broken brained, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail

Accident waiting to happen!

So, many people think they are the most accident-prone person in the world, right? Well I can without any doubt say that they are all wrong. I can even say I know who the clumsiest and most accident-prone person is, because it happens to be me! No really, it’s me.
I have been like it since I was a tiny kid. If I could fall off something, bump my head, brake, or drop things I did. I have no idea how I made it to adulthood. The first big and noteworthy accident happened when my sisters and I got sent to stay with my aunty Molly and uncle Stan on their farm in county Antrim. The was a loose slate on a roof of they barn, and me being, at the time the smallest and lightest of us, I got sent up to fix it. (don’t judge, this was in the 80’s and long before health and safety). well I got to the top of the ladder, shimmed along and just as I finished fixing the slate in place, I stupidly looked down and slipped. I throw out my hands to steady myself, throwing the hammer in my hand flying, and put my foot through the roof. I manged to get my foot out, and get back to the ladder, making my way down. Only to be greeted at the bottom by my aunty Molly looking cross and uncle Stan on the floor with broken glasses, a huge lump on his head and covered in blood. In my defence, who sends a child up a ladder to fix a roof?!

The was another time that I as on holiday on the south coast of England, in lovely little village called whittering. My daddy took me and my sister off to do a spot of crabbing. I was walking along a wall by the sea, lost in my own little world of fluffy unirons and rainbows, when my daddy yelled at me to look what I was doing. Slightly startled I turned to look at him but kept walking. Not looking where I was going, I came to the end of said wall and walked straight off the end of it. I don’t recall very much after that, apart from getting back to are tent, covered in very smell, sticky mud, and sore arm. Frog marched to the shower, by my hopping mad nana, and scrubbed clean, I remember saying my wrist hurt and felt funny. Nana when running to get my daddy and I was taken to A&E. after x-rays, a doctor said I had a displaced fracture and that it would need to be put back in place and then plastered. Daddy thought I would need to be asleep to have that done, but no, the doctor just pulled it there and then. Bloody hurt! My sister Sophie, still to this day takes the micky out of my over it by mocking the ‘Agrgh oww aghrrr’ that I apparently made when I fell off the wall!

I some how manged to get to the age of 16 without killing myself or anybody else. Then I got my first job working in McDonalds. (oh, the shame). Well I made through the first week ok. I was being trained on the grill and the manger was telling me about the ‘ansle system’ . it was, as I remember a fire extensor thing that you pushed if the grill court on fire. It would cover the grill and everything around it in a yellow powder. Well all was going so well when I stooped down to do up my shoe lace, getting up I sort of head butted the manager training me in the nuts, and stepping back in shock and horror, and bumped in to something with my bum. Next thing I knew the whole of the grill area, backroom and half the front counter were covered in yellow powder. Luck for me the manger saw the funny side to this and did not sack me. That’s not to say I did not have any more accidents, nope they still happened. I stumbled filing up the shake machine and poured 10 little of shake mix down my front, I got my hand stuck in the inside of a yellow wet floor sign and had to sit in the walk-in chiller till my hand cooed off and I could get it out. Oh, and I manged to knock myself out, by tripping and head butting a customer.

I decided to stop for the day with them after I sort of eltricuted a rather vile floor manager. I was putting the shake machine together one morning, when I need to get some more lube from the stoke room. So off I went to get it, but I only got half way before the was a big bang, a scream and the lights went out. Running back to the front counter to find said floor manger laying on the floor, looking dazed and confused, holding a burnt hand up. Turns out she thought I had finished, tried to pull a shake and something was exposed or stuck. She tried to push it back, but it decided to fiddle with it and got a shock, in every sense of the word.

As I moved on to university and things calmed down a little on the accident front. Sure, I set off the fire alarms in halls at least once a week and the were hundreds of times I got locked out of my room, but that happens to everyone right? I worked in shop in Camden market for a while and was asked to clean out the loft space with collige on Sunday. They went up first, followed by me. but I missed a rung of the ladder, slide down, hitting my chine on the loft opening, splitting it open. The ladder went flying, I fell flat on my face, knocking myself out and leaving said colleague stranded in the loft.

After university was done with and my working life started the accidents kept happening. I set fire to a bin in a workroom, I tripped, and head butted a window in a meeting room, and I dislocated a knee by kneeling on a very hard floor. When I made the move to working in the film industry, I took a lot more care, making sure I did not do a ‘Pixie’. I kept hurting myself to myself, I mean it’s not fair to inflict other people with unneeded booboos!

