I have a place that I go, in my mind when I become totally overwhelmed by life. Whether its
sadness, anger, pain, anxiety, or fear that send me, it’s the same place, a sort of high cliff
Inside my head. The emotions build gradually, I can see it happening, I try to stop it happening.
But as it grows, it builds faster and faster, till I can’t stop it.
Then I’m on my high cliff, all alone. It high steeply falling ledges, sharp, jagged rocks. On the
top of this high cliff, its open and the is no place to hide. the is either bright, harsh, hot
sunshine. Or Heavy rain and howling winds. Every part of my body hurts. Light and sounds
become physically painful. My tummy is in knots, I can hardly breath, with sweaty palms and
shacking from head to toe. It’s so high, I can’t see the ground or away down. The only way
down seems to be jumping.
So how do I/ we deal with this? Well maîtres would say that to heal and become whole again, is
to first break apart, and for me that is true. I need to shatter and then build myself up again.
But breaking apart is hard to do and can in its self be painful. It sometimes takes a therapy
spanking or kicking the crap out of a punch bag or someone pushing me mentally but sometimes
I need someone to talk me down. But it always ends with shattering and sobbing in whoever
saved me arms.
After breaking apart, I need to rebuild myself. Nobody can do it for me, it must come from me.
I need love, support and understanding If I need help I will ask for it. I need people in my life
that are consistent, open, and gentle. who will approach with care, but more than anything I need
people to stand by my side as I fight my way back up off the floor, and hold my hand while I do it.