Diary, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Dairy 8/1/18 to 14/1/18.

Diary: Mouse
Monday 8th January 2018:4am: Sweet baby J! How much snot can two babies make? Every time I put one down the other cries or starts coughing. Hate this, I should be able to make them better.
7am – Thank you for bringing me tea! And thank you for offering to take the day off to look after them, but I’m a big girl I can do this. You have so much work on, it does not do for both of us to be tired! Love you x
7.45 – Aunty May has turned up with her knitting. She is making me breakfast and then told me to go take a nap, she also said she will sit with the girls while I nap. She has made a pot of tea, has her book and her knitting. When I tried to say I was fine, I got told to hush, eat my eggs and be a good girl. I’m being Domed by my 82-year-old aunty!
11.50am – Holy cow! I really was shattered! Being woken up with a cup of tea and told to take a shower and that lunch is at 12.30 is the best feeling in the world!
12.30pm – I think today is about just holding it together and not over thinking things! My head is not a pretty place to be today. So, I am not going to over do it or push myself to hard. Aunty May has made bonfire night soup and soda read, with proper butter.
1.30pm- Aunty May is watching the babies and I’m off to dump rubbish!
2pm- home and planning tonight’s classes! I am terrified that after 4 months of not teaching owners that my brain has turned to mush! Might have to extra meds tonight 
3pm – I have wrapped the babies up warm, got my hat, scarf, and gloves on. Bella and mad eye have their coats and harnesses on we are going for a walk, I need fresh air.
4pm – lord, that really did help! Blowy, cold, and damp, but it helped!
4.20pm – babies sleeping, so I’m doing 30 mins of writing!
4.45pm – Ok given up writing chatting with snuggles and Sir Beasty instead, much giggles to be had!
5pm- time to cook dinner, best steer clears of the garlic tonight!
5.55pm – Did you know this is the first ‘Dinner time’ we have all sat down to after a full working day this year? I do love that everyone turns up at 5.5o or so and we seem to spring in to action as a little family unit!
6.30pm – well time to get changed. Again, thank you for offering to come and support me at classes. But I need to do this for myself.
9pm – lesson done! I did it go me!
11pm – bedtime story, snacks and lights out. it has been a hard day, tomorrow will be kinder!
2am – great now they want Justine Bieber songs with their feed! You git!
Tuesday 9th January 2018: 5.30am – Mwah! Thank you for getting up with the girls and doing feeds and bums! I really need to stretch!
6.30am – so I’m having breakfast in bed with kitten, we have a secret mission for Sir Beasty! Maw-ha-ha-ha!
8.30am- so dressed and ready to go to my English class! Babies and I seem to of dressed the same today! Did you mean to do that??
9.30- Tiger have unicorn head phones again! I may have just bought 4 pairs. #sorrynotsorry
10am – English lesson time!
10.45am – Oh bum in a jock strap! Sir Beasty is on-line and wants to chat and I don’t want to be rude, but also, I need to do brain work!
11.20am – ok I may have eaten MacDonald’s fries, sorry!
12.30pm – Jeans, t-shirts and hoddies bought, now home for lunch.
1pm – Uncle Fred is here and has salad sandwiches! Lunch time companion!
2pm – stuffed! Babies down for naps, mummy is doing house work!
4-pm – house cleaned, tea prepped, and babies fed, burped, changed bums and back to sleep. I’m off to write in little space!
5.30pm – so you are waking me up with kisses was nice, but I wasn’t sleeping. Just checking for light leaks! So, you fancy a hand job before tea?
6pm – girls home from work and we are having chinses food cooked by you?! umm ok then!
7pm- you let me have veggie noodles and did them all safe and everything! Not that I’m saying this, but do you fancy cooking dinner in the nude sometime, we would love that! 😉
8.30pm – Clean Babies, fed and in bed! Bed as told, but can I write, story idea! Please!!!
11pm – Bedtime story and tuck in?! don’t like babe being away and little bear working nights!
Wednesday 10th January 2018: 6am – Yoga time! Stretchy Pixie time!!!
7.am – I don’t like not having little bear or babe here breakfast. It feels empty and I miss them):
8.30am – see you tonight x x x x. house work started kitchen and babies sorted. And little bear tucked up in bed. She looked little and tired):
9am- Ummm so let me get this straight, you want me and the babies to take Big Steve shopping for suits and to have lunch with him? Oh, Ok if I must!
9.30am- His got the big car! I have decided I want to be Tigger for the day! I bounced on stave and Sir Beasty!
10am – let me at them suits!!!
1pm- Good lord, that man knows how to shop! He got the twins gap hoodies and jeans! We are having Mexican food for lunch!
2.30pm- home from lunch, babies fed, changed, and tucked up for naps. That is where I’m heading now, before you grump at me!
4pm – blimey I was a tired Pixie pops! Little bear has woken up in a very good mood and even got the babies up. Found them sat on the floor watching TV together! Yes, I know but they looked like they were watching with her, ok?
5pm- Well that is babies fed, bag backed for tomorrow, lunches made, outfits laid out and washing on. Now for dinner!
5.45pm- You was nearly late! Go get changed or no dinner!
6pm – yes, I did you stake for dinner and yes, I made baked spuds, who does the food round here buster!
7pm- shower time with kitten, can we play please?
7.50pm – Thank you for sitting and watching big man, I do love that!
8pm – baby baths are such fun! Umm I do think we might be taking a few to many pics though, maybe?
9pm – Babies asleep, and yes, I’m off to bed!
10pm – I swear writing for an hour before bed helps me get sleepy as hell! Can we “cuddle” please, that would help me and kitten sleep!
11.30pm – holy fuck, I know kink of the week is anle , but FUCK! Oh and what the fuck got in to you!!! I’m going to have bruises for weeks and the teeth marks on my shoulder, nice touch! But now sleep? Please?
Thursday 11th January 2018:5am- Connie and Evie want to come and do yoga, no really they do and I might want quiet cuddles, is that ok?!
6.15am – have you got you sleuth pants on today?! How did I not hear you come down and start breakfast? Not complaining! Boiled eggs and avacrdo toast! Love you x
7am – kitten cuddles, baby bathing and hot tea!
8am – double checking my bag, for the 5th time. I am so nerves and nervous. Will you please look after my babies? I know you will, but love them extra hard for me? Connie likes to see Evie when she goes down for her naps and does not like wearing her mittens, but needs them on cos she is itchy. Evie likes cuddles before her morning feed, holding Connie’s foot when you do her nappy and like raspberries on her tummy once it’s done. You know all that right? They don’t like radio 4 or 1, but love radio 2 or Kane fm.
8.30am – Coffee money and a lift! Thank you x x x x
9am – here goes!
10.15am- Why are you sending me pics of you willy? And very rude exploit text? Need you knob now!
10.30am – Thank you for saying I can go calm myself down, but what if I get caught or something?
10.45am – Did it! Now I need to behave or I’m not going to do well in this class.
12.30- Lunch time. I’m going to sit in the outside seating bit. I know I should go and find someone to eat with, but I’m not that brave.
1.30pm – chemistry time!
2.45pm – Break time and phone call home. No, I’m not checking up on you, just checking in to see that your all ok!
4.30 – college over and done for the day! I did it, I really did it! Epp!
4.35pm – your bought my babies to meet me! x x x x x x x x x x x
4.50pm – do I have to take a nap?!!?
5.45pm – ok dogs bursting in on me to wake me up is great, Mad Eye farting and walking off not so great! Little shit!
6pm – Wow you did spaghetti and tomato sauce, yay!
7pm – Really, I must take a bath and put jammies on?!?! (:
7.30pm – I don’t like babe and little bear not being here): but I do like T.V and cuddle with you and kitten (:
8.45pm- Boobie, burp, bum, and bed!
9pm – I got old, I want to go to bed!
10.30pm – bedtime story, lights out and cuddles!
1.45am – oh Dear! We have a snotty situation going on in the girl’s room!

