From the heart

A mother’s love.

I’m not entirely sure pixie will thank me for posting this, but I felt the world needed to read this and have this in it! it’s heartbreakingly beautiful, full of a very pure and simply love, and proves how worried pixie was on Saturday night. I’m not going to go in to what is wrong with pixie, why she is in the hospital, what brought this on or what made it a lot worse. that’s not my place , but she is on the mend now and that is what maters the most.

Dearest darlings, Connie, Evie, and Hunter.
I am sat writing this letter to you in hospital, praying with every fiber of my being that you have to read this when you are old and grey. But knowing that it is more likely that you will be reading it when your too young to understand its meaning. I know you will forgive me for not being strong enough to hold on and see you reach the dizzying heights that I know you are going to reach. I’m writing this because I want you to know some things that I can’t tell you as babies, but you need to know.
The first thing is the simplest thing I can tell you, yet the most n thing I have to tell you all. I love you, I always have, and always will. I don’t have to be with you, to know that the is nothing in this world that will or could stop me from loving you. You have so many people around you who love you, but apart from your daddy, nobody loves you as much as I do. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you, but I do. It will never die and will be with you always.
Now to the man you call ‘Daddy’. He is the most wonderful man to of ever walked the earth. He is strong, caring, loving, sweet, funny, and probably a little crazy. He is the love of my life, my best friend, guide, partner in crime and protector. He came in to my life when I was 19 years old, but it was years before I was brave enough to admit I loved him. He helped my fight when I had given up on myself, refusing to fight my demons for me. No, he did something far more important, he stood by my side, while I battled them myself and held my hand when I needed him to. He taught me what ‘home’, ‘safe’, ‘self-respect’ and ‘belief’ mean. Things I have made him promise you will always know. But the reason I adore him some much, is that he loved me, with scares, broken bits and bruised, even when I couldn’t.
Now to things I want, you to know and you will need to have a good life. You are you, always be yourself, for yourself. No two people are the same, you are all unique, and equal. Take pride in everything you do but be humble in everything you do. Love freely, fiercely and with your heart and soul. Cry when you need to, scream when you need to, break when you have to, and bend when you can. Do not judge others, but never allow yourself to be judge. Be respectful of all people, but expect that respect in return, and never let anyone treat in a manner that makes you ashamed of who you are. Stand up for what you believe in, fight each other’s corner, and use your voices for good. Stand up for those who need you to but know when you need to ask for help. Be kind, gentle and generous. Be strong, brave, and fierce. Never raise a hand in anger, irritation, or frustration. Never raise your voice to talk over others, raise your argument. Above all know you are the closets thing to perfect that I have ever seen.
I’m so sorry I had to leave my darlings, but I had too. I could not stay forever, however much I wanted too. You are my heart and my loves, always and forever.
All my love,
Mummy x

Kitten

bdsm, family update, Poly life, Uncategorized

Us.

Pixie has been nagging me to write for her for a long while. I say nagging, but it’s been more of a giggling prod in the chest, followed be begging and normally ending with pixie oh her knees and my cock in her mouth. Sorry as pixie would say over share. So today while my darling girl is laid up , pretty sick in hospital I thought I would take over her blog for a bit.

We as a family have of late had a lot of stuff to deal with, that is not anything to do with kinky, D/s or Poly . Working away, deaths of friends, Pixie health problems and bullies. We have also as a family, had to deal with some pretty small minded people, judging and being cactuses. (Again stealing pixie’s words) . leading a Poly life , that we don’t hide has never, is not or will it ever be easy or free from judgment. We all know and except that. What we don’t except is people making a judgement, think all polygamist relationships are the same, and without even asking us about are set up. It’s just rude and hurtful. We are open , not only to the possibility of new play partners, but to questions. So I thought. Would try and explain are take on things and are set up.

As any one who reads pixie’s blog will Know we identify as an Open Poly family, with a strong D/s Dynamic. We are also High protocol, with my girls having strict rules and high expectations of how they are to act. But above all we are all partners , with our own roles in the family and our on special bound to each other. We also are very committed to each other and live together. Choosing to share are lives and loves with each other.

