Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Question time., Uncategorized

DOH!

So when I emailed the awesome Mr John Brownstoneand asked him if he would do question time for us , the was a slight miscommunication. He thought we wanted questions to answer and we meant for him to answer! Belive me its a very common  with me and emails! So he sent us awesome questions, but we sent him some and sorted it out (Question time with John Brownstone (aka the Wood Dude) ). But the Boss Man read his questions and sort of told to answer them as a ‘Home work’ sort of thing. Well babies, falling down the stairs and hospital got in the way , but I have at last done them and here they be!

With so many members in your household, how do you manage alone or personal time?
So yes, alone, and personal time can be a bit of a flash point. For personal time with each other, we kind of break it up in to 3 areas. First and most importantly we have a family date day / night once a week. That is the time that we spend quality time with each other, phones off, no talk of work or school, just us all together doing something. Lately We have been doing a lot of day trips to museums, art galleries and cinema outings, oh and the is always food involved. Then the ins are weekly ‘Girl Dates’. Which pretty much says it all! Us girls go out, have a giggle, and enjoy some time away from the house. Lol if alcohol is involved one of us stays sober. If kitten is drinking we must keep an eye on her cos she wanders off and finds some place to take a nap (boots of cars, under a table, the cupboard under the stairs). Then we have been dates with the boss man. These are weekly and are normally 3 hours long. We get to pick something we want to do. Little bear normally asks to go out for a milkshake or to the cinema. Babe always wants to go out for beer and pool or a poker game. Kitten likes sporty things, so for her it rock climbing or swimming. Me well I like going out for breakfast and to the bookstore.
As for alone time, well we have a couple of rules that keep thing working. If a door is shut, knock, and wait for an answer, if you get come in, then you can go in. no answer or go away, you leave them alone. For the rest of the time doors are always open and anyone who wants to come in can. Lol that’s why I always cook massive meals, cos I always end up with more people than I think I’m feeding! Babe and Kitten are allowed as much free time as they want. Little bear tends to want to be with someone most of the time. For me, well I get 1 hour of free time a day. That 1 hour of free time was a birthday present from the boss man, after 12 months of not hurting myself and sticking with therapy. I will also get extra free time as a reward. It will sound silly, but when I’m allowed a 20-min bath on my own with the door shut, I know I’ve really earnt it!
Is there a hierarchy between you all (obviously Bosman is in charge) but say do you defer to babe, or little bear defer to you or are you all in some ways equal?
Yes, so the Boss man is the one in charge, but if he is not around it’s babe who is left in charge. But apart from that us girls are pretty much equal. None of us see each other as a second or lesser partner. We all have areas of family life that we are responsible for. Babe is sort of in charge of fixing thing and cars and gardens. Kitten is the family Admin / office girl. Little bear is head of the cheer squad and planning parties and anything fluffy. I run the house and look after anyone if they are sick. We play to are strengths! I think one of the things that keeps everything running smoothly is that we all use good manners. We always use please and thank you, ask before we touch each other’s stuff and we don’t really do swearing or shouting. We also all kind of know that the Boss man will only ever do or say stuff for our own good, but that we can ask questions, if we are polite and respectful. We also kind of have a family meeting once a week and that is where we can raise problems, worries or peeves!
• The Boss man added to this ‘For the love of god do not even think of letting little bear be in charge! We would spend ae time in onesies, eating pop tarts and watching Disney!!

