From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail

Protectors, guides, and mentors.

So, a few months ago kink craft had an article and podcast about protectors and their role with in the kink community. (John brownstone and Kayla Lords were guest on the podcast). It was a great article and had excellent points. It got me thinking about my own experiences of ‘Protectors’ and wanting to know other options of them I asked on Twitte what others thought of them. Well that was opening a big old can of worms!

People have a lot of very strong opinions of them, both good and bad. The general opinion was that most people who offer to act as ‘Protectors’, are in fact abusive predators and should be avoided like the plague. That some responsibility needs to newbies in doing their own research and being as prepared as they can be. That ‘protectors’ have more of a mentor role. That Doms and Subs new to the kink scene Could use a Mentor or a guide. And above all, always stay ‘Sane. Safe and Consensual’.
I personally hate the term protector or protection. Those terms making me think of the mafia or a brand of condoms. However, I do think that the is a place of protectors in the kink world. Hell, I don’t just think it, I see it as the responsibility of people how have been in the life style for a while to keep an eye on newbies and stand up to people who are likely to course harm to them.

Thankfully the kink scene has a few awesome people who do keep an eye on newbies and keep the A-holes at bay.
My first personal taste of a protector was when I met kitten and she took me to my very first fetish club. I was only 18 and at the time very vulnerable. It was that night that she introduces me to her Dom, a fresh faced 34-year-old boss man. (aww I forgot he was that young once). He sat and chatted to me, pointing out things and explaining stuff. He also introduced me to all the trustworthy and friendly people and pointed out the people who I should avoided like the plague.

We as a family have from time to time acted as a sort of guide to newbies. Showing people around, introducing them to people, explaining term and etiquette. Also pointing the A-holes and wirdos. (I have a picture of sir Beasty going ‘WIRDOs’ and ROTFLMAO’)

Us girls also acted as what I guess you would call mentors, but I would call it more of a friend and being open and approachable. We have all been around and active in kink, on some level for a lot of years. (Babe has been for 21 years, but I’m not saying she is old, just mature, and sexy as hell). We will take newbie subs under are wing, answering questions, explaining things, sharing safe and informative rescores and inviting them to come to events with us. The Boss Man has also acted as a mentor many times. He first got in to kink and BDSM when he was 22 and is 53 now. (his sexy as hell though). He does pretty much the same as we do but will also teach or show them how to use floggers and canes and the like.

Now I’m going to share the reason babe actively act as a mentor / protector. On a night out in a club in London in early 2006 the was a newbie male sub, who was trying to get in with the hardcore mistresses who put on a great show and had these amazing sub, who were willing to do anything. Well to cut a long story short this poor guy took GHB and went on to have a bad reaction, now that is bad part. The good part was a very well known at respected female Dom saw what had happened, had her 2-male sub to calmly move him to the side, then took it on her shoulders to take care of this poor guy. Make sure someone sat with him, made him drink water, got him food, kept him warm and went as far as making sure he got home and that the was someone sober stayed with him till he was sober. It really impacts on babe in a big way. I think it is one of the ways that make Babe the way she is as a Dom.

I’m going to say here that as a family we believe that if People in the BDSM, kinky and fetish Scenes want to be seen in a positive manner, they sold act and play in a responsible, none judgemental way. So why would they not wanted support and encourage new people and offer them protection.

As with anything in are little family we do things a little differently, cos we are us. Maîtriser always says that our safety and well being is the most important thing in the world to him. But the are 4 of us at home and he only has one set of arms and one set of eyes. So, we have rule and regs to keep us safe and to give him peace of mind. Are rules being: No going out after 10pm on our own. No going to pubs or clubs on are own. If 3 of us are drinking, 1 of us must stay sober. No playing in clubs with out babe with us. If in doubt, ask yourself What Would Babe do. (WWBD)

We also have a list of real world and online friends that act as sort of protectors for me and the girls. They are known as ‘pre-agreed others’ and are listed at the back of are contracts we have with maîtriser. The are there to keep an eye on us, but we can also turn to them for advice and guidance if we need it. This was added to are rules, not because he does not trust us. But we have had issues with other people in the past and we all wanted to feel as safe as we can be. The list is full of people that us girls and maîtriser feel we can trust totally

For me the whole safety thing has been huge part of my recovery from Domestic violence and has helped me to rebuild my life. I sometimes think people might see it as me going from one controlled relationship to an even more controlling relationship. But 80% of my rules are there at my asking. They are there to make me feel safe, and thus keeping me happy and healthy. Some of my rules: Who I can and can’t talk to. The amount of contact I have with my family. Social media, email and phone checked when ever maîtriser asks and that my blog is co by Sir Beasty. I asked for these as when I get sick I ide things and with these in place, the slightest sign that I’m getting sick, the boss man will step in and stop it getting worse.