So the part that we find people misunderstand the most is the Open Poly family part. So the ‘Open’ part, for us means that we are open to meeting and adding partners to are dynamic. Opposed to ‘closed’ to new partners. This does not however mean we play or fuck just anyone. Know we spend a long time getting to know new partners first. The ‘poly’ part refers to us being polyamorous. This does not mean we are always looking for a hook up, or fancy every person who walks the earth or that we are swingers. (Not knocking swingers at all, it’s just not what we are). To us it means we have the ability to love in a romantic and sexual way, more than one person. Are style of poly means we all have sex with each partner in are set up . ok so I’m the straight one in are set up, I’m not bi like my girls and other male partners. But I do love watching the girls play with the guys in are dynamic. The family part refers to are set up at home. We have chosen to all live together, it works for us and makes us happy. But we also have family that are none poly family. We say family, but they are friends we class as family. All of us have or had biological families that are strained or broken. So we sort of formed are own little family, of the people we love and wanted in our lives. The is also pixie’s Great Auntie May and Great Uncle Fred, who are sort of adopted grandparents to my girls, and they are a very good and calming influence on them. The is also my mama, who has become to pixie the mother she has always needed in her life, and pixie is the daughter she always wanted.

As for are D/s , well I will star at the beginning. I am the Big D or Maîtser to all 4 of the girls in our dynamic. Babe is a switch , who leans more to the top side of things. She is referred to a are little D or my second in command. She is the one the girls turn to if I’m not about. She is also the one who deals out spankings with a hair brush when pixie misbehaves????. We then come to kitten, again she is a switch, but is more of a bottom. She has also recently become pixie’s official Miss . Pixie has a tag and padlock form Kitten, that is sort of a sign of their commitment to each other. I think if pixie could be married to me and Kitten , she would. Truth be known, I would be more than happy for that. I know pixie loves me and I know how much they love each other, and have for almost 18 years. I would never dream of telling pixie to choose between us, that would be straight up cruel. Now we come to Little bear, submissive , who is known as the family little and brat. She also has a fiancé, who works abroad a lot of the time. He is her ‘daddy’ and switch top to pixie and kitten. Then we have ‘Big’ Steve. He is Dom , who join are dynamic recently. He is Dom / big to all the girls, except Babe. She and he are equals and sort of co-Doms. I personally love watching these two working my girls. Then we have Muss. His new to the family and is are LDR partner. Switch and will move between Dom/ Sub within are dynamic. Last put not least, is little miss mouse. She is submissive to everyone in are family except little bear, who she is sort of a Big S to. Bless mouse she really does not like being in charge or Dom in any form. Don’t get me wrong she runs the house, gets people doing what needs to be done and handles her work life amazingly. But ask her to tell people what to do or be in control of anything , and the will be tear and stamping of feet.

As I said are D/s is very high protocol, which I guess sounds a little scary to the outside of the world. It’s not really. It simply means I believe, as do the girls that you show respect for or dynamic, take pride in your Dominance or submission and want to make the others proud of each other . Protocols are there so we all know how to act and behave in any situation . I and the girls also have contracts with each other. Setting out rights, personal protocols and rules. They range from 2 pages for Mine and Babes , to 15 pages for Pixie. She always jokes that she has a copy on her iPad , but it’s not a joke, she really does. I’m going say here that pixie and my relationship is extreme, complex and her submission is complete. By that I mean that I have control over every aspect of her life. From what time she gets up, what she eats , wears and does in her day. It has taken a very long time to get to this point, and we sit down and talk about levels and rules at least once every month. But I will also say that it is not a TPE. All my girls have the right,to ask questions, disagree with me , if done politely and respectfully, and are free to have there own opinions. I also like my women to bite and scratch a little????

Within are D/s dynamic we have all sorts of rolls and labels, far to many to go into them in depth. But they include Dom / sub , sadist and masochist and CG/ little. We all have different kinks and fetishes , but we all have respect each other’s limits and triggers.

So that’s my take on us and the life we choose to lead. It’s not for all, it’s an extreme end of the poly and D/s spectrum, and like all relationships is unique. All we ask is you don’t judge us before you get to know us, have an open mind and ask questions .

Antoine, aka The Boss Man.

Uncategorized

Little’s playtime….

Pixie and I are both littles. She is submissive and I’m a switch. She has recently excepted my tag and is officially now in a submissive to me. One thing we have added to our relationship is playtime together, so we can find are feet in our D/s dynamic. One thing it does play to is a little sides. It’s soft, gentle, full of giggles and love. Who said little’s can’t be Dom?