Friday 12th January 2018: 5.15am – thank you for getting up with me, so tired and needed your extra motivation to do yoga this time of the morning, after a night like that!
6am – Breakfast with the loving BDSM podcast! Yippy!
7.30am – thank for doing the babies so I can shower and get dressed. SOOO blinking tired!
8.30am – Babe is on her way home!!!!
9am – go to work already! If you don’t I’m never going to get this place clean and the ironing done!
10.30am – Bathrooms cleaned, towels on washing, sheets, and undies dry, hoovered, and mopped, not time for a snack and cup of tea!
11am ok living room time!
12.45 – Living room done, bedroom done! Not to play with babies and eat lunch!
1.30pm – babe is home, but she is so tired): made her a sandwich, cup of and sat her in front of the television.
2pm- have got babe to go bed, she looked done in for, so I asked her if she would please take a nap!
2.30pm- All the house work is done, babe is sound asleep, as are the twins. I am now going to sit and write!
4pm – Taking a nap myself now!
4.45pm – I really do love it when Kitten wakes me up with kisses! Little bear did the twins bottles and bums and babe is playing Xbox. The house is warm, full of noise and colour again. Simply makes me very happy!
5.30 pm – You’re a full 30 minutes earlier than I thought you would be! Go wash up or ill bite your bum!
6pm – Pizza and salad for tea is fabulous, add Bud light and I’m a happy girlie!
7pm – Shower time with babe! She even let me wash her hair and her back! She is ragged and tired, we need to love her a little harder for a bit sir. Seeing her family and Julie not being there is still so raw for the time being!
8.30pm – Babies first you monster, then sexy time!
You know how much I hate leaving kitten half way through eating her! 😛
9pm – Come on then big man, bring you’re A game!
1am – See your not getting old and still got it and some! You left marks on all 4 of us and I think babe need that. teeth marks on the inside of thighs is a nice extra and I love them! Sleep now though?
Saturday 13th January 21018: 6.30am – Thank you for letting me skip yoga this morning. So tired and sore. Right babies!
7.45- babies done, dressed, washed, hair up and ready for breakfast. Do you have to go to work?
8.15am – Right me and the twins are off to get the bus to my English class. Rahhh! I’m feeling super brave today!
9am – The building people are putting the hugest crane ever up and half the road is closed, and I’m stuck on the bus!
9.15 am – made it! Let the English lesson commence!
11am – can I get fries from McDonalds, please!!!!
12.30 pm on the bus home. tired and needy of rest!
1.15- home. babies fed, and bums done then lunch for this tired pixie!
2pm- You’re really missing out, all 4 of us are taking a nap together!
4pm – Where did you come from? Babies look so tiny when you carry them around! Why are you home so early?
4.30pm – Yay we are making homemade Mexican food for tea!
5.15- I did warn you about the chillies, silly head!
6pm- I love the fact I can feed the babies and dinner at the same time! Multy tasking or what! This is the best dinner ever, yours are such a good chef!
7pm- bath with the babies! Love this!!!’
8pm- babies sleeping! Time for cuddles in bed with my girls!
8.30pm – casualty, snacks, and beer! Rock and roll, we be!
10-pm so, your drunk! But not that I mind, means we get to listen to kinky books on the iPad!
12pm- you know they’re not even hunger or need bums doing. The cry, you pick them up and have a cuddle. Then full asleep in your arms!
3am – Mad Eye is at it again! With the add thing he seems to have taken to sleep in the door way to the girl’s room!
6.30am – how can you be so sodding chirpy, this time in the morning and no hang over! Thank you for doing the babies and letting me do yoga.
7.45am – So I have decided I’m not going to mass. I’m just not in the right frame of mind. Can we have a family day?
8am – little bear thought I looked sad, so got me jelly and cream.
9am – Kitten and I are doing lists of things we want to do next week. I have stickers out you have been warned!
10am – Babe is taking us all to hobby craft and I have £70 on my card cash account!
12pm- Whoop! I got barging’s and nice things! The babies liked pets at home.
1pm- home for lunch!
2.30pm – Have had lunch, done the 3 b’s, and now napping!
4pm – Blimey tired pixie pops! Babies playing with I be!
5pm – Pasta for dinner!
6.30- bath time, I think I have a cold):
7pm- turns out I really do have a cold!
9pm going to bed feel yucky!
10pm- Thank you for making me get up and have cold medicine, I know I moaned and whined, but I really did need it!
10.30pm – Bedtime story, cuddles and lights out. Thank you, x,

