family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life

Endless Possibilities – Being part of an open poly family.

So, I was sat moaning to poor Sir Beasty, about not having anything to write about and how I was one post short for my seven I needed to post this week. He said, ‘write about the possibilities of being in an open poly family’. (I think he may have been fed up with my moaning). But it hit me, I talk endlessly about the D/s side of are little family, but not so much the poly side of things. So, liking Besty’s idea a great deal, I decided to write about it!

Now first things first I guess I should explain are ‘Family’ dynamic a little. Well briefly the is 1 straight man living with 4 bi-sexual women. (I know he is a lucky man). At home we all classes each other as partners and we are pretty much equal, but we do also have are D/s side and that will always be part of a poly side as well. All of us girls are sub to the boss man and we are pretty high on the old protocol side of things, so of course this plays in to are poly dynamic. I’m also going to say that we do not class are selves as swingers. For us playing with people or fucking is not something we can do with out feeling an emotional connection with someone. Don’t get me wrong the is nothing wrong with swinging, but it’s not for us. (your kink is not my kink and that is ok)

Now leaving the boss man out of things for a minute, I’m going to explain us girls dynamic and how it fits in to the ‘Family’ When it comes to playing and sex. Babe is the family switch, she dates people away from the family, but is also a driving force behind a lot of are fun and play at home. Kitten, Little Bear, and myself are subbie with her and she is kind of second in charge. Kitten is sub and is free to date and play away from the family, but Babe and Maîtriser have the right to step in and stop her doing so if they think that it is harming her mental health. Little bear does Has a Daddy/ fences but is also Sub to maîtriser and Babe. She can date and play away from her family but chooses not to at the moment. Then the is little old me, I’m married to maîtriser and his sub. I don’t date outside of the family and I don’t play or fuck anyone else without maîtriser or babe being with me (ok so I can play with kitten and little bear). I do this through choice and not because of rules. It’s more the fact that I draw strength from having them with me and I feel more relaxed with them with me.

Us girls Go on are Girl dates and this is where we get to have some fun! We all love flirting, teasing, and getting phone numbers. We can kiss who ever we want as long as we have the other girls in sight. But the is no taking people home or disappearing outside. If we are drinking, someone (normally me or Babe) stays sober, just in case. Maîtriser says when we go for a ‘Big ‘night out it’s like we are hunting in a pack and the men and women of where ever we are going should watch out!

At home we fuck and play pretty much when and where we want too! If we ask maîtriser first. We also have people who join us in are kinky fuckery from time to time. In kind of a kinky sleep over (I don’t like the word orgies, they sound kind of dirty). The girls can also have people stay over, if they let us all know first, if they play safe and if the person understands and Is respectful of are set up. We also have rules around play and sex. We always stay safe, sane, and consensual. We don’t play if we don’t want to or don’t feel like it. If we bring anyone else in to playing with us, we all must agree. But above we never make each other feel awkward if we don’t want to play.

We also invited people to join us in D/s senses as well. Normally Dom / Switch males who don’t mind following directions, And Dom women who can do the same. We also have a lot of playmates who are Sub female, who’s Doms let them join in are fun and games. Now I mentioned ‘as long as they can take direction’ bit, well this is because Maîtriser is a big old vouarist and loves telling people what to do us girls. (one of the reasons he is known as the boss man). So, when we have others in sense with us he is normally sat at the side, getting his rocks of to us playing to are hearts content. The fact that we all have very naughty exebishunest streaks means that we a happy to play like this and make him proud.For me on a personal level, I find playing with other amazingly good for my self-esteem, but I need to know the person first and need to trust them. My ex would bring other women and men home and expect me to want to fuck them, but now I get to bring people I want to screw in to the mix and I can say no whenever I want. I prefer Maîtriser or Babe with me and I love being told what to do. But that is more my submissive side than anything else. Oh, and I am always looking for new playmates!

So, to us being part of an ‘Open’ Poly family really does hold a world of possibility’s and we love the little, twisted family that we are. So that is my take on it! What does Open mean to you?
Pixie x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail

The people in my life.

The people in my life.
For anyone who follows me on twitter or my blog will have heard me talk about the people in my life and how much they mean to me. They are what keeps me going at times and are by enlarge what makes me who I am. I have written a little about them in the past, but never any real detail and I feel I should, I mean it feels rude not to really, they are simply to rade not too!