So that is My thoughts and take on things. What works for me and the family, may not work for you, but it works for us. What I will say is you should always do your research, take your time to think, don’t rush. Stay sane, safe, and consensual. be careful who you trust. If something feels wrong in your gut, trust it, and remove yourself the situation. But above all safety first!

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life

Endless Possibilities – Being part of an open poly family.

So, I was sat moaning to poor Sir Beasty, about not having anything to write about and how I was one post short for my seven I needed to post this week. He said, ‘write about the possibilities of being in an open poly family’. (I think he may have been fed up with my moaning). But it hit me, I talk endlessly about the D/s side of are little family, but not so much the poly side of things. So, liking Besty’s idea a great deal, I decided to write about it!

Now first things first I guess I should explain are ‘Family’ dynamic a little. Well briefly the is 1 straight man living with 4 bi-sexual women. (I know he is a lucky man). At home we all classes each other as partners and we are pretty much equal, but we do also have are D/s side and that will always be part of a poly side as well. All of us girls are sub to the boss man and we are pretty high on the old protocol side of things, so of course this plays in to are poly dynamic. I’m also going to say that we do not class are selves as swingers. For us playing with people or fucking is not something we can do with out feeling an emotional connection with someone. Don’t get me wrong the is nothing wrong with swinging, but it’s not for us. (your kink is not my kink and that is ok)

Now leaving the boss man out of things for a minute, I’m going to explain us girls dynamic and how it fits in to the ‘Family’ When it comes to playing and sex. Babe is the family switch, she dates people away from the family, but is also a driving force behind a lot of are fun and play at home. Kitten, Little Bear, and myself are subbie with her and she is kind of second in charge. Kitten is sub and is free to date and play away from the family, but Babe and Maîtriser have the right to step in and stop her doing so if they think that it is harming her mental health. Little bear does Has a Daddy/ fences but is also Sub to maîtriser and Babe. She can date and play away from her family but chooses not to at the moment. Then the is little old me, I’m married to maîtriser and his sub. I don’t date outside of the family and I don’t play or fuck anyone else without maîtriser or babe being with me (ok so I can play with kitten and little bear). I do this through choice and not because of rules. It’s more the fact that I draw strength from having them with me and I feel more relaxed with them with me.

Us girls Go on are Girl dates and this is where we get to have some fun! We all love flirting, teasing, and getting phone numbers. We can kiss who ever we want as long as we have the other girls in sight. But the is no taking people home or disappearing outside. If we are drinking, someone (normally me or Babe) stays sober, just in case. Maîtriser says when we go for a ‘Big ‘night out it’s like we are hunting in a pack and the men and women of where ever we are going should watch out!

At home we fuck and play pretty much when and where we want too! If we ask maîtriser first. We also have people who join us in are kinky fuckery from time to time. In kind of a kinky sleep over (I don’t like the word orgies, they sound kind of dirty). The girls can also have people stay over, if they let us all know first, if they play safe and if the person understands and Is respectful of are set up. We also have rules around play and sex. We always stay safe, sane, and consensual. We don’t play if we don’t want to or don’t feel like it. If we bring anyone else in to playing with us, we all must agree. But above we never make each other feel awkward if we don’t want to play.

