From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life

Playtime with Miss Kitty.

Now that things have stepped up with me and kitten a little bit, now that I wear her tag and she is officially my dominant, well we have started to have our little playtimes, just the two of us. It’s sweet and tender, playing to both of our ‘Little’ sides. But it leaves me knowing that she is definitely the one in control, with the right amount of pain and force that I love, but all the time leaving me knowing I’m special and loved.

One of the things I really love about play time with my Miss Kitty, is that there is normally a surprise. I will come home from shopping or my English class to find things laid out on the bed for me. Something to wear, a change of collar, cuffs, rope, and toys. The last play time we had was very special and full of little firsts, for both of us.

It was Kitten’s day off and I had been to the supermarket. I came home to find things laid out on the bed. My black lace baby doll, my thick purple collar, the 2 new paddles I had bought for my Miss, my clit and nipple clamps and some of our toys. Just seeing them laying on the bed, well it made my heartbeat kick up a notch and my nipples started to get hard.
Next to the toys was my unicorn stuffy, Stephen and under him the was a note. It said I should go take a quick shower, put my hair in a ponytail, with my purple ribbon, freshen my makeup if I wanted to, then make my way back to the bedroom, dress, text Kitten and wait for her to come and find me. I was to kneel or sit cross-legged, eyes downcast and my collar in my hand, ready for her to change it. Well, that is enough to steer me into action.

Dashing to the bathroom, I strip my clothes off as I go, remembering to dump them in the laundry basket and not on the floor. Then I grab a clean towel, turn the water on and the shower on high, stepping under the lukewarm water. I quickly wash myself with my banana body wash, check that my legs and armpits are free from hair, knowing very well that my pussy is hair free, as Maîtres took care of that last night. Turning off the water, I rub myself dry with the fluffy towel, then put on banana scented body cream. Looking in the mirror to check my make up, and decide all I need is a light lip balm. Then it’s back the bedroom, grabbing my hairbrush and speedily pull my hair into a high ponytail and then tie the purple ribbon in a bow, making sure it looks neat and tidy. Moving to the bed, I pull on the sexy lace boy shorts and the lace baby doll that Kitten has laid out for me. I drop her a text saying ‘ready’ and hop up on the bed choosing to kneel holding my play collar in my hand, eyes cast down, back straight, just how Maîtres and Babe have trained me to.

Kitten must have been hiding in the workroom because I can hear her making her way upstairs, then I can feel her eyes on me, as she comes to the bed. Tipping my chin up with her finger and taking my collar in her other hand, she places it on the bed, removes my day collar and places it on the dresser, returning to pick my play collar up and placing it around my neck, buckling it and padlocking it. Then she asks for my wrist, then ankles and places my cuffs on them then asks me to sit in my inspection pose. Still not making eye contact, I move to inspection for her, with my hands behind my head, back straight and legs open.

She walks around the bed, not touching me but, inspecting me with her eyes. I feel them burning into my skin, I can feel myself start to shake a little and I know I’m getting wet as hell. Then I feel a feather-light finger run from my thigh, up my torso, skim the underside of my breast, over my collarbone and under my chin. Tilting my head up and placing them sweet tasting lips on mine. A soft and gentle kiss that could only come from my Miss. It ends too soon, and I keep my eyes closed to savor it a little longer. I feel a sharp flick to my left nipple and a soft chuckling voice telling me to open my eyes and concentrate. When I open my eyes, I’m met with a lovely sight. My Kitten has become Miss Kitty, still the girl I love, but with an edge that I adore. She is dressed in a grey pencil skirt, white shirt and black waspy, and has definitely not remembered to wear a bra.

With a soft, commanding tone, I’m told to hold still, as my breasts are removed from my baby doll, and my nipples get pinched hard, and then my clamps are attached and tightened. Making me wince a little, even more, when she flicks them hard. Then I get told to remove my panties and hand them to her, knowing they are damp with my juices. Blushing I hand them over to her and the blush gets deeper when she lifts them to her nose and sniffs. knowing she knows how turned on by the prospect of our play is thrilling.

Then there is that soft, commanding tone again telling me to lie on my back and show her my pussy. She helps me lay back, taking a pillow and placing it under my hips and bum, raising my pussy up and closer to her gear eyes. By this point, I’m leaking like a sieve and all its going to take to make me come is breathing on my clit, sensing this, she decides to be nice and allow me to come before we go any further. She takes the purple bullet vibe and turning it on low, places it on my clit and tells me to cum, and god do I cum. Hard, fast, and completely. We’re talking squirting, shaking, and shattering here.

When it ebbs away, I feel a sharp slap from a paddle on my pussy, not realising that I had shut my legs tightly. she tells me to open, and I open my legs wide, like a good girl. Then I get pushed to lay on my back, so I can’t see what she is doing, but I soon find out as I feel my clit being clamped, having to bite hard on my lip as to not yelp as she tightens it. It is one of my favorite pains, but straight after a climax, well I had to bite so hard on my lip, it is bleeding a little.

