broken brained, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart

It’s just how we role around here!

It’s just how we roll around here!

I’ve been sat doing a lot of thinking while I’ve been packing to go away on a business trip with a kitten. But I don’t think we’re normal in this family, and I don’t just mean odd, I mean bat crap crazy and stranger than a jumper in July.

What bought this sudden realization to me? A conversation twitter about how I had pack 4 pairs of unicorn socks and 12 pairs of panties for a 2-night trip! But then I also have pack 20 collars, 3 stuffies and a massive tube of lube. I know I’m not normal, and I’m fine about, no really.

I’ve never been what you call ”normal” and from an early age I was labelled ”special”. As a little kid I thought that was a great thing to be, but as I got older I found out that ’special ’ is not such a great thing to be. I was, in fact, a very scornful thing and meant that you were different. It relegated you to the same place as black sheep, funny uncles and those sent to the sisters of mercy.

As I got older it got changed from special, to special needs and I was know to be challenging. Now I should say that my special needs, were nothing more than being dyslexic and struggling to learn my 3rd alphabet. The challenging part was a form of ADD and the fact I was from a home with 2 abusive parents. But I was seen as the problem and got told to stop making excuses and buckle down. But I simply could not do it, being normal hurt, like I was being squashed into a mould that was too small. It had round edges and I had sharp, jagged points. It led to me acting out, getting kicked out of schools and very nearly getting sent to a youth offenders place.

Luckily my nana and my priest (I know right!) saw that I was different in a good way. My Nana and father Michael went in and batted for me, somehow managing to get me one final chance. I got sent a PRU and got help and guidance. I learnt to embrace my quirks, funny habits and being different. I learned that yes I am strange, odd and special, but that can be good and beautiful things.

So fast forward to today, and sure I’m still that odd, different and quirky girl. But I’m doing good. I am succeeding, living a happy and stable life. Sure I could clean for Ireland, I freak out if I have to sit by a bin and have a break down if bird flys over my head. But every day I get up, I know I make people happy, make them smile and make their lives a little bit better. Maister always says I’m his special girl, and that makes me so happy and proud, and I’m ok with that!

From the heart, musings of pixie heart, social

Things I don’t believe in….

Things I don’t believe in….

Ok, ok I know I seem to be doing down beat blog posts this week, I know ! But this is less down beat than the tittle would have you think, ok? It kind of came to me this morning, laying in bed after a rather lovely morning fuck. Maîtser was humming one of ‘are songs’, Dream by Gabriel , and as I snuggled in close and started drifting back to sleep and my own dreams, I was hit by thoughts of my nana. I have been thinking a lot about her recently, with my own mother coming to the end of her own life. I was really close to my nana, and she taught me so, so ,so many things. Like how to clean house, how to take care of babies and how cook for 14 people without breaking a sweat. But I also remember all her ‘funny’ ways of looking at the world. To an outsider looking in, she was a very simple creature. A country girl, a wife, a mother and housewife. But she also was a feminist, peace protester and loved learning. The 3 things I remember her saying the most often were, always have a dream , nobody is perfect, and I just want them (her family) to be happy. This got me thinking about how she always refused to believe anything was perfect, and then on to the things I don’t believe in. So I thought I would write about them.

Perfection and paragons – ok so this kind of a stolen one from my nana (sorry nana!). But I really don’t believe anyone or anything is perfect, I just don’t. Growing up in a very strict Orthodox (Russian) / Catholic household we learned the bible forwards, backwards, upside down and standing on are heads. So I knew the words ‘he, who has not sinned cast the first stone’ really well. My nana used that to stop arguments, and my daddy coming down to hard on us, when we did something wrong. But my belief goes a little deeper than the bible . I also think that it is impossible for things to be perfect. They may seem it or look it, but if you dig a little deeper the is always a flaw or an imperfection. I also think that some of the most beautiful things and people in the world have imperfections. In fact , those imperfections , make them so much more wondrous. Don’t get me wrong I always aim for as good as humanly is possible, but by excepting things having flaws, it save heaps of time and a hole lot of worry.

Miracles – now this is going to sound mad, coming from someone who thought she could not have children, who had non identical twins girls. But the reason I don’t believe they were a Miracle, is simply the fact that non identical twin girl do happen. Mine are not a one off, the are a fair few around. I also don’t think people ending up millionaires from winning the lottery isn’t a miracle, for the same reason. I also hate, more than words , when people say to me, ‘oh it’s a miracle you turned out so well” or “ it’s a miracle your still alive” . Everything I have or have gotten in my life has either come from a lot of hard work, or a great deal of hardship and loss. I have the great fortune to of inherited, a pretty large amount of money, when I was younger. But I only have that due to losing my god mother to breast cancer. I have had 3 really good jobs and I am respected in the fields I have worked in. But again I worked really hard to get there.