We also invited people to join us in D/s senses as well. Normally Dom / Switch males who don’t mind following directions, And Dom women who can do the same. We also have a lot of playmates who are Sub female, who’s Doms let them join in are fun and games. Now I mentioned ‘as long as they can take direction’ bit, well this is because Maîtriser is a big old vouarist and loves telling people what to do us girls. (one of the reasons he is known as the boss man). So, when we have others in sense with us he is normally sat at the side, getting his rocks of to us playing to are hearts content. The fact that we all have very naughty exebishunest streaks means that we a happy to play like this and make him proud.For me on a personal level, I find playing with other amazingly good for my self-esteem, but I need to know the person first and need to trust them. My ex would bring other women and men home and expect me to want to fuck them, but now I get to bring people I want to screw in to the mix and I can say no whenever I want. I prefer Maîtriser or Babe with me and I love being told what to do. But that is more my submissive side than anything else. Oh, and I am always looking for new playmates!

So, to us being part of an ‘Open’ Poly family really does hold a world of possibility’s and we love the little, twisted family that we are. So that is my take on it! What does Open mean to you?
Pixie x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail

The people in my life.

The people in my life.
For anyone who follows me on twitter or my blog will have heard me talk about the people in my life and how much they mean to me. They are what keeps me going at times and are by enlarge what makes me who I am. I have written a little about them in the past, but never any real detail and I feel I should, I mean it feels rude not to really, they are simply to rade not too!

Maîtriser/ Boss man/ Tony: My Dom and Husband, he is also my Care-giver / Big and the sadist, to my masochist side. He has been my Dom for almost 5 years and we have been a couple for 4 and half years (long story). We have been married for just over a year and have 2 tiny twin daughters, Connie, and Evie. He is big, rough around the edges and a Gentleman. His tough kick boxing diamond, who has a hidden softer side. Clever, Funny, witty, and talented guy, who has a bad habit of sing Justine Bieber. (are little girls light up if JB comes on the radio). Best father and husband in the world in my eye and my hero.
Babe: Switch/ maîtriser second. Strong, practical, down to earth. Beautifully than words, Very clever and extremely funny. She is my Female Dom, who I do everything she tells me the first time, without fail. She is the meaning of the word sadists and Queen of ropes! She is possibly the bravest person I now, she will call maîtriser out if she thinks he is being to harsh or is wrong (yes, Doms can be wrong sometimes). Some people would say she is moody and rude, but she just does not do BS and calls a spade a spade.
Kitten: My best and oldest friend in the whole flipping world. Strong, funny, sweet, and incredibly talented. She is stunningly beautiful and sexy as hell, even if she does not believe it. She is the family peace maker, she is the person I turn to when I don’t know how I feel or don’t understand what is happening. She has a way of calming down, when I don’t know why I’m angry. She is my partner in crime, tag-team Buddy, and my nap time mate. I Love my Kitten.
Little Bear: The family’s Little/ Brat. Super cute, sweetheart, funny and possibly a little crazy. She brings out my protective and maternal side. Prone to bouts sulking and extrema brattiness. Obsessed with anything pink, purple, fluffy or sparkling. She has Daddy/ Faience as well as the boss man. She is also sort of the family social director and party planner. She is my chef snuggle bunny and little-space buddy!
Emit: One of my oldest and best friends. He a wardrobe master, working in New York. Someone I have and always want to know. We have both gone through and fought back from Domestic abuse. A dresser in a theatre. Smart, funny, charming, and cute as a button. He is my subbie shopping partner and my chef cheer leader!
Sir Beasty / Aedan O’Healy: Friend and protector. Tough guy with a squishy fluffy side. Witty, clever and has a way with words.one of very few people I trust 100%. My editor, sounding board and giver of advice. We trade friendly insult, cheeky banter and reminisce about Ireland. He has written permissions to tell me to hush, stop sassing and to behave. He has a really weird way of knowing what I’m thinking before I do!
Big Steve: The big tough guy in my life! (his 6ft 5). But is a total sweet heart who make me smile and never has a bad word to say about anyone! He is our personal trainer and he can push us as hard as he wants to and is even allowed to set punishments if we misbehave. (the worst I’ve ever got is legs and arms in the same day). but he is also the one who can get me to open and to make me cry when I get really stressed and need some relief. Top hugger ever!