I don’t remember if I asked this before (I know I did ask how you met everyone else) but how did you all come together as a family and was it difficult to have everyone come together and work as a family.
Hmmm that is a long story, so I will try to keep it brief! Kitten met the boss man when she was a young newbie on the fetish scene. (he was only like 33 then!) she was trying to deal with some demons and he was guy who would look out for her and look after her. I met kitten at uni and we dated when I split up from my bf (later my husband, a-whole). She took me to meet her ‘fetish’ friends and he sort of took me under his wing. As time went on kitten became his sub, but he still acted as a sort of protector for me. (this is where I say I was so jealous of kitten and of what she has with him. I also had a huge crush on him and wish I had said many years ago. I love you froggie!). We all new Babe, not as a sub, but as a very Dom mistress who was married to her male sub. But he cheated on her (TWAT) and poor babe took it hard and almost lost everything. So, the boss man offered her his spare room and some safety. But after a night of heavy drinking and sex (his very good at getting in a girl nickers) Babe asked to be his sub. We all stayed friends, but I kind of drift away a little. I was working hard, in a shitty place with my love life, and my health was not great. Well to cut to the Chace, my husband raped and beat me up badly, I went bonkers and tried to kill myself. Lucky, I fucked it up, but I was in a bad way and in hospital. That is when They all kind of swept in to look after me for a while. Well after a while I kind of started fucking the boss man, that lead to playing with the girls, then it turned a little kinky and snowballed. I’m Going to state now, that the D/s side of things had been there from pretty much day one, just not formal. The collar came 6 months in and I will also say having the boss man in my life has been life changing. I’ve got through the hardest, lowest, and most awful stuff with his help. Him and the girls lived together and I wanted to be with them, but not wanting to move to London, they all moved in with me. (I own my home and live 30 mins from waterloo by train) A few months on little bear came timbering into are lives! She was a sub we played with, who we all loved to pieces, who’s boyfriend worked over seas a lot and who was barely getting by. Well we had a spear room and it just made sense. She paid a little rent, did chores, and went to school. When her boyfriend was in the UK, he stays with us! But it soon turned to the D/s when she wanted to play with us more often and her other half suggest she could maybe be the Boss man’s sub and his Baby girl. Tis some very complex arrangements, but it works for us! Lol my Great Aunty May says, we are all little broken and falling apart, but we helped each other to put arises back together.
I believe I saw you mention in an earlier blog post that you also meet other people outside of your family. What rules do you all have for meeting others and playing outside of your family?
Oh this is a fabrication question! Yup we have rules round this, very much so! Firstly, we can ‘play’ with who we want, if the Boss man approves of them and trust me he is very fussy about who play with! The girls must let him/ us know where they are, with who and what they are doing always. They must practice safe sex always. They are also to keep their collars on always. For me it’s different, as I’m married to the boss man. I don’t play with anyone outside of the family unless I have the boss man with me. Lol he loves watching and telling others what to do to me so it works well that, that is one of my fav kinks! But are ‘Family’ is not just the boss man, me, and the girls. We have friends we have all known for a long time and we play with at home. us girls are all bi and love women a great deal, so we have a fair few ladies who will join us. Kitten and I have 3 mistresses that we can be subbie with (if the BMW is with us!) same goes for us all with sub flames. Babe has a couple of male sub pets that will come stay with us at times. all of us have other guys we like fucking as well. If we not some alone adult time, we have spare rooms and the girls can go play there. We also have Adult sort of ‘Sleepovers’ where we have people over, play and fuck and then have breakfast together. The Boss man also lets all of us go out ‘on the pull’, on are girl dates. Basically, we go out, get off with guys and or girls and then take their numbers. Kissing and groping is allowed, but no more. When out like that we are not allowed out of sight of babe and if drinking one of us stays sober. I guess what it boils down to is that we can do what or who we like, if we ask first and don’t hide it from each other!

Hope you enjoyed!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Diary, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, social, Uncategorized

The Diary of Pixie Heart – 28/8/17 – 3/9/17

Diary: mouse
Monday 28th August 2017. 4am – Home from the hospital. I’m sorry for falling down the stairs and sorry I frightened you and the girls. I frightened myself and I hurt all over  thank you for letting just go to bed and have cuddles.
9.30 am – blimey I hurt! Breakfast on the sofa, with cooking television is so good!
11am – pain killers and banana bread!
1pm – Emit has decided I need ‘looking after’ and has taken me hand! Not that I doubt it, but I swear my gay, subbie male friend is getting all Dom on me! But he made me cheese sandwich and cut the crust off, so I will be good!
3pm – I went napping without being told to! More sofa time and painkillers!
4pm – I’m being allowed to help make cakes. by help little bear means sitting and being good!
5.20pm – You’re going to the fish and chip shop, on your own!
5.45pm – Chips, pea fritters and curry sauce! And pudding!!!!
6.30pm- not happy you have to work all night, but sleeping in the living room is kind of you! Been safe and I love your x x x x
7.10pm- well that is one way to have a bath! I’m cleaner and clean thing, but little bear seems to think that even my ears needed washing!
9pm- please, please, please don’t make me must go see the new IT film please!!!
11pm – last pain killers and snuggle time.