Maîtriser/ Boss man/ Tony: My Dom and Husband, he is also my Care-giver / Big and the sadist, to my masochist side. He has been my Dom for almost 5 years and we have been a couple for 4 and half years (long story). We have been married for just over a year and have 2 tiny twin daughters, Connie, and Evie. He is big, rough around the edges and a Gentleman. His tough kick boxing diamond, who has a hidden softer side. Clever, Funny, witty, and talented guy, who has a bad habit of sing Justine Bieber. (are little girls light up if JB comes on the radio). Best father and husband in the world in my eye and my hero.
Babe: Switch/ maîtriser second. Strong, practical, down to earth. Beautifully than words, Very clever and extremely funny. She is my Female Dom, who I do everything she tells me the first time, without fail. She is the meaning of the word sadists and Queen of ropes! She is possibly the bravest person I now, she will call maîtriser out if she thinks he is being to harsh or is wrong (yes, Doms can be wrong sometimes). Some people would say she is moody and rude, but she just does not do BS and calls a spade a spade.
Kitten: My best and oldest friend in the whole flipping world. Strong, funny, sweet, and incredibly talented. She is stunningly beautiful and sexy as hell, even if she does not believe it. She is the family peace maker, she is the person I turn to when I don’t know how I feel or don’t understand what is happening. She has a way of calming down, when I don’t know why I’m angry. She is my partner in crime, tag-team Buddy, and my nap time mate. I Love my Kitten.
Little Bear: The family’s Little/ Brat. Super cute, sweetheart, funny and possibly a little crazy. She brings out my protective and maternal side. Prone to bouts sulking and extrema brattiness. Obsessed with anything pink, purple, fluffy or sparkling. She has Daddy/ Faience as well as the boss man. She is also sort of the family social director and party planner. She is my chef snuggle bunny and little-space buddy!
Emit: One of my oldest and best friends. He a wardrobe master, working in New York. Someone I have and always want to know. We have both gone through and fought back from Domestic abuse. A dresser in a theatre. Smart, funny, charming, and cute as a button. He is my subbie shopping partner and my chef cheer leader!
Sir Beasty / Aedan O’Healy: Friend and protector. Tough guy with a squishy fluffy side. Witty, clever and has a way with words.one of very few people I trust 100%. My editor, sounding board and giver of advice. We trade friendly insult, cheeky banter and reminisce about Ireland. He has written permissions to tell me to hush, stop sassing and to behave. He has a really weird way of knowing what I’m thinking before I do!
Big Steve: The big tough guy in my life! (his 6ft 5). But is a total sweet heart who make me smile and never has a bad word to say about anyone! He is our personal trainer and he can push us as hard as he wants to and is even allowed to set punishments if we misbehave. (the worst I’ve ever got is legs and arms in the same day). but he is also the one who can get me to open and to make me cry when I get really stressed and need some relief. Top hugger ever!

Diary, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Dairy 8/1/18 to 14/1/18.