Masturbation Monday

Caught in the act – part 3

 

Conner pushes me gently over the thresh hold of his room and shuts the door firmly behind him. He pulls out the chair form his desk and urges me to sit down upon it. He sat himself down on his bed, arranging the pillows behind him and making himself comfortable. grapping hold of the hem of his black t-shirt and pulling it up and off in one clean move, tossing on the bed beside him, and then tucking his thumbs in the waist band of his short. “Jo your one stunning girl, but your bundled up like a nun really isn’t that inspiring you know. Do a guy a favour and flash some flesh, will you?” His says in a horny tone that make me smile, even though I feel like I might throw up at any second.
“what do you mean by inspiration and how much flesh do you need to see” I reply in a quiet shy voice and not daring to make eye contact with him.
“Use your imagination babe” he retorts in a rough tone.
My eyes flick up to his, to be met by his smiling face and eyes, burn bright with desire. I let out a calming breath and reach up to my hair, pulling the pin that had been doing a bad job of restraining messy curly red locks. I shake my head a little and run my fingers through the tangle. “how’s that? I ask
“Good start but keep going” he replies with a grin. So, I stand and pull my hockey shirt over my head and let it drop from fingers to the floor. Then I push my yoga pants over my hips and down my legs, wriggling free and stepping g out of them. I adjust my thong panties, I return to the chair, this time perching on the edge, hold eye contact with Conner the whole time.
“is that better?” I ask, and it met with a very enthusiastic nod of his head, that sent a jolt of electricity through my core and leaves me with tingling toes and a suddenly wet pussy. I laugh and say, “Well I seem the one taking my clothes off here, don’t you have something to be getting on with?”
He grins widely and shakes his head with silent laughter. “Little eager aren’t we, been awhile?” he says, and I nod and blush. His thumbs slowly pull his short and boxers down to relive the rippling muscles of his stomach, the thick dark hair and then a very satisfying cock. “are you sure you can handle this?” he says and points to his cock, that is so hard it is standing clear from his stomach.
I Signer and say, “I’m not the one who’s going be handling it, but I’m sure going to enjoy watching”. as I stare him gently stroking his length.
“better loose the panties and bra then” he says.
I stand up and reach behind and unclasp hooks holding my blue lace in place, and with a role of the shoulders it falls to the floor. Then I hook my fingers in my panties and shimmer my way out of them. as I’m about to sit back down I notice that his hand has stopped moving “hay buster, you have a job to do!” I chide him.
“Well you see I never got to see you come, and that seems mighty unfair to me” he quips back at me with a cheeky grin and deadly serious look in his eyes.
“what you want to see me make myself come, while your making yourself come?” I ask in a sort of shocked amusement”

“Well I would much rather it was my cock that was making you cum, but I’ll settle for what I can get” his says and settles back and gets back to job at hand.
“what you want to fuck me?” I say in a shocked gasp.
“for fucks say jo, of course I do. Your stunning, funny and whip smart. What would I not want to fuck you? What do you think all the flirting has been for?” he growls at me.
Wide eyed I reply with “but I thought that is how you are with all women, I thought you were being friendly.”
It’s met with a snort of laughter “So pretty, so clever and yet so slow on the uptake. If you don’t get that pussy over and start fucking me, then I might start wondering why I’m So attracted to you”
My mouth opens and closes for a few seconds at his words, and then I manage to get out “I still want to see you come”
“well you better get on with the job in hand yourself jo” he growls, his hand still stroking his member. With that I decided to just let go of my self and just go with the moment. I spread my legs, on tip toe. Run my hands, down my neck over my breast, tweaking my already hard nipples as I go. Then carry on down over my stomach, my hip and then slowly part my lips. Using one hand to hold them open I use the other to fuck myself for a few minutes and then feeling the tension building in my stomach, I start to rub my clit, building up the pressure till I can’t hold back any more. My head goes back, my eyes close and I let out a prolonged groan of pure excites. I have never come that quickly or hard at my own hands ever before.
Floating back down to earth my eyes open and expecting to see Conner on his bed, I get a shock when I find him standing over me. The next second his pulling me to him and in to a fierce kiss. Then he’s spinning me round, kissing and biting my neck. his big hands a grouping my tits roughly and in a gravelly voice his saying “tell me this ok jo, foe god sake “
I nod that its ok and get thrown on the bed. He reaches inside this night stand, grabbing and condom, tearing it from the packet and rolling it over his cock. Then his body is back, covering mine and pulling me to him. then he plunges in to me I one stroke and then his thrusting in to me with a power I have never felt before. Then he gets faster, and I know his climax is close, but I’m not quite there yet. he pulls out, flips me over, plunging back in to me and then reach a hand round the front and using his thumb he rubs my clit hard and fast. Its enough to set me off and he follows my, coming with a roar in my ear, slamming in to me one last time.
Moments later he roles off me and throws the used condom in the bin. I sit up and say, “where the fuck did that come from”
With a smile he pulls me back done to the bed and kisses again, in a possessive way. He say’s “no idea, but things are going to have to change round here. Cos, I need to do it again and I feel I neglected parts of you. So, Roommates with benefits or something he says. all I can do is nod in agreement as his hand start to fondle my breast. “good cos I think these could do with a little attention, don’t you? And he starts to mull my breast and nipples and all I can do is moan in agreement.