Tuesday 29th august 2017: 6am – I so needed that sleepy! Up and at them, or so I thought! Get down to find Emit and babe are in the kitchen and I’m ushered on the sofa, fed given med, do my neb, and reading my book!
8.30am – Right midwife again! Everything is ok and I’m healthy!
9.45am – I’m sat down doing blog planning stuff!
10.30am – Ok cross mouse! Poor little bear has come home almost in tears cos some stuck up cow said her top was too low for someone with breast her size. She did cry a little bit , but also said then she also stopped and said she was not going to let it upset her! Can she please have a reward sticker please?!?
12.30pm – Lunch time. Emit is forcing me to eat cheese!
1.30 – Email time! Cripes , how do I get so many stupid people not getting that I’m on maternity leave?
2pm – Nap time! I am snuggling with emit cos I can’t sleep on my own today!
4pm – Oh God No! how could I not of relished that I have a fecking training committee meeting!!!!!
5pm – Little bear is cooking dinner and it is looking good!
5.45pm – I love getting my welcome home smooch! Thank you, x,
6pm – Little bear did good! She can make pasta and sauce all on her own! So Proud of the girl!
7pm – Commtie meeting time! Wish me luck!!!
9pm – Oh dear god! Why can’t this be over already.
10pm – Ok I just used the phrase ‘as head trainer I’m saying that we are not using out of date methods and we are not going to use @” ${df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a}!” £”! as a guest trainer!’
11.15pm – Bed, cuddles, sleep! Night Frenchie! X x x x
Wednesday 30th August 2017: 7.15am – I slept late! Thank you for letting me get up and make everyone’s breakfast! Emit is off in London with people from Uni. But I have Uncle freed coming to be with me!!!
8am – YAY, I’m allowed to do house work!
9.30 – Washing done, kitchen cleaned and beds made! Uncle Fred Is here now, so I get to go buy food!
10.30am – Hell how much meat can you buy for £40 !!! better still he minced down 4 kg of chicken carcases for mad eye!
11.30am – Yay we have a full stocked kitchen now!
12pm – Oh dear god I have missed lunch with uncle Fred lunch dates!
1pm- Dinner prepped, tomorrow ready to go and rabbit rage on the stove!
2pm – Nap time!
3.30pm – Rude awakening from Mad Eye jumping on me and sitting on my face! Little shit! Might as well try and write for a bit, cos the dogs seem to want to hold an afternoon nap party in the bed!
5pm – yay I wrote for like a full hour none stop! Dinner is looking and smelling deli scouse too, I can’t wait for you all to try it!
5.30 pm – So I made namb bread to go with dinner but me and kitten are eating it now with pickles and chutney! #sorrynotsorry
6pm – Dinner is served! Lamb shank madras, with rice and side thing!
6.30pm – I have never seen the dogs so excited to be given left over bone! Ps yes, I did see you get Jordy and spidie chicken wings, you softie!
7.20pm – Closed door bath with muscle soak and a glass of cherry aide is so nice thank you!
7.45pm – Pooped pixie is off to bed to do bloggy stuff and to watch MasterChef with kitten! (I’m getting to old for
9.30pm – So all us girl have come to bed and you playing on the Xbox, god we are so rock and roll! Lol I have 7 blogs post scheduled though so kind of proud of that
10pm- I flagging big time here, so babe is doing a bed time story and we are all turning in!
2am- Fulling asleep on the sofa is not the done thing old man, can’t carry you up the stairs, but I can snuggle up with you on the sofa! Love you Frenchie! X
Thursday 31st of august: 5am – thank you for not shouting at me for coming down and snuggling with you, I can’t sleep without you now.
6.30am – oh god the luxury of doing house work this early is So nice! Dishwasher on, washing on, living room clean, oven cleaned and downstairs bathroom cleaned!
7.30am – Breakfast done and cleared away! Now scoot and get that cute French but in the shower mister! *tries to do a bossy wife stare and fails*
8.45am – I did not need a shower, I was not dirty or sweaty! But hay I needed to come so, yay for showers! Right all in the car for work!
9.30 am – that’s you all off to work and I’m early for my English lesson!
11am – I got 20/20 in my spellings, Go Mouse!
12.30pm – Lunch in a pub with aunty may and the catholic lady’s guild, what could go wrong! Keep your phone on buster, I might need you!
2pm – I feel yucky Frenchie, chesty and weary.
3.30pm – My ears are really hurting now me and I keep going dizzy 
4.15pm – Something burst up my nose, so I phoned the dr going straight down now!
5pm – Chest, ear, and sinus infections. Bad dehydration and I’ve lost weight  home iv antibiotic, pain killers and total rest 
5.10pm – got back to the car and broke apart! thank good for babe, phoned her and she did no more than left work, walked to the doctors to drive me home. having stopped to get me mango and apple juice and lentil crisps.
6pm – bathed, in pj’s and take out for dinner ordered!
6.30pm – dinner was nice, but now I want to go to bed please?
7.45pm – bed and cuddles with my kitten! Love are little family!!
9pm – My neb is not helping as much 
10.30pm – Going sleep, exhausted!
4.am – sorry I woke you all up with my coughing, neb seems to of calmed it down a little,
Friday 1st September – 7am – I’m up but exhausted, so I promise to stay on the sofa!
9am – uncle Fred has come to sit with me. I hate morning tv and I hate feeling this poorly!
12pm – feeling bad now!
1pm – dinner from Deliveroo for lunch!
3pm – all I have done today is watch tv and slept. I feel like a beached whale!
5.45pm – little bear has been posting pickoff me sleeping on twitter again!
6pm – I feel bad that kitten so having to cook dinner 
7pm – bath and dinner in bed!
9pm- It’s getting worse and it’s hurting can I go get checked at A&E???