Diary: Mouse
Monday 8th January 2018:4am: Sweet baby J! How much snot can two babies make? Every time I put one down the other cries or starts coughing. Hate this, I should be able to make them better.
7am – Thank you for bringing me tea! And thank you for offering to take the day off to look after them, but I’m a big girl I can do this. You have so much work on, it does not do for both of us to be tired! Love you x
7.45 – Aunty May has turned up with her knitting. She is making me breakfast and then told me to go take a nap, she also said she will sit with the girls while I nap. She has made a pot of tea, has her book and her knitting. When I tried to say I was fine, I got told to hush, eat my eggs and be a good girl. I’m being Domed by my 82-year-old aunty!
11.50am – Holy cow! I really was shattered! Being woken up with a cup of tea and told to take a shower and that lunch is at 12.30 is the best feeling in the world!
12.30pm – I think today is about just holding it together and not over thinking things! My head is not a pretty place to be today. So, I am not going to over do it or push myself to hard. Aunty May has made bonfire night soup and soda read, with proper butter.
1.30pm- Aunty May is watching the babies and I’m off to dump rubbish!
2pm- home and planning tonight’s classes! I am terrified that after 4 months of not teaching owners that my brain has turned to mush! Might have to extra meds tonight 
3pm – I have wrapped the babies up warm, got my hat, scarf, and gloves on. Bella and mad eye have their coats and harnesses on we are going for a walk, I need fresh air.
4pm – lord, that really did help! Blowy, cold, and damp, but it helped!
4.20pm – babies sleeping, so I’m doing 30 mins of writing!
4.45pm – Ok given up writing chatting with snuggles and Sir Beasty instead, much giggles to be had!
5pm- time to cook dinner, best steer clears of the garlic tonight!
5.55pm – Did you know this is the first ‘Dinner time’ we have all sat down to after a full working day this year? I do love that everyone turns up at 5.5o or so and we seem to spring in to action as a little family unit!
6.30pm – well time to get changed. Again, thank you for offering to come and support me at classes. But I need to do this for myself.
9pm – lesson done! I did it go me!
11pm – bedtime story, snacks and lights out. it has been a hard day, tomorrow will be kinder!
2am – great now they want Justine Bieber songs with their feed! You git!
Tuesday 9th January 2018: 5.30am – Mwah! Thank you for getting up with the girls and doing feeds and bums! I really need to stretch!
6.30am – so I’m having breakfast in bed with kitten, we have a secret mission for Sir Beasty! Maw-ha-ha-ha!
8.30am- so dressed and ready to go to my English class! Babies and I seem to of dressed the same today! Did you mean to do that??
9.30- Tiger have unicorn head phones again! I may have just bought 4 pairs. #sorrynotsorry
10am – English lesson time!
10.45am – Oh bum in a jock strap! Sir Beasty is on-line and wants to chat and I don’t want to be rude, but also, I need to do brain work!
11.20am – ok I may have eaten MacDonald’s fries, sorry!
12.30pm – Jeans, t-shirts and hoddies bought, now home for lunch.
1pm – Uncle Fred is here and has salad sandwiches! Lunch time companion!
2pm – stuffed! Babies down for naps, mummy is doing house work!
4-pm – house cleaned, tea prepped, and babies fed, burped, changed bums and back to sleep. I’m off to write in little space!
5.30pm – so you are waking me up with kisses was nice, but I wasn’t sleeping. Just checking for light leaks! So, you fancy a hand job before tea?
6pm – girls home from work and we are having chinses food cooked by you?! umm ok then!
7pm- you let me have veggie noodles and did them all safe and everything! Not that I’m saying this, but do you fancy cooking dinner in the nude sometime, we would love that! 😉
8.30pm – Clean Babies, fed and in bed! Bed as told, but can I write, story idea! Please!!!
11pm – Bedtime story and tuck in?! don’t like babe being away and little bear working nights!
Wednesday 10th January 2018: 6am – Yoga time! Stretchy Pixie time!!!
7.am – I don’t like not having little bear or babe here breakfast. It feels empty and I miss them):
8.30am – see you tonight x x x x. house work started kitchen and babies sorted. And little bear tucked up in bed. She looked little and tired):
9am- Ummm so let me get this straight, you want me and the babies to take Big Steve shopping for suits and to have lunch with him? Oh, Ok if I must!
9.30am- His got the big car! I have decided I want to be Tigger for the day! I bounced on stave and Sir Beasty!
10am – let me at them suits!!!
1pm- Good lord, that man knows how to shop! He got the twins gap hoodies and jeans! We are having Mexican food for lunch!
2.30pm- home from lunch, babies fed, changed, and tucked up for naps. That is where I’m heading now, before you grump at me!
4pm – blimey I was a tired Pixie pops! Little bear has woken up in a very good mood and even got the babies up. Found them sat on the floor watching TV together! Yes, I know but they looked like they were watching with her, ok?
5pm- Well that is babies fed, bag backed for tomorrow, lunches made, outfits laid out and washing on. Now for dinner!
5.45pm- You was nearly late! Go get changed or no dinner!
6pm – yes, I did you stake for dinner and yes, I made baked spuds, who does the food round here buster!
7pm- shower time with kitten, can we play please?
7.50pm – Thank you for sitting and watching big man, I do love that!
8pm – baby baths are such fun! Umm I do think we might be taking a few to many pics though, maybe?
9pm – Babies asleep, and yes, I’m off to bed!
10pm – I swear writing for an hour before bed helps me get sleepy as hell! Can we “cuddle” please, that would help me and kitten sleep!
11.30pm – holy fuck, I know kink of the week is anle , but FUCK! Oh and what the fuck got in to you!!! I’m going to have bruises for weeks and the teeth marks on my shoulder, nice touch! But now sleep? Please?
Thursday 11th January 2018:5am- Connie and Evie want to come and do yoga, no really they do and I might want quiet cuddles, is that ok?!
6.15am – have you got you sleuth pants on today?! How did I not hear you come down and start breakfast? Not complaining! Boiled eggs and avacrdo toast! Love you x
7am – kitten cuddles, baby bathing and hot tea!
8am – double checking my bag, for the 5th time. I am so nerves and nervous. Will you please look after my babies? I know you will, but love them extra hard for me? Connie likes to see Evie when she goes down for her naps and does not like wearing her mittens, but needs them on cos she is itchy. Evie likes cuddles before her morning feed, holding Connie’s foot when you do her nappy and like raspberries on her tummy once it’s done. You know all that right? They don’t like radio 4 or 1, but love radio 2 or Kane fm.
8.30am – Coffee money and a lift! Thank you x x x x
9am – here goes!
10.15am- Why are you sending me pics of you willy? And very rude exploit text? Need you knob now!
10.30am – Thank you for saying I can go calm myself down, but what if I get caught or something?
10.45am – Did it! Now I need to behave or I’m not going to do well in this class.
12.30- Lunch time. I’m going to sit in the outside seating bit. I know I should go and find someone to eat with, but I’m not that brave.
1.30pm – chemistry time!
2.45pm – Break time and phone call home. No, I’m not checking up on you, just checking in to see that your all ok!
4.30 – college over and done for the day! I did it, I really did it! Epp!
4.35pm – your bought my babies to meet me! x x x x x x x x x x x
4.50pm – do I have to take a nap?!!?
5.45pm – ok dogs bursting in on me to wake me up is great, Mad Eye farting and walking off not so great! Little shit!
6pm – Wow you did spaghetti and tomato sauce, yay!
7pm – Really, I must take a bath and put jammies on?!?! (:
7.30pm – I don’t like babe and little bear not being here): but I do like T.V and cuddle with you and kitten (:
8.45pm- Boobie, burp, bum, and bed!
9pm – I got old, I want to go to bed!
10.30pm – bedtime story, lights out and cuddles!
1.45am – oh Dear! We have a snotty situation going on in the girl’s room!