caught in the act part 1

caught in the act part 2

Masturbation Monday.

 

broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Anger is an energy…

Anger is an energy.
Right let me start by say, yep totally ripped of John Lydon book. Now moving on to what this blog post is about shall we?! Well in a nut shell it’s about anger, how people see and treat it, and how it affects me and how I deal with it.
Anger is kind of the elephant in the room for a lot of people or a sort of forbidden emotion. I mean pretty much every other emotion is accepted, if not welcome. But poor old anger is always seen as a negative emotion and something you’re not meant to show. But like all things we try to keep hidden, when it finally comes to the surface it can be messy, hurt people and really fuck you up if you don’t deal with it. The way I look at it is, that anger is not always a negative thing, it is a very strong emotion with a lot of energy behind it, needing careful handling, but should not be feared, as we all at some point feel anger.
For me anger was and is a big part of my life, that I work hard on controlling. I know that may sound shocking to some, as online pixie is sweet and innocent, cute and little. With maybe the odd rant or rude word here and there. For the most part you would be right, but the is another side that you don’t see and that is the angry Pixie, who rants rages and has been known to throw plate at the boss man. I know shocking right?! But I am only human, and it is only natural to get angry sometimes. But for me anger has or did for a long time have a negative impact on my life. I was not allowed to show anger at home growing up. My mother would never allow it and my daddy would turn his anger on me in the form of a beating or horrid word. when I hit my teens, I started to have angry outburst, that I now know were due to not dealing with abuse and with having Anxious ADD. But I was lucky that some one saw this and I got sent to an anger magnet therapist and learnt ways to deal with it
For my anger has a few different Face. The is Mrs grumpy face that people get when I’m tired, feel unwell or get woken up by the phone at 6 am. Then the Rage monster, this is when I get mad at people being treated unfairly, people hurting those I love or some numpty cutting me up oh the rounder bout. It is normally accompanied with a lot of swearing, shouting and hot air. Then we have anxious, broken brained angry Pixie. I don’t now when or what this looks like, not as my brain switches off and I can’t function. I have been told I become short, extremally critical and rude with people. Then the is to me the scariest type, the silent sighing type, that I turn in on myself. It’s the one I get when I feel I have fucked something up or not done enough. It is my self-critical side and it frightens the crap out of me. it has in the past led to self harm, anxiety attack, and a few times trying to take my life. It is spiteful, rude, and aggressive and it is always turn in on me. It led to me losing my friends, disliking myself and not try anything.
But with everything I need to do in my life, I say, I’m working on it. Its not gone, but I am living with it. I did this by meeting it head on, challenging it and fighting it. I won’t let it rule my life and I do not deserve to fell like it makes me feel.
I have ways to deal with it, that I have learnt in therapy and from maîtriser. They are:
• Breath – Ok so deep breathing works amazingly well for so many things. But I also have a little mantra I say while doing deep breathing, it is ‘Breath just breath. Keep moving forward, take baby steps if you have too. But keep moving and just breath.’ Saying this brings me back down to a normal level of meness.
• Time out – So yes, I give myself time outs. Simply as turning my phone off, iPod on calming music and I go sit and calm down for 20 mins, not talking or interacting with anyone.
• Walk it off – Again as simple as putting my shoes on and taking a dog for a walk. I come back, and I’m calm and not going to kill anyone.
• Scream about it – Ok so this is always as simply as screaming. It normally involves the boss man taking me to the gym, stick loud music on and making me spare with him. The is highly stress reliving about kicking the crap out of someone.
• Talk or write about it – I see a therapist every 2 weeks and blog as a way of keeping a lid on things.
• Hug it out – ok so this is pure and simply my nana’s idea! When I was a kid, if I got angry instead of telling me off or shouting at me and resulting in me getting angrier. She would make me hug someone. Normally my granddah, her or my great, great aunty win. It was her belief and now mine that you can’t stay mad if your hugging someone.
So that is my take on anger and how I deal with it. I know it must seem a little strange to some but for me it really does work!

