30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

All 'Good things' come to an end.

So the topic up for debate today Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is when a D/s realstionship ends and how would deal with it. Now I have been with maîtriser for 2 1/2 years, but before that I was with a guy from the age of 17 till just before maîtriser. That was a D/s relationship , but it was not a good or healthy one , for either of us.  I don’t talk openly about it , as it was such a painful things to talk about and in the end it was pretty horrific. But with maîtriser sat with me , holding my hand, I’m going kind of break my silence on it, in the hope that if even one person takes something away from it and it helps them then it will have been worth a few tears and the time it takes to write it down.

I really don’t know where the flip to start . I met my ex when he was 24 and I was 17. He was a in a passion of power (well sort of , I was a 17-year-old college student , so pretty much everyone was), and due to this we had to kind of keep quiet about dating for a couple of years. I guess I should have seen that as a warning light, but hell I was 17 and thought I was in love. We spent the first few years of being together , breaking up and making up, only to break up again. Now I am and always have been very open about the fact I’m bi and when we broke I dated women (love you Kitten!) but when we were back together, the was always the pressure to bring one of my Gf in to the bedroom as well. Which I will openly admit I liked , but he got jealous and shitty if the attention was not on him. Any how when I was about 19 we started to add in the D/s side to things. I had been hang out on the fetish scene and he would come along when home on leave. I think adding the D/s side to us was I n retrospect a really stupid thing for me to allow. It opened up a side of him that was frightening and very dark. But I wa in love and young , and me being me I was to shy and insecure to stand up and say I was unhappy.

Moving forward 6 years or so and things started to go wrong for me on a personal and for us as a couple. I had a sort of break down from working in a job that I worked 7 days a week 13 hours a day. I had stress in my family , my health was suffering and I was homesick. (I was working in paris.). He had become a bully, aggressive and verbally. but I stuck with him , cos I loved him and anyway who would want me any way. Now he was serving in the mideast , and I am pretty sure most people would not of handled seeing what he did and he may very well of had PTSD, but that does not excuse his behaviour, it only serves to explain it. I was bitterly unhappy, I was frightened of him , and with the constant verbal abuse , I felt like I deserved to be treated that way. The D/s side of things had become intense and demanding , but the was never any ‘Aftercare ‘ .  We went on to get married in 2011 and he left the forces in the may of the next year.

But not having the discipline or focuses of a fast-moving job, he started drinking and taking drugs. things at home were awful . he had started to become violent and was using aggression and verbal abuse to get what he wanted in the bedroom. I had been made to feel so vile about myself and hate myself so badly that I just stayed, cos I loved him and cos no one would ever want me, right?

The beatings got worse, the bullying got worse and I hit rock bottom. Then the biggest blow ever came, he had been cheating on me and had got some woman pregnant. He actually had the nerve to step to me and say ‘ I need money to make this go away’. Well something inside me snapped and I lost the plot, hit him and demanded he got out of my house. Well I’m not a little thing, I’m ft 9 and I can handle myself (I used to do door work and I spare and do kick boxing) , but at ft 4 and weigh a lot more than me , he fought back , beat he crap out of me , dragged me to the bed room , raped me and choked me to the point of blacking out. I’m not 100{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} sure what happened after that , things are hazy . what I do know is that I felt so dirty , used and guilty for letting this happen. the shame I had brought on my family and the fact that I had let them down , again was just too much to deal with, so I took 3 weeks of all my meds, some sleeping pills and a bottle of vodka, downed them all and lay down and waited for it to all end!

Well I fucked that right up, forgetting I had friends who are awesome (love you kitten, babe and Sir Beasty) . Yup I spent a couple of months in hospital getting better and I’m still In therapy . But my friends hugged me so tight that I manged to put myself back together. It has taken everything I have in me to get through all of this, I still have problems and I am very much a work in progress, but I got through it , and have found something so much better and worthwhile.

So what I guess I’m trying to say is , that love should not hurt , unless you ask for that pain. love is not bullying , or black mail or threats. love is respect, trust and care. Even if you are a 24/7 tpe , you have the right to feel safe and loved , and to live without fear. If you  ever find yourself in this portion, leave , talk to someone or scream for help. but above all else it is not your fault,  you have nothing to be ashamed of and no matter what you life is worth so much than you know, so don’t give up! If  can get through this , so can you!

Love, light and hugs,

Pixie x x x x

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Have You Heard of Subfrenzy?

So  the topic of discussion from Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s at breakfast yesterday was ‘Subfrenzy’. Now my first thought was blimey that sounds painful! Sorry , I’m not mocking , really I’m not , but having never really experienced it myself. So we chatted about it , the girls explained their views and the boss man told us about his experiences of Subfrenzy.