After my break up with my ex and the full out from that, well everyone wanted to wrap me in cotton wool, so I went through a good amount of time without hurting myself. But that was not for want of trying. I mean I was not allowed to use a razor without someone watching me, knives, and scissors where out of bounds and I was not allowed to shower with the bathroom door shut for a good 12 months. (If I sound flippant or blazed about this, I’m not, I promise. But the way I deal with trying to kill myself and the full out from it is by poking fun at it). But in spite of this I still dropped things, broke things, and got ouchies. My darling Maîtriser was one of the first people in my life to say “Pixie, you are just clumsy. You don’t mean it to happen, its just how you are built.”. He put rules to lessen the chances of my hurting myself, but also saw that being watch 24/7 was not helping me get better. So, he gave me free time and I was allowed a 20 min bath every day, with a closed bathroom door. I love him so much for trusting me and believing in me. (ok depressing part over)

Not to say I stop having accident altogether, but they are a lot less now. Well I did have a big one dusting. You see I was dusting the DVD unit thing in the living room. I was moving the sky box, thinning bob, tripped on the mat, knocked over the vase of flowers, and pulling the tv bizarre all at the same. Water went over the plugs and tv, the was a massive bang, smoke, and total loss of power. I still don’t know what or how ii did it put half my street was without and had to have generators for the weekend. I have also broken a dishwasher, 3 microwaves and a washing machine trying to fix things. So now if something is not working right I must tell Babe and let her fix it. I am also not allowed a posh phone like an iPhone as I have a habit of cracking screens or dropping them.
O you can see why some people say knowing pixie can be bad for your health. But the Boss Man says I’m just accident prone and he loves me for it. It just means he gets to look after me a little harder.

Well I hope that my Misfortune has made you at least smile,

Pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail

And still….

It’s 4 am, and I’m still wide awake. My heart hurts, my bones ache, I still taste you on my lips. Every time I close my eyes, images of the last few days dance across my mind, in beautiful vivid colour. I still feel the burning touch of you fingers, as they traced circles over skin. You left only a few hours ago, but with in moment of the door closing behind you, I was hit with the craving for you. I try to fight my addiction for you, and still I want more of you.

I’m laid on the crumpled sheets, where your musky scent lingers, long after you have left. I play back the passion and energy of are love making from the night before. We matched each other, move for move. Instinctively knowing what the other need. You were gentle and loving when I needed, commanding and strong when I needed you to be, and still I let you get up and walk out the door .

Sitting up I see you tie still knotted to the head board, reminding me of how you tied my heads out of the way, causing me to blush. I give up ideas of sleep, pushing myself up and out of bed. stopping to look at my reflection in the mirror, gazing at my body. My bruised breast, puff lower lip and hair that is a tozzled mess. I feel the blush creep from my core, burning like fire. I can’t look away, and still I need your arms round me to make me believe everything you said.

Closing my eyes, drawing in a steading breath, holding on to my dressing table for support. My mind is playing tricks on me, I could swear I heard the door open and soft foot steps coming towards me. then I feel your hands take a firm grip of my arm and my eyes fly open as you spin my round to face you, kissing me and pulling to your chest. Then come the only word I need to know. “I’m staying, I still love you”

For Little Bear, cos even when you drive me mad, I will always love you! x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

The little things that mean so much.

Over the weekend I was struggling with some stuff. My sisters were being spiteful and unhelpful. My body decided to not like me and cause me to be in shit load of pain. (I had to take oral morphine on Friday night). MY work load is crazy busy, with only being 2 weeks till Crufts. Adding to the stress was my mother being vile and falling off the waggon, again! All this left me feeling low and very tearful. Luckily, I have great support at home and we found ways round all of it. I also with permission reached out to people on twitter. It was Saturday night Sunday morning, that I read a tweet by @Girly_Juice about how her Daddy had ordered her a pizza, as she was too emotionally discombobulated to figure out how to get food and feed herself. (we have all been there). It was a lovely, caring and extremely romantic thing to do, and proves he is a great Daddy. It also made me think about all the things that my family do for me that show how much they love me. yes, they are big some pretty big thing, like going to treatment with me or going to therapy with me or stepping in when everyday life overwhelms me. But the things that mean the most, are the little things. I said to maîtriser that I was grateful for all the little things that he and the girls do to help me or to show me I’m loved. He liked this a great deal, deciding that I should make a list of 5 things for each of the family, as a kind of giving back and mindfulness task for me. So here goes!