Diary, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Day 22 of the Submissive Advent Calendar, by Submissive guide – Here we come – A – Caroling.

Evening all! How are we all doing this wonderful day ? what have you all been up to? Today has been another fab day in the weird world Pixie! The boss man worked really late and then work up saying he was going to work, even though he did actually need to. He would not listen to me so i brought out the big guns, in the shape of his Mother and my Great Aunty May , and after phone calls and being told off , and he stayed home with us! I got to make him breakfast in bed, then had cuddles and nookie! Then Big Steve turned up 2 hours early for his Christmas visit!

So anyway on to todays activities! They are all based on obscure Christmas traditions. the First activity was called Apples. Oranges and Carols. it is based on the tradition of making a Christmas basket of apples and oranges and going round the village, sings carols and giving out the fruit to their boughs . the task was to make your own basket and take it to a nabourgh, that you have never spoken to , so you can spread some Christmas cheer! The second was to crack open out the Christmas music , sit back and enjoy! being a bit anxious today , I chose to do the second!

So what we decided to dig out the Christmas play list of Spotify. We made it the first Christmas we were together as a little poly family! We popped it on after lunch while we all did craft this afternoon, with tea and cakes. The play list seems to be in two halves first one was full of really upbeat music, stuff you could dance round the kitchen too! the second half is slower and full of carols, that I always end up singing along too, really badly. but the are three songs on the playlist that send shivers down my spin and bring tears to my eyes. Silent night, sung by the High Kings, an Irish family group. it just takes me back to Christmas eves as a little girl and my granddad sing it in his arm-chair by the fire. Then the is away in a manger , this was my nana’s favorite Christmas carol. It makes me really miss her, but remember part of her will always be with me. Then the is How great thou art. This was the song that was being sung the first time I went to Mass after I tried to take my life. It was a really hard thing to do, to walk in to a church paked of people, who I thought would judge me for ‘Sinning’. But instead I was met , for the most part, with love and respect. This song just takes me back to that time, and I feel humbled that people are so forgiving and It has made me a lot more forgiving as well. If people could forgive my lies and what I did to myself , then I can and will be the better person and forgive others. I have even started , with the help of my therapist to try to forgive my ex for what he did to me, but that will take a lot of work and time.

So that is today, see you all tomorrow!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

Diary, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 7 of the Submissive's advent calendar, By Submissive guide – Random acts of kindness

So before I start this I have a confession, I sort of read todays entry last night and started planning in my head what I was going to do last night, Bad pixie! right that said to days task was to think about how helping others , feeds are need to submit. Then it explained that todays task was to perform at least one ‘Random act of kindness’. something nice that would surprise someone and brighten their day. The was also a handy list of ideas to help you think of something to do!.

Now this is where I got excited.  maîtriser will quite often set us the task of doing RAK on are daily task list and I really love doing them. It helps improve my sense of self-worth, pushes me out of comfort zone, in a good way and I get to help people! So me and little bear got out a pad of paper and the gel pens and started to make are plan. So this morning we hit the road running and this is what we have done so far.

  • We took the old sleeping bags and winter coats to the salvation army.
  • We boxed up all the old , used dog bits laying round the house and sent the off to a greyhound rescue.
  • bought and then donated food to a local food bank (£30 can go a bloody long way!)
  • Made wash bags full of basic hygiene bits and took them to a local domestic violence charity.
  • we bought Tea and a Toasted tea cake for an old lady in Tesco’s who had lost her purse.
  • Took tea and biscuits to the work men trying to fix a water leak in are street.
  • Text 5 of are friends that we know have a hard time at this time of year, say we love them and that we are always about if they need to talk.
  • I’ve typed up little bears notes for her
  • I did all of babes ironing for her.
  • We have made cakes for Aunty May to take to the catholic ladies tomorrow
  • Made soup and bread for the lady over the road who has a poorly leg and can’t get out.
  • Little bear cleaned my van out for me!
  • I’ve mended Kittens dress that got a rip in it.
  • Made maîtriser favorite dinner for him (his not allowed to much fat in his diet)

all this has left me feeling happy , but it also has left me feeling a little blue as well. people that we did stuff for seem shocked that people would actually stop and offer help or kindness. If you think about it , I guess it is something that not a lot of people would actually do just for the sake of it. So after a lot of thinking I have decided that next year is going to be a year of Rak, pay it forward and volunteering for this little Pixie!