Miss kitty / kitten

https://sinfulsunday.mollysdailykiss.com/

Masturbation Monday

Hunting party.


We are a family, we live, love and exists so. We play together and with each other. We are like a wolf pack. Maîtriser as the Alpha male, the protector, provider. Babe alpha female always have masters back and keeping the pups, us girls inline, or trying. We also hunt as a pack, locating our prey, forming a plan, working together to take it down and all enjoying the spoils together. We all have are roles to play and work off each other. This is a little tale of one of trips ‘hunting trips’ for fresh blood to take home and play with. Written together.
Maîtres: My girls want to go hunting, they have been pacing all day, on high alert. I finally gave in when mouse decided to persuade me with her oral talents. So here we are, out late and a bar. They’ve done me proud, like they always do. Dress sexy, but not sluty. I have sat myself at the bar to watch them weave their magic over the men and women. They use every trick they know so effortlessly, you would never be able to tell what they are up to. All a little differently toying with people, bending them to their will and all trying to make me proud. Knowing watching them is a passion of mine.
Babe: A night out is what I needed, the fact maitser and my girls are here to, makes it so much sweeter. The is a lot talent out to night, it hard to think where to start.my mood is for someone to submit to me, and that draws me to the group of ties in the corner of the room. Not the loud one or the really drunk one, but the shy handsome one on the end of the table. He looks like he could fun! Or maybe the cute little red head behind the bar? Her breast keeps threatening to pop out and say hello and her nipples are hard enough to cut diamonds. I can almost feel what it would be like to take it in my mouth, while mouse makes her scream.
Little Bear: squeak! The are door man in this bar, I do love teasing them. They are normally the best fun and will beg for a blow job. But the are some very pretty ladies here tonight. I may try my luck with one of them or join kitten and mouse. Babe is eyeing up the talent, I think it’s either the it guy or the bar maid. Oh, the fun we could have with them both. I decide to go and see what babe is thinking, I wonder if I can take one and she takes the other? Not tag teaming, no that is for kitten and mouse. Although I might still try and get a doorman to play with me, later though.
Kitten: Well mouse is on form tonight, and in to mischief! She seems to want to be even more affectionate than normal. She keeps kissing me, in an almost aggressively, with bouncing off and doing the same with maîtres. We’ve danced, drunk wine and made out so much my lips hurt. Lol poor Master she decided to preictally lap dance for him. Watching her tease, him and then come back to me is making me horny and I feel the need to show her why she should not tease or to tease her a little harder myself. She is such a good girl and her ability to drive people nuts.
Mouse: Squeak! I am so happy to be out, we’ve not been out on the hunt for weeks! I am having so much fun with Kitten and Maîtres. I know if I push a little harder I will get a rise out of one or both, and that might lead to a spanking or fucking, or maybe both. I really like the bar maid that little bear is chatting up. The is a group of it guys in the corner, posers most of them but the is a quiet one, he could be fun. But I’m more interested in kitten and the prospect of tag teaming maîtres right now, or making her cum.
Maister: My girls are having fun. My mouse is pushing mine and Kitten buttons. I have a mind to drag her outside, push her to her knees and fuck that little mouth. Kitten is enjoying her dance skills, I think mouse wants to tag team the IT guys, hmmm do I let them. Little Bear asked to be allowed to take the Door man out back to tease him, and of course knowing Dave and trusting him to stop when need I’ve said yes. That should calm her down a little. Babe is chatting up the bar maid. Nice and slow, I think we might have our prey lined up now. Let’s get this plan in to action.
Little Bear: So, I’m allowed to make out with Dave and tease him. That is how I am in a pub kitchen, topless with a cock in my hand. Dave is a shorter guy, muscles, and dimples when he smiles. He really likes having someone to flirt with, but I’m not sure this is just flirting. I take his cock in my mouth slowly, looking up at him. No need to be gentle, his past the gentle stage. Then his pulling me up and off his cock, spinning me around and lifting my dress up, I’m glad I forgot panties now. He feels to see how wet I am, then pushes in to me with his thick cock. Blunt and hard, playing with my clit with his free hand. Then I’m Cumming and so is he. delicious!
Babe: Maîtres has agreed to the bar maid, Shannon coming back to play after the bar closes at 12. She is 24, Subbie and goth. I’ve been sat telling her about home and play time. Her little eyes nearly came out when I said we all fuck together. She is going to be ruined by the morning. Maîtres is also watching with joy at how the tag teamers in are group. Kitten has gotten the shy IT guy up and he is now being played with by are little cat and mouse team.
Kitten: I don’t know how much this guy has had to drink, but I’m enjoying this. We have him sandwiched between us dancing, Turing him to face us in turn. Mouse is using her hips in her slow, grinding fashion that drives you in no doubt what she is thinking about. his hands are all over her, but she is keeping eye contact with me, with her shy little smile. I can’t stop myself from leaning over and kissing those lips. She holds eye contact, just long enough for me know what she wants. With a nod, I walk to master, who in turn nods and we make are way outside to the ally at the side of the pub, Leaving a confused looking man.
Mouse: We make are way down the ally, just far enough for maîtres to need to keep watch. I do know more than drop to my knees in front of Kitten, hitching her skirt up, tugging her panties of, and plunging in. My goal and want is to make her come as hard and fast as I can. She is so beautiful like this, one leg thrown over my shoulder, hand in my hair and the look of taotal pleasure her face. She does come fast, all over lips and chin. Dragging my up and kissing me hard, she waves to master to come swap with her, bringing him in as her tag partner.
Maîtres: God I love watching those two play and tease men, leaving them wanting. Know that they are doing it to fuel my arousal and desire. Watching my mouse selflessly making kitten cum, like she was on a mission. But now its time to take what’s mine and giving mouse what she needs. I reach her, and she has hitched her dress up, and all I must do is sink my hard cock in to her waiting cunt. Wrapping her legs round me, biting her neck and roughly groping her breast. I fuck her hard and without mercy, not carrying who sees or hears my little ones screams. We both cum hard, and when I place her feet back on the ground she is breathing hard. I hear babe shout to us that’s its closing time and we are ready to go home for drinks with her new ‘friend’.