She then orders me into my humble pose, but with a pillow under my tummy to make sure my bump is safe. Next thing I feel is the sting of the leather paddle on my bare bottom, then it makes contact repeatedly, over, and over. Making my hips sway a little, sending little shock waves through my clamped clit and pushing me forward, coursing added friction to my clamped nipples. Blow after blow, and with each strike, a little squeak comes from my mouth. Then as suddenly as they started, they stop, replaced by her finger running over the burning welts on my skin, running them round up and down the crack of my arse and the lips of my pussy. She pushes 3 fingers inside my hungry little cunt and stubs my clamped clit with her thumb and within seconds I’m begging to cum again, to which I get a smile and a yes. That’s when a shattering climax hits me again, a very wet one!

Then she has me turn, I’m laying with head in the middle of the bed and feet facing the head, she threads a rope through the ankle cuffs, and hoist each leg up and ties them to the headboard of the bed. She then goes to work cuffing my hands together and tethering above my head and to the foot of the bed. She massages some feeling back into my now unclamped clit while flicking my still clamped nipples. Reaching behind me she grabs our massive Adam dildo and the lube, and slowly at first, she starts to fuck me with it, then turns the insisted vibrator on and fucks me harder and harder. Making me beg to cum, refusing and then backing off again and then working me up again, and again, till I’m crying with the built-up need, then she adds a bullet vibe to my clit and tells me to cum. I do and again it’s a very loud and wet climax.

She then unties my hands, makes her way to the bed, hitches her skirt up and promptly straddles my face. I open her lips and start to fuck her pussy with 2 fingers and use my tongue and teeth on her clothes, which grinds and glides on my face, knowing how much I adore her doing this, but it still catches me off guard when she comes, squirting her juices all over my face. Collapsing to the side and pulling in for a kiss. We snuggle close for long minutes, telling each other how well we did, her saying how proud I make and my squealing with delight. But at the back of my mind, I know play time is far from over, and there is much more wonderful fun to come.

But I’ll save that for another time my darlings…

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart

Broken toes , round the sofa music and protesting.

Broken toes, round the sofa music and protesting.

I talk and write a lot about my upbringing in Ireland. It is something I am very proud of and only have fond memories of, for the most part. It wasn’t all happiness and fun. I grew up in the 80s and 90s, which was a know as the troubles. It was full of bombings, kneecappings. Fighting, conflict and hate. It was also filled with some of the most amazing things as well, the peace process, the healing and the rare old times, as my granddad would say. One thing that always burns bright in my mind was the music and the effect it had on me and the people around me.

My first real memories of music were either hymns sang at mass or the songs played and sung at home by my nana and granddad. Hymns where strict and ridged, or so you would of thought, but my granddad knew the rude versions and the wrong right words to to them. We got it to so much trouble from nana for giggling at mass. The songs sung at home, where a mix of Galic and English folk songs. Granddad had an squeak box box he would play and sing along to. It became known as the round the sofa music. That was played on birthdays, and we all danced round the sofa in my nana’s liviving room. A fine example is https://open.spotify.com/track/3u5NpNPMBH2yvFH9xY7QAI?si=2Gw2m91oRbmyNLgZsx7x7A.

When I got a little old I was taught to play the fiddle, piano and flute by my grandad, just not by reading music. This saw a shift in my musical education , I got to go to the pub with the men folk. I learnt about Irish pub music. Now a lot of you will think of rousing jigs and reels, and yes the was a lot of that, with the like of this https://open.spotify.com/track/3CeiAaccketdGMVcgzzxnK?si=JRSYWV0RRoewHbziLGKgsw But the was also a lot of songs that spoke of hard times ! That made me cry, and I’m not sure why, but they still do to this day. The best of which is https://open.spotify.com/track/7MNhqk7sBg5SmiimrJkKKZ?si=EZ1-D83nQV-HJcR7NxQGVw . I also have a lot of memories of my nana being outraged that I had been taken to pubs that had protesters in and the shocked look when I sang a verse of ordinary man. https://open.spotify.com/track/6tJ6bCzfrAZXjA9tKI9K9b?si=G5Em4dPWT_K_CUcXDYCbXw

When we move to the UK. I missed the music but tried to like normal and to forget my Irish side. But British pop music sucked and I got very into the wonder that is the chieftens a band my whole family adores and still do. The did very folky stuff like https://open.spotify.com/track/73ZueQ9WU6GBbo7oad5Yp2?si=mWZWXVhwQxCudbLr9zlJrQ and then very Irish pub stuff likehttps://open.spotify.com/track/0o16sIjjfhc2USqFhYSiHw?si=mIwXgAd_RHy8PA6tf-XOhw . The sort of stuff that you tap your foot so hard to that you brake a toe! (true story)

A so I arrive at today, loving Irish music and everything about it. The way it makes me smile, cry and want dance in one song. How it represents who I am and where I come from. I will leave you with a family tradition. If the ladies in my family go out drinking. At the end of the night the men are given hand bags shoes and glasses. We join-hands, lift up are voice and sing the parting glass, all as one! https://open.spotify.com/track/20TaREs9O69cWOp235J99v?si=uAt8UfOcQfmBleJ1b-DDdg

broken brained, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart

It’s just how we role around here!

It’s just how we roll around here!

I’ve been sat doing a lot of thinking while I’ve been packing to go away on a business trip with a kitten. But I don’t think we’re normal in this family, and I don’t just mean odd, I mean bat crap crazy and stranger than a jumper in July.

What bought this sudden realization to me? A conversation twitter about how I had pack 4 pairs of unicorn socks and 12 pairs of panties for a 2-night trip! But then I also have pack 20 collars, 3 stuffies and a massive tube of lube. I know I’m not normal, and I’m fine about, no really.