So see you all tomorrow!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Diary, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 5 of the Submissive's Advent calender, by the submissive guide – The Music.

Hi, hello,hay! Well I’m up early and have hit the road running today! My uncle Fred is watching the babies while I have my English lessons. So I’m getting some help with writing this and get to have a lovely chat with a friend.

Today’s activities focus is Music and how affects you and how it inspires you . The first activity is to sit and listen to music that you love, then think about a few questions . The second is about finding a poem, or quote or single word that inspires you. Keeping it your pocket and thinking about it, and letting it inspire you. I chose the first , as music is a big part of who I am . It can effect my mood, make me smile or cry or laugh or make me horny as hell! I have quit eclectic tastes in music. I love Punk, metal and rock. But I also have a soft spot for rap and country. I will even admit to liking so pop music and even Abba. Not a huge fan of jazz or classical stuff , but they do have their place. but one of the biggest loves I have is for Folk, or should I say Irish Folk music that I was bought up on. No mater what I have going on or how I feel , Irish folk can cheer my soul, calm me down and make me feel grounded. Haha I guess I am more of traditional girl than I thought.

So the thing points:

  • How does music connect you to the world around you? Music is one of the things that can really effect my mood. I use it to help when I’m anxious  to help me stop focusing on the thing that is making me anxious. I can use it when I have a cry stuck, to make me cry. I use upbeat music start my day happy and full of energy. I guess it sort of feeds my soul!
  • Do you have a theme song? The boss man would say ‘right on time’ Cos I always have to be on time for things! but I think it would be ‘don’t take it personally’ by Monica or maybe ‘Savior’ By Destiny’s child. Cos I can be a little grumpy at times and cos I have been through some shitty times .
  • Thinking about when your playing with your partner/s or fantasize about doing so – is the there a play list in your mind? Yes defiantly! For D/s it has to be chilled and calm, with a slow beat and a melody . For fucking it has to be either slow and soft , if it’s romantic. Or if it is more intense or spontaneous , the has To be a stronger , faster beat.
  • Do you have a specific music you love to play to? What are they? why do you think they connect you to the moment? Well not specific songs , but bands like the kings of Leon, green day and nickel back. I think it’s cos they have songs that inspire me to dance and act a little naughty. I can then remember what I did to that song if it comes on the radio and then I get that sort of not in my tummy and blush at the memory of it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

Diary, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Day 1 of the submissive guide's Submissive advent calendar .

At the end of October Maîtriser bought the Submissive guide’s Submissive advent Calendar , for me and the girls to do in the run up to Christmas. As you know we are big on talking and sitting down and doing things together, so he thought this would be a fun idea. He also knew that for all of the run up to Christmas can be stressful with work, family and home life going a little crazy . It’s really hard for Babe as it is the first Christmas after the death of her sister. So when we downloaded it and had a look through, well wow! It looks great, is thoughtfully written, with a great mix of activities.

So today being the 1st  of December , it was are first day for us to enjoy the activities that were set for today. The theme was about Waiting . The first involved finding a line from a poem about submission and take 2 lines and turning them in to a mantra. The other was about reflecting back on your year, seeing what happened and what you did and didn’t do. then picking out one thing I wished I had done or been and using that as aspiration. I picked to look back and reflect on my year, as on sunday I will have been married for a whole year!

The last year has been nothing sort of Amazing and Epic. I have got married, Got pregnant with twins, had said twins , gained my masters (my second, not that I’m bragging at all) and spent a couple of months in the states. But the have been lows too. My Godmother passed away, my fathers health has declined and my mother was diagnosed with cancer. My health for the best part has been stable , put I did have to spend a few weeks in hospital. maîtriser and I have changed things in are dimaic. We are now using consensual none consent , I am now a comfered little and he has become much stricter on rules and protocol. I’ve also moved from working full-time to working part-time and being a house wife. I am now a lot happier , more secure and feel like I’m where I needed to be! the one thing I wish I had been better at holding my temper. I have a very Irish temper, and at times I can me real nasty to people. So my thing I want to get better at and work on for the next year is holding my temper and not grumping at people so much!

Well that was today , I wonder what tomorrow will bring!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

bdsm, Diary, From the heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Reading, thinking and 1 to 5 –

Last night (Sunday) after maîtriser told me new rules / punishments, I was sat thinking about them and the #SoSS  post on twitter. One of the things I have to do this week is read at least 3 blog post a day and then discus them with either maîtriser Or Babe . I had an idea, I love the blogs I follow , but I sometimes get a little overwhelmed by the amount of awesome post , I mean the are so many of them , where would I start! Then I had a light bulb moment , why not use the #SoSS posts! then I get help picking what to read and I know I’m reading the cream of the crop! So I asked maîtriser if I could do that and it was met with a smile, nod of his head and kiss. The fact he said ‘that’s   a good girl , think outside the box, I’m so proud of you’ was a huge bonus! (:

So yesterdays #SOSS was the Lovely and very talented Candysnacthreviews . I chose to use her #SoSS candy’s pick and mix 4. Just want to say that as always it was beautifully written and layer out I an extremely inviting way.

Getting Lucky – Scandarella – Story Written for Masturbation that is so hot I may have had to calm myself down , twice! Beautifully written , great visualisation and exquisite use of language. Love every second of this and I even read it to the girls as a bedtime story last night!