Friday 12th January 2018: 5.15am – thank you for getting up with me, so tired and needed your extra motivation to do yoga this time of the morning, after a night like that!
6am – Breakfast with the loving BDSM podcast! Yippy!
7.30am – thank for doing the babies so I can shower and get dressed. SOOO blinking tired!
8.30am – Babe is on her way home!!!!
9am – go to work already! If you don’t I’m never going to get this place clean and the ironing done!
10.30am – Bathrooms cleaned, towels on washing, sheets, and undies dry, hoovered, and mopped, not time for a snack and cup of tea!
11am ok living room time!
12.45 – Living room done, bedroom done! Not to play with babies and eat lunch!
1.30pm – babe is home, but she is so tired): made her a sandwich, cup of and sat her in front of the television.
2pm- have got babe to go bed, she looked done in for, so I asked her if she would please take a nap!
2.30pm- All the house work is done, babe is sound asleep, as are the twins. I am now going to sit and write!
4pm – Taking a nap myself now!
4.45pm – I really do love it when Kitten wakes me up with kisses! Little bear did the twins bottles and bums and babe is playing Xbox. The house is warm, full of noise and colour again. Simply makes me very happy!
5.30 pm – You’re a full 30 minutes earlier than I thought you would be! Go wash up or ill bite your bum!
6pm – Pizza and salad for tea is fabulous, add Bud light and I’m a happy girlie!
7pm – Shower time with babe! She even let me wash her hair and her back! She is ragged and tired, we need to love her a little harder for a bit sir. Seeing her family and Julie not being there is still so raw for the time being!
8.30pm – Babies first you monster, then sexy time!
You know how much I hate leaving kitten half way through eating her! 😛
9pm – Come on then big man, bring you’re A game!
1am – See your not getting old and still got it and some! You left marks on all 4 of us and I think babe need that. teeth marks on the inside of thighs is a nice extra and I love them! Sleep now though?
Saturday 13th January 21018: 6.30am – Thank you for letting me skip yoga this morning. So tired and sore. Right babies!
7.45- babies done, dressed, washed, hair up and ready for breakfast. Do you have to go to work?
8.15am – Right me and the twins are off to get the bus to my English class. Rahhh! I’m feeling super brave today!
9am – The building people are putting the hugest crane ever up and half the road is closed, and I’m stuck on the bus!
9.15 am – made it! Let the English lesson commence!
11am – can I get fries from McDonalds, please!!!!
12.30 pm on the bus home. tired and needy of rest!
1.15- home. babies fed, and bums done then lunch for this tired pixie!
2pm- You’re really missing out, all 4 of us are taking a nap together!
4pm – Where did you come from? Babies look so tiny when you carry them around! Why are you home so early?
4.30pm – Yay we are making homemade Mexican food for tea!
5.15- I did warn you about the chillies, silly head!
6pm- I love the fact I can feed the babies and dinner at the same time! Multy tasking or what! This is the best dinner ever, yours are such a good chef!
7pm- bath with the babies! Love this!!!’
8pm- babies sleeping! Time for cuddles in bed with my girls!
8.30pm – casualty, snacks, and beer! Rock and roll, we be!
10-pm so, your drunk! But not that I mind, means we get to listen to kinky books on the iPad!
12pm- you know they’re not even hunger or need bums doing. The cry, you pick them up and have a cuddle. Then full asleep in your arms!
3am – Mad Eye is at it again! With the add thing he seems to have taken to sleep in the door way to the girl’s room!
6.30am – how can you be so sodding chirpy, this time in the morning and no hang over! Thank you for doing the babies and letting me do yoga.
7.45am – So I have decided I’m not going to mass. I’m just not in the right frame of mind. Can we have a family day?
8am – little bear thought I looked sad, so got me jelly and cream.
9am – Kitten and I are doing lists of things we want to do next week. I have stickers out you have been warned!
10am – Babe is taking us all to hobby craft and I have £70 on my card cash account!
12pm- Whoop! I got barging’s and nice things! The babies liked pets at home.
1pm- home for lunch!
2.30pm – Have had lunch, done the 3 b’s, and now napping!
4pm – Blimey tired pixie pops! Babies playing with I be!
5pm – Pasta for dinner!
6.30- bath time, I think I have a cold):
7pm- turns out I really do have a cold!
9pm going to bed feel yucky!
10pm- Thank you for making me get up and have cold medicine, I know I moaned and whined, but I really did need it!
10.30pm – Bedtime story, cuddles and lights out. Thank you, x,

broken brained, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Me and my broken brain – Fighting on.