So I have said ive never really experienced it myself , ive heard of it and seen the nasty tail end of it. I’ve had sub friend get really inteses over a Dom very quickly. frighteningly so , but then I have seen vanilla friends get the same way with guys . I have a few issues round trust with people after me whole ex thing, but I just always thought taking things in little steps was better and safer. I know things la frog , moved quickly , but I had known him for like 15 year and we were a friend for the whole time! (is it ok to say I had a crush on him for years?! sorry but I really love my Frenchman)

Babe has a Dom side and has had subs offering to ‘Worship’ her at the drop of a hat. She hates that and I think it a big part of her not actively looking for a pet! she says she is happy with us girls for now! Kitten’s first D/s thing was full of frenzy and she thought this guy was amazing . Turned out to be a total A-Whole and after the first few weeks it just kind of died out. Are darling little bear, well she is always pretty full on and but not in a ‘all or nothing sort of way’. She just herself really and we all love her for it.

maîtriser well he’s had a few subs over the years and 1 or 2 of them at the start were pretty intense. He recalls that the first few times it happened he was flattered and being pretty green to the whole BDSM scene he went at things full on. Knowing what he means by that and knowing how intense he can be , I can see why that would be impossible to keep going 24/7 for more than a month. but with age and experience (ok I am in no way say your old boss man , just pointing out you have been doing your Dom thing for 25 years!) has come a calm and caring style of Dom. Hell don’t get me wrong he is still intense, strict and bloody demanding , but we do have times when he relaxes the reins a little. I mean I don’t crawl round the house on my hands and knees , begging to be spanked , all the time. As be say , really life gets in the way ! He now looks for subs that are willing to learn , at his pace and who know how to relax and are willing to just kick back and chill with his girls!

So yeah, I know what ‘Subfrenzy’ is , I have seen it and understand it . But for me personally I have never felt it . I have always been very cursus of going in to strong with submission. I feel that submitting to someone , 100{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} is something that takes time , trust and is very much something that a sub and a Dom need to earn.

Well I’m off to eat and take a nap , Bosses orders!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

30 days of D/s, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

I'm free! (Sexual Availability)

So last night in bed we decided to discus the latest topic we got from Loving BDSM’s  30 days of D/s which was sexual availability and how I/we feel about it. I felt that bed was the safest place for this chat, seeing as the topic of ‘Orgasm Control’ led to me sort of attacking little bear in the livingroom this afternoon for an hour, .ol. Bad pixie!

So yeah, in my contract with the Frenchman ii is sated that i am always to be available for him sexually and that he is allowed to use my body however he wants for his own pleasure. This i guess is not 100{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} true , we have the unwritten rule that i can pout and ask for cuddles instead if i have my period. Sorry to say i just don’t feel sexy when I’m bleeding and in pain (PCOS and endro in the house!) But that doe not mean i wont drop to my knees or lend a hard when told to 😉

But for the best part , yeah I will let maîtriser do what he wants and when he wants and where he wants. It has taken a lot of trust and time for me to get that point though, I have for a lot of reasons got major issues round trust and it has taken a lot of bloody hard work with my therapy Doris , a lot of tears and a lot of courage to submit to someone again after what my ex did to me. I think the thing that has helped me the most is that in the time before are D/s and romantic relationship, maîtriser has always been a total gent and one of my best friends. Add to that the fact that over the last 2 1/2 years he has not once done something to breach the trust that i have in hm , you see its very easy to keep trusting him.

As I have said maîtriser seems to be able to pic the right time to make his move. It is a lush feeling knowing that I never really know when his going to do something. I mean at home he will come up behind me and play with my boobs and bite my neck, then spin me round , sit me on the counter and just fuck me. the are the times he comes home from work late from work and I get woken up by him grabbing my ankle and pulling me to him and making me blow his mind . The are the times that ill be putting the cloths away and I get hosted over his shoulder and thrown on the bed. I get like 30 seconds for my brain to write its self before I naked and fucking! (how do men mange to get a womans cloths off so quickly?). Some of the best times have been when we have been out and he decides I need to be reminded who is in charge. I love giving hand jobs in the cinema or theatre. The times I have been told to go to the ladies , remove my panties and give them to him when I get back. I just know his hand is going to inch up my thigh and his going to growl ‘open’. that those fingers will be diving in to my folds and with in mins I’ll be coming hard and trying not to let on! oh , one of the best times was a punishment for leaving the volume on my phone on full in the gym. (you do not ring in the gym) . We got out and he bent me over his car and just fucked me.

The is also the added bonus that my maîtriser is a very handsome guy! He is 6ft 2 , dark hair , beard , muscled and heavily tattooed . but he also has a calm and confident way that his got that women seem to love. He could have pretty much whoever he wants, but he wants me (and the girls). So yeah, I always free for his needs and wants, but he is the same for me, and that means so much to me!

Hugs ,

Pixie

30 days of D/s, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Orgasm Control

So todays , well yesterdays topic of discussion on Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s orgasm control. Now before I ramble about this to you let me paint a little picture for you,  we walked in to a little Mom & pop diner in NJ yesterday myself and the girls. Now we don’t have ‘Kinky fucker ‘ tattooed to are heads , but we don’t look like locals either! Think a kinky version of the Adam’s family. We sit down and ordered are drinks, but said we were waiting to order food till the last member of are party . Then we start to discuss Orgasm control, which we did quietly , well for us! but the funny looks, turned to opened mouthed stares when my fluffy , white-haired, 82-year-old Great Aunty May walks in , sits down and Says ‘So were talking about orgasms today then!’ I a rather load voice. (i honestly don’t think any of my family know the meaning of ‘hushed tones’). Thankfully , the diners owner was rather open-minded and when we explained what was going on and what we are , he gave us a free drink for being refreshing different and open.