Let the feasting begin!

https://masturbationmonday.kaylalords.com/masturbation-monday-202/

wicked wednesday

My Kitten.


I came out the bathroom after my shower and was confronted by a truly devein sight. My Kitten sprawled out on the bed, naked as the day she was born. Her skin pale skin, with faint tan lines from a few stolen moments of sunbathing at the side of the pool, between swimming her laps. He straight blond hair is slung over her shoulder, with stray strand falling around her face, framing it in the early evening light. Soft blue green eyes, high cheek bones, and obscenely full lips, that beg to be kissed. Laying on her belly, her long legs are stretched out, they led to her small Bert bum, and I can just make out the lips of her sex. Then my eyes settle on the tribble shield tattoo on her back, then travel up to her shoulder and neck, that I want to sink my teeth in to.
I say my kitten, but I don’t own her. Kitten is the pet name I gave her at university. Not because she is cat like or in to kitten play. No, it came about as she mews and purrs when she is about to cum. Going down on kitten is one of my favourite pass times, for so many reasons. She tastes sweet and slightly salty, with a musky depth that is simply intoxicating. She lets you know if on the right track by tiny movements, groans, and moans. She runs her hand through your hair to gently move closer to her sweet spot. If I kneel on the floor and she is laying on the bed she has a habit of running her feet up and down my back. When she is close to coming she will use both her hand to firmly push your face and tongue deeper. Then she will explode, covering your face in her juices and screaming out your name.
Her skills at making me cum, well dear god! She does not really do domination, but she does do dominating me when it comes to sex. She will quit often tell me how to touch myself when I masturbate, and that will always involve edging me to the point of coming and then backing off again, repeatedly. When she goes down on me, she uses gentle force. She will make me keep my hands on the bed, which is pure torture to someone who loves touching people. She is also a lover of rigging, not being tied up, but doing the tying. Even better when she the Hitachi in her hands, a gag in my mouth and that wicked little glint in those pretty eyes! But she is very in tune with my body, I guess it’s from knowing each other for such a great length of time. She knows how much pressure I can take, when I’m getting to the point of squirting and when I need her to back off a little.
Back in the here and now of the bedroom, she is still stretched out on the bed, like an open invitation to misbehave. Grinning to myself, a plan comes in to my head. As quietly as I can, I creep up to the bed, get on to me knees as I reach the foot of the bed. Then I slowly run a finger up and down the sole of her foot, raising myself up to kiss her toes, running my tongue up over bridge, and then placing hot little butterfly kisses over her heals and ankles, working my way up her slender legs. She squeaked a little and first, but now she is sighing and shuddering a little, with each kiss. Taking my time, I make my way up past her calves, up to thighs and then finally to her bottom. Using my hands to rub and massage her muscles, trailing my nipples and damp hair in the wake of the kisses.
I have reached her pussy and I can she she is excited, by the few speaks of moisture on her lips. Using my hands gently I push he legs apart and her bum up, so I can cruel under her. taking the hint, she rises on her knees and then straddles my face, allowing me full access to her pussy and clit. She sits, leaning forward and taking her weight on her arms a little. I spend the next 10 fucking her with my fingers and tongue, as she rocks her hips slightly. When the pitch and tone of cries changes, I take it as a signal to ruin her. Sucking hard on her clit and ramming 4 fingers in to her.
In her ruin, she is beautiful, even more than she is usually. It is total and absolute. She shudders for long minutes and meows my name. It is almost too much for me, but I can stop myself from Cumming, just. Rolling over on to her back and grabbing me by hair and pulling up for a kiss. Knowing she can taste her self on my lips is almost to much for me, again. Knowing I’m not allowed to cum without asking first, she scoots behind me and we spoon and drift off to sleep, and dreams of doing this again, with people watching next time.