Crying after sex:two stories – Girl on the net. – Such a relatable piece of writing , that was so emotive that I had a lump in my throat and by the end I had tears streaming down om y checks. I think that anyone who has ever suffered with depression or anxiety well of felt this and this just sums up those feelings so perfectly.

Living With Invisible Bisexuality When You Look Hetero – Cara Sutra – Yet another piece that I could whole heartedly relate to! Being bi and poly myself , I look for the best like a normal(ish) hetro female. I had never stopped and really thought about it that much before, but I do. it also kind of makes why people are so shocked when they see me and kitten or little bear kissing in public! Thus really made me stop and think about it

Rosie Heart – Why i love doing sex work (and why it should’t mater) – A very thought-provoking and genuinely moving piece of writing . It made me look at sex workers in a different light completely (not that I looked down on them or anything like that) Really loved this and will be reading more of her stuff!

The Oooh Review!!! Leatherette Vixen Full Body Harness Review – Really awesome review of a product that not only made me want to try it , but made think ‘ I really want to review stuff, I just don’t have the guts!’ So bravo!

I also have to do as punishment my nana’s 1 to 5 thing . Which always makes me smile , even when I don’t want too!  So here we go with that.

Bad / crappy thing or thought – My sisters think I’m mad for not wanting to share a nanny with them and cos i would rather uncle fred or the girls watched the babies.

Good things.

  1. I manged to go get my blood work done without freaking out or fainting. I took the babies with me and walk to the hospital (3o min walk) and got the bus home.
  2. I have applied to do start my writing class again in the new year, for 2 hours on a thursday morning. maîtriser can work from home one day a week and has agreed to watch the girls for a morning.
  3. I have finally got my Christmas baking sorted out and have a kitchen full of christmas cakes!
  4. i have scheduled 5 post on this blog for this week. (well i think i have but you never know with me!)
  5. I feel much happier in myself after getting back to doing yoga and meditation every morning. i also cant wait to get back to the gym this week, even if it’s only core work and cardio!

W

#Punishment, bdsm, Diary, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

2 weeks done, 2 to go!

So I made it through 2 weeks of punishment with no fuck ups or extra punishment! YAY PIXIE! It’s been a hard week on a lot of fronts , but not due to punishment. No any hassle I’ve had has been from my sisters and on a professional front , and that is all sorted now. It’s felt strange and odd to have to let others do stuff and not do it myself, but the house is still standing, we are not facing financial ruin, and the world is still turning!

This week Maîtriser wants me to work a little on myself and my self-esteem. I have a lot of issues around how I see myself and how I think people see me. This stems from being bullied pretty badly at school, ill-health and being in an abusive relationship cfor way to long. I guess I got in to the mind set of if people call you fat or ugley or stupid enough times , you start to believe it and I did for a long time. but over the last few years I been working with a therapist to challenge these thoughts and beliefes , but they still flare up at times and sometimes they can start to do harm again. being truthful they have started to be a problem over last few weeks , but I try to keep them hidden and not talk about them.  But i’m not going to any more and i’m actually looking forward to working on them a bit over the next 7 days! So here are this weeks rules / punishments.

  • I am to read 3 blog post of my choice everyday and disscuse them with maîtriser or Babe in the evening. I may also comment on the post online.
  • Weekly Writing prompt to be done by Thursday (800 words)
  • Daily mindfulnesss tasks and brain training (30 mins)
  • English lessons 3 times with John.
  • 2 gym sessions with Steve (cardio and core)
  • 30 mins of yoga plus 10 min meditation.
  • Write a goal list for the next 6 months
  • Write an eating plan for myself for the next 4 weeks.
  • Daily diary to inculed all food , activety and sleep.
  • Christmas party dress pattern and fabric shopping to be done .
  • daily tasks to be given in the morning by maîtriser. ]
  • 1 to 5 to be done every time I have a negative thought about myself.

I have also  got to work on my swearing and loosing my temper with myself. So if anyone catches me swearing or grumping, wag a finger at me!

Well lets see how we go!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

bdsm, Diary, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Saturday night fess-up / punishment.

Well here we again. It’s Saturday night, I’m in bed at 9.30 and I’m being made to write a blog post , fessing up to all the rule breaks I have had this week and telling you what punishment has been handed out too. I have a very cross and grumpy boss man sat behind me to make sure I do it all, just so and don’t skip anything. I should say having to sit and write I did is part of the punishment. Cos I find it so hard to admit and it is one of the quickest ways to change my behaviour.

What I did…..

  • I put myself down 17 in one day.
  • I refused to let little bear help with the cleaning .
  • I did not give the girls chores on 3 days in the last 7.
  • I grumped at Babe, Uncle Fred and Aunty May.
  • I sassed Maîtriser and Sir Beasty on at least 5 occasions.
  • I went over my allowed step count on 3 days out of the last 7.
  • I forgot to eat my snacks on 5 different occasions .
  • I did not check my blood sugar level before bed twice , leading to hypo.
  • I skipped my afternoon nap 5 times in the last 7 days.
  • I did not do my mindfulness at all for the last 7 days.
  • I stayed up past my bed time twice and got up before 6 am 3 times in the last 7 days.
  • I answered emails asking if I was free to take on new clients without showing or asking maîtriser for permission
  • I have started to swear and lose my temper with myself.
  • I have not done any of my self-care task for 7 days.
  • I ate fast food without asking if it was ok.
  • I did not eat enough on 3 days out of 7.

punishments are…..