So back to orgasm control , well yeah as with every thing we have are own take on it . The Boss man uses it as a form of punishment some times. He is very good at throwing you down on the bed, getting your hands tied to the bedstead and then goes down on you , but will bring you to the edge over and over, and when he is finally ready to let you come , well dear god does he know how to make you ‘Feel’ it ! Hmmm, see i have read that some people think if a Dom dives oral , it makes them less of a Dom. Well that to Me/us is very much not the case. The Boss man loves going down , i mean really loves it. It as he says ‘ is his favorite way of warming a lady up’ . But the is no doubt when his head is between my legs who is in charge. oh god the was the time that he got me in the car park , pushed me down and just went to work on me. (ok pixie keep your mind and hands on the keyboard missy)

He has also taken it on himself to school us girls in how to hold off from coming . For me it is kind of like finding a place in my head , where i can feel what is going on , but I’m slightly detached. I know now that my point of no return , comes just after when i feel the tighting in the pit of my tummy and when my thighs start to shack a little. i can also now use the same deep breathing that i have learnt to ward of a panic attack , to calm myself down and hold off coming. FYI – personally i find when anxious and at home, reading a favorite story or watching a favourite piece of porn and having a wank , is the single best way to calm myself down. Hell i come and full asleep in minuets. but then i think I’m pretty good at knowing how to pull back when i feel him about to blow. It’s at this point i feel i should share i LOVE giving oral on both men and women. I would even say i pride myself in my oral skills! (Big head i know)

One of the goals that the boss and i set for me in this last 3 months was to work on coming on command, again it’s come with me giving him more control over me. i think i have finally started to trust people again and feeling much more comfy in my own skin. But this has been really fucking hard to do, but we had fun working on it . Then i found out i was pregnant and things went out the window! It turns out the Boss man has gone really protective and is very proud of his handy work. my sex life has gone from hot to of the fucking chart! i mean not just wanting to fuck , make him and the girls come and masturbate. but i seem to sneeze and I’m horny. everything seems more sensitive and full on. Hell kitten decided to play with my boobs and nipples i was dripping and when babe got me on my hands an knees and went at me with a strap on, well all I’m saying was i screamed and we had to change the sheet!

Well that is my ramblings about ‘Orgasm control’. Lol i seem to of lost any control over myself , a  little just walked in and i seem to feel the need to make her scream a little….

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Community.

Well yesterday our topic Loving Bdsm’s  30 days of D/s was Community and are thoughts and views on it. We spent yesterday going to doctors, Looking at houses and Had are weekly girls date in the evening, but really for us we had 4 hours free in the afternoon. So we set up camp in the family room, colouring book, snacks, chocolate milk and the little mermaid on dvd. Yup , I know not kinky, not sexy and just what we all need. Hell even aunty May came down with her knitting and the hound slept on the sofa , snoring and wagging in her sleep, It was utter bliss! But we did discuss are kinky community.

For Babe, Kitten and myself we all met are Frenchman on the fetish scene in London in the late 90’s or early 00’s , blimey that sounds so long ago! The girls were both sub’s to him , but I was just Kitten’s subbie sort of girlfriend , with crappy boyfriend wanna be Dom. The clubs to me at least sort of blow my mind a little , not in a bad way. it was just that the was so many things to see and do and take in. The Two clubs that stick out in my mind are the mighty router Garden and the Epic Club Rub. Two clubs that were very different, but both very amazing . To me Touter Garden was more of an action packed club , With load industrial music , bright colours and dancers and performers . The was also a great deal of play , but also I remember getting sore feet from the hours I spent dancing. It was and still is , to me the club of clubs. It has an edge and rawness that I loved and still do , but I have for now stopped going. Being pregnant and anxious does not lend it’s self to crowds and load music. Club Rub , well that to me was the club where you had fun, learnt stuff and made friends. Down stairs had awesome music and a dungeon , upstairs had tables and chairs , where people could sit round and catch up. The times I play in the doungen , well they were heaven , you got lost in what was happening and being down to your body , all the time people standing round watching. Rub was where I learnt about my love of ropes and being tied up. it is where I leant what friendship really means. But the scene on a whole also taught me so much. It was the first place I could be 100 {df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} myself , where i was not judge and where I learnt who I really am. (Highly Submissive , bi , poly super woman or batgirl , can never chose) .

Now on the whole I loved the time I spent on the scene and with people on it. But with any community the was a side that was less than attractive . I saw drug taking , however discreet. But unlike in a normal nightclub if people took too much or had drunk to much , instead of being kick out on the street and left to the mercy of the police . They would be ‘looked after’. Hell the where and still some amazing Dom who even if it’s not their sub or slave , who would step in and take charge. I sorry people in a very vulnerable state , treated with compassion and respect. I’m very proud to say that my Frenchie is on of them! The where also the people who took things to far or pushed to hard. I am sad I have seen a Dom with a bull whip , use it on a restrained sub who was crying and shaking . I know each Dom/sub relationship is different , but I personally think a dom should be able to read when they are pushing to hard. I think the aim is for a dom to make their sub look trusting and to enable them to make their don look Powerful and caring . Not to For Doms to look like a power-hungry A-hole! Again , sad to say I  was a sub who took to much from their dom (Not my Frenchman) . The other thing that I hate where the ‘Wanky men’ Who stood in the corner watching and wanking, without asking if they could watch and wank, I kind of feel that is a violation .