I’ve never been what you call ”normal” and from an early age I was labelled ”special”. As a little kid I thought that was a great thing to be, but as I got older I found out that ’special ’ is not such a great thing to be. I was, in fact, a very scornful thing and meant that you were different. It relegated you to the same place as black sheep, funny uncles and those sent to the sisters of mercy.

As I got older it got changed from special, to special needs and I was know to be challenging. Now I should say that my special needs, were nothing more than being dyslexic and struggling to learn my 3rd alphabet. The challenging part was a form of ADD and the fact I was from a home with 2 abusive parents. But I was seen as the problem and got told to stop making excuses and buckle down. But I simply could not do it, being normal hurt, like I was being squashed into a mould that was too small. It had round edges and I had sharp, jagged points. It led to me acting out, getting kicked out of schools and very nearly getting sent to a youth offenders place.

Luckily my nana and my priest (I know right!) saw that I was different in a good way. My Nana and father Michael went in and batted for me, somehow managing to get me one final chance. I got sent a PRU and got help and guidance. I learnt to embrace my quirks, funny habits and being different. I learned that yes I am strange, odd and special, but that can be good and beautiful things.

So fast forward to today, and sure I’m still that odd, different and quirky girl. But I’m doing good. I am succeeding, living a happy and stable life. Sure I could clean for Ireland, I freak out if I have to sit by a bin and have a break down if bird flys over my head. But every day I get up, I know I make people happy, make them smile and make their lives a little bit better. Maister always says I’m his special girl, and that makes me so happy and proud, and I’m ok with that!

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Myth Busting – Poly and swingers’ addition.

 

So, I have a little bit of a bee in my bonnet of late about people judging me and my ‘poly ‘family’s life style choices. I think its more of a ‘oh well this is my experience of poly, so yours has to be the same’, sort of thing. But it has me thinking about the myths and bull squirt that surround the whole Poly / Swinger lifestyle. So, I put it out to the wonder that is kinky twitter and as always people jumped in to help! So, lets bust this myth in the bum, shall we?

“Polyamory and Swinging are the same thing.”- So I thought I would start with the sort of elephant in the room. Swinging and Polyamory are not the same thing. They have an awful lot of things in common, but also some aspects are very much not the same. If you look at it, the term means, then it sorts of bust the myth on its own. Polyamory is the ability to love more than one person at the same time. Swinging, is when either single or people in a committed relationship, are non-monogamous sexually. But there are a lot of grey areas and a lot of overlap. But I guess like all relationship and dynamic, they are both special and unique. They take a lot of trust and love to enter into and are not for everyone. There are those who say that swingers are out for sexual gratification and that all Poly people are in it for love and commitment, but again that is not true either. I personally know one swinger couple that have been together and had the same play partners for 15 years. What I personally hate is how both groups judge each other, it is just plain stupid. We cannot again try to get on and support each other and our lifestyle choices then, how the flip should other normal people begin to try and understand.

‘You will sleep with / fuck / play with anyone.’ – This is the thing I find really insulting. I personally am fussy about who I play with, as is Daddy and the girls. Thinking about everyone I know in the lifestyle, they are picky. My friend Amma, well she goes as far as running background checks on her partners. What I do know is that people in both worlds are very hot on protection, personal safety and consent, so that to me is a big Plus!

‘All they really do is cheat on their partners.’ – Palm forehead! I have been poly for 17 years and I can hand on heart say, that I have never cheated on any of my partners. I’ve been cheated on, by my ex, but he was a! $%£”^!. We as a poly family, tell each other who and when we play with others away from the family. We also have very clear guidelines on what cheating would be, basically anything we would not let the others do, without telling the rest of us. Lol we always talk, are open and honest. Maîtres says sometimes we talk things to death. All this boils’ down to, for us at least, is that there is no cheating if we all know what is going on, we are all happy with that and we don’t hide things from each other.

‘All swinger / poly is bi-sexual.’ – Again massively wrong! I am bi, but I would be bi no matter what, if it meant I was with just one person or many. Maîtres is poly, but he is not bi. If we play with another guy, then he will watch or sort of tag team. But I know a lot of poly groups that they both only find opposite sex partners attractive and they only have them as partners.

‘We hate monogamous people / want to convert them all.’ – This makes me angry as flip. It’s like saying all gay people are trying to convert all straight people. (Yes, I know some stupid people think that). I for one think if you are in a committed monogamous relationship, then wow! Like I would if you were in a committed poly. I think commitment is sexy AF! But thinking that just because someone is poly or swings means that they think everyone should be just plain dumb and rude.
‘We fancy everyone.’ – Oh the amount of times I’ve heard this! Its like saying that all women fancy all men. Its physically imposable to be attracted to everyone. Everyone has a ‘type’ and that still happens if your poly, swing, your bi, straight, or gay.

‘Everything we do is sexual.’ – Again, dah no! If we made everything sexual, I for one would be very board, get no work done and be homeless! Poly and swingers alike do normal things like cleaning the loo, cooking dinner, and paying the bills. Its not like a big shiny porn thing where the woman cleaning the bath ends up fucking the gardener. We are normal people too!