Hugs,
Pixie x

broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Pixie’s prompt – Music be the food of love….

Pic 3 pieces of music that mean different things to you. Explain what they mean to you and why? How do you feel when you hear them? What do you think of when your hear them?

The town I loved so welll , by Phil Coulte. (the High Kings version).

This is a song that was written by Phil Coulte of the Dubliners and it’s about his childhood growing up in a town called Derry in Northern Ireland. For me it takes me back to my childhood in Belfast and Armagh. I have some very happy memories of my childhood, which this song reminds me of. But on the flip side it reminds me of the troubles in Ireland. It also for me sums up the people of the towns I grow up in. Fiercely proud of are roots, Loving, caring and are refusal to let the troubles impact on are lives. It makes me happy and sad at the say time, with a little bit of home sickness thrown in for good measure.

One more light, by Linkin Park.
So this song is not the happiest of songs, and a few weeks after this song came out the leader sing of the band took his life. But I can really relate to it on a lot of leaves. When I’m really depressed I feel like my light goes out and that people cant see me. I love how this song sort of tells you that if your light really were to go out that it really would mater to people. That your not just one more light to go out and that we all mater. But I can also feel the pain of the person say that it would mater to them, reminding me of the pain I have felt when my friends have past away or try to hurt themselves . it a beautiful song that reminds me that no matter how bad I feel someone would miss you.

I’m Yours, by Ron Pope.

This was the song that maîtriser and I had been first dance at are wedding to, so it brings back memories of that. But it was also a song that he would sing to me as I was recovering from trying to end my life. Thinking about it I guess maybe it was his way of saying “oi, your daft cow I love you” But I was so poorly, both mentally and physically at the time, just nothing sunk in. But know when I hear it I just feel a rush of love and want to hug maîtriser. IT also reminds me that his mine and I’m his, for the rest of are lives!

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

New year, Better me!

New year, Better me!
Well 2017 is gone and I find myself in a reflective mood. For a lot of people, I know 2017 was not the best of year. With loss, illness, big ass storms and Donny-j. For me it was full of lows and highs. It was the year my daddy got sicker, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I lost friends and family and my depression and anxiety decided to kick me in the butt. But it was also a year of great personal growth for me. I found my fit as a wife, blogger, and feminist. But by fair the best thing of 2017 was becoming a mother to my beautiful twin girls. I know a lot more to life that being a mum, but when you have thought for many years that it is something you’re not going to get to do. Well when you do, it blows your mind. I never knew I could love something so deeply and fiercely as I do them.
I have seen loads of people posting their new year resolutions, but you won’t be seeing any from me. We don’t make them, as maîtriser thinks it away of setting yourself for an unnecessary fail. What we do is sit down and make a list of targets and goals we want to work towards and plan how we can achieve them. it’s something we do every 3 months and we cover pretty much every aspect of are lives. Even maîtriser does it and will let us set goals for him! We sat down on Friday last week and did are lists. This is where I admit that I love the whole planning side of this. I get to get all my gel pens and stickers out. It’s really good fun!
Some of my goal for the next 3 months are: Loose the last of the baby weight and 15lbs extra, run my dogs at crufts, attend eroticon, pitch some ideas at other blogs, do my muck run training, more swimming lessons and get my new and improved blog up and running!
Maîtriser has also sat down with my and we have set some goals for my blog. Such as post a min of 3 times a week, keeping up to date with emails and upping the number of followers to my blog. Lol one of my friends got me a bloggers journal and a diary that is designed for people who have autism, that have been amazing. They are fun, clear, easy to use and don’t feel like they are shouting at me. So, yay!