I kind of drifted away from the scene, what with working in a different country , working 110 + hour weeks and from embarrassment of having a twat of a partner. I kept in touch with Kitten and a few other people, but as things with my ex got worse I found it really hard to and a few friends walked  away as they had no idea how to help me. When things  sort of exploded a few years back how ever and I went mad for a while, it was Kitten , Babe and the Frenchie that came to my rescue. I have family problems at the best of time , but they suck big hair balls when I need looking after or help. after I got my self stronger , my head together a little and started to be part of our little family. I started to want to go back to clubs , but sadly they were full of bad memories and would mean panic attacks. So for now we don’t go. but I am think a less full on event like a munch might be something. We also have friends that we see in privet and have are adult sleep overs at home. They are trusted friends of old , who the Frenchman has made me get back in contact with. it was really hard at first , so much stuff happened with my ex, and the is part of me that thinks it was my fault or that people blamed me for the things that happened . they don’t and it wasn’t , happy to say the ones who matter are back in my life!

I have now discovered the wonderful online world full of kinky people who are , well amazing. They are caring , respectful and what I need right now! I decided last year I wanted to try my hand at blogging and writing kinky stories, but never thought I would be able to do it, but I think the online community has been so amazingly epic with the help , support and encouragement. but I also feel like I am making friends and have like mind people to talk to. Being poly is the most amazing thing, but the are times when I want so me time, and with the others not in to social media , well that is my little bit of me time!

So Community is amazing and everyone should have it , but for me , right now I need small and trusted family. I so want to be back in the kinky really world , but I’m not ready just yet!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

What Kind of Rules Do You Want?

So are topic that was up for debate in bed last night was rules and what kind we had in are D/s relationship?! Ah rules , let me tell you how I love rules!!! Ok so yeah , I love rules and I have a lot of them with maître. I have a contract , that is 14 pages long and I have it as a pdf on my Dropbox account! No , really I do! But it’s what works for me. The other girls have contracts too. Babes is only 2 pages and Kitten and bears are 4 or 5 pages. Mine is longer , as I wanted or more like needed things to be very clear to me and maître as to how I wanted things to be. No I’m not a control freak, it stems from being in a relationship that had no rules, no boundaries and that ultimately did me a great deal of harm.

So I thought It might be fun to explain my contract, for it is a thing of extreme beauty! I’m going to also make a point of saying that maître went as far as have friends witness us signing it . this contract has been I use since this time last year and is the third one I have had with maître, each one gave him more and more control , at my asking. We  sit down once every 3 months and go over it and see if things need to be changed at all. it covers pretty much every aspect of my life. from how I act , to what I do , what I wear and who I can see and speak to.

The first 2 pages cover the rights and obligations of the submissive and Dominate. this covers how we wants things to work and stuff that we expect from each other. mine state that maître will look after me , guide me and take care of me . that I am allowed to think for myself, ask questions and to not be micro-managed. That I belong to maître , that I’m his to be used as he sees fit and that no one may touch me without asking you first. maître part sates his right over me and the things that he promised me. with them it states that I have given him the right to step in and take control if he feels I have taken on too much or if people bullying me. He has the right to use my body in any way , at any time and any place he wants, unless I’m sick or on my period. He has promised to never do drugs , drink to excess or allow any one to smoke around me or any part of our house. (I have chronic lung damage and a drug selectivity problem, smoke and nicotine , even second-hand make me really sick 🙁 ) . the other things are about him helping to become a happy , healthy and strong submissive woman.

Next up is general rules, these cover things such as saying please and thank you, how maître is to be greeted when he comes home from work, bed time etiquette and are no shouting in the house rue. It also covers what time I am allowed to spend with my family , that I can’t see my mother or my daddy without him or one of the girls with me and what I’m meant to do if my mother has been drinking or becomes verbally abusive. Rule 13 always makes me giggle. it is as follows:

13) a) I am not allowed to touch any large electric objects (tv / fridge) without you being home. b) I must not climb on or stand on chairs, stools or ladders at any time. I must ask Babe or Kitten to pass me anything that is out of my reach. c) I must not try to fix iPad, iPod, my phone, laptop, the sky box or the Wi-Fi, at any time. That is your job.

This was put in cos I’m the most accident prone person alive! It also states that I am responsible for the running of the house and for giving the other girls jobs to help with the smooth running of the are home. The last rule in this section states that I am his submissive and his alone. That I am allowed to stand up for myself , as long as I do it in a polite , calm and respectful manner.

then  it moves on to communication. This covers things like how I greet the Boss in the morning , how I am to speak to other Dom and their subs and to normal every day manners. It also makes it clear that I am to tell maître if I am feeling unwell, overly anxious or tired. It also says that I’m to be polite and well-mannered even if I am anxious , because I can get a little rude when worried. It also covers my emails, social media use and blog post. maître has access to all of them and so does Kitten. lol the only way I was allowed a blog was if Sir Beasty was a co on it and that he knows the WordPress, Hotmail and Twitter pass words. this might seem like over kill , but I freely agreed to it , as it made me feel safer and if I have another pout of depression , well everyone will know.

