules, I want the discipline , the pain and to serve. I want to be owned, loved and controlled. But more than anything I want him to call me his, and nobody else’s, unless he wants me to share with someone. I just sit there and let it sink in slowly, washing over me in waves .

My phone suddenly starts sing at me, making me jump so much I hit my on the roof of my mini! With a shaking hand I rummage through my handbag , looking for me phone, desperate to shut off the offending noise. When I find the bloody thing I look to see who is calling, flashing on the screen are three letters that send my heart in to a nerves flutter, Sir. I slide the lock screen open ,  clear my throat and hit the answer button. I manage to squeak out ‘Hello’

It’s met with a deep chuckle and a ‘hello yourself’ followed by ‘you took your time answering, not misbehaving are you ?’

Why the hell the word ‘misbehaving ‘ should have any effect on me at all, is boned me . Yet every muscle in my lower half tenses , my breathing hitches in my throat and my nipples , instantly get hard. I stammer out a ‘no’ In a high pitch tone that I don’t recognise as me.

‘So are you actually going to come inside, or were you planning on staying in your car all afternoon?’ Shit, shit ,shit he’s seen me. Oh god what do I do now. As if reading my mind you add ‘ If you’re not on my front pouch, by the front door in less than 30 seconds I will come and drag you out the car’

‘okay , I’m coming already’ I say in a slightly less submissive tone than I would normally use. I’m a tad peeved that you sound way to relaxed and full of humour for this to be anything other than another play session or bout of stress relief. I shake myself , grad my bag from the passenger seat , and make to get out the car. Only now thinking my choice of summer dress and saddles is , possibly not the best thing to wear if someone is going to break things off with you. I mean I feel like ive made too much effort , I should have gone with jeans, t-shirt and trainers, then I would look so bad when I stop at the petrol station on the way home for ice-cream to help with a broken heart.

I’ve almost made it to your porch and front door before I realise that I’m really over thinking all this. More than likely this is just a booty call and that I’m going to have as much fun as you. breathe Kallie , just breathe and stop being so fucking stupid. It’s not going to be all bad , not what you want but at least it well feel good.  lost in thought again , I raise my hand to knock on the door , only for it to swing open  and I’m left knocking on his rather muscled , tanned chest covered in a light brown hair. I just stand their stock still staring at the wall of you that is in front of me. i hear your slow, deep chuckle as your arm go round me and pull me in to your chest for the biggest hug of my life . I breath in a big deep breath , that is full of your sent , lord you smell good, i have missed that smell so much. I breath out a long , deep sigh and let you take me by the hand and guide me in to the house.

You shut the door behind you with firm shove of you foot and I hear the key turn in the lock. I have only taken a few in to the coolness of the tiled hall , the butterflies are back in my tummy and I half heartedly try to figure out how easy I could run and crash through the pouch window and get in to the safety of my car. Lost in thought, I jump when your hands make contact with the bear skin of my shoulder and upper arms. Then your voice in a whisper in  my ear says ‘hush little one, calm down, it’s ok. Why don’t you put your bag down and slip your shoes, then go through to the lounge , while I get us some thing to drink. Go on make yourself comfortable little one’ and then his gone from my side .

I do as I’m told putting my bag on the hall table , slipping my feet out of my sandles and pad along the hall to the lounge, remarking to myself how cool the tiles fell under my bare feet. Once in the lounge I run my fingers across the smooth leather of the couch , and then turn and look out the window to your small garden, with its chairs and table, that would make a perfect spot to share a glass of wine in the late summer sun. Something I’m not likely to every get the chance to enjoy . I turn the blinds down and stand , slowly unbuttoning my dress, opening it wide and shimming it from my shoulder. stepping out of the fabric, I fold it neatly on the end table , then I start to go to work on my bra and panties , folding them and adding them to pile on the end table . I turn to your high back chair , the one you sit in when you want to watch me play and edge myself . not quite sure what to do for the best, I decided that kneeling at the side of your chair would be the best idea. So I walk to the chair and I start to lower myself to my knees, a sense of foreboding and sadness washing over me. I’m really having to fighting of tears and stamp down the sobs that are rising from some place deep inside.

again I’m so court up in my own little world, that I don’t hear you come in the room. The first I know about you being near me is a shocked gasp, the clatter of a tray being sat down and you saying ‘jesus Kallie, I said make yourself comfy , not get bare assed and kneel on the floor’

Lifting my face to yours , I look at you with a very confused look on my face. I stutter out ‘but I thought you wanted to ‘talk’ about stuff'” I feel the sob in my throat rising and tears stinging my eyes, ‘way to make a fool of yourself kallie’ . Looking at you face for some idea of what you really meant , I see you with a bemused grin on you lips and you head shaking . Feeling like a total idiot know I get up from the floor and make to grab my cloths and flee the scene of my shame. But your hand has my arm in a vise like grip, and your turning me to face you. That ‘s when you see the silent tear fulling down my face. all I hear before you fold me in to your arms is ‘fuck Kallie , no sweetie , no , I just want to chat with you about some stuff”

That just makes me sob harder and harder. Great I was right in the first place, you want to call all this off and send me away. I can’t seem to stop the tears or the sobs, but I also try to push my self free of your arms, as they are and your touch is not helping my addled brain to function. but your strong arms are not  letting go , you drag me over to the couch , sit down and host me on to your lap. tucking my head in to shoulder and making shushing noise while you stroke my hair.

when I’ve calmed a little , I whip my eye and blow my nose, wow I must look a mess. I try to stand up, but you’re not having any of it . “hold still missy! Your not moving till you tell me what the fuck all those tears  were for”

to tried to fight you, I relax , take a deep breath and start. ” I thought you called me here to tell me that I was being realised , but when you said get comfy , I thought you wanted to use me and play. So I thought I should be naked and kneeling, but then when you saw me you clearly didn’t  want that , so I felt not only a fool but realised my first thoughts were right , that your about to realise me, and … and…”

“shush little one, let me speak now ok ‘ You say in your firm but friendly tone. I nod , my head bumping under your chin. you hold me tight pull me closer, so I feel safe, little and warm.