Respect your elders and betters – No, no, no! this is just not true. I believe that you should respect everyone, without exception. But people can lose that respect, and telling me I need to respect them, just because they are older or in a ‘better’ position than me. oh and while we are the subject of respect I completely disagree with the idea that respect needs to be earnt. Bull squirt! Respect should be given to everyone freely without exception. But as I said, I also believe that respect can be lost, and it can be lost very easily, and then it has to be earnt back.

Sorry is the hardest word to say – Again to me this is Bull squirt! Sorry is really easy to say. What is hard , is saying sorry and really meaning it from the bottom of heart, or that you were wrong, when you are wrong. My ex said sorry every time he beat me or sexually abused me, was he sorry no. sorries that are hollow and meaningless are in fact an insult to the person receiving them, or at least they are to me.

Swearing show how unintelligent people – Well then Mastier is stupid! (No his not, I’m not saying that maitsier) . So many super clever people I know swear like dockside navy. Steven Hawkins swore. Swearing is actually good for you. it’s a great way to relieve stress and realise happy endorphins .(ok can I may of made that part up)

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger- again, wrong on so many levels. Not wanting to make things about me, but things that have nearly killed me (yes I mean kill me!) have in-fact had the apiarist effect. Physical health stuff has left me with arthritis, lung damage and poor hearing. My ex beat so badly that I have had 6 operations to fix what he broke. Sexual assault and rape left me so frightened and depressed that I tried to take my own life. It also gave me ptsd, extreme anxiety attacks and full of triggers. But all this has left me with a need to slowly rebuild myself. It taught me to be open, caring and forgiving , as well as making me pretty mentally tough and determined to live. So I guess it is a-least a little true.

So that is what I don’t believe in, but I do believe in loads too ! So to close I will leave you with my grandads and mr Walt Disney’s saying “you gotta have a dream to make a dream come true”

Hugs,

Pixie

Dreams, by Gabriel

bdsm, Girls kissing girls, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Team Pixie needs you!

A few weeks ago the Boss Man gave ask the task of asking the big wide world of kinkster for questions, for us girls to answer. Well the girls and I got to thinking ( I know). We want to do a question time thing, but this time for the Boss Man and then for are lovely Sir Beasty! (more about him later) . We also thought it might be fun to do a question time with fellow Kinksters out there!

So this is where we need you! First up we need questions for the Boss Man and Sir Beasty, cos if it was just ask question that are in our heads, well what fun would that be! Then We are looking for willing victims, who fancy a good grilling from me and the girls! So if you have a question or want to volunteer drop us a line at pixieheartblog@hotmail.com . We will pay you in virtual hugs and kisses!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ps – I’m now on Facebook, come find me! Pixie’s Facebook

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Maintaining D/s When You’re Apart

Well up yesterday on my 30 days of D/s was about how we maintain the D/s side of are relationship when we are apart. Really Is quite a question , as me being part of a 24/7 poly D/s family the is more of us and we are not apart that much .

We do have a few ways of keeping it strong and maîtriser does ike to keep a really tight rein on us. If he has to travel for work and one of us can’t go with us he leaves Babe in charge and she is allowed to hand out punishment for any misbehaving or sassing. We Skype every evening , normally at bed time , so maîtriser can read us or bed time story. Some times we get ask to play in front maîtriser via Skype , which he controls. We are allowed to call, text and email and maîtriser always answers , even if it is just a lol or good girl!

If I have to work away 90{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of the time one of the girls travels with me. I train dog trainers so I will have them their to assist and to keep an eye on the dogs. Lol they get paid to sit and play with my dogs I take with me and eat cookies all day. again we have a bedtime Skype and text, emails and phone calls. I have my diary that maîtriser asks me to keep and the mindfulness and self-care stuff I do for him. He will also set us little task for the evenings . Last time we were away , we had to write a list of sex fantasy we wanted to try out when we got home. The only other thing that seems to be in place is maîtriser putting a little surprise in my bags, so far I’ve found a dragon stuffie, a yoda stuffie , Chewbacc stuffie , Lego mini figures and new reading books, all with a note telling me I was super brave , that the boss man and girls missed me and that I am loved! Yup I know I’m spoilt, but it makes it a lot easier for me to be away from home. as I’m a real home body!  Well that’s about it, except my collar stays on 24/7.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

bdsm, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Waiting, again!!!