  • No Free time for 7 days.
  • No answering back, I must do exactly as I’m told, first time. For the next month.
  • all emails must be checked by maîtriser or Babe before the are sent or replied to.
  • No junk food or fast food for the next month.
  • Only one sweet treat a day for the next month.
  • I am to stick to 8000 steps a day and 30 mins of yoga a day for the next 7 days.
  • my bedtime is 10pm and I may not get out of bed before 6am without asking first for the next month..
  • I will take my afternoon nap between 3pm and 4.15pm every day for the next.
  • I will do my self-care and mindfulness with Kitten everyday for the next month.
  • I am to wear my locking collar all the time, except when I have dates with uncle fred or the midwife.
  • I to eat what I am told every meal for the next month.
  • maîtriser will give me a list of chores every evening, I must divide them between myself and the girls for the next month.
  • I am to post on my blog every day ,about  something that maîtriser tells me to.
  • No swearing or sassing , anyone at anytime.
  • I must say ‘Good morning’ and ‘ Good Night’ to Twitter everyday for the next month.
  • I am to email this to everyone in my address book.
  • I will wear what I am told every day for the next month.
  • I will let maîtriser check my Blood sugar levels every day , before bed for the next month.
  • I will promise to take better care of myself and not neglect myself anagin.
  • *should Connie or Evie need me at anytime I may go to them and look after them without having to ask first.

Well that is that then. I know this has to be done and I know it is done out of love. Maîtriser only ever has my best interested at heart. I will Behave and be his good little mouse.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Diary, From the heart, Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.
I have never really had a great love of what I see when I look in the mirror. I never liked how I looked growing up as a kid. I was small and scrawny as little kid. I had thick glasses, red frizzy hair, thick glasses and a tiny up turned pig nose. Then at the age of 9 need to take steroids for health problems and I put on weight. I was bullied badly at school and at home, by my mother and her father. When I turn 13 a grow about 5 inches in a year and I start to train at a boxing club with my dad. I lost weight, gained muscle and attitude. I chose to fight back at the bullies and the world. but this led to me getting kicked out of school for being a ‘troubled ‘kid.
Fast forward a to a few years ago and you see a girl whose self-esteem is rock bottom, who hides herself away. My body was covered in scares from years of self harm and tattoos from my years of angry rebellion against a harsh world. Stretch mark from rapped weight gain and then weight loss. Add more scares from chest drains from ill health and miss shaped bits from bike accidents and broken bits from my beatings from my ex. So, when my darling Maîtriser came in to my life a few years ago, one of the First things he wanted me to work on was my, in his view titled perception of my body. He said he wanted to me to see myself the way he and the rest of the world saw me, and not how my broken brain saw myself.
So, with therapy, gym workouts and time and love, I started to work on my self-esteem and started to challenge how I saw myself. One of the things I did and still do from time to time is put myself down. I will say something like I hate my face or I’m so fat. This upsets maîtriser, he says it’s like me saying that he is not right that I am worth him loving. At first, I was not sure I was worthy, but as the days went on and I feel increasingly in love and I learned to trust again, I saw that he was right. So, I tried to stop, but I still slipped from time to time.
As a sort of punishment and sort of his way of challenging this, he would for ever put down I made about myself I would have to come up with 10 things I liked about the way I looked. Having just had twins, the put downs have come to the surface again. So, when I said, ‘lord my face looks so chubby’ I was made to stand in front of the mirror again and make my list of 10 things I like, here is what I found
1. I love the colour of my eyes and how they seem to change with my mood.
2. I like my small pug nose and how it’s too small to keep my glasses on when I sneeze.
3. I love my high cheek bones and dimples.
4. I love my Hight. Just right that I can rest my head on maîtriser shoulder when we dance.
5. I love my small hands, that are strong and know how to do so many things.
6. I love my boobs and nipples, and the amazing feeling I get when they are played with.
7. I love the stretch marks on my tummy and hips. Reminds me of caring my babies.
8. I like the scares on rib cage. They remind me of the strength it took to fight back from illness
9. I like the scare on my left for arm. It makes me think that, given time scares fade, if not always leave you totally
10. I love the tan line on my ring finger, reminds me of being married to maîtriser and how special are bond is.
I don’t think I’m ever going to the type of person who is going to spend hours looking in the mirror. But I have learned to like what I see and realised that if maîtriser is happy and loves what he sees, then so should I, cos he is a man who is rarely wrong about stuff like that.

I really loved writing this and I feel like it was something I needed to do, without knowing I did. Does that make sense? I wrote today at a coffee shop, while my little ones dozed in their pram and the rest of the world went about their business. For now my life is good, happy and settled.

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday

WW badge

bdsm, Diary, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Dairy 16/10/17 – 22/10/17.