• Lunch time phone call, that always starts with ‘How’s my girl?”
• Sitting with me to do help me with my homework on Tuesday nights and Sunday afternoons.
• Works from home for on Thursday, to look after the babies, so I can go to college.
• Sits with me while I do Lego or crafts, writing and talking to me.
• Deals with all my finances, so I don’t have to and, so I don’t need deal with family members asking for finical help.
• Will wash ad dry my her when I’m stressed.
• Encouraged and help me plan written and verbal pitches for course ideas.
• Goes to Doctor appointments with me.
• Make my ‘little’ dinners and lunches.
• Will sit with me when I’m freaking out and helps me figure out why and helps me calm down.
• Always willing to cuddle in bed or on the sofa.
• Always has words of comfort when I’m stressed
• Has stood up to my sisters when they are being super mean.
• Lets me fuss over her when she’s poorly.
• Will sit with while I have a bath and make me giggle about stuff.
Little Bear:
• Always able to make me giggle not matter how crap feel.
• Let me tech her how to cook and clean house.
• Act silly and asks me to explain things.
• Lets me fuss over her and always asks if I can do things with her.
• Put me as her next of kin.
So, there it is. To be fair I could have come up with hundreds for them, but I think he wanted me to really think about them carefully. What it makes me see that I really do love the bunch of nutters!

Question time., Uncategorized

Question time with the girls and …. Petra Pan Reviews

So up today doing question time with me and the girls is the wonderful Petra Pan Reviews. A sex blogger, writer, sex toy tester and member of the pleasure pannle. So here’s her Q&a…
1. What are your guilty pleasures?

Sexy lingerie. Spanking paddles. And hash brown and sausage sandwiches, with brown sauce.

2. What are your pet peeves and why?

Rudeness; there’s just no need! And sexism really winds me up. And bad driving. I also find Debbie Dingle from Emmerdale irritating.

3. What advice would you give to a first-time sex toy user?

Experiment, and don’t be shy! There’s a whole world of fun awaiting you. I would also start small with some toys, such as anal, to let your body get used to it and avoid any painful moments.

4. What’s your favourite breakfast ever?

Full English, every time!

5. What advice would you give an 18-year-old you, knowing what you know now?

Don’t take any s**t! Stick up for yourself more and believe in yourself. And stop worrying about how you look! Also, don’t obsess over your hair, there are more important things in life!

6. What things take up way too much of your time?

Sleep. I am a champion sleeper, I love it. But I get over 9 hours per night and I probably don’t need that much! I also nap a lot!

7. What would be your ideal way to spend a weekend?

In a spa with my husband, being massaged, then swimming and having a sauna and jacuzzi. Then taking a nap. And then a lovely meal with a couple of glasses of fizz. Then another small nap, and then a cracking movie with some nibbles, with someone providing a scalp massage. Then some sexy time, then sleep (see what I mean about sleeping too much?!)

8. Your top 5 books?

The Sedona Method is my number 1, without doubt. It’s a kind of self-help. I love it and practice it every day.
Eckhart Tolle’s The Power Of Now, for some spiritual guidance.
The Ladykiller by Martina Cole, a gangster thriller.
Is Harry On The Boat, a raunchy beach book.
Annabelle Knight’s The Endless Autumn for a bit more raunch.

9. If you could have a super power what would it be and why?

Transportation. I could visit the arctic to see the penguins, then click my fingers and come home to the warmth!

10. Where do you want to visit and why?

I love to travel, but I’m yet to visit Canada, Iceland, Scandinavia and India. They are on my list!

Silly questions from little bear:

Why is there always fluff in your belly button?

It’s not fluff. It’s a little quilt for my belly button.

Apples, grapes, or bananas?

Grapes. Also known as wine.

McDonalds or Burger King?

I tend to avoid both, but Burger King if I get a craving!

Do you have any pets?

Yes – three dogs, all rescues. One from England, one from Ireland and one from Greece!

Bath or Shower?

A nice hot bath with scented oils and candles!

If you want to find out more about her you you can find her at Random red rose  Or on twitter at @PetraPanReviews

Masturbation Monday, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail

That time in the carpark, For Sir Beasty.

We, as a family are high protocol, but we are quite relaxed about them a lot of the time. However, the are 3 places that maîtriser does not allow practical to be relaxed at all, the bedroom, clubs, or the gym.

The Boss Man is a little bit of a gym rat and takes really good care of himself. In turn he expects us girls to take care of ourselves. When we are at the gym we are to do are workout or training. Quietly, correctly and without drawing to much attention to are selves. Phones are allowed, but on silent and no taking of selfies.
Well imagen if you will a day when this little pixie was feeling a little bit brassy (shout out to Kayla Lords and John Brownstone for my new favourite word!). I had thrown a strop, well as good as I can throw a strop about not wanting to go to the gym and wanting to stay home and cuddle.
The Boss Man was having none of that, nope he dragged my whiny butt to the gym and told me to quite stropping or else. So, I did, but I decide to send boob pics to Sir Beasty. Something I can do if I ask maîtriser first, but I didn’t ask!