http://wickedwednesday.rebelsnotes.com/2018/07/prompt-320/

broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart

High cliffs.

I have a place that I go, in my mind when I become totally overwhelmed by life. Whether its

sadness, anger, pain, anxiety, or fear that send me, it’s the same place, a sort of high cliff

Inside my head. The emotions build gradually, I can see it happening, I try to stop it happening.

But as it grows, it builds faster and faster, till I can’t stop it.

Then I’m on my high cliff, all alone. It high steeply falling ledges, sharp, jagged rocks. On the

top of this high cliff, its open and the is no place to hide. the is either bright, harsh, hot

sunshine. Or Heavy rain and howling winds. Every part of my body hurts. Light and sounds

become physically painful. My tummy is in knots, I can hardly breath, with sweaty palms and

shacking from head to toe. It’s so high, I can’t see the ground or away down. The only way

down seems to be jumping.

So how do I/ we deal with this? Well maîtres would say that to heal and become whole again, is

to first break apart, and for me that is true. I need to shatter and then build myself up again.

But breaking apart is hard to do and can in its self be painful. It sometimes takes a therapy

spanking or kicking the crap out of a punch bag or someone pushing me mentally but sometimes

I need someone to talk me down. But it always ends with shattering and sobbing in whoever

saved me arms.

After breaking apart, I need to rebuild myself. Nobody can do it for me, it must come from me.

I need love, support and understanding If I need help I will ask for it. I need people in my life

that are consistent, open, and gentle. who will approach with care, but more than anything I need

people to stand by my side as I fight my way back up off the floor, and hold my hand while I do it.

Uncategorized

My week of #Storyin12

Having taken the week off from pretty much everything last week , it was fun to have these little nuggets of fun each morning!

The voyage home was full of promise, back to the what if. #Storyin12

The revival of their love was beautiful, yet complex for all involved. #Storryin12

Tires on gravel, the sound of him coming home, her safe place. #StoryIn12

He popped my cherry long ago, and so many other over times. #StoryIn12

Only I could get my aren stuck in the glass cylinder, again! #StoryIn12

The sound of raw emotion in her voice spoke volumes about him. #StoryIn12

“Room for improvement “ said her trainer, adding weight to her dunbell rise. #storyin12

Hope you enjoyed them,

Pixie x

From the heart

This is me…..