Next is public behaviour, this is where it gets very strict! it covers how I must acted towards you, how I carry myself and how I must talk to people. It states I’m not to answer you back, swear in public or to move from maître’s side unless I ask to. It also covers a couple of things of sexual nature that I have to do if asked. it tells me that I must carry myself with grace and poise at all times and act in a lady like manner. Also if I’m on my own that I have to hold my head high , use eye contact and speak in a polite , upbeat tone , at all times.

We then moved on to how I act and behave in clubs. I love clubs , but I also find them really hard,  with all the noise and crowds. The are also a lot of people who knew me with my ex and that brings up sad and distressing memories , but again as with every problem that I have, I’m working on over coming it! It covers what I can wear , who I can talk to and what I can do with and without maître. the girls and I are allowed to go off and play with each other or with other subs that maître and their Dom have given us permission  to. I also have a list of people who keep an eye on me. What can I say I have a really protective maître and that is one thing I really love.

Next up are my Home rules , these are very specific . they tell me that clothes are warned between 7am and 8 pm , but between 8pm and 7am the only cloths that I can wear are posh undies (I love lacy and silky things) or panties and one of maître t-shirts (I have his superman or star wars ones). We are not allowed to wear shoes at home (maître likes his girls in bare feet) , but I am allowed sleepers , as I’m diabetic and have to take extra care of my feet! it covers what me and the girls may do with each other and that if we want to fuck we have to ask if we are allowed first (maître gets a lot of text asking that!)  we have to tidy up after every thing we do , no phones or tech at mealtimes and home work is to be done at the kitchen table. I’m in charge of keeping the bedroom how maître likes it, the rules for that are as follows.

12 a) Our bedroom is to be clean and tidy at all times. b) Sheets are to be changed every 3 days. c) All toys must be cleaned after use. d) I will ensure that the bedside table is stocked with condoms lube, fresh batteries, tissues and tiger balm at all times. e) the on suit must have clean towels and toiletries at ,all times. f) Porn is only allowed to be watch in the bed room, unless we are holding a play sleepover.

We then move on to attire , this covers how I am allowed to dress and what cloths I must wear when. it also covers that it is my job to keep maître’s cloths washed, iron and in good order. We also as a family have a lot of rules around are collars , they are :

: 1) a) I must wear my collar at all times, but it may be removed for medical treatment. b) My day-to-day collar (silver chain, with two joined o rings) is to be worn at all times, except in bed or at a club. c) My pink or purple ribbon collar is to be worn in bed. d) My purple studded collar or kitten collar, with my Mouse tag attached are to be worn at clubs, and you may attach a lead if you wish. e) It is your duty to change my collar, but I must give you the right one at the right time. . trust me we do not deviate from this at any point. I really love my collar and to me is a sign of my submission and do not like have to take it off. My everyday collar got broken when I was having hospital treatment and I dissolved in to tears. the poor nurse must have thought I was mad!

Then we move on to rules that cover my body and what I can do to it , they are as follows:

Body: 1) My body is to be free of hair (under arm / legs / pubic). Under arms to be shaved daily and legs and pubic hair waxed every 10 days. (by Sam)

2) I am to get weekly manicure. Nails are to be kept short. I may wear pink, purple, red or black nail varnish.

3) I will get pedicures ever 3 weeks. My toe nails are to always be painted. My feet are to be kept smooth and soft. I am to have daily foot rubs from maître (special time)

4) I am to get my eyebrows threaded every 10 days and my eye lashes tinted every month.

5) a) I am to get my hair cut every 8 weeks. b) I am to get my hair coloured every 12 – 14 weeks. c) I am not allowed to change the style or colour of my hair without permission. d) I am to wear my hair down and natural at all times. I may tie it back to cook, work, clean or exercise.

6) I am to wear 3 earrings in each ear. I must wear plan rings or bars in my nipple and clit piercings. They may be changed to fancy ones, for clubs or the bedroom, but it is up to you to change them.

7) tattoos are to be covered as much as possible in polite company

8) I am to be available to have my body inspected at any time you feel like it

Again these do not get deviated from.

Next up for me are my rules around my health , I’m going to skip over these as they are as boring as hell and I really don’t like to talk about my physical health that much. I have shit lots of problems. I guess the same can be said for the rules that fall under mental. they cover me going to therapy , the mindfulness and self-care stuff I have to do and me keeping my diary . they are very personal and they have been put in at maître’s want. I’m fighting depression, GAD and recovering from PTSD. I’m doing really well , but it’s hard to talk about at times! My health rules also cover what exercise I’m allowed to do and that I have to do 30 minutes a day, other walking my dogs!