Well 5 minutes later my phone pinged loudly and then rang even louder. I squeaked, jumped, and dropped my phone. Scrambling to pick it up and turn it off. I managed to kick over my water bottle that just happened to have the cap of and the contesens went all over the floor.

Hearing and seeing all this, the boss man sauntered over, clad in his grey sweat pants, pleasingly tight blue t-shirt, and trainers. Looking pissed off beyond belief and with a wicked glint in his eye. He snatched my phone out of my hand, scowled through it, and shoved it back at me with a growl. Turning and walking off, but not before he said, ‘you’re working out with me now little one’. Words that send fear straight to my heart when I misbehave and we are at the gym. I grab up my things and scurry after him, and then the punishment starts. He makes me not only run, but do my legs and core work out, demanding perfect form and execution. by the time his was done with me, I’m a sweaty mess and not in a good way. He snarls in a low growl to get showed and changed and meet him in the foyer in 10 mins. Then his gone and I haul ass to get showered and ready in 10 minutes.

I just about managed to get done with my shower and changed in the allotted time. Still doing up the last two buttons of my dress, I find him stood chatting and smiling, in the lobby with big Steve. He was his normal warm and loving self. Giving me a hug and kiss on the head. He takes hold of my hand and for a minute I thought I was safe, that my punishment was over. How wrong could I be. As soon as we are out the building, he sped up his pace and his happy demine disappears. When we get to the car I stop and wait for the car door is opened, but all he does is was snatch my bag from my hand and throws them in the trunk with his own. Slamming it shut he, turns around, grabs me round the waist pulling me to him and turning at the same time so I have my back to him. Biting my neck and pulling my dress open, he tells me what a bad girl I’ve been. Roughly manhandling my boobs, he drags me from the side of the car to rear, forcing me to bend over trunk, face down, butt up!

The next thing I feel is the cool spring breeze on my bare bum as he rips my panties off and pulls my dress up over my rear. Then Comes a growl and I’m told to count. Next is the shock, jolt and sting of his hand meeting my bare skin. He has a way of spanking me that not only stings and leaves a lovely bruise, but also shocks and send a shudder to my core.

The slaps rain down on me, one after the other, and all the time I count allowed, knowing to well if I cry out or stop counting, I’ll just end up with more. I end up getting 15 on each cheek, and as always with spankings I’m turned on. Adding to the excitement and pleasure is my love of playing in in public spaces, and well I was a very wet little mouse. Knowing this you he decides to check that I’m not enjoying it too much. He roughly sticks his fingers in my dripping wet cunt and tells me how much of a bad girl I am. One hand pushdown on my neck and the other continues to fuck my hungry pussy.

Then he stands up and growls ‘open’ and kicks my feet apart. If I did not know what was coming, I hear him undoing his belt and drawing down his fly. I feel him moving closer, his hand on my bum, the heat coming from his groan. But his first thrust is so sharp and sudden that it is almost painful, and it causes me to half scream, half gasp in pleasure. One of his hands goes on my neck, holding me down. The other pulls me closer to him and then holds my hip to keep me in place. Each thrust is hard and deep, and painfully slow. Then he gives an extra hard thrust, that draws a scream from deep inside me.

It’s then I hear a door opening and music flittering out from the Italian restraint that is below the gym. I hear a shocked gasp and feel a rumbling laugh from the Boss Man. I turn my head, to the side and my eyes meet with that of a shocked looking man from the rest ant. It is then that it hits me full force, I’m be fucked, bent over the trunk of a car in a carpark, that although is not on a busy main road. The are train going by, as well as cars and busses. Knowing that anyone can see us, and we could get in to a heap of trouble, makes me gasp and clench his cock tighter and makes me wetter than ever.

He keeps my head turned and tells me to watch the guy from the restraint. His fucking becomes harder, if that is possible and god help me, but I start fucking him back, wanting to put on a show. The guy watching is clearly liking what he is seeing. I let my moans turn to screams as I watch him rubbing his cock through his trousers. I start to beg to bellowed to come, but the boss man tells me to hold it. His close, I can feel him swell inside me. I start clenching and adding a twist of my hips as I fuck him back.

With a shout of ‘good girl’ he comes with savage thrust and then he shouts’ come for me little one, now’ and that is just what I do. I scream as I’m hit with a climax that makes me see stars, feel like I’m being split in half and loose all sense of what is going on around me.