Diary: Mouse
Monday 16th October 2017: 5.45am – Well I have to say waking up in my own, with the girls and with you is the best feeling ever! So, I’m getting up and having breakfast.
6.30am – I’m dressed, had breakfast and meds and neb done. Can I go feed the girls now please???
7am – squeak! The girls can have a bath I a bit! Thank you for feeding Evie and burping Connie, Evie is not quite getting the boobie yet! And shush about my boobies and wanting to tie me up, not for a bit big man!
8.30am – Bath time. Be still my heart, I have never seen a man look so frightened of doing something wrong. Connie looks tiny in your hands.
9am – So home and house mouse time! Little bear is such a good girl, she has put the washing on and the dishwasher!
10am – Ok so I’m doing my own meds for the week…. Breath mouse, breath….
11.15am – back to feed the girls and have cuddles! Love you Frenchie.
12.45pm – Please, please, please stop sing Justine Bieber songs at the babies, they are starting to like them! Can’t you do something metal or rock? Country or punk? People are going to think were weird or something!
1pm – fettucine Alfaro, from starch, I’m so impressed!
1.30pm – Nap time! (and story and cuddles!)
2.45pm – Off to do feeds and cuddles. Blimey, I will be glad to get them home so it’s a wee bit less chaotic!
4pm- Dog walking! Dear god have I missed being able to do this and not get puffed out after a km!
5.15pm – Little bear and Babe cooking dinner together for the first time ever. Was awesome and Babe letting little bear boss her round a little was a nice touch! (was that your idea?)
6pm – Last feed of the day and just think they will be home this time tomorrow!
8pm- tired and needy! Bath, snack, and bed.
9.15pm – Can we go and get the girls tonight?!? Please?!?!?
12.10am – ok so I feel sleepies, but it’s tomorrow so we can go get the girls 
1am – pain killers and sleeping pill is needed! Love you x
Tuesday 17th October 2017: 8am- Ok so I slept well, thank you for taking charge and making me take meds. I admit I was being stubborn and I’m very sorry. So, can we go get the girls now???
9am – Ok I made a pig of myself, but that is the best breakfast ever! Porridge with bananas and honey, fruit toast and 3 figs with yoghurt and nuts! Can we go now?!?
10am – kitchen clean, bathrooms blitz, and dinner in the slow cooker. Can I at least pop the stuff in the car?!?
10.30am – YAY! Thank you for saying we can go get them!
11am – This is really real!!!
11.30 – Way to make your wife cry! How did you get NICU graduate t-shirts and the unicorn car set cosy’s??? I must say thank you to Kitten as well, leggings and zip up hoddies, in different purples. I have the most style savvy babies!
12.45 – baby briefing done and home we go! Ekk!
1pm – They are home!!! So yeah, I’m taking them on a guided of the house and introducing them to the dogs!
2pm – Ok I’m going to level with you Frenchie, being sat on the bed, feeding the girls and just looking after my tiny little humans is just the most amazing feeling ever and I feel like it’s just what I was meant to do.
2.30pm – Babies are sleeping and I’m meant to be napping , but I’m sat watching them!
4pm – Ok so I was tired, but waking and the babies not being there freaked me out! Come downstairs to find you dancing round the kitchen with them , while cooking dinner , fucking priceless 
5pm – Girls are all home from work , I get to cook with you and the girls are getting cuddles from everyone. Babe has even asked to give them their feed 
6pm – cripes I think we may have made too much food!
6.15pm – aww you knew Steve was coming, round, didn’t you?!?!
7.30pm – aww Steve looks big and burley most of the time, cuddled up with the girls he looks all little and cute!
9pm – feeding times, nappy change and down for the night. Now time for a shower, snacks and meds and bedtime!
11.20pm – umm why is little bear cuddling Evie and holding a hole conversation with her?
2am – So this will no doubt get old, but first ever night feed! For some reason Bella, mad eye and spidie seem to think I need their help!
Wednesday 18th October 2017: 6am- Early morning feeds done, breakfast and meds and neb done! I’m dressed and ready for the day!
8am – Girls bathed, dressed and down for a morning nap! Now it is time for house work and time for you to go do some work buster! *Bossy Dommy wife stare*
11.15 – Bedroom blitzed, sheets changed, dirty sheets washed and hung out. upstairs vacuumed, dusted and wood work cleaned. Bottle serialised and made up. Silly as this will sound but I recklessly happy to be able to clean my house again!
11.30 – Feeding, burping and bums done!
12.15 – ummm your making linguini Alfaro for lunch, what do you want?!
12.40pm- Dear god that was lush! Can we have cuddles and read on the sofa!
1.20pm pm – Well if you will read me filth, you will get blow jobs!
1.30pm – Your taking the girls to work with you?!?! that is so cute! But thank for this, means I can sit down and do the course content and finish that article. X
3pm- So taking the girls to work is code for having a chat and a cuddle with them does it!
3.15pm – Dinner is on, pudding is made and I’m now going to take my nap!
4.20pm – can I have my babies back now please? They need feeding and I need cuddles!!!
5.30pm – why does everyone arrive home at the same time? But it is bliss having you all home! Kitten and Little bear look like nutters dancing with babies, but hay I don’t judge. Thank you for kicking back and having a beer with babe, I know she loves teaching but something has gotten her worked up and I worry she is bottling stuff up!
6.50pm -That was good food! Time to put the girls down and then get ready for bake off!
7.30pm – I cannot tell you how nice it is to be able to have a bath on my own with the door shut and not have to worry that I’m going to get stuck in the bath!
8pm – Bake off! Can I get a pocket-sized Noël fielding please?
10.20pm – I was checking for light leaks not sleeping: P. but yes, I will do the girls and go to bed!
11pm – Bed time story, lights out and cuddles, thank you x
2am – night feed done and bum clean! Again, the dogs seem to think the girls need a guard of houner or something!
Thursday 19th October 2017: 5am – I think Connie takes after me for her love of early mornings, food, and cuddles while the sun comes up! Evie is like you and grumpy if I wake her up early, but like me for fulling asleep half way through things!