My broken Brain – Fighting on.
So, I had a wee bit of a break down at the weekend (A all at once i’m sad again..). It was I guess a long time coming. I have had so many things going and with me if I drop one of the balls that I juggle, and everything comes crashing down around me. It leaves me feeling like I have failed, leading to me losing my focus, becoming over whelmed by everything and then not being able to do anything. It feels a lot like my brain freezes and I need help to defrost it. So today with maîtriser to hold my hand I went to see my CPN, as I was not sure of the best way to move forward. Not wanting to take on to much, but scared of doing to little. Knowing full well if I do either thing will only get worse and that I do not want to go back to my dark days. I should say My CPN is amazing and he has been there every step of the way after I tried to kill myself (it never gets easier saying that). At first, he was an NHS CPN, but when I was well enough to be discharged from the NHS care, maîtriser made me keep seeing both my physiatrist and CPN privately, as he feels my mental health is something that should not be neglected. Luckily for both wonderful mental health works have been willing to work with me as a privet patient. Even more luckily, we can afford to do this, I know the are so many people let down by mental health services.
So, after talking for a bit, my CPN agreed I am having a depressive episode and that my anxiety levels are high right now. After saying that aloud we sat and talked about a plan of action to get me better and back on track. We broke it down in to 3 parts and I have been made to promise not to try and do all 3 at once (DAMN!)
So, the first part is making sure I take of my basic needs as a human people. So, this is the plan for each of them:
• Nutrition – I must make sure I have 3 balanced meals a day and 3 snacks a day. Eating my 5 a day, clean protein, and complex carbs. Limiting processed food and refined sugars.
• Fulgide in take – Make sure I drink 3 litters a day of un caffeinated liquid, that is also low sugar. I also must limit my caffeine in take to 3 caps of a day and no caffeine after 1pm
• Exercise – 30 mins a day of something other than walking my dogs.
• Sun light / Fresh air – Spend 30 mins a day out side.
• Rest and relaxation – Spend 3o mins a day doing an activate that I find relaxing and peaceful. It must not involve tech or writing.
• Sleep – 7 hours at night, with a 30-min afternoon nap.
The next part of the get pixie better plan is kind the get your fight on part. It is al about dealing with what is in my head and not listening to the voices and push on. We are going to do this in 3 key ways, they are:
• Adapt to it – So my anxiety is stopping me doing things, but with anything if you think out side the box you can find away round it. I mean I can’t just get on a bus or train to go some place on my own, but if I have the babies or one of the dogs with me I can. As they give me something other than the thing that is making anxious to focus on!
• Challenge it – This applies to the negative voices in my head that tell I have failed, that I’m stupid or that I should just give up. The way I challenge them is. I write down the thing that I am thinking and how it made me feel. Then later with someone else, normally kitten I will sit down and find things that prove that they are not true.
• Fight it – This is the hardest thing to do, but it gives me the best feeling ever. I fight it in a lot of ways. Walking to the post box to post a letter when I get anxious about leaving the house. Or poking fun at my depression, calling it names back or refusing to listen to it.
The last part is my does and don’ts
My dos are:
• Stand tall.
• Breath.
• Ask for help.
• Talk about it
• Meet it head on.
My don’ts is:
• Don’t hide it.
• Don’t shy away from it
• Don’t feel ashamed of it.
Well that is my plan for getting my brain better, again. I also have 2 things I must remember as well, they are, I am enough and that it is ok to not be ok. With all this I feel a little brighter and lighter. Like I have a tiny bit of my fight back again. So yeah bring it!

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

New year, Better me!