When I come back down to earth I relies that Boss man is laid on top of me, with all his weight on top of me, squashing me a little, in a totally delouse way. Sweating and panting, he stands up, pulling my dress down to cover my well fucked cunt and glowing bum. He pulls me upright and in to a demanding kiss. Bundling me in to the car, waving at the guy who had been watching us. I now I’m going home to face some more punishment in the bed room and the shower, but that’s for another time 😉

From the heart, musings of pixie heart.

A biker through and through.

It hit me this morning while I was sat feeding the babies, I have been a biker in one way or another for 33 years this year. It made me think about what a big part of my life they have been and hopefully continue to be. Then it hit me I have never really talked or shared much about my love of motorbikes with you lovely lot. This is something I feel that needs to be fixed as soon as possible, so that is what this post aims to do.

I guess you could say that motorbikes are in my blood. My Granddah was a biker, my daddy and all his brothers are bikers. My daddy is a hard core, old school biker. He was very much a rocker growing up and has always had a motorbike. He can, due to his mental health problems, be a little obsessive about things and is very much an all or nothing sort of person. He and my mother always wanted a son, so when they had me, and my mother found out she could not have more children, they were left heart broken that they did not have the son they wanted. My mother resented me for it, but my daddy didn’t. no, I may not be a boy, but I could still do ‘Boy’ things. So, I was the one he took fishing with him, taught how to climb trees, encouraged to get muddy at every opportunity and passed his love of motorbikes on too. Much to my mother’s outrage. I was a true daddy’s girl and a tom boy.

Some of my earliest memories involve motorbikes. Dad would go and tinker with bikes at my Granddah and nana’s house. His brothers and Granddah would all be there, tinkering, drinking tea, and talking about life. I was about 3 when dad started taking me. I would be sat on the work bench, sitting on a biscuit tin, Sippy cup of milk and allowed to pass spanners and bits to who ever was passing by. I also remember my Granddah taking me for rides on his old James. They were stationery rides, with Granddah sat behind me and he would tell me all his stories about his adventures in as a boy in Belfast and his war time antics in the mild-east.

When I turned 6 my daddy bought my first scrambler and taught me to ride it. When most girls were doing ballet and gymnastics, I was learning how to fall off a motorbike. I decided to learn trials ridding and with in a few years I was competing and loving it. I don’t think I was ever going to be a graceful dancer or a talent musician, but I could ride. It is the reason me and my daddy were so close. My mother hated that I had a love of bikes and ridding, but even my nana stuck up for me when she tried to make me stop. Having to sisters who shone in everything they did, this was my way of being good at something they weren’t.

As I got older I kept up my love of bikes, but also developed a love of the whole culture that goes with them. When I turned 18 I jumped feet first in to the world of Bikers and the festivals that go with them. It is weird, but I never felt unsafe or disrespected once. The guys I hung out with always excepted me as one of their own. I guess I was lucky.
I started going to drag racing meets and road races, then I started to help in the pits and then I started to test the bikes. I one day got asked if I wanted to do a timed run and jumped at the chance. That was the start of me racing, it was one of the happiest times of my life. It was one of the only places I felt relaxed and safe enough to let down my guard a little.

When I split with my ex and all the fall out from that happened, I sort of lost touch with my biker friends. Not due to them not wanting to know what had happened, but it was more a way to punish myself. Bikes were my happy place, and I felt that I did not deserve to be happy. Stupid I know, but I was sick at the time. After treatment maîtriser encouraged me to start to get back in to it. A biker and he went to a thing at the Ace café in London with me on a date. It was there that I refound my friends and feel back in to biking.

Now I ride whenever I get the chance. I take more care now, as a mother I will not run any chance of my little ones not having their mother around. But I still ride, and I will tech them to ride when they are old enough. I have my little side now and I have become a lot more girlie, but I am still the same biker at heart, just in lilac and Disney now. (my crash helmet has tinker bell on it). The guys I ride with know about my D/s side, and except it, as they do pretty much anything.

So that is me and my biker side!


Pixie x
ps – Written For the best biker ever, my Daddy.

Eroticon, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail

Where in the world is Pixie Heart?

So, I have been posting and been around, but not really been ‘Around ‘of late. By that I mean I have been a little distant, a little distracted and felt a little bit outside of things. It’s not the nicest of feelings in the world, hell it’s horrid, but it has been kind of unavoidable really.

Why? I hear you cry. Well for one I have been rushed off my feet getting ready for Crufts. I’m not only working and teaching at the event this year, but all my dogs are there too. Don’t get me wrong it will be amazing, it is amazing every year, but it’s a planning and logistical nightmare. My boss has been epicly helpful and said that the babies can work on the stand. Basically, they are going to be strapped to different people in their carries and used to itemise people to come say hello. Which they are going to love as they love having chats and meeting people!