‘If your poly or a swinger, it’s never cheating.’ – Like hell its not! I know damned straight that if I was to fuck someone behind my husbands back or any of the girls then it is cheating. We, as do all Poly and swingers, have rules around about playing or fucking other people. Just because you have more than one partner does not mean that you are a cheater. My rules for other people are never do anything without the others knowing, always tell Maîtres where and what I am doing and never bring someone home without talking to the rest of the family. What I think this says about both communities is that we have the ability to trust and can communicate our feelings in a very grown up way.

‘We never get jealous.’ – Bull squirt again. Jealously is a very basic human feeling and all humans feel it at times. If you don’t, then you’re a bloody machine and lying about being human. I have 3 male partners and 3 female partners, and sometimes I get jealous about who is spending time with whom. One male partner is LDR and I get jealous about the women he might be seeing. I get jealous of Kitten seeing her ex. I even threatened to pee on Maîtres because his PA kept trying to be over friendly. But unlike normal people, if we get jealous we talk about it. See we are awfully grown up about things!

‘You don’t really love someone if you want to be with others.’ – Groan, Really!!! Well I love all my partners and I am committed to all of them. Hell, I would marry Kitten if I could. Love and life do not conform to stereotypes and normality is a myth in my mind!

‘All they do is have orgies.’ – As if! Dear Lord, not even orgies are what people think they are. I personally love when I get a little one on one time with a partner, its extra special. I would also like to point out a lot of the ‘orgies’ we have are just normal sex. People fart, stub toes, get cramp or sneeze like everyone else. We just do that with more people at once. Not all Poly people have more than one person at a time and a lot of swingers don’t like the whole swingers party scene. Its each to their own.

Well I hope that busts a few myths people!

Pixie x

From the heart

For @HisLittleRara

Today’s guest blog post is something a little different, in that it’s a collaboration between to people . Me and my wonderful daddy, Antoine Beaulac! he needs no introduction, so here it is

