family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart.

Cutting ties, saying goodbye and falling in love, again.

Well it’s been a funny few weeks at Beaulac towers, to say the least. For us this is always a super busy time of year, well it’s always a busy time of for us, but this has been silly busy. I have felt like I have been chasing my tail. But thankfully things are becoming calmer by the day, thank the gods!
The main reason things have clamed down are due to me making some massive changes too my life and the world I live in. these changes had to happen, after a mini break down that I had on the Sunday night after Eroticon. I woke at 2 am sobbing, sacking and panicked out of my little head. Thankfully I have a wonderful Dom and amazing subbie sisters, who no matter what the time of day or night are willing to sit and listen. But what was the cause of this break down? Well in a nutshell I was tired, over worked and stressed out. It was also the realistaion, having been at Eroticon for 3 days, amongst like minded people, relaxed and being my true, little self, that for the first time in months I was myself, happy and relaxed.
Not that I was not enjoying my life or thinking of doing stupid things, very far from it. But I had started to not want to work every day, losing the passion I have for my work and on some levels resenting it. I felt like I was missing the babies growing up, wanting to be with them over work. I was also missing being at home and hating the amount of time I was traveling. I had started to get tired all the time, grumpy and not wanting sex, signs for me that I’m going to be poorly with my depression again. My body was screaming that I needed to take a step back, but my head said that doing so was weak and that I needed to just keep going. But I just could not do it, physically, emotionally, or mentally I was done.
So, after a lot of talking, we decided that the best thing to do, would for me to step down from working as much. Going back to working with privet classes and 1 2 1 training and the rescue work I do. Thankfully my Boss was amazing and said that when I’m ready to go back to the would be a job waiting for me.
Another thing I have chosen to do is to step away from and cut ties with some of my family. I don’t hide the fact I don’t get on with my mother but keeping trying to be just too painful and stressful. So, I have stepped back from being so involved in her care. I have also decided to cut ties from my extended family. It’s a massive family and overall wonderful, but some of the people in it are vile. They expect to be forgiven for their sins and won’t forget other sins. Some of them of late have done things that are abhorrent to me. From fighting, to drinking and doing drugs, to theft and domestic abuse. I had to cut ties with those family members or I was going to start being vile back at them.
So, moving forward, I have been resting and reconnect with me. I have slept late, walked dogs, eaten proper home cooked food, and been silly with my babies. And I have been able to sit down and written, planned post, and decided in what direction I want to take things. I have made plans to do stuff and I’m working on myself again
I had to sadly say good bye to my uncle, who passed away from lung cancer. It was at his wake that I kind of said bye to a lot of things that had been weighing me down and I realised that being a mum is a bloody great job, that I love doing and I’m good at!
Having more free time has been great, and I have rekindled a love of crafting! So much so I am setting up a craft club for littles and kitten and I are going to look at setting up a little Esty shop, selling collars and things for littles that are discreet.
Well that is enough of a ramble, must be up early, were off to Amsterdam!
Pixie x

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