Next come my personal House hold and fiscal rule. I’m the one who runs are home. I asked to be allowed to do this. I learnt how to take care of the house and home by my nana. My nana was a very strong woman and she taught me how to cook , clean , care for babies and children and how to do it with a smile. My grandpa was a master printer for the times and was very much the Dominate bread-winner, but nana was just a strong as he was and they were married , very happily for 45 years, till cancer took him from are lives. My job in running the house mean that I run the household , the girls, maître’s , my own and my work diaries. (trust me that is not an easy thing to do) I plan all the meals and do the food shopping (online) I do the cooking and cleaning , but the girls have to help with this. (it’s the only time I tell any one what to do) maître put in the rule that I am not allowed to clean for more than 2 hours a day, as when I am really anxious I can get a little ocd. On the final side of things , I ask maître to have total control over my finances . Not because I am hopeless with them or have no money. I make a good living as a dog trainer and behaviorist, I in fact earn almost as much as maître. The house we live in is mine and I own it out right . I have no debut and keep my out goings very low. I do have ever have a family that is always on the take and a big problem saying no to them. So maître took over money maters so I don’t end up giving it all away! I have a budget to stick to when buying food and house hold supplies, I get £ 50 a week to spend on anything I want and I have to ask maître’s punishment to spend more than £20 on things that I don’t ‘Need’. I have a credit card to buy petrol, food and anything my dogs need. the only thing I don’t need to ask punishment to spend money on are things for the dogs or treatment for the dogs. (love my fur babies)

Then is the section I love the most , are my rules and responsibilities towards maître. they are:

D/s 1) I’m to wake you in the mornings by going down on you.

2) I’m to shower with you 3 times a week, so you may inspect every part of my body.

3) I must keep your wardrobe in perfect order at all times.

4) I am to shave you on Sunday mornings.

5) I am to allow myself to be loved, respected, trusted and liked. I will remember that I am worthy of your love . I take the role of submissive as it makes me feel whole and at ease, but above all we are partners in life .

This is my special time rules!

Lastly on the rules front are rule to do with sex. They range from touching while having oral sex , to no masturbating without asking first to swallowing at all times. I’m not allowed to touch the toy box without asking first or play with the girls without asking. I am allowed to initiate sex, but never be the aggressor (not sure that is the right term?!?!)/ I also have a way of indicating I’m horny in public , by placing my hand on the boss’s tummy. He then finds a way of giving relief. I LOVE this rule cos its lead to some awesome out doors sex, fingering under the table in restaurants and on several ocasions to Kitten being made to go down on me in a quiet corner. (YUMMY)

The last part covers my limits, are way of dealing with rule breaks and punishments. Then the is a list of online and real-time ‘ Protectors’ . Now that would seem a little bit like over kill , but it really isnt . We have very recently had a bit of an attack on are little family. All are laptops , social media and banking stuff got hacked. But because some of are online protectors noticed odd thing, the boss stepped in and got it sorted.

So that is my / are take on rules and what I/ we wanted and felt I needed. I know it is not for everyone , but it really does help me as a submissive and it does work for me !

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

How Do You Feel About Pain?

Today’s topic , or was it last nights?!?! I’ve been a little hopped up on caffeine and sugar for the last 24 hours or so, and things get hazy! lol I’m a light weight on so many levels, except the pain front! So what was I saying , oh yeah , are topic up for discussion onLoving BDSM 30 days of D/s is ‘How do you feel about pain?’ this was one we left Aunty May out of , cos well she’s great and all but well I’m not talking about my kinks with my 82-year-old great-aunt. Saying that she would probably  tell me I’m doing it wrong , stay and watch and give the Frog hints and tips!

So , anyway how do I feel about pain, well I belive I am what would be known as a pain slut. But I prefer the term enthusiast! Don’t get me wrong the are some pains I hate, like period pain , tooth ache and hang overs, I mean I’m not totally mad! I like the type of pain that I know is doing me good like yoga, Pilates and my physio. And then the is the type of pain that I get a huge , fucking high off  like spankings , crops and flogger. Hell I even find some pain relaxing , I have been know to doze off while getting inked!

The frog is always very weary with pushing me to hard on the pain and punishment side of things. He knows I get off on it , so he will use it as a rewards but only take me to like a level 6 or 7 . He does use a paddle or spanking on wet skin if I do something really naughty , cos that is the only sort of pain on the D/s side that I don’t like. Oh and never , ever needles but that is for the healthy and safety front , as I have a silly immune system and it could get very easy infected and I would be in hospital! He is also very a wear that I don’t always speak up when it start to get to intense for me. (I’m working on that though) I also have a really high pain thresh hold . I learnt to deal with physical pain from an early age , with hospital treatment (chest drains kill if you don’t relax) , from countless motor bike racing injuries and from the number of beatings I took from my ex (breathe pixie breathe).So he always has that at the back of his mind to, god I really am a lot of trouble and a head fuck some times!

The girls and pain, now that is a whole different kettle of fish! Kitten is like me she gets off on pain, we do a good line in being disciplined together! Little bear , well she is a bit hit and miss. Sometimes she likes it and some times  she hates it and can’t take it ! strangely the one part of she hate to much pain or force on are her boobs and having just had a boob reduction , well you can see why! Babe, well she hates pain! She will happily inflect pain on us, but the mere mention of a spanking gets her to behave. (strange woman) . As for the boss man , well he is a big old Sadist! lol I think he gets the same high I get from having pain infected on me from inflicting it! (match made in heaven?!?!) But he is also very good at the whole judging how the person is dealing with it , how far he can push and gives the best aftercare ever!