I have also decided that I want really work on my English. Not just writing, but spelling, grammar, punctuation and understanding. This came about after several nasty comments about my spelling and grammar. I’m dyslexic and have Anxious ADD, so that makes learning and understanding really flipping tough at times. adding to this I grow up speaking a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian you can see why English is something I have ongoing struggles with it! But I have Bob my English tutor tailoring lessons for help with this. Also, Sir Beasty is stepping in to help with editing my work, so it’s a case of bring it on!

So, as I wave good bye to 2017, I’m hitting the ground running in 2018, so bring it 2018!

Hugs,

Pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 23 & 24 of the Submissivs Advent calendar, by Submissive Guide – Twinkling stars and lights & Spirt of submission.

So you may have noticed that this my last post and this one are going out on Christmas day. Things have been a little made round here for the last few day, and that is saying something! All the girls are done with work till the new year, we have Emit and Steve staying, my mother-in-law arrived yesterday to stay as well. I spent 7 hours in A & E with Steve , after he split his head open after fainting. Added to this that I forgot to get half the food shopping we needed and still forgot the carrots , so I had to do a emergency shop at 7.45 last night. Well yeah, it’s been mental. Then this morning Little Bear got the whole house up at 5.15 am to do stockings, I may be found in a corner asleep at this rate!

So on to Saturday’s activates, the focus of which was lights and stars , and how they can leave you in awe of their beauty and light. The first activate was called look at all the lights. The idea was for you to wrap up warm and take a walk around the area you live in and look at all the Christmas lights. The second was call , What awes you? . It was a reflection on what leaves you in awe around the winter session. Well I did both!

What I did was wrap myself, the babies and two of the dogs up , and went for a nice long walk round the local area to look at the lights. I used my alone time to do this, I get an hour a day that I can do what ever I want. it was amazing and really beautiful , if not a little cold. the most breath –  taking site had to be the light that come form the cathedral. Sat right in the middle of the town, on a hill and flood light. it is just stunning and always makes me feel like I’m home. As for what I’m in Awe of? well So many things. How loving and giving people are, my little poly family and what the boss man does for us all. Then is my great aunty may , at 82 she is still as feisty as ever and still kick butt when she needs too!

So on to Sunday’s activity and their focus, which was the spirit of Submission. It gave a famous quote , by Rumi ‘ There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground’ . This point of the quote for submissive is that the are so many different ways to submit. The first activity was to think about the quote and how you have shown as a submissive this year. the second was to think about the holidays and how it relates to your submission. I chose to do the first.

The were some hand little points to think about, so I have used them , here is what I came up with.

  • How has your submission shone this year? Well I have had a massively busy year, but I have now got to the point that I know what I am expected to do, without be asked to do it. I have also done nearly everything I have been asked to do with grace and a smile. I’m not going to say its all been easy, some of the things I have been asked to do have really push me out of my comfort zone, but I have done them. Properly the biggest thing for me is that I have actually spoken up for myself and also asked for help when I need it, which is something I have really had to try hard with. Are roles have also changed a lot this year. With the growth of the CG/l and the CNC parts becoming a very big part of life. I have also become a lot softer and more relaxed with myself, that has led to me being happier and more settled .
  • What can you d to enhance your feeling of submission in the coming year? Oh well that is a tough question! Well I have asked that I am allowed to wear my proper leather collar more, so I will know be wearing that at home in the day time if I’m on my own. I have also hand over a lot more to maîtriser over the last few months, and I would like for us to step things up a little more , I’m just not sure how or in what way. a few people have suggested TPE or Master / slave dynamic , but that would not work for me, as I can’t ring and ask to be allowed to go to the loo , I need to be able to think on my feet. I mean I run a business, have 7 dogs and 2 small babies!
  • Where are you in your Journey? Are you stuck at a fork in the road or are you traveling on easy street? How would you describe your current situation? Well I would say I’m happy, settled , in love and proud. I think maîtriser has got me to a point that I am kept guessing what is to come, but it does not make me anxious or to off kilter. I hope and pray that things remain this way for a long time to come , but I am sure that , we as a family can deal with anything that comes up!