Do you ever have chats with your friends, that suddenly turn in a direction, that should be awkward, but they aren’t and just seem to naturally flow and become something very different? Something hot, sexy, and dirty as hell. That turn you into a wet, squirming mess in bed, begging two men to come fuck you and let them do god only knows what to you. Right that’s normal right? Ok, so I know that’s not “normal” but hell it’s fun when it does happen, well I thought I would share one of those times with you.
Maîtres: Little one are you sassing me and Alex? I don’t think you want to do that, do you or are trying to get punished? Hmmm, I think that might be the case. What do you think Alex?
Alex: I think someone wants a spanking and is seeing how hard she can push the Doms in the room. Lol
Maîtres: Is that right Miss Mouse? Well?
Mouse: Might be! Neither of you would do it though, it takes too much to get you to bite! FYI that is sassing you.
Maîtres: No shit Sherlock! I’m warning you Mouse, do not push me, or I will hand your punishment over to Alex, do you understand me?
Mouse: Like is that meant to be a threat? He would not know where to start! Sir is a big fluffy pussycat. Lol he would just give me lines or ban me from my stuffies.
Maîtres: Mouse! That is enough, or he gets control. Do not push me girl, do you hear me!
Mouse: You’re both big fluffy pussycats. Na nah na nah!
Alex: Someone is for it now! Lol.
Mouse: Nah ah! You’re both too fluffy and sweet and cute to know what to do to me!
Maîtres: Right that does it little one, Alex what shall we do with the little fool? Hmm?
Alex: So many choices…. Spanking…. Edging…. positions….
Maîtres: Needs to fit the crime brother. Such sass and back chatting. Needs to sting brother.
Alex: 20 on each with the hairbrush, to start. Then edging with hands on the bed for 20 mins. Sound good?
Maîtres: Clothes off little one, in humble on the bed and make sure the iPad is positioned so Alex can watch. Understand?
Mouse: Nope hiding! You won’t find me!
Alex: £20 she’s under her blankets or in the shower?! Lol
Maîtres: Open the camera….
Maîtres: See I found her under her blankets, didn’t I? smile for Alex.
*turns me round roughly to face the camera and starts to strip me of my clothes roughly. Pushes me on the bed so I’m kneeling with my bottom facing the camera. Legs open and showing my pussy to Alex.
Alex: Lol you called it right my friend and that is a very nice smile Mouse
Maîtres: So, what shall Mouse get as a punishment? Any ideas Alex?
Alex: Oh, the possibilities are endless, such sass needs a fitting punishment.
Maîtres: Shall we ask Mouse?
*tosses mouse her phone*
Alex: How about the hairbrush?? Then you eat her out till she is about to cum, then back off, over and over, till she’s crying and begging to cum. She must keep her hands on the bed the whole time!
Mouse: Nah ah! How is sassing you worth that level of punishment? Jeepers! Next you will tell me that Alex must watch!!!!
Maîtres: lol Mouse, you forget, I don’t allow you to negotiate your own punishments. Who is in charge here? I think Alex is right, but I don’t know if he wants to watch? What do you think my friend? How many strokes brother?
Alex: 25 on each should do it and edging 10 times should do it
Mouse: Hey! He doesn’t get to choose about my butt and the blinkin’ hairbrush!
*giggling and sticking tongue out at Maîtres and Alex *
Maîtres: You’re right Mouse, he doesn’t, but I do, and I have decided to ask Alex’s advice.
Alex: Just asking my friend, did she tell you she’s been calling you ‘The Frog?’
Maîtres: No! lol oh little one you’re in so much trouble now. Get in humble now, arse to the camera and show Alex how well you take your punishment for me.
*hairbrush in hands, one strike after another landing on my upturned butt. I’m counting and saying thank you, but reach for my phone*
Mouse: Please Maîtres, please I need you!!!!!
Alex: Does somebody need punishment again, do they little one? What’s the matter, too much for that bum? Lol yeah right.
Maîtres: ROFL! Dude! What’s wrong Miss Mousey? Too much? Or is it making you wet? Come on Princess.
Mouse: No shy! Not telling you, I’m going to hide again.
*Drops hairbrush, grabs hold of me before I can move, plunging a finger into a very wet pussy, making me whimper and hide face in hands.
Maîtres: Oh, look here, someone is horny from a spanking! Oh, dear Mouse, looks like I need to show you how to behave again now. Alex, what shall we try this time?
Alex: Tell us what you’re thinking right now?
Mouse: Nah ah! Not happening?
Maîtres: Oh, come now little one! Tell Maîtres what you’re thinking, and I might let it happen. Or shall we get Alex to guess? 5 more for each wrong answer?
Alex: Ha-ha! Fluffy bunnies? Unicorns and rainbows? McDonald’s?
Mouse: No silly head! Still not telling.
Maîtres: Mouse, you will use your words and tell me and Alex right this minute. Do you understand me?
Mouse: Yes Maîtres. I was thinking about Alex’s pierced nipples.
Alex: Just my nipples? Oh, or do you mean the work out thing we spoke about?
Mouse: Nah ah! Can’t say to shy!
Maîtres: Use those words baby girl!
*turns to stare at Maîtres, first time he has ever called me baby girl. Makes me nearly cum on the spot*
Mouse: Yes, and how they would feel on my back as you fucked me up the arse and how your hands would feel on my boobs and clit.
Maîtres: You want to fuck Alex little one? That’s all?
Alex: I think there is more! Blown away by this little gem though!
Mouse: I want Maîtres to watch, as you fuck me hard from behind, make me cum and for Kitten to go down on him, while he watches.
Maîtres: Well done baby girl. What else?
Alex: Fucking hard as steel here! Lol
Mouse: Nah ah! Can’t!
Alex: Come on little one, use those words? You want to make Maîtres and me, proud, don’t you? Use those words.
Mouse: I want to ride Maîtres cock and I want your cock in my arse, to feel your piercings on my back and I want to be fucked without mercy.
Maîtres: What a lovely idea that is! Good girl, keep going?
Alex: Fuck me! You’re such a dirty little thing, aren’t you?
Mouse: I want Alex’s tongue on my clit, Kittens on mine and I want to make her scream. I want you to tell them what to do to me and I want to be made to beg.
Maîtres: Do you think we should allow that Alex? Do you think my baby girl should be allowed to have some fun with me and you?
Alex: I think your girl would like an empty hotel room and you and me tag teaming her.
Maîtres: Brother I think you’re right! Little One would you like that? What would you like to do?
Mouse: Can’t say, shy and hiding!
Alex: Little one, I want 100 words of what you want to do in that hotel room, right here in messenger, right now.
Maîtres: Do it girl, right now!
Mouse: I want to meet you both at the door on my knees, I want you to put on my lead, to crawl to the bed. I want to be made to serve you both and made to beg. I want to be spanked, flogged, and punished. I want to ride both of your cocks and in the arse. I want to cum over and over again, then made to clean both your cocks. I want pain, I want to be made to submit and to serve.
Alex: Fuck! Good girl!
Maîtres: That’s a girl! So proud of you. Shall I move to edging her a little or should she be allowed to cum?
Alex: Edging! If I was there I would fuck that tight pussy and eat that clit, to the point of cumming and then back off. To keep doing that over and over, until it gets painful and then ruin her.
Maîtres: Shall we try and make that happen soon little one? Would you like that?
Mouse: Yes, please Maîtres, please! Promise!!
Alex: I think I need to look at flights for a long overdue visit, don’t you think Tony?
Maîtres: I think so my friend! She is squealing at the idea. Brother going to sign off for a while, I think a certain baby girl needs some attention!
*spend the next 2 hours sucking, fucking and everything in between*
Maîtres: Brother, she’s sleeping on my chest right now, but THANK YOU! Someone turned into a little hell kitten after that! Jesus, she’s not going to be able to walk in the morning!!!
Alex: Pleasure brother! I enjoyed it a lot, watching her was epic my friend!
Maîtres: We must sort that visit out lol. It’s also the first time she’s let me call her baby girl. Fuck man!
Alex. Defiantly my friend.
Maîtriser: Going to have to leave it here, for now, someone is sucking my cock, again!

From the heart, musings of pixie heart, social

Bullied

Over the last 72 hours I have been party to some pretty vile bullying on twitter. Why? I replied to a question about collars with a photo of me in a collar , and some vile troll didn’t like it. They went on to throw abuse at me on twitter and in my DM . I blocked and reported to them . But they started on maîtser and publicly saying they hated ‘chubbies’ . This really unsettled, hurt and bought back all my body image problems. But what hurt more than the bulling was people seemed to agree with her and also liked her comments. It felt like she was being validated.

I’m not a skinny mini, never will be. But right now I’m pregnant and a little sensitive about the way I look. I get that people are allowed to have an opinion and free speech, but I also know how damaging it can be. (DonnyJ 🤭) . How many hundreds of teen girls and boys end up with eating disorders, self harming or killing the self because of vile words and taunts?