The only thing that I can’t or rather I wont do is to inflect pain on some one. I just don’t like doing it , I’m not very good at it and It makes me go errrr!

Any =way that is me and pain!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Introducing D/s to Your Vanilla Relationship . (The story of us!)

So up today on the Loving bdsm 30 days of D/s is the topic of introducing D/s to your vanilla relationship. Well this is a toughie for me/us , because I went from kinky and D/s and added in a vanilla side to things with the Frenchie! So I’m going to write about that instead!

Should explain a bit about myself I guess . I figured out that I was a girl who like Boys and Girls at the tender age of 14. The first person  I kissed was a girl at school. I also figured out that I was sub pretty early in life to, I started hanging out in the fetish scene in London when I was like 19 (I’m now 36, so you do the math!) . I guess I did add it in to a relationship then, I had been with that partner on and off from the age of 17. Lord I was with that twat from 17 to the age of 33 1/2 and it was not in any sense of the words ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ , even before the whole D/s side got added in! (ok I could write about him, but I’m in a good place in my head and I don’t want to get sad!). I met maître through Kitten. Kitten and I dated for a few months, when I was on a break from the twat. (yes I know I sound like a friends episode) . He never made a move on my, but he looked out for me and explained what was going on around me. he became a friend and so did his girls. Then when things with my ex ended and I was in hospital, he and his girls came and looked after me and helped me get well. after a month or so I start having sex with him and playing with the girls. (god does that make me sound skanky?!?). It was kind of way for me to get my conference and trust back. After a while the D/s side came in to it and then my collar. (don’t ever get me started on my collar). Then after a lot of time we sort of got a romantic side, that all sort of came to a head after a business trip to a Berlin, with both of us missing each other to the point of constant text, phone calls and emails. When he got home , we talked put it to the girls that we liked each other in a way other than friends and other than D/s. With the girls blessing we decided to start dating , which in its self was weird as we had been living together for 5 months!

So we started dating. Now most people will go, and?!?! well see as I had been with the same person for nearly all my life and he had never had a steady gf , but choosing to have Female subs instead (he is a self-confessed he-slut) . It was so strange to actually go out on dates and do ‘normal’ stuff. Lol Due to the D/s side I found it really hard to act normal. I mean I don’t order my own food, pay for stuff or really talk to people without asking if its ok first. It also freaked me out using his first name. He however was just himself the whole time, that is to say he was a polite , chivalrous gentleman . HE has always opened door, pull chairs out for ladies and car doors. but one thing he struggled with (although he is super good at it now) is the fact that I hate going on dates to posh places. it’s just not me! SO he had to learn to be relaxed going to the cinema , the pub or out to play pool! but he got there, bless him!

But it still came as a massive shock that after 6 month of dating , when he was sat in A&E after I fell off a chair and cut my head open that he asked me to marry him. I of course said Yes! I think we shocked people big time with this. The girls had been asked before hand if they were ok with it . But my family were very much a mixed bag on it! My sister said she thought I should get a pre-nup, but changed her tune when she found out that the Frenchman earns more than me. my other sister was very supportive of it all. I think that shocked people the most that 12 weeks after we got engaged we got married, yup it was that quick! My mother said she was not coming as did not approve of the Frenchman. So his older, so he is strong and quiet and yes he have a habit of being grumpy , but he makes me happy. I think she disapproved because he has stood up to her and has also asked her to leave my house when she starts bullying me . My daddy was happy , but due to ill-health it looked like he would not be there (:() . The frogs mama found out and was on the first plane to the uk! Well any how, all turned out to be an Epic day! My daddy made it! I had planed x, y and z to happen and the frog said he was just going to turn up, but he meddled! but I am so glad he did! Everything went to his plane. Did have the added trip to McDonald’s for the bridal party, me faking an anxiety attack at the blessing cos I want a quickly and the embarrassment of us nearly get court shagging in the lift at the hotel! (I had been drinking and not had sex in 36 hours!)

So that is the story of me and the frog and how I became Mrs La Frog!  Makes me smile, giggle and horny thinking about it! (horny at drop of a hat right now!)

hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

limits.

So yesterday’s topic for discussion on the Loving BDSM 30 Day’s of D/s was Limits and what are mine/ are limits. It lead in to a talk about each of are hard and soft limits and how far we will let them be pushed. Now we all have are own different limits and we agreed that soft limits can be pushed till we use are ‘woo slow done ‘ Safe word , but we also agreed that hard limits , with us at least don’t get pushed. From a personal view my hard limits are stuff that makes me ewh! , tense or are likely to coarse me a great deal of mental distress! So I’m going to share my limits and explain them, cos I am waiting for the men folk , Again! (fyi beards seem harder work than hair and make up!)