Then we come to the Elephants in the room. The big nasty that is Cancer has struck my family. My Uncle Keith had been struggling with chest infections and breathing difficulties for the last couple of months and his GP finally sent him for a chest x-ray. It sadly showed that he had tumours on his lungs. Well after scans and biopsies, it turns that the is nothing that can be done. It is a very aggressive cancer, it has spread, and he has a matter of months left. Then the is my mother’s cancer. We had thought she was going to beat it, but sadly not. The treatment is not working, the is nothing else that will work, and she has 3 to 6 months left. Now I may seem a little like I don’t really care about the fact they are both going to die. I do, I care very much, but I don’t see the point in sitting round wailing over it. Cancer is a bastered of an illness, it has taken a lot of people I love. It kills people slowly and painful. The best thing I can do is stay strong, keep going and be there when people need me. I have a life and people who need me to keep going, not crumble in to a ball and give up.

I have a lot of good things in pipe line. For all the stress it brings I am looking forward to crufts. I get to see my friends and shop for my dogs! Then the is Eroticon the weekend after. Lol I’m treating it as a holiday. No husband, babies, dogs, or house work for a weekend, in London, on my own! Truthfully, I’m terrified, but I’m going if it kills me. It will be good for me on so many levels, I just have keep moving the worry and doubts I have about myself and my abilities. Lol the Boss man said if I get through it on my own I get 20 reward stickers. The 5 days leading up to Eroticon I am teaching secturely dog handlers. which is always fun!

The changes I made with the help of the boss man at the start of the year have finally started to make them selves know so to speak. I’m happier and less stressed. I’m sleeping better and coping with some of the crap that life throws at me. my health, is getting better and I’ve stopped freaking out if I get a sniffle or cough. My writing schedule is working amazingly well and I’m making time to write more than I thought I would. It is amazing that by giving the boss man more control and having a heap more structure in my day, how much happier it makes me and the more settled I become. I had some say recently that they don’t know how I cope with being in something that is so high protocol and that the rules I have are too restrictive for me to feel truly happy. but it is in fact the other way around for me. Without the protocols, rule, and structure, I feel lost, anxious, and deeply unhappy. What I have would not work for may people, but it does work for me.

Well that turned in to a rant rumble, but hay hum!

Pixie x

From the heart, Poly life

I’m a little, but….

What springs to mind when you think of a ‘Little’? Cute little girls and boys, in rompers, with dippers, Sippy cups and pacifiers? Brats, throwing temper tantrums? Submissive baby girls and boys with their Dominate care givers? Well you would be right and wrong, because like with all kinks the title ‘Little’ is not a one fits all title. The are the, stereotypes and for me I never thought that I fit any of them. But after talking to people and doing a little reading up on it, I came to a shocking discovery about myself, I have a little side, however I had kept it so well hidden from myself and others, that to look at me you would never know!

I guess looking back on things I just did fit in to the serotypes I had in my head. I mean I’m not a baby girl or a brat. I’m not into age play, I don’t want to call my Dom daddy and I don’t like being treated like a child. I don’t want a Sippy cup or pacifier, nor do I want dippers and onesies. I’m not a girlie girl, more of a tomboy. I raced motor bikes, boxed, and played rugby. I have always been the grown up one, take care of other people and keep everything running smoothly.

But after reading some great articles and talking to some fabulously stereotypical littles, I did a bit of a 360 on the little idea. When I talked to Maîtriser about it, I admitted to him and myself that I thought I might be a little, just not your normal run of the mill little. A pixie type little, different and unique like every other little or person in the world. So, we talked some more and researched a lot more together and we found are fit. We decided to try adding in a care giver / little aspect to are dynamic. Little by little and see how it went.

One of the first things Maîtriser had me do was sit down and make a list of things I felt made me a little. Top of the list was my love of colouring books and Lego, my love of unicorns and fairies, my love of Disney and Pixar films. Then I came to my habits o being shy and getting over excited by things. The was my hate of having to be in charge, the fact I love him ‘looking after’ me and that if left to my own devices in will getting in to some sort of trouble.

With this list we decided to make a few changes to day to day life. First thing we did, at home was bring all the things I did in privet, that I classed as ‘Being little’, out in the open. I learnt that it was ok to sit and colour or do Lego. We also added a few rules like a bedtime, holding hands when outside and being given weekly spending money. It was also around this time that I asked Maîtriser to take over my finance and gave him a little more control over my day to day life. We also discovered that I have a love of thing like kinky sleepovers, love being called princess and having my cloths picked out for me.

