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I’m a student and a sex nerd by Tits and Test Tubes

This week, we’re bringing you a little something different. When you were younger, did you know what you wanted when it came to sex? How about who you were? Jadis Liddell, A.K.A Tits and Test Tubes tackles that question here. 

Enjoy

Before I start this piece, I’d like to say that I’m not saying this experience is unique to queer, kinky university students, or even representative of queer, kinky university students. But it is a little insight into my thoughts about being kinky and queer while at university – while also being a shy introvert who struggles with depression and anxiety. I’d also like to say that when I talk about my experiences with the kink scene, I am talking about local munches, rather than the supportive people I have met in the sex blogging community.

When Pixie Heart asked me to write about being kinky at university, I was delighted. I really like kinky sex, and I’m a university student. I absolutely can tell you that fucking on a twin-size single bed in university halls with a flatmate next door is… well, it’s an experience. I can tell you that last September, a few of my new flatmates probably heard me having sex (I do not do quiet orgasms, especially when they’re forced orgasms) before I actually talked to them. I’m happy to reveal that I spent way too much of my student loan on sex toys and books about sex. I’ve fantasised about having sex in lecture theatres – maybe, just on one occasion, with a particularly cute and domly lecturer – and have sent at least a thousand filthy messages when I was supposed to be taking notes.

I’m sure some of you will be disappointed that this isn’t going to be a filthy story about my first visit to a kink club when I got spanked with a riding crop by a dominant woman in latex. It’s not only because I’ve yet to have that experience, but also because being young – and often being mistaken for younger – peoples’ instincts can often be not to believe that this young, innocent looking girl in their space because she’s kinky as fuck, and instead want to protect me. I appreciate all of those who give me advice and want to look out for me; I know I’m in a vulnerable position as a woman with little sexual experience.

(That being said, can someone just flog me though?)

The result of this is that I can’t talk about my experience of the BDSM scene as a uni student, or even about telling a uni girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, or hook-up that I’m into kink. In fact, I’ve only been asked out once, and one of the reasons that I told him it wouldn’t work after a few dates was because we both wanted to be submissive in bed – apparently even before I had even had sex, the kind of kinky sex I wanted was a deal-breaker for me in a relationship.

So I’m not sure that I can talk about being kinky while at university… but I can talk about something that I am, and am very vocal about, while being a student. And what I am is a sex nerd.

This goes hand in hand with sex blogging, though I tend to disclose the former more than the latter. I’m awful at keeping secrets, but while I occasionally mention that I write about sex and sexuality, I don’t mention my super-hero-secret-identity name to anyone. I certainly wouldn’t identify as a sex nerd if I wasn’t a sex blogger, though, even if I was one before I started blogging, just without those words to describe it.

I have a theory about why I became a sex nerd, and it relates to why I became blogging and love being Jadis Liddell so much, but that’s a heavy emotional topic that I need to unpack before I share with the internet. The result, though, is that I’m now openly queer, and do my best to be sex positive. This occasionally leads to odd moments, like correcting people when they say vulva rather than vagina if it’s an appropriate setting to do so, or being stubbornly unashamed to talk about my period. I’ve also told someone that I’m happy for them to lead the discussion on healthy relationships but I will add in any additions I think it needs to make it LGBTQAI+ friendly.

They did so brilliantly – and there’s a slight chance I overshared a little with information about using condoms for blow jobs, and the fact that lube, dental dams and gloves could also be part of one’s safer sex kit.

A few years ago, my birthday present to myself was a book about lesbian sex: I love learning about sex. Right now, I’m reading some 101-level books on Topping and Bottoming that a friend lent me: I love learning about kink. So yes, I’m a sex nerd, and I don’t think I’ve met anyone else at university who has explored their kinks and fantasies to the same extend I have. You might respond to that with that – and rightly so – with the fact I really need to get out of flat and meet more cute, queer, kinky humans… but I’m also not sure I’ll meet them in a traditional BDSM-y space. If you’ve met me in person, you may know that I tend to argue passionately about topics I care about, and this goes hand-in-hand with not taking being condescended to well. I know I have a lot to learn from more experienced kinksters, but I also won’t let people tell me I’m too young to know what I want.

A little while ago, I made a friend. My shy, introverted, depressed ass isn’t great at making friends, so this is a big deal. Even more strangely, I met her in real life, at one of the part-time jobs where I’m working this summer while staying with my parents. The reason we connected is because I made a sex positive comment, which led to a discussion that covered relationships and kinky sex. It turns out we have a few kinks in common, and she was amazed and amused at how comfortably I used the words my first threesome in our conversation.

I think the point I’m trying to make is that I love being sex positive and outspoken about this as a student, because it often means I find kindred spirits of sex nerds and perverts in the people around me.


Queer sex blogger who writes erotica, reviews sex toys and talks about mental health. Scientist, feminist and utter perv, with a penchant for wanking in airports. Occasionally seen reading books and wearing cat ears, and frequently running late for trains. Come find me at my blog www.titsandtesttubes.com or on Twitter @TitsAndTestTube.

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