This is me….
I’m not sure where this post is going to go, or why I feel so strongly that I need to write it. Stuff happened yesterday, and it left me hurting, sad, unsure, but more than anything it left me angry and frightened. Two things I hate feeling, that I stamp down, hide, and try not to let people see. But yesterday, facing the thoughts and feelings of fear and anger at the situation, myself and what ‘could’ of happened. I snapped, I got angry at people around, lashed out with words and actions and I frightened myself. It carried on with feelings of grief through the night, with tears and everything coming out in an angry torrent, the dam of self-restraint totally broken. In to the morning to bitter snappy words and people I love. All very un-pixie. But it need to come out, I have been holding stuff back and hiding myself, all of me away for to long.
I have tried to put a front on of being happy, cheerful, and calm pixie for so long that I just can’t do it anymore. I am human, I get sad, angry, and anxious, like everyone around me does. But I tried to be happy and cheerful all the time, to stamp down on negativity. That It had gotten to the point of being physically painful and damaging.

Growing up I was always told I was over sensitive, that I needed to hide my anger and sadness away. That crying showed weakness, that being cross was bad, that people should be happy all the time. We as a family hide how we felt, from the world, each other and are selves. The only person who let me cry or be angry was my nana. She taught me to control it, turn it in to something good, creative, or redirected it. But when I was at home, all that went in to hiding, as if feelings were wrong and evil. That it was normal to not have feelings. So, I stamped down on them, hide them, and just got on with things.

I had a mother who bullied and belittled me. who lied, cheated, and thought of herself above her family. A father who was mentally ill, beat me and told me it was my fault. I was bullied and school, then I turned in to some vile rebel, who hated herself and everyone. I did stuff that brought me and my family great shame. I was bullied in to doing stuff that damaged me and made me want to get as far from my family as I could. It pushed me in to the arms of a man, who in later years nearly beat me to death and then caused such a bad depression and self-hate that I nearly took my own life.

But it made me strong, self-relent, brave, farce and passionate. I taught me I can be in control of me and I could take pride in things I did. yes, I had voices telling me to give up, stamp down those feelings and hide huge parts of myself. But god did I achieve things that I was and still am fucking proud of. But I was never truly myself, I hid things I felt people would not like or want to see.
Then people came in to my life and I wanted to be open and honest with them and myself. I slowly, with love, help, and support, rebuilt myself. I still had scares and broken parts, but I learned to love myself. I stood tall, pushed myself and grew to be who I am now. Broken, covered in scares and stronger for that. But I still hide some of my broken parts, kept some of those scares. they were to raw, to painful, too big for me to cope with.
But then yesterday, something snapped, and I can’t hide it any more. I am human, I have feelings and I can’t and won’t fucking hide them anymore. I raged, lashed out and acted like a child, and for that I’m really fucking sorry. But I’m hiding shit from now on, I can’t and won’t do that, to make people happy or comfortable, not anymore. I am worth more to myself as me, than I am to others as what they want me to be. My(Poly) family are standing with me, and always will. But I really don’t care what people think of me anymore, I like me.
I am me, myself, who I need to be.
I am,
Submissive,
Broken brained,
A mess,
Angry,
Frightened,
Brave,
Loyal,
Giving,
Loving,
A fighter,
Lover,
I am me,
Just me, who I am meant to be.
And will not hide that anymore, broken, bruised and scared.this is me…….

Pixie x

broken brained, musings of pixie heart

Stuck in a blogging funk, the is a meme for that!

So for a few weeks my head been in a funk, and I’ve not been able to blog. I’ve been writing , but not posted any of it as I’ve been really unhappy with everything. I written. But then by not posting I got cross with myself, and crosser I got the harder too write. A horrid vicious circle. So when maîtser left for his trip, he told me that I was to do the #storyin12 meme on twitter everyday . #storyin12 is a daily flash fiction meme run by wrigglykitty and Molly Moore on twitter. The is a daily one word prompt , that needs to be used In a 12 word story. I’ve been taking part this last week and loved it. So I ask sir beasty and maîtser if I could collect a weeks worth and do a little blog post to get back in the swing of posting. So that’s what I’ve done and here they are!

Her moral compass was way off; in the most wonderful way possible. #storyin12

The lease on her shop was up, her dream lay in tatters. #storyin12

kneeling he let her beg to taste his cock, increasing the thrill. #Storyin12 for Mr Joans for last night and this morning!

His facility with the ropes intrigued; How would they feel on her? #storyin12 #ropebunny

We had been close for years, I guess something changed between us. #StoryIn12

They checked in to the inn, hoping to rekindle their lost love. #storyin12

To love her was a privilege , that she allowed very rarely now. #storyin12

Hope you enjoyed,

Pixie x