‘So I’m sat in a hotel room , a different one , in a different country (NYC baby!) and I find myself waiting , again! Not for the girls , no we have this getting ready thing down pat now. It’s the Boss man and the men folk we waiting for! I mean you would think it is simple , right?!?! Shit , shower , shave and shove off!! Oh no , not them it’s what t-shirt goes with these jeans, and where did you put the beard oil mouse and babe could you just straighten Steve’s hair for him! See we have sort of production line going when we get ready . Babe and the little bear shower together , Me and Kitten lay out clothes for everyone , then we shower, while babe and bear get dress and start doing make up, then babe does her hair , while bear helps kitten and me with make up, then babe finish every ones hair!

Any way want to share a few things I’m loving right now!

 

first up is the awesome Kayla Lords Loving BDSM website! Its full of cool stuff from the pod cast that her and John Brownstone do , BDSM info and forums! It’s easy to use , bright and friendly, so it suits me down to the ground! High recommend this!

Next up , massive shout out to the most epic lube ever! The Butters. Not only is it really good and works treat, but it has nothing in it that i’m allergic to! trust me I have had a few reactions in the past! So yeah go use it!

Lastly , I love reading and I am a huge fane of horror fiction! I have known about the pen of the damned stories for a good 2 years now. They are a group of twisted writers passed in New Jersey (some are in other places I think?!?!) well Any how they publish a new story ever Tuesday morning! Stories range from spooky to guts and gore to sci-fi, with everything in between! Go read and be damned. Pen of the Damned

So the men folk are almost done (I hope) and I’m hopefully of to get my VS fix!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

bdsm, Little, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Ramblings from a hotel room….

Well good evening to you all!

So I’m working away from home, I’m stuck in a hotel room with my little bear. We are under orders to behave. No porn , no booze , no screwing (in the words of sir beasty little being a girl!). So we have Master chef , sweets and coke! (diet caffeine free) . We have both had a bath, washed hair and jammies on!

It may sound odd that cos I’m working away the bear had to come with me , but its one of the may rules that Maitriser has but in place so we are safe and cared for at all times. We do have a lot of rules that are like that. it’s not that we are fragile little flowers, more the fact that we all have been broken and done silly stuff. So we have rules to make sure we don’t do them any more! I have a lot more rules than the rest of the girls and maitriser has a huge amount of control over my day-to-day life. But only because some I wanted and asked for it to be that way.

We also have different take on punishment than most people in D/s type relationships. We have things that we just don’t do, never , ever! but maitriser has a sort of 5 * thing. For me I get 1* punishment for things like putting myself down or forgetting to check my blood sugar. 5* punishment would be for something along the lines of not asking to leave when I need to or swearing or forgetting to take my  phone with me.

Maitriser sets us goals for stuff , which we sit down and talk about . Mines are a mix of personal stuff like wanting to be able to do certain yoga moves and to keep my 4.0 grade average. To work / family stuff Like to write and teach a new course or to clear out the spare room. I also have sort kinky / D/s stuff like getting more confident at being on top for sex and the length of time I can hold off coming!

But the thing I love the most are Rewards! (like everyone!!!) . we all have different ones , but some are the same. Like extra cuddle, getting to play with each other or being allowed to ask for what we want in the bedroom or a club. We have gift type rewards for things like good grades , not having a panic attack for a week or completing all are tasks set out for the day. my rewards are books, letter writing stuff, stuffies, Lego and posh undies!

I , unlike the girls have a lot rules that have been set down to do with my mental health. I have suffered all my life with anxiety and for more the 13 years with depression. A few years ago things went very badly wrong in my relationship and after being beat up and raped , I tried and thankfully failed to take my own life. I was diagnosed as having very serve PTSD , depression and GAD. It’s taken a hell of  lot of work on my #self with the help of an awesome Therapy Doris, the girls and my wonderful Maitiser , to put myself back together. So i have ones that state that I’m not allowed to harm myself , that i must keep going to therapy and how to deal with anxiety attacks. My rewards for sticking to these rules are extra free time, not having to answer my phone or being allowed to do more self-care stuff. (I love myself care time).

So that’s my ramble about rules, punishment and rewards!

Hugs and kisses,

Pixie x x x x