That was 18 months ago, and I will now proudly say ‘I’m a little’. I have found it to be a very freeing thing, but I keep it hidden from the outside world. I have found that I’m not in to age play, adult baby thing or being bratty. I also don’t see myself as a typical baby girl. What I have found with my little space is that it is the place I go when I’m stressed or not coping with the big bad world. It is a place I get to be me and breath. It’s when Maîtriser takes over the thinking for me and looks after me. it’s full of lights, laughter, and cuddles. It’s a place I can be free and silly. But above all it’s unique and everything I never knew I needed.

Question time., socail

Question time with the girls…. And Joanne’s Reviews.

So we back with question time, after a baby sized break! This week we have the wonderful Joanne’s reviews. A lady who’s product Reviews have got the boss man doing shopping, and that is some going as he never buys stuff after reading a single review! so here is her Q & a!

1. Your top 5 kinks?
Only five, this is going to be fun. My sexual tastes have evolved immensely over he years and some things I used to really enjoy have fallen by the wayside, but my current top five kinks would have to be:
a. Fucking and Sex Machines – It is hard to describe just how good it is to use a sex machine that will never tire, never slow down and always make sure you orgasm first LOL. My machines are varied and simply amazing, I also enjoy bringing new people into the scene and seeing their enjoyment from this kink.
b. E-Stim or Electrosex – There is a bit of a techy theme developing here I guess. I absolutely adore e-stim and this is an activity that regularly and easily gives me amazing hands-free orgasms. I had never heard of it before I started reviewing but then E-Stim Systems asked me if I would be interested in reviewing one of their kits and I was hooked. I now consider myself to be knowledgeable in this field and regularly give advice to others joining the scene. Oh, and if you are not sure what e-stim is, it is the stimulation of your nervous system and muscles using small electrical currents in order to pleasure and induce an orgasm. It’s one heck of a kinky way to get off.
c. BDSM – This is such a generic heading that it is all encompassing but for me I really enjoy being retrained and am very submissive. I love reviewing BDSM products as I can really enjoy myself with them. I love ropework and would love to learn more about this fascinating side of BDSM.
d. Lipstick Fetish – I have a bit of a thing for lipstick. I enjoy wearing it and especially enjoy myself if someone is watching me applying it. Needless to say, I have more than my fair share of a lipstick collection, some would say that I am right up there with Imelda Marcos in that respect.
e. Forced Orgasms – I love to enjoy forced orgasms, whether they be delivered by hand or using a machine or vibrator. This ties in with my third kink about as inevitably some restraints and ropes are required to stop me squirming away from the action. There is nothing like the feeling of not being in control and having orgasm after orgasm.

2. What do you do for none fun? (none kinky?)
I love reading and can immerse myself in an enjoyable book anytime. My physical disabilities prevent me from enjoying much outdoor fun and so to relax I read, watch TV and play stupid games on my phone.

3. What does your perfect day look like?
I am disabled and have chronic pain issues so in all honesty a perfect day for me is one where the pain is controllable, and I need minimal medication to control it. Other than that, things that really put a smile on my face is visiting my sister when she has a new batch of puppies, there is something about seeing and playing with puppies that really chills me out. I always come away wanting to bring at least one of them home with me though.

4. What is the worst job you have ever had?
My worst day job must have been when I was a cleaner, you have no idea how demoralising it is to clean things only to have people not take any notice and to mess everything up again. Pretty lame I know but that was my least favourite job.

5. What is your favourite film and why?
There can be only one choice – Dirty Dancing, the reason, well Patrick Swayze of course. It’s a film that always draws me in, it has a delightful story and a happy ending. Oh, and did I mention that Patrick Swayze is in it 😉

6. If you could go in an adventure, where would you go and what would you do?
If I could go on an adventure it would be to New Zealand to visit some of the incredible natural wonders there. Nothing Tolkein related just the incredible history and natural wonders, just try googling Waitomo Glowworm Caves.

7. What advice would you give to a newbie kinkster?
Google is your friend when it comes to learning about any form of kink. Try to educate yourself in whatever it is that flicks your switch but be yourself. Never try to change in order to fit in, you will develop your own brand of kink, it is an extension of who you are. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help and advice, it can help prevent costly and dangerous situations from developing.

8. Describe your view from your desk?
Ignoring my desk for a moment, I have my desk overlooking the garden and I love to get distracted by birds eating at my bird feeder. It isn’t the biggest garden, in fact it’s tiny but I love watching the birds. The current view on my desk is the usual, keyboard and mouse together with a cup of tea, two biscuits, two dildos, a vibrator, a butt plug and two bottles of lube. There is always a party going on atop of my desk LOL.

