My broken Brain – Fighting on.
So, I had a wee bit of a break down at the weekend (A all at once i’m sad again..). It was I guess a long time coming. I have had so many things going and with me if I drop one of the balls that I juggle, and everything comes crashing down around me. It leaves me feeling like I have failed, leading to me losing my focus, becoming over whelmed by everything and then not being able to do anything. It feels a lot like my brain freezes and I need help to defrost it. So today with maîtriser to hold my hand I went to see my CPN, as I was not sure of the best way to move forward. Not wanting to take on to much, but scared of doing to little. Knowing full well if I do either thing will only get worse and that I do not want to go back to my dark days. I should say My CPN is amazing and he has been there every step of the way after I tried to kill myself (it never gets easier saying that). At first, he was an NHS CPN, but when I was well enough to be discharged from the NHS care, maîtriser made me keep seeing both my physiatrist and CPN privately, as he feels my mental health is something that should not be neglected. Luckily for both wonderful mental health works have been willing to work with me as a privet patient. Even more luckily, we can afford to do this, I know the are so many people let down by mental health services.
So, after talking for a bit, my CPN agreed I am having a depressive episode and that my anxiety levels are high right now. After saying that aloud we sat and talked about a plan of action to get me better and back on track. We broke it down in to 3 parts and I have been made to promise not to try and do all 3 at once (DAMN!)
So, the first part is making sure I take of my basic needs as a human people. So, this is the plan for each of them:
• Nutrition – I must make sure I have 3 balanced meals a day and 3 snacks a day. Eating my 5 a day, clean protein, and complex carbs. Limiting processed food and refined sugars.
• Fulgide in take – Make sure I drink 3 litters a day of un caffeinated liquid, that is also low sugar. I also must limit my caffeine in take to 3 caps of a day and no caffeine after 1pm
• Exercise – 30 mins a day of something other than walking my dogs.
• Sun light / Fresh air – Spend 30 mins a day out side.
• Rest and relaxation – Spend 3o mins a day doing an activate that I find relaxing and peaceful. It must not involve tech or writing.
• Sleep – 7 hours at night, with a 30-min afternoon nap.
The next part of the get pixie better plan is kind the get your fight on part. It is al about dealing with what is in my head and not listening to the voices and push on. We are going to do this in 3 key ways, they are:
• Adapt to it – So my anxiety is stopping me doing things, but with anything if you think out side the box you can find away round it. I mean I can’t just get on a bus or train to go some place on my own, but if I have the babies or one of the dogs with me I can. As they give me something other than the thing that is making anxious to focus on!
• Challenge it – This applies to the negative voices in my head that tell I have failed, that I’m stupid or that I should just give up. The way I challenge them is. I write down the thing that I am thinking and how it made me feel. Then later with someone else, normally kitten I will sit down and find things that prove that they are not true.
• Fight it – This is the hardest thing to do, but it gives me the best feeling ever. I fight it in a lot of ways. Walking to the post box to post a letter when I get anxious about leaving the house. Or poking fun at my depression, calling it names back or refusing to listen to it.
The last part is my does and don’ts
My dos are:
• Stand tall.
• Ask for help.
• Talk about it
• Meet it head on.
My don’ts is:
• Don’t hide it.
• Don’t shy away from it
• Don’t feel ashamed of it.
Well that is my plan for getting my brain better, again. I also have 2 things I must remember as well, they are, I am enough and that it is ok to not be ok. With all this I feel a little brighter and lighter. Like I have a tiny bit of my fight back again. So yeah bring it!
My broken Brain – Fighting on.