6am – breakfast with the girls! Have not done this in weeks and it is sooooo good! It is made all that much better that are numbers have go to 6 now!
7am- Time to get me and the girls ready for the day, as Aunty May will be here at 8.30. Little bear is very excited about a day of clean and tiding!
8.20am- can you please stop copping a feel of my boobies please! Girl bath and down for a nap, Dressed and meds and neb done. Tea made and wish me luck!
8.45am – tea drunk and let the house cleaning begin!
11.30 – Holy crap almighty! I had forgotten what it feels like to clean with aunty may watching! Upside is that I fed the girls and she took over burping and bums!
12.15pm – Family lunch. Blimey we get through a lot of bread with soup 
2pm – ok I admit it I love watching the girls sleep and I need my afternoon nap still!
4pm – Got to love when May cooks dinner! I get to play with the girls and the dogs. #spoiltmadam
5pm – your all home early! So, what do we do, play Cluedo, we are that rock and roll!
6pm – I put it to you that home cooked food is better than 90{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of stuff you can but while out!
6.45pm – Babies and I are going to take a shower and put are jamies on, cos we can!
7.10pm – girls down! Thank you for taking may home. now let’s do this games night thing then!
9.15pm – You are such a sore loser! We beat you fair and square, just cos I chose to make out with kitten does not mean we cheated: P
10pm – fed, burping and bums done. Kitten and I are turning in for the night, I’m cream crackered!
11pm – story, cuddles and lights out!
2.30am – Love you so much for doing night feed! X x
Friday 20th October 2017: 5.45am – So that was the best night sleep in ages! Thank you so much for making me stay in bed! Girls are super hungry today. Thought I was going to lose a nipple!
6.30am – yup I love figs and honey and will give blow jibs for them! Hell, I would beg for them, hell how am I kidding I beg for anything if your involved!
8.30am – Up dressed, breakfast, meds and neb done. Babies bathed, dress and awake! Why am I so nerves about the midwife coming??
9am – midwife is on time, so that is a first! Girls are doing fine. Connie is dead on 5lbs and little miss Evelyn is up 4lb 9, so super proud of my girls! I’m healing up well, but got a lecture about pushing myself to hard 
9.45am – So I am going to attempt to walk to the shop and back with the girls!
10.20am – Ok so not doing as well as I thought, close to a panic attack  I am going to take a bit of time and have a rest. Tired now!
11am- Fed, burped and clean bums! Must get Babe chocolate for her feeding chart!
12.15pm – Ok I could very much get used to having you popping in for lunch! Oh, and getting me tacos!!!
1.15pm – Yup you get afternoon blow jobs if you are working from home! 😉
3pm- feeding, burping bum cleaning done! Now having a nap, again!
5pm – oh bless Babe waking me up with a kiss on the nose!
5.30pm – I love Babe’s idea of cooking dinner, Fish, and Chips!
7pm- ok now I’m so shocked, I never thought the girls would fight over changing a poopy nappy!
9pm- Hehehe, we beat you at monopoly again!
9.50pm – I swear Connie just cries so she gets cuddled!
10.30pm – bottle, burps and bums done! And so, to bed. x
1.15am – Boobie, burps and bums done!
Saturday 21st October 2017: 7.30am- who…. What…. Where…. . Thank you for letting me sleep in and doing the whole of the morning thing, love you froggie x x x . Also, just so you know the girls love their daddy very much too!
8am – I’m up, dressed, eating breakfast, and doing my meds and neb. Kitten is making me go in to town with the babies and her, cos I need to get out the house and not let my anxiety level build up too much. Terrified, but going to do it. *determined look*
9am – Ok so bag packed, girls tucked up warm, comfortable shoe on, anxiety meds taken and off we go.
11am- I did it! So proud of me and Kitten knows best! On a flipside, I think people must think me and kitten are a couple, cos we keep hugging and kissing. I love that.
11.15 – First time breast feeding in public. No dirty looks or fuss. No need for an apron or fancy get up just used the scarf you got me. thank you, hang up got over!
1pm – Ok we are getting the bus home!
1.25pm – Did it, I’m doing well today!
2pm – late lunch, again thank you!
3pm – off to the super market, please let the girls be ok!
5 pm – oh lord, now I remember why I hate the feck super market on Saturday!
6pm- thank you for asking Steve to dinner I was really worried about him.
7.30pm – I have missed curry night! Girls are tucked up.
10.35 – last feed and now to bed!
12am – I can’t sleep 
2am- getting up cos I really can’t sleep.
2.15am – Hell, what the flip is with the dogs?!?! Mad eye has now decided that I can’t hear the girls crying and must come get me when they do! It’s very off putting to be woofed at by the sheath dog!
Sunday 22nd of October 2017: 6am – so yes, no sleep, feel like crap, need food and strong tea. Thank you for doing the girls morning feed and bath, it is going to take a lot to get this pixie ready for mass!
7.30am – You didn’t have to make me breakfast, get me in the shower or pick my cloths out. But thank you, it is such a help! I’m now going to power nap till a little before 10, like you said to!
9.50am – Smooches to babe for sorting me out. Tea, makeup, and hair done!
10.30am – Well here goes mass with two tiny babies!
12pm- Oh my god Father Michael is epic! Cuddling Evie, the whole first half was wicked!
1pm – pub lunch!
3pm – Home and power nap time! Zzzzzzzzzz
5pm – Why the feck do I have 17 potential client emails and one from &(${df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a}! Asking me to host and run 3 courses in December? I’m on maternity leave!
6pm – Beans on toast for tea, thank you! I could not have eaten proper grown up food.
7.30pm – Bath time.
8.30pm – So yeah, I now fall asleep in the bath. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10pm feed done, bums done, babies asleep, Little mama to bed and sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzz
3am – dear god, never has 5 hours sleep felt so good! Mad eye came and got me to sort the girls out, again! Is he after extra sweet? Or does he think the are some weird human looking puppies? Anyway boobie, burped and bums done! I am now going back to sleep!

So that was last week and my first week of motherhood done and dusted! how was all of your weeks?

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x