New year, Better me!
Well 2017 is gone and I find myself in a reflective mood. For a lot of people, I know 2017 was not the best of year. With loss, illness, big ass storms and Donny-j. For me it was full of lows and highs. It was the year my daddy got sicker, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I lost friends and family and my depression and anxiety decided to kick me in the butt. But it was also a year of great personal growth for me. I found my fit as a wife, blogger, and feminist. But by fair the best thing of 2017 was becoming a mother to my beautiful twin girls. I know a lot more to life that being a mum, but when you have thought for many years that it is something you’re not going to get to do. Well when you do, it blows your mind. I never knew I could love something so deeply and fiercely as I do them.
I have seen loads of people posting their new year resolutions, but you won’t be seeing any from me. We don’t make them, as maîtriser thinks it away of setting yourself for an unnecessary fail. What we do is sit down and make a list of targets and goals we want to work towards and plan how we can achieve them. it’s something we do every 3 months and we cover pretty much every aspect of are lives. Even maîtriser does it and will let us set goals for him! We sat down on Friday last week and did are lists. This is where I admit that I love the whole planning side of this. I get to get all my gel pens and stickers out. It’s really good fun!
Some of my goal for the next 3 months are: Loose the last of the baby weight and 15lbs extra, run my dogs at crufts, attend eroticon, pitch some ideas at other blogs, do my muck run training, more swimming lessons and get my new and improved blog up and running!
Maîtriser has also sat down with my and we have set some goals for my blog. Such as post a min of 3 times a week, keeping up to date with emails and upping the number of followers to my blog. Lol one of my friends got me a bloggers journal and a diary that is designed for people who have autism, that have been amazing. They are fun, clear, easy to use and don’t feel like they are shouting at me. So, yay!

I have also decided that I want really work on my English. Not just writing, but spelling, grammar, punctuation and understanding. This came about after several nasty comments about my spelling and grammar. I’m dyslexic and have Anxious ADD, so that makes learning and understanding really flipping tough at times. adding to this I grow up speaking a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian you can see why English is something I have ongoing struggles with it! But I have Bob my English tutor tailoring lessons for help with this. Also, Sir Beasty is stepping in to help with editing my work, so it’s a case of bring it on!

So, as I wave good bye to 2017, I’m hitting the ground running in 2018, so bring it 2018!

Hugs,

Pixie x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

oppsss I did it again, well sort of!

So I was meant to be sitting down and confessing to my sins , and I will , but something happened when maîtriser was handing out punishment and telling why I was getting punishment. I disagreed with him on a couple of points, and he actually stopped, thought about what I said, and agreed with me. Now to a lot of you this would sound like I was being blushy and naughty for not just taking my punishment and that maîtriser should have just stamped down on my disagreement . But we roll a little different here in the Beaulac  household. I do what I’m asked , without hesitation 95% of the time, no really I do. But I also have the right to ask questions if I want or need to and I am allowed to disagree with maîtriser and point out why I disagree. As long as I do it politely and respectfully . Most of the time , when I disagree with something we will sit down and talk about it, and nine times out ten , I see that I’ve got it all ass about tit. (no I really do!) But this time , well I got it right , and an apologue from maîtriser, and he never says sorry unless he means it!

But back to the fessing up part, So here goes again…..

  • I went out without a coat on and got court in the rain.
  • wore the wrong shoes out, getting wet feet in the rain and blisters.
  • I forgot to do BG levels 5 times in a week.
  • I refused Pain meds , when I needed them.
  • I refused sleep meds, When I needed them.
  • I exceed my step count by 1800 steps 4 days in a row.
  • I stayed up past my bed 3 days in a row.
  • I allowed my sister to speak to me in a rude and aggressive manner.
  • I listen to my mother and took what she said to heart.
  • I forgot to write in my diary 2 days in a row.

My punishment for these rule breaks are as follows:

  • Kitten will be testing my BG level 3 times a day for next week.
  • I will wear what ever maîtriser tells to, without questions  for the next week.
  • I have to Keep a food diary , on top of my normal diary for the next week.
  • My bedtime is moved to 9.30 instead of 11pm for the next week.
  • CNC is inforced for the next week.
  • I will do a daily mantra and extra  mindfulness for the next week.

The points I disagreed with were:

I allowed my father in the house without maîtriser being home. – Yes I did allow him in the house , but aunty may was here , the weather was very bad and he was locked out of his flat, meaning he could have got hurt. I also phoned maîtriser as soon as I could and asked aunty may and uncle fred to stay till you came home to take my daddy home. – It was agreed that these were fair points and that I missed out punishment for this rule break.

I did not eat all my meals and snacks on 3 days in a row. – I disagree with as I have been on very strong antibiotics and they have been making me really sick and tired. I skip snack and ate a little less , so I would not be sick and kept my medication down. – it was agreed that this was a fair point, but I should have asked for antisickness medication. So Although I should have told someone, maîtriser that he understood that I was feeling very unwell, so I am let off this rule break.

I shouted at Babe when she told my off for forgetting my phone when I went to the doctors. – I disagreed with this as I believe I only raised my voice and was extremely worried about my chest and asthma . She has even said that she judge her timing and impact of what she said. After speaking to Babe , maîtriser agreed that it was not as bad as he first thought, but I should of taking my phone no mater what, but he except worry over took my thinking. So I have been let off this rule break.

So that’s all of it , promise! maîtriser is also making me email all this to everyone, so yay! any way , I’m off to bed!!!