Thankfully I ranted, cried and reached out this time. But in the past this would meant I would of done something stupid . I’m super blessed to have friends, like my lovely little andronic that I can go ‘ does this look fat to you’ to, and get a ‘No ‘ but other people don’t have the love and support I do.

So I’m asking everyone to do a few things to fight bullies.

  1. If you see someone being bullied, offer help. Whether that’s an ear, stepping in or reporting what you’ve seen.
  2. Call bullies out, most of them are stupid idiots and back straight down
  3. Unfriend, Unfollow, report and block them. Take their spot light away.
  4. Never tell someone who is being bullied to get over it, ignore them or your stronger than them. It’s not helpful and in many cases it will hurt them more .
  5. Lastly if you are being the bully, stop it and think about what you words and actions can actually do.

Hugs,

Pixie

From the heart

A mother’s love.

I’m not entirely sure pixie will thank me for posting this, but I felt the world needed to read this and have this in it! it’s heartbreakingly beautiful, full of a very pure and simply love, and proves how worried pixie was on Saturday night. I’m not going to go in to what is wrong with pixie, why she is in the hospital, what brought this on or what made it a lot worse. that’s not my place , but she is on the mend now and that is what maters the most.

Dearest darlings, Connie, Evie, and Hunter.
I am sat writing this letter to you in hospital, praying with every fiber of my being that you have to read this when you are old and grey. But knowing that it is more likely that you will be reading it when your too young to understand its meaning. I know you will forgive me for not being strong enough to hold on and see you reach the dizzying heights that I know you are going to reach. I’m writing this because I want you to know some things that I can’t tell you as babies, but you need to know.
The first thing is the simplest thing I can tell you, yet the most n thing I have to tell you all. I love you, I always have, and always will. I don’t have to be with you, to know that the is nothing in this world that will or could stop me from loving you. You have so many people around you who love you, but apart from your daddy, nobody loves you as much as I do. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you, but I do. It will never die and will be with you always.
Now to the man you call ‘Daddy’. He is the most wonderful man to of ever walked the earth. He is strong, caring, loving, sweet, funny, and probably a little crazy. He is the love of my life, my best friend, guide, partner in crime and protector. He came in to my life when I was 19 years old, but it was years before I was brave enough to admit I loved him. He helped my fight when I had given up on myself, refusing to fight my demons for me. No, he did something far more important, he stood by my side, while I battled them myself and held my hand when I needed him to. He taught me what ‘home’, ‘safe’, ‘self-respect’ and ‘belief’ mean. Things I have made him promise you will always know. But the reason I adore him some much, is that he loved me, with scares, broken bits and bruised, even when I couldn’t.
Now to things I want, you to know and you will need to have a good life. You are you, always be yourself, for yourself. No two people are the same, you are all unique, and equal. Take pride in everything you do but be humble in everything you do. Love freely, fiercely and with your heart and soul. Cry when you need to, scream when you need to, break when you have to, and bend when you can. Do not judge others, but never allow yourself to be judge. Be respectful of all people, but expect that respect in return, and never let anyone treat in a manner that makes you ashamed of who you are. Stand up for what you believe in, fight each other’s corner, and use your voices for good. Stand up for those who need you to but know when you need to ask for help. Be kind, gentle and generous. Be strong, brave, and fierce. Never raise a hand in anger, irritation, or frustration. Never raise your voice to talk over others, raise your argument. Above all know you are the closets thing to perfect that I have ever seen.
I’m so sorry I had to leave my darlings, but I had too. I could not stay forever, however much I wanted too. You are my heart and my loves, always and forever.
All my love,
Mummy x

Kitten

broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart

High cliffs.

I have a place that I go, in my mind when I become totally overwhelmed by life. Whether its

sadness, anger, pain, anxiety, or fear that send me, it’s the same place, a sort of high cliff

Inside my head. The emotions build gradually, I can see it happening, I try to stop it happening.

But as it grows, it builds faster and faster, till I can’t stop it.

Then I’m on my high cliff, all alone. It high steeply falling ledges, sharp, jagged rocks. On the

top of this high cliff, its open and the is no place to hide. the is either bright, harsh, hot

sunshine. Or Heavy rain and howling winds. Every part of my body hurts. Light and sounds

become physically painful. My tummy is in knots, I can hardly breath, with sweaty palms and

shacking from head to toe. It’s so high, I can’t see the ground or away down. The only way

down seems to be jumping.

So how do I/ we deal with this? Well maîtres would say that to heal and become whole again, is

to first break apart, and for me that is true. I need to shatter and then build myself up again.

But breaking apart is hard to do and can in its self be painful. It sometimes takes a therapy

spanking or kicking the crap out of a punch bag or someone pushing me mentally but sometimes

I need someone to talk me down. But it always ends with shattering and sobbing in whoever

saved me arms.

After breaking apart, I need to rebuild myself. Nobody can do it for me, it must come from me.

I need love, support and understanding If I need help I will ask for it. I need people in my life

that are consistent, open, and gentle. who will approach with care, but more than anything I need

people to stand by my side as I fight my way back up off the floor, and hold my hand while I do it.

From the heart

This is me…..

