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Why FemDom is not just for men by Miss Floss.

This weeks guest post comes from a friend and wonderful writer. She is also happens to be a podcaster and Femdom switch.  Withou too much more ado, we give you the epic miss Floss.

When the majority of people hear the term FemDom I think the go-to image they get in their head is of a ballbusting bitch of a woman humiliating and degrading a man.

Now don’t get me wrong a lot of FemDom porn consists of exactly that. When we are talking about lifestyle FemDom though, there is a whole spectrum of people who enjoy it and you might be surprised to discover that not all of the points on that spectrum involve men.

You will have people who love to argue over the semantics of the term FemDom and what you should be doing in your scenes to earn your FemDom stripes. For me though the only stipulations are that you identify as Female and you enjoying Dominating your partner/s in a sexy and consensual manner. Then we take the Fem of female and the Dom of Dominating and squish them together into something sexy.

Notice that nowhere in my definition of FemDom did I include that being a FemDom means dominating a male submissive. This might be breaking news for some people, but it isn’t just cis-gendered men who are into Female Domination.

That’s right folks. Women, like to be Dominated by other women. In fact some non-binary people like to be dominated by women too. As do some of gender fluid people. Some transgendered men also like to be dominated by women. The reality is that wherever someone falls on the gender spectrum doesn’t dictate whether or not they get to be a fan of FemDom.

I saw a comment within a tweet recently that stated ‘Pro-Dommes only want male submissives and lifestyle FemDoms only want women.’ Neither of those comments are true. What a woman wants in a partner, be they submissives or not, largely depends on the woman in question. As with all aspects of life you can’t just whack a massive generalisation on it and declare that as the truth.

As a woman who identifies a somewhere within the spectrum of bisexual/pansexual/queer, who I might connect with has very little basis on their gender and is much more about whether or not we have similar kinks, and also whether or not the post kink conversation will be any good. I like to have a giggle with my play partners and talk about common interests, those things not being present are far more likely to affect our chemistry than gender ever will.

My personal approach to my kink dynamics is to keep them fairly casual, so only when I am in a scene does my FemDom ego truly take centre stage. That is just me though, as with all kinds of kink there are as many ways to do it as there are people into it. It’s not all degradation and beatings. Not all FemDom’s are Sadists. I know of a few women who are more inclined towards sensual Domination, and also FemDom’s who have a strong caregiver side are very much in existence too.

I get so many women messaging me saying ‘I’d love to try dominating my partner but I’m not ‘FemDom’ enough to do it’. My reply is always the same; FemDom isn’t a synonym for mean, cruel, hardcore, Sadistic or pro-domme. Yes it can be those things, but essentially if you are female identifying and you’re into Dominating people in a sexy way, then FemDom is for you. To get started all you need is a partner who is willing to be the bottom to your Top.

One of the things I love about FemDom is that it helps me connect to and channel my sexuality and femininity in a way that I struggled to before. One of the key elements of my sexuality is that I enjoy playing with other women. That doesn’t change when you throw my FemDom interests into the mix, if anything I enjoy using the knowledge I have of a woman’s body and using it to my advantage.

As a switch I have been on both the giving and receiving ends of FemDom and I have to say as a bottom it is sexy as hell having a woman take that desire to be Dominant and direct that energy in your direction. There is something wonderful in taking the roles and expectations society often pins on women and thoroughly fucking with them, for me FemDom is the answer to that. This also means shunning the idea that many men still seem to hold that they are at the center of every woman’s sexuality.

Our explorations with other women are not only valid, but can also be just as intense and sexy as with any other gender. It’s time for those who cast aspersions on this fact to stop. If for some reason you disagree, then maybe just keep it to yourself, as the kink community often says ‘Your Kink Is Not My Kink and That’s Okay.’ I’ll do my kink, which definitely is girl on girl FemDom and you can do yours.

2 thoughts on “Why FemDom is not just for men by Miss Floss.”

  1. This is a great article Floss, and states your case very well. I agree the stereotype seems to be a ‘domination’ erring on the cruel side – using denial, humiliation or CP, but that’s not what every submissive wants so it makes sense that there are more nurturing or sensual versions of the Domme too.
    Thanks for clarifying and explaining, and thanks Pixie for sharing this post.

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