You start talking again in a low , calm tone ” I asked you to come here today , as I have things I need to say to you . I did not ask you here for a booty call nor am I going to release you from anything little one. I wanted to talk to you about where we are headed and what future you see for us. I was going to say that not having contact with you for 2 weeks has been hell, that I missed your pretty little face, your cheeky chatter and could not stop thinking about your body and the things I longed to do to it . I was hopping you would say you felt the same and that you might want to take this a step farther. I was going to ask you to do me the honor of wearing my collar and become my sub. I know we have a lot to talk about still and a lot of things to work out but I was so hopping you wanted the same as me. So what is your answer Kallie , is a collar something you are interested in, my collar I mean, me as your Dom on a much more permanent footing?”

I sit stock still in your lap , my eyes are threatening to spill tears again. I open my mouth but no words will come out so I nod my head as hard as I can, bumping the underside of your chin again. I take a deep breath, swallow and finally find the words ‘yes , yes please , ever so much sir!’

With a chuckle you set me on my feet , stand up yourself and pull my into you and lean down and kiss me. soundly, full of passion and leaving me with no doubt that you’re in charge. it goes on and on , and I never want it to stop. but you pull away ,stroking my face with one hand and adjusting  yourself with the other, looking me in the eye the whole time, causing me to blush. You say in a soft and gentle tone’ now little one, I want you to kneel, close your eyes and hold your hair up and away from your neck, I’ll be right back , no peeking , promise?’

I nod and drop to my knees , gathering my hair up in my hands and closing my eyes tightly. I hear you walk in to the hall, rustle through a bag, take something out of it and then pad back me . You kneel behind me and then I feel you place something made of leather round my , it tightens and I can feel you buckling it closed . checking it’s not to tight, you tell me to open my eyes and let go of my hair. my hands fly to the thine strip of leather round my neck , I look up and begging with my eyes, you chuckle and help me to my feet , and I run to the hall and the mirror. I stare at the thin purple , kitten style , leather buckle collar , with a small sliver d-ring at the front and hanging from it is shiny, heart shape tag. with shaking fingers I catch hold of the tag, turning so I can read what is on it . It reads  Sir’s Little one. I cant help myself , I turn round , squealing with delight, I run back to the lounge and launch myself at him.

With my legs wrapped round his waist and arms round your neck, I cover your face I kisses, not realising that your hands are rubbing my bum and moving to my lower lips. Nor that you are walking towards the couch, then I come to just as my naked back hits the smooth leather . the next thing I know I’m rough turned over on to my tummy and then hosted over your lap. your growling at me to hold still. Then comes , in a husky voice ‘ Now little one I think you need to be punished for think the worst , before asking what I wanted to talk to you about , don’t you? hmm, I think 10 of the best on each should do it , now I want you to count little one and say thank you , do you understand?’

‘Yes sir ‘ I squeak and then gasp as I feel the sudden sting of his hand making contact with my bum cheek. ‘1 , thank you sir’ I manage to get out just before your hand makes contact with the other cheek. I count out loud, as the blows land on my bottom , one after another. then as soon as its starts it end and you pull to you for yet another cuddle, but I can feel your erection through your jeans. I look up at you , pleading with my eyes , uttering a ‘please’ , as I slide from your lap, coing to rest between your knees. Not brake eye contact , my hands move to your jeans , to the zip of your fly , slowly dragging it down.

“ok little one , show me what you want to do” you say as you pull your t-shirt up and over  your head , and tossing it to the floor. I pull you fly down, delighted that you have gone commando, tugging your jeans down your toned legs, tossing them to the side with your t-shirt . Then I turn back to you, steeling between your legs , looking to you to check it’s ok! You nod and smile, and I go to work!

Slowly kissing from the tip , down to the base, stopping to drop kisses, then gentle licks and sucks to you balls . I then lick from the base, along the underside , right back to head of your cock. It’s glistening with pre come, that I run my fingers through and use as a lubricant, as I gently pump your cock for a minute or two . But then I can’t wait any longer , sitting back on hunches I take the tip of your cock in my mouth , slowly taking you deeper and deeper in to my throat . Your hand has weaved their way in to my hair and you now decided to take control . Using. My hair, you control the depth and speed of things , leaving me to control how hard I suck and allowing my hands to tease your balls. Soon you stroke speed up, thrusting my face and mouth down harder. I feel you tense , and then with a deafening raw , your empty yourself in to my mouth and I swallow as much as I can . When you finish , you release you death like grip on my hair, and I come up gasping for air.

Still kneeling on the floor, red-faced , swollen lips , hair a mess and still panting. You hover over me and then host up in to your arms, kiss my soundly and cooing soft words in my ear. When my breathing returns to normal , you speak again. ” well little one I think we have an awfully to talk about and things to work out, that is if you still want too that is!?”

“Of course I do buster !” I giggle and playfully punch you in the chest . But it all gets lost in the look On you face . grabbing my arm , you stand taking me with you, only to stoop and gather me up in you arms, telling I need to be punished again , and with that your striding off.to your bed room with me in your arm. Knowing that we’re not done with talk just yer, but also the talking can wait, for now!

Masturbation Monday.

nee mm

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