This is me….
I’m not sure where this post is going to go, or why I feel so strongly that I need to write it. Stuff happened yesterday, and it left me hurting, sad, unsure, but more than anything it left me angry and frightened. Two things I hate feeling, that I stamp down, hide, and try not to let people see. But yesterday, facing the thoughts and feelings of fear and anger at the situation, myself and what ‘could’ of happened. I snapped, I got angry at people around, lashed out with words and actions and I frightened myself. It carried on with feelings of grief through the night, with tears and everything coming out in an angry torrent, the dam of self-restraint totally broken. In to the morning to bitter snappy words and people I love. All very un-pixie. But it need to come out, I have been holding stuff back and hiding myself, all of me away for to long.
I have tried to put a front on of being happy, cheerful, and calm pixie for so long that I just can’t do it anymore. I am human, I get sad, angry, and anxious, like everyone around me does. But I tried to be happy and cheerful all the time, to stamp down on negativity. That It had gotten to the point of being physically painful and damaging.

Growing up I was always told I was over sensitive, that I needed to hide my anger and sadness away. That crying showed weakness, that being cross was bad, that people should be happy all the time. We as a family hide how we felt, from the world, each other and are selves. The only person who let me cry or be angry was my nana. She taught me to control it, turn it in to something good, creative, or redirected it. But when I was at home, all that went in to hiding, as if feelings were wrong and evil. That it was normal to not have feelings. So, I stamped down on them, hide them, and just got on with things.

I had a mother who bullied and belittled me. who lied, cheated, and thought of herself above her family. A father who was mentally ill, beat me and told me it was my fault. I was bullied and school, then I turned in to some vile rebel, who hated herself and everyone. I did stuff that brought me and my family great shame. I was bullied in to doing stuff that damaged me and made me want to get as far from my family as I could. It pushed me in to the arms of a man, who in later years nearly beat me to death and then caused such a bad depression and self-hate that I nearly took my own life.

But it made me strong, self-relent, brave, farce and passionate. I taught me I can be in control of me and I could take pride in things I did. yes, I had voices telling me to give up, stamp down those feelings and hide huge parts of myself. But god did I achieve things that I was and still am fucking proud of. But I was never truly myself, I hid things I felt people would not like or want to see.
Then people came in to my life and I wanted to be open and honest with them and myself. I slowly, with love, help, and support, rebuilt myself. I still had scares and broken parts, but I learned to love myself. I stood tall, pushed myself and grew to be who I am now. Broken, covered in scares and stronger for that. But I still hide some of my broken parts, kept some of those scares. they were to raw, to painful, too big for me to cope with.
But then yesterday, something snapped, and I can’t hide it any more. I am human, I have feelings and I can’t and won’t fucking hide them anymore. I raged, lashed out and acted like a child, and for that I’m really fucking sorry. But I’m hiding shit from now on, I can’t and won’t do that, to make people happy or comfortable, not anymore. I am worth more to myself as me, than I am to others as what they want me to be. My(Poly) family are standing with me, and always will. But I really don’t care what people think of me anymore, I like me.
I am me, myself, who I need to be.
I am,
Submissive,
Broken brained,
A mess,
Angry,
Frightened,
Brave,
Loyal,
Giving,
Loving,
A fighter,
Lover,
I am me,
Just me, who I am meant to be.
And will not hide that anymore, broken, bruised and scared.this is me…….

Pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart

The Best day ever!