Hugs,

Pixie x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 21 of the submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Volnteerism is next to submission.

Well good evening my pretty little things, how are you all today? I’m a happy but tired little pixie, with a nagging feeling that something is about to go wrong. Babe is home, so the house is settled and functioning better. Emit being here is amazing, I’ve missed him the last few months. Very sweetly , babe did chore list for today last night. Emit being signal , submissive and with no Dom in his life, babe asked if he wanted a chore list as well. He jokingly said yes, only to be handed one this morning! its nothing major on it , mostly helping me with cleaning stuff and moving the big things . but its made him and us happy so it’s all good!

So today’s focus was volunteering, and how it helps you connect to your submission. The first activity was to volunteer at a local homeless shelter or a nursing home. The second activity was to donate , if you did not have time or could not get to a place to volunteer . I needed to be at home for a large part of today, waiting for some things to be delivered so I went for the later idea.

I started of this morning by going through my airing cupboard and seeing what towels and sheets that I could get rid of to a local Greyhound rescue. (it also means I’m allowed to get new towels in ikea in the new year!) We all decided to donate some clothes to the salvation army, so we have had a good old tidy and sort through cupboards. Even the boss man did this, or I did for him (I asked first and know what could go) . Then I had a brain wave, I have a lot of books that I have read and are gathering dust. maîtriser buys me books as rewards for getting good marks, or doing well at work or for trying extra hard. I find English really hard , but love reading , so maîtriser say’s books in English are a reward and a little challenge all in one! So I asked if I could donate 20 books that I have read to our local cancer treatment center, and it got the thumbs up. We even donated some jigsaw puzzles and board games as well!

So what have we gained from today? Well apart from the warm fuzzy feeling of doing something nice and helping other people. I got to feel good about myself and made maîtriser proud of me. It has kind of inspired me to want to volunteer to do stuff in the in the new year. I think I might offer to do some training at the local greyhound rescue . I have also looked up to see if I could knit stuff for the local NICU that the girls were in when they were born. We have also decided as a family are going to do some found raising for something, just not sure what yet! So watch this space people!!!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 12 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Proud Mary

Well good evening you wonderfull people doing today? What have you been up to? Anything amazing happened? I was up super early today and in the car, going to a local christmas market , with the twins and my great Uncle Fred. We had a lovely time, i got a new christmas hat and the babies got little elf wooly hats! I was feeling super brave today as well and let Uncle Fred buy me lunch at Carluccio’s. I had Spinach and ricoter canaloin and chocolate bread and butter pudding with cherry ice cream!

Right on to , todays fun! as the tittle might suggest it’s all about taking pride in your submission and shouting it from the roof tops! well a steady ground floor for me as i’m allowed on the roof, ladders, lofts or to stand on chairs, cos i fall off them. the first activaty was to find ways to shout your pride out to the big wide world in what ever way you can. in a blog post , in a tweet or on instagrame . the second was to celabrate your pride in submission , in a quiet , self refelction. thinking about all the things you do and how well you do them. I did the first and the second today.

For the second activaty i did pretty much this . Made a cup of tea, chatted to little bear about why and how we are proud of areselves as submissive, then ate cake. lol thats the sort of day it’s been.

Now for the first , well i kind of think the fact that i where a collar 24/7 is taking pride in my submission. i know my day collar does not scream D/s , but 95{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of the time , if asked i will tell people what it means. i also wrote to some friends and told them why i’m proud to say im a sub! they know all ready , but i gave reasons in the letters. i’ve written a blog post about it that im posting tomorrow, about why i love being submissive and how proud i am to say i’m maîtriser Specail girl. I have also made a sort collage with the names i use and then added a ‘And proud’. that i will post on my instagrame feed, that also post to facebook and twitter. I’ve also decided to share some love for my fellow subs on the internet!

Well i am off to shout from my roof tops , well the top floor of my house out the window!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 11 of The Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Pancake identity.

Well Good evening my lovely’s , how has your day been? Anyone snowed in? Or are you all stuck with the horrid wind and rain that we’ve been having? Today has been a day of two halves for me. the first half was full of cooking, baking , clean and crafting. Then it turned to crap this afternoon, but more about that later.

so todays activities are based on a chapter from a book called Conquer me , by Kacie Cunningham, about her own submission. The chapter is tittle ‘this one time at Pancake Camp’  and the is a short excerpt from the book, about titles and labels and how the writer was feeling she did not feel fit them. She goes to say that she was talking to her Master over breakfast and telling him of her frustrations, and how she was not going to ascribe to them any more and that from that point on she would be known as pancake. when asked why pancake her you chose reply was ‘Because you chose pancakes! Because you obviously like pancakes! pancakes are simple, honest things, not all high-mantence like , say, crepes. I want to be something you would order!.