Well sadly that is the end of my Advent Calendar! but maîtriser has decided that his going to be giving more bloggy-woggie-do-dah challenges in 2018, So YAY!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 17 of the Submissive's advent calendar , by submissive guide – saying thank you.

So this time next week I will be getting ready for a massive family Christmas eve party. It is a family tradition that my daddy’s side of the family gather at my aunt’s house , eat drink and be merry. I used to love it, but since my nana passed away, I find it very hard. after the death of two of my dads sisters , it is almost to painful to go. they were the lynch pin in the family and without them are once close family has become fragmented. So I’m going , but it has left me feeling very strange.

Right enough whingeing on to today’s fun and games . the focus of today is saying thank you. It’s about think of who and what you are thankfully to have in your life , and saying thank you so they know how important they are and how much you appreciate them . the first activate was to take some time out and say a proper thank you to some one important in your life and tell them why they are so important to you. the second one was to make some home-made cards and use them to say thank you to people . I’m doing they first as I am feeling a little under the weather and I’m not sure I would give 100% to making card, wich is a shame as I love-making cards , and doing craft . especially with the girls., spread out on the kitchen table and a Podcast on . But the girls are with their blood family today, so I chose to do the first one.

As the girls are not here and cos I still feel poorly and low,  maîtriser sat a did this with me! (and I was allowed to have bat cat and poppins!) . I wrote a postcards for the girls , Aunty May, Uncle Fred, Emit, Big Steve and Sir Beasty. I also wrote down why I am thankful for maîtriser, and this is what I wrote.

Maîtriser, I am thankful to have you in my life. You have helped me take back my life back and rebuild myself. you have taught me that it is ok to be myself, to love myself and to take pride in everything that I do. thank you for making see that I need to take care of myself, to be my best and to be able to care for others. you have shown me that I have a great deal of strength and courage from freely submitting to you and by the level of control I have also freely given you. I want to say thanking for my collar, my wedding ring, my home , the girls that you bought in to my life and for the beautiful twin baby girls. After every thing I did to hurt myself and to hurt the people around me, you forgave me and showed me how to forgive myself, you trusted myself and to belive in my self. Thank you for pushing me and making me work as hard as I can to be the best me I can be. thank you for providing me with everything I need to be myself, to feel loved, cared about and safe. But lastly thank you for letting me love you and belong to you!

well I am now off to say a very special thank you too maîtriser!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 12 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Proud Mary

Well good evening you wonderfull people doing today? What have you been up to? Anything amazing happened? I was up super early today and in the car, going to a local christmas market , with the twins and my great Uncle Fred. We had a lovely time, i got a new christmas hat and the babies got little elf wooly hats! I was feeling super brave today as well and let Uncle Fred buy me lunch at Carluccio’s. I had Spinach and ricoter canaloin and chocolate bread and butter pudding with cherry ice cream!

Right on to , todays fun! as the tittle might suggest it’s all about taking pride in your submission and shouting it from the roof tops! well a steady ground floor for me as i’m allowed on the roof, ladders, lofts or to stand on chairs, cos i fall off them. the first activaty was to find ways to shout your pride out to the big wide world in what ever way you can. in a blog post , in a tweet or on instagrame . the second was to celabrate your pride in submission , in a quiet , self refelction. thinking about all the things you do and how well you do them. I did the first and the second today.

For the second activaty i did pretty much this . Made a cup of tea, chatted to little bear about why and how we are proud of areselves as submissive, then ate cake. lol thats the sort of day it’s been.

Now for the first , well i kind of think the fact that i where a collar 24/7 is taking pride in my submission. i know my day collar does not scream D/s , but 95{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of the time , if asked i will tell people what it means. i also wrote to some friends and told them why i’m proud to say im a sub! they know all ready , but i gave reasons in the letters. i’ve written a blog post about it that im posting tomorrow, about why i love being submissive and how proud i am to say i’m maîtriser Specail girl. I have also made a sort collage with the names i use and then added a ‘And proud’. that i will post on my instagrame feed, that also post to facebook and twitter. I’ve also decided to share some love for my fellow subs on the internet!

Well i am off to shout from my roof tops , well the top floor of my house out the window!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x