Hard limits

  • Pee, Poop or Puke – Eww! just not in to it, never have never will.
  • Social Or Verbal humiliation – Thanks to my mother and my ex , this is something that makes me freeze up!
  • Fisting – Got the scares and had to have surgery to fix it, again thanks to my ex.
  • Breath Control – I have lung damage, asthma and an anxiety disorder , not really a safe thing to think about , really!
  • Bull whips – Again , been there, done that and got the scares, again thanks to my ex.
  • Being made to ‘Do’ the girls or any other submissive – Just not my thing and something that makes me very , very uncomfortable with.
  • Being touched by men without mine or your consent – Just really don’t like it!
  • Being ‘Worshiped’ By male subs, Ever! – Now don’t get me wrong I have loads of male friends that are sub, but I don’t find male sub sexauly attractive. I find them attractive, but I don’t have a Dom bone in my body, so it just not for me.
  • Swingers parties Again , been there , done that and got the scares. Again my ex! (he’s known as twat features by my friends!)

Soft Limits

  • Blindfolds and Gags – They make me really nerves and the boss man uses them as a punishment , but the way he does did leaves me wet and ready to go , so I’m learning to like them!
  • Being Domed be Female Doms – As long as the boss man is with me , I really like this! Oww maybe with a blindfold on!
  • Girl on top – For some reason it is the one position when it comes to sex that I’m um comfortable with , but I also want to learn to like it!
  • Strap ons – Shhh don’t tell the boss man but I love them really! Babe and her strap on! Love anything with babe at the other end of it!
  • Switch men being told what to do to me – Again as long as the Boss is the one giving the orders then I’m up for this. It’s about trust I guess?!?!?
  • Public play and sex  – ok so this is no big shocker! I love sex outside , in nature , but this is more about the risky stuff!

So well yeah that’s me and my Limits people! lol If nothing else its made me stop and think about them . Maybe I’ll have to have a think about them a bit more!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

How Will You Handle Conflict in D/s?

So today , well last nights topic of discussion with Loving BDSM 30 days of D/s was conflict in D/s and how we handle it. Now I have to admit that I / we changed the title straight away to falling outs and differences in opinions. Not that the is anything wrong with the title , but just the word Conflict is one of those words , that to me brings up very sad memories , that I find it hard to talk about or think about.

Let me explain. I was born and raised in Belfast . I grow up in the Shankill area of the city. Half my daddy’s family is from southern Ireland and half is Northern Irish, half Catholic and Half protestant. I was raised and still am a catholic, but growing up in the troubles and especially coming from the Shankill area was horrid. I grew up with bombings, being walked to and from school by the fathers and the sisters , people going missing and with English soldiers walking the roads with their guns. I Would not of swabbed my up bring for the most part. I come from Close family , who although they drive me up the wall, I love with my whole heart. But no child should see some of the things I did , to go to bed frightened and to of seen the violence I did . That is why I grimiest when people say they have major ‘Conflict’ at home. it makes me want to say to them, ‘ no mate you have troubles or falling outs, not bloody conflict!’ Sorry rant over!

So back to how we handle fillings out and differing opinions . Well as with everything we have rules about that type of thing. Firstly if someone does stuff that bugs us , instead of letting it fester away , we politely tell the person and ask them to stop doing it. Sounds way harder than it is , but you would amazed at how well it works! We also have family meetings once a week and that is the time we raise things that need to be sorted out. things like Bear always leave the top off the tea caddy, kitten dropping towels on the bedroom floor , Babe coming in and turning the TV over and me always forgetting to hang the dogs leads up. Lol All us girls even took a stand against maître and his sing of Justine Bieber songs! (I mean dude your like 52 years old!) . We also have a no swearing rule and a swear jar. We also have a no shouting rule, that was put in place as I suffer from PTSD and bear is really noise sensitive.

If we have a differing opinion from maître, again we talk about as soon as it happens and we don’t let it fester away. All he asks is that we don’t raise are voice , we are polite and listen to what he has to say on the matter. But we also know that everything he asks of us , is done with are wellbeing at heart and is done with love. If we are out and we think his being silly , over protective or if we don’t agree with him or if feel unable to cope with stuff , we ask politely and quietly to speak in privet with him. Again it seems to work a treat. it may seem odd that we don’t just do as we are told and that are Lovely Dom does not rule with a sort of iron will, but his not like that. he is a quiet man, who is calm and understanding. he shocks me by the depth of emotion n and feel that he is willing to show. it makes me smile to remember him saying to me before we got together , that he likes his submissive with brains and wills of their on , that he loves the ones who have spirit and fight in them. it means they feel and love with all of their souls!

strangely the one time we are likely to fall out is at dinner time. That is why I put in place my nana’s rule of no talk of history, politics , religion , spot or other people business at the meal table! haha she raised 11 kids and 47 grand kids and I don’t think I ever saw one fight at dinner!

maître says the is one week a month that he fears for his safety. Well living with for females does come with that’s a down side. He makes sure the house is full of Wine , chocolate , chick flick , ice cream and tissues , and if all that fails he hides in the pub for a few days!

of course we have times we will grump at each other or piss someone off. If that happens we get made to hug each other , cos you can’t want to hate someone your hugging, right??? (my nana again, very wise lady!)

So that’s us and are ways of dealing with fulling outs and differing opinions!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x x

Ps a song that reminds me of the town I loved so well! The High kings – The town i loved so well