Both the activities are reflecting on the words we use to identify are selves , as submissive. The first was a simple reflection on the words, titles and how they make us feel. the second was to take the reflection and turn them in to an ornament. by taking one word traits like ‘love’ loving’ , then drawing or printing out an image that represents that word and making them pretty and fun using craft surplus. I was going to do the first , but then changed after I got some bad news.

The words and titles I identifier with are Submissive, Little and masochist . The masacist title is something that I kept well hidden for a very long time, as for me it was kind of hard to admit that I liked pain and being hurt, and most people don’t like that. The same with submissive, I mean who would admit to loving their partner dominating them. but as I got more in to the D/s life I saw that I was ‘Normal’ . but it still took a long time to really embrace it fully. Little is something I have found much easier to embrace, and I think this is I saw really positive images of littles and I really read up on it before hand. I knew I did not fit the classic DDlg little or AB little. I’m not in to age play, I don’t call My Dom daddy , and I don’t really have a bratty side. I do have a baby girl side , I like being looked after and I do have my own ‘little space’. I guess that Its more of a caregiver , little thing. I feel my labels fight real well now, but its taken a lot of time. We/I kind adapt the labless mean what we/ I need them to be. sort of they evolve as we grow and change as people.

So now for my bad news. Just before 5 this evening I got a phone call from my Great Aunty Betty saying that my Great Aunty Molly had passed away this morning following a massive stroke yesterday. She was 90 years old and the head of my daddy’s side of the family since my Nana died. She had a bad heart, artheritus and dementia, so really it was a happy release. But it still hit like sucka punch to the stomach and it sitle hurts. Anuty Molly was an amazing lady, who has always marched to her own beat. whether as a young girl who refused to leave school without  taking her exams. or the feisty Irish lass, who ran away to join the wrens and worked as a radio operater in ww2 .or the brave woman who kicked her husband out and divorce her husband , when he beat her. She was amazing , strong , feisty, outspoken and loving. So I have decided not to be sad , but raise a glass , kick up my heals and celebrate having this lady in my life for 37 year!

Right , now I really must go to bed and sleep. I’m off to a Christmas market in the morning!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

bdsm, family update, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 4 of the Submissive's advent calendar by submissive guide – Rewards for service.

Well Good Afternoon world! How are we all doing this fine and awesome day? I have been on a roll today. I got up did my yoga , Walked the hounds, did my neb and meds and ate breakfast, ok so that’s not the epic bit! maîtriser set me the challenge of going in to town , with the babies , on my own. So not to bigger deal really right? Well it was are first solo trip in to town on my own, I have really crippling anxiety at the moment and I have phobias of dirty places, public transport and pigeons. So for me it is a huge , huge fucking deal that I managed it! So as a reward I was allowed to buy Lego and have fries at McDonald’s !

That kind of leads us nicely in todays activities and their focus, which is based round rewards for service . The first activity was to think about what rewards you get and for what service you get them for. Not just in a submissive role ,  but as well as in your normal , every day life . the second was to write a plan or a list of what you want to achieve in the coming year. Both are majorly appealing to me , but for this post I did the first, as I’m on my own and I guess it’s easier, as any plans I make, would involve the girl and the boss man, and I can’t do that if they aren’t here!

So first thing I did was writ a list of things I do kinky and none kinky . on the none kinky list was: run the home, cooking , cleaning , washing and ironing. I run my own businesses and teach for another company .On the kinky side I look after maîtriser needs In anyway he needs me to, be that sexual or in a bdsm D/s sort of way. Him and I use consensual none consent , so I basically do as he asks, when ever he asks. It’s at this point I go , see he asks , not orders . I think the is a big difference between asking and ordering some one to do stuff. I mean yes he does it in a stern manner that makes me get all wet and horny , but he never shouts orders, he uses please and thank you and always heaps on the praise if I get something right. We have also in the last year changed and added in a care giver/little aspect and I have given him much, much more control over my day-to-day life. His also had me working on things like my self-esteem , my English , my confidence and my health. we also use reward charts, reward money and stickers. If I do all my chores and task for the day,  I get a sticker and £1 goes in my treat money tin. he will give me extra stickers for extra effort , and £1 for each one of them. I have to wait till the 1st day of the next month to open my tin and count the money. I can then save some of it if I want to buy something big or spend it if I want some little treats. It’s my money and as long as I spend it on myself and stuff that wont hurt me, I can do what I like with it! but one of the rewards I love the most are the words, cuddle and kisses I get from the girls, when they want to show how much they affricate what I do for them. The best one from the boss man is getting to spend time with him. Be it a 2 minute cuddle on a Saturday morning , or meeting at lunch time for a pub lunch , or the bath that he sits and reads to me. Other rewards I love Lego, books, stuffies, spa treats and anything to do with unicorns!

So that is my take on rewards for service, I wonder what tomorrow will bring!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x