So, I have a little bit of a bee in my bonnet of late about people judging me and my ‘poly ‘family’s life style choices. I think its more of a ‘oh well this is my experience of poly, so yours has to be the same’, sort of thing. But it has me thinking about the myths and bull squirt that surround the whole Poly / Swinger lifestyle. So, I put it out to the wonder that is kinky twitter and as always people jumped in to help! So, lets bust this myth in the bum, shall we?
“Polyamory and Swinging are the same thing.”- So I thought I would start with the sort of elephant in the room. Swinging and Polyamory are not the same thing. They have an awful lot of things in common, but also some aspects are very much not the same. If you look at it, the term means, then it sorts of bust the myth on its own. Polyamory is the ability to love more than one person at the same time. Swinging, is when either single or people in a committed relationship, are non-monogamous sexually. But there are a lot of grey areas and a lot of overlap. But I guess like all relationship and dynamic, they are both special and unique. They take a lot of trust and love to enter into and are not for everyone. There are those who say that swingers are out for sexual gratification and that all Poly people are in it for love and commitment, but again that is not true either. I personally know one swinger couple that have been together and had the same play partners for 15 years. What I personally hate is how both groups judge each other, it is just plain stupid. We cannot again try to get on and support each other and our lifestyle choices then, how the flip should other normal people begin to try and understand.
‘You will sleep with / fuck / play with anyone.’ – This is the thing I find really insulting. I personally am fussy about who I play with, as is Daddy and the girls. Thinking about everyone I know in the lifestyle, they are picky. My friend Amma, well she goes as far as running background checks on her partners. What I do know is that people in both worlds are very hot on protection, personal safety and consent, so that to me is a big Plus!
‘All they really do is cheat on their partners.’ – Palm forehead! I have been poly for 17 years and I can hand on heart say, that I have never cheated on any of my partners. I’ve been cheated on, by my ex, but he was a! $%£”^!. We as a poly family, tell each other who and when we play with others away from the family. We also have very clear guidelines on what cheating would be, basically anything we would not let the others do, without telling the rest of us. Lol we always talk, are open and honest. Maîtres says sometimes we talk things to death. All this boils’ down to, for us at least, is that there is no cheating if we all know what is going on, we are all happy with that and we don’t hide things from each other.
‘All swinger / poly is bi-sexual.’ – Again massively wrong! I am bi, but I would be bi no matter what, if it meant I was with just one person or many. Maîtres is poly, but he is not bi. If we play with another guy, then he will watch or sort of tag team. But I know a lot of poly groups that they both only find opposite sex partners attractive and they only have them as partners.
‘We hate monogamous people / want to convert them all.’ – This makes me angry as flip. It’s like saying all gay people are trying to convert all straight people. (Yes, I know some stupid people think that). I for one think if you are in a committed monogamous relationship, then wow! Like I would if you were in a committed poly. I think commitment is sexy AF! But thinking that just because someone is poly or swings means that they think everyone should be just plain dumb and rude.
‘We fancy everyone.’ – Oh the amount of times I’ve heard this! Its like saying that all women fancy all men. Its physically imposable to be attracted to everyone. Everyone has a ‘type’ and that still happens if your poly, swing, your bi, straight, or gay.
‘Everything we do is sexual.’ – Again, dah no! If we made everything sexual, I for one would be very board, get no work done and be homeless! Poly and swingers alike do normal things like cleaning the loo, cooking dinner, and paying the bills. Its not like a big shiny porn thing where the woman cleaning the bath ends up fucking the gardener. We are normal people too!
‘If your poly or a swinger, it’s never cheating.’ – Like hell its not! I know damned straight that if I was to fuck someone behind my husbands back or any of the girls then it is cheating. We, as do all Poly and swingers, have rules around about playing or fucking other people. Just because you have more than one partner does not mean that you are a cheater. My rules for other people are never do anything without the others knowing, always tell Maîtres where and what I am doing and never bring someone home without talking to the rest of the family. What I think this says about both communities is that we have the ability to trust and can communicate our feelings in a very grown up way.
‘We never get jealous.’ – Bull squirt again. Jealously is a very basic human feeling and all humans feel it at times. If you don’t, then you’re a bloody machine and lying about being human. I have 3 male partners and 3 female partners, and sometimes I get jealous about who is spending time with whom. One male partner is LDR and I get jealous about the women he might be seeing. I get jealous of Kitten seeing her ex. I even threatened to pee on Maîtres because his PA kept trying to be over friendly. But unlike normal people, if we get jealous we talk about it. See we are awfully grown up about things!
‘You don’t really love someone if you want to be with others.’ – Groan, Really!!! Well I love all my partners and I am committed to all of them. Hell, I would marry Kitten if I could. Love and life do not conform to stereotypes and normality is a myth in my mind!
‘All they do is have orgies.’ – As if! Dear Lord, not even orgies are what people think they are. I personally love when I get a little one on one time with a partner, its extra special. I would also like to point out a lot of the ‘orgies’ we have are just normal sex. People fart, stub toes, get cramp or sneeze like everyone else. We just do that with more people at once. Not all Poly people have more than one person at a time and a lot of swingers don’t like the whole swingers party scene. Its each to their own.
Well I hope that busts a few myths people!