It’s 8.45pm on a Sunday night, I’m sat stark naked on my bed, with crisp, clean sheet. The window and curtains are open, the is a light breeze coming in through the window, and the sound of birds tweeting in the background. I’m bathed, fed, and ready for my bedtime story and lights out when maîtres come to bed. Tracing my fingers over the bruises on my thighs, my mind can’t help wandering back over the day, for what a day it has been.
It did not look like it was going to be a good day. No not when I woke up at 4 am hungry and thirsty. Going down stairs, I went in to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. That’s when maister came down to check on me. he snuck up behind me, wrapping his around my tummy, and pulling me in to his chest, moving my hair out the way and kissing me. I turned around to give him a proper hug, not in the mood for what his wandering hands wanted. Placing a kiss on my nose, he motioned for me to sit down at the table, he said he had something to show me, and dashed in to the living room, returning with his iPad.
Please not porn, I can’t do porn this early in the morning, was my first thought. it turned out he wanted me to read something he had written. It was entitled ‘’mouse’s handlers manual. Something h had been joking about writing for a while and had actually sat down and written it. He had decided to do it, as he must go away with work for 14 days and has asked one of my bigs to step in and look after me while he is away. I now his still going to be reachable, but when his away working I can’t just call him if I have a silly little problem, so knowing I have someone in charge so to speak makes things so much easier on us both.
So, I sat and read, and I was fine till I got to the part about me and kitten. It read “playmates, lovers, tag teamers, littles, in love and together forever and always.” Well I burst into tears at that, as the is just so much truth in those words. Maitser jokes, that if he was no longer around, that I would just marry kitten. His properly right, I adore kitten and everything about her.
One thing maister hates is me crying, even happy tears. So, he swooped in for a cuddle, pulling me on to his lap and tickling me. Now tickling is one thing I love and hate in equal measure. This time it made me shirk and wiggle in maîtres lap. Well as he puts it, he is merely a man and is not made of stone. A semi naked woman, wearing his collar, wriggling in his lap proved to much for him. Before I knew what was happening, he turned me round in his lap, so I was facing him, kissed the flip out of me. His clever hands had my t-shirt and panties off in a flash, and I only realised when me necked back contacted the cold tiles of my kitchen floor. Those strong finger were inside my pussy, make sure I was ready for him. Then suddenly his hand was gone, he was kneeling up, removing his boxers and looking down a me with what can only be called animal lust. Then he was back on me, inside me, splitting me and fucking me. covering face, neck, and breast in hot little kisses, while his hands cradled my head, so I didn’t get hurt while he fucked me. it’s all I can do to wrap my legs round his hips and bum and hang on for dear life. It’s not gentle sex, no, but it’s tender, controlled and he makes me feel loved and important. While he takes what he wants and uses me for his pleasure, not that he doesn’t bringing me my own realises. Oh no he does, and its beautiful.
After he finish he gets to his feet, pulling me with him. We mount the stairs together, me in front of him, so close I know his hard again, I can fell him at the small of my back. When we make it to are room, the other girls are wide awake, babe smirking in that cocky way, as if to say, “I know what you just did” and they do. I’ve never been known as quiet when it comes to sex, no I’m a very vocal girl. Maitser ask why they are awake, and it’s met by grins. Maitser decides I need to make it up to the girls for waking them up. I of course am more than happy to do so. He gets the girls to lay down and I take it in turn to bring them all to climax using my fingers and tongue. Babe as always holds off coming for a long time, it is only when kitten attacks her breasts and nipples that she cums, but when she does she squirts all over my face. Little bear must be held down by maîtres, as she wriggles so much when she is wet and horny. She cums quickly and sweetly, giving a little sigh as she comes down. I use just my tongue on kitten, holding her hands in mine when she asks for them. I love playing with kitten, you know you’re on the right track by the way she mews and pers. When she chums, its sweet, hard and she is just as vocal as me.
By the time I get through with the girls, its time to get, well for them. Maitser orders me to stay where I am, and he has that glint in his eye again. I stay, as the girls bounce off for yoga and breakfast. Maitser sits in his chair, the one he sits and watches me play with the girls. Just him sitting and looking at me makes my skin flush and I become wet instantly. “I want you to give me a show now little one. I want you use your fingers to fuck yourself and tease your clit. You are to edge yourself 5 times, and then I want you to beg to cum, do you understand?”
I nod a starter out “yes maîtres” as I lay down and part my legs. Running my finger through my sex, then plunging them deep inside my greedy cunt. I fuck my self with one hand, curving my fingers so the hit my G-spot. While I use my finger of the hand holding my lips apart to tease my clit. It does not take long to get to the point I am close to coming, and I back off, then back to the point and back off again, till I’m at the point I need to beg. Oh, dear god do I beg, everything I have goes into it, and then he commands me to cum. Right on que I feel the dam break and my climax hits me like a tidal wave. My walls clamp round my finger tight, I feel spasms over and over, and then I feel myself really let go and I squirt all over my hands. Eyes closed, back arched and panting, I feel a swat to my breast. Looking up I see maîtres smiling down at me. leaning down he, he roughly kisses me and crawls on to the bed next to me.
Dragging me up to straddle his groan and hips, he gives a command that I would normally make me freeze and panic, but I choose not to do today. “Saddle up girl” his way of telling me ride him. I have never been very confident about being on top. But maîtres have been sort of coaching me and getting me more comftable. Taking time to talk me through what he wants me to do and some how getting me to let go. So today I am going to do this and enjoy it, for him and to make him proud.
His cock is ramrod hard already, so I take it and lifting myself up, I position it at my entrance. Then I slowly let myself down, using my inner muscles to clench his cock as I go. When after a few minutes his sheath inside me and I have used to the feeling of being full, I gentle rock my hips and clench those muscles again. I make me gasp and maîtres groan, which makes me lift my eyes to meet his. The look of love and desire in his eyes, spires me on. I start to move my hips and move, using my inner muscles to grip and relies his cock. Keeping the eye contact lean forward and kiss maister. I sit back up, take his hands, and guide them to my breast and urge him to play with them. My riding of his cock is slow steady, but I feel the tension start build low in my tummy. Leaning forward slightly, so misters cock hits my g-spot, and I whimper as it does. I pick my tempo up and I ride harder. Maister wraps one of his strong hands round my throat and find my clit with the other, and commands me to cum, and I do, shattering in to a thousand little pieces. My climax sets misters of, him comes with a roar and jet after jet of cum into my tight cunt. When his finished, he effortlessly flips me on to my back and kisses me, then moves off me, making my cry out and try to follow him, my body missing his. He tells me to stay put, that he’ll be right back, and he leaves me with a kiss.
I curl myself under my blanket, feeling blissfully happy and used. I start to doze off, only to wake seconds later by master’s lips. He has a set a tray with tea and breakfast on the bed. he climbs on the beds and joins me. After we have eaten, he pulls me in to his arms, telling how proud he is and how much I am loved. As I make to go and dress, tells me to stay, and I did. We spend a lazy hour spooning and resting. but then his back, play me with my breast and then rolling on top of my, kissing me till I’m breathless and then just entering me and starts to slowly fuck me again.
That is how we spent most of the day, cuddled up in bed, fucking and just being. Even now, sat her necked on my bed, windows open and the sound of light traffic and the wind rustling the trees outside, I just have think of those kisses and my body starts to respond and need him again. So I give thanks for today, the best day ever.