9. Best place for sex? (not the bedroom)
Anywhere you can get comfortable and share an intimate moment with either yourself or a partner (as long as it’s legal). One of my favourite places to have sex outside of the house is in a dungeon. You can rent some incredible dungeons and if the thought of lots of leather and restraints floats your boat it is worth considering visiting one for a treat.

10. What are your holiday plans for this year?
I don’t tend t go on holidays as I don’t travel well due to my condition, so I tend to take time off and relax at home. This year though I am going to London on a weekend away to visit Eroticon and this I am going to class as my holiday for the year.

Silly questions from little bear.

Harry Potter or the Hobbit?
The Hobbit, Harry potter is fun but the Hobbit is something I read as a child and it has stuck with me, so I am a bit biased I guess.

Beach, spa, or glamping?

Spa, oh god please someone send me to a spa. Never been to one but the idea of being pampered like that is appealing to me. Note to self, add visiting a Spa onto my bucket list.

Thoughts on cheese?
Cheese is nice, and I used to eat lots of it but it doesn’t agree with me anymore which is a shame.

Tattoos, Yay or nah?
I like them, but I am too much of a chicken to get one LOL.

Best Dinner ever?
One I haven’t cooked myself. Seriously though my best inner ever was the one that my husband proposed to me on. He got down on one knee and did it as per the book. That was my best dinner (the chicken was rather nice too if I remember).

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Thanks for doing question time , we loved your answers and getting to know you better!

Pixie, Babe, Kitten and Little Bear  x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Me and my Collar.

Me and my Collar.
Collar within the BDSM and D/s scene can have many different meanings. From Protection and safety, to ownership and control, to love a devotion. They can be worn all the time, only when playing and sometimes only when with a the dominate. They can be a simple chain necklace, or a fancy ribbon collar to a more traditional leather buckle collar.

I am admittedly a little bit of a collar addict, as I love that I can have a different look or style of collar for different occasions. But I have 3 main types of collar I wear. Firstly, I have my day collar, that is worn most of the time. It is a simple silver chain that is joined in the front with a large sliver O-ring and a smaller silver on ring. The large O-ring represents Maîtriser and the smaller one is me, the are linked together like we are. I’m not allowed to take this off, unless it is a medical emergency. Next are what we call ‘Bedroom collars’. They are the ones I sleep in and wear if we are playing in the bedroom. They are simple ribbon and webbing collars that have a d-ring at the from and to larger ones at the back, that are used to close the collar, either with ribbon or a padlock. Maîtriser or Babe will change my day collar to my bedroom collar at bedtime and then back to my day collar when I get up in the morning. Lastly, I have my play collars. These are leather buckle collars. They are worn when ever we are playing outside the bed room, go to clubs, are around other kink friendly or when Maîtriser says he wants me to wear on. They all have locking buckles so one of my heart padlocks locks me in to them. The is a d-ring at the front that has one of my tags on it. My tags simply read Mouse, my pet name from Maîtriser. They don’t have owned or property of on them, as Maîtriser says he like people to know that I’m his willing submissive and that it was 100% my choice. 3 of my leather collars have spikes on then, this is my way of saying ‘yep I’ll talk to you but touch me without mine and maîtriser permission and I’ll bite!’ I also have a collection of charms and bells that I lave for my bedroom and play collar. The charms are to sort of change the look for my mood. The bells are for when I get in a strop and start stomping round. I get told to not make the bells jangle and in doing that calms me down. Although I do love the jingle it makes when I get fucked hard!

I have a few rules around my collars as well. They are:
• The only people allowed to change my collar are Maîtriser, Babe or Sir Beasty.
• I’m allowed to remove my collar if I must have treatment, scans, or medical emergency.
• I’m allowed to choose what collar, tag, charms, or bells I want to wear on my collar, but maîtriser must ok my choice and but the collar around my neck.
• I must not allow people to touch my collar without asking me and maîtriser first.
• When I’m having my collar changed I am to kneel and hold my hair out of the way.
• I can have an agree upon other change my collar or help me change my collar if maîtriser or babe are not with me.

My collar/s mean a lot of things to me. The are a sign of my submission, that I have a Dom and belong to him. It’s a sign that I am loved, protected, and cared for. It is some thing that brings me great joy and a sense of pride in myself. It makes me believe I am strong and that I am safe to be who I am. It is something that brings me a sense of calm and peace, and I draw strength from it. Lol my boss, who is kink friendly and knows I’m collared says, he can see how much my collar having has help me and how much it means to me. by the fact that when I stand up to teach or give a speech my hand goes straight to my collar.

Well that is little bit about my collars and what they mean to me. hope you enjoyed it!
Pixie x