Saturday and Sunday – I was kept in hospital as it turned out I was pretty poorly. I’m on oxygen, Iv fluids and antibiotics, with a monitor on the babies. I’m fighting very hard and getting better all the time, but it’s going to take a while ????.

i’m laying in a hospital bed trying to be a brave little pixie , but I’m frightened , lonely and missing home. I know I’ll get to go home soon and know I’m in the best place. I know that this is something I have to do and will have to do again , but it does not get any easier! I’m just frightened, worried and just so tired!

Pixie x x X X

musings of pixie heart., Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Blog challenge Days 9 to 21.

So I have been resting but still doing my blog challenge! here are my entries for the last few days…..

Blog Challenge Day 9 to Day 21

Day 9 – Your last kiss.
So, my technique last kiss was my lurcher Bella when I left the house this morning! Don’t judge, she gives great kisses!)
The one before that was an early morning smooch with Kitten this morning. It was on of those lazy. Stretchy kisses, that is unhurried and full of soft touches that normally leads to more, but Babe came bursting in to hustle us out of bed, cos we need to get up and ready for a very long car trip!
Day 10 – Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Alcohol – I’m fine with it in moderation, I don’t drink very much, but that’s mainly cos I’m a flipping light weight, and after 3 beers I’m on the floor giggling! I don’t like being round drunk people or people who get aggressive when drunk, as they make me feel unconfutable and unsafe.
Drugs – All for the ligate one, hell I would be lost without them. illegal ones, don’t do them, don’t like. If you are then that is fine, but please don’t do them round me, and don’t ask me to join in! Everyone I know who has done them in the long term seems to have ended up with bad mental health problems.

Day 11 – Your current relationship
Well to the outside world I’m just a happily married lass. But if you look a little closer you will see that it is a D/s life, that I share with my husband / Dom and 3 other female subs. Myself and the girls are all bi and we all play together. We would all say it is a committed, none monogamous, poly relationship, that makes us all feel happy and whole.

Day 12 – Things you want to say to your ex.
Ah the question I have been dreading more than anything. Things with me ex are still so raw and fresh, but I’m going to give it a go…
• Why did you say you loved me, then try to break me?
• Was I worth so little to you?
• Do you know how much damage you did?
• What was going through you head as you beat me over, and over?
• Why did you have to rape me over and over?
• Did you really think you could break me?
• Does it hurt knowing that I’m doing just fine without you?
• Does it know that a French man is 1000 times more of a man than you ever could be?
You nearly killed, but that was never going to happen while I have this fire, burning in my soul. With love and support I have rebuilt myself. I still have a very long way to go, but I have come so far from the shell that you left behind. But more than anything you need to know that you will never break me, never!

Day 15 – A date you would love to go on.
I would love to go to the adult dyno-snores at the natural history museum. You get an afterhours tour of the museum, a 3-course meal and then a film in the main hall. The is a roof top bar that serves cocktails, that has a great view of London. You can stay up late listening to ghost stories or find a quiet corner to snuggle down for some sleep. Then in the morning you are woken up with a full on cooked breakfast. The only way that is could be more perfect is if the was a way you could have a shag next to all the bones and fossils,

Day 14 – Something discussing that you do.
Umm , not sure that I do anything that I would count as disgusting. I do like Squeezing whiteheads , but I get told off by the Boss man for doing, as the is high risk they could then get infected and that infection could put me in hospital. I also pick at my skin till it bleeds when I am nerves. We are working on that and it is the reason my nails are always kept short!

Day 15 – The best thing to happen this week
By the far the best thing that has happened this week is the Boss man having this week off work so that he could come to my midwife appointment with me . It was just an awesome day. I got to late all cuddled up to kitten. Then had breakfast, a shower and got dressed in the Boss Man . We got there right on time for my appointment, so we got to go straight in. Everything is good , I need to take iron tablets , but apart from that , everything is going smoothly!
After my appointment we are shopping, walked along the river , fed the ducks and lunch in my faviform pub. We did grocery shopping , went home, took a nap, and then cooked dinner together. We ate when the girls got home , and then it was baths, jammies, and DVD’s on the sofa till it was time for bed, story, and cuddles.
It’s not anything big or fancy. Just a day doing normal stuff, with the people I love. But never really having had that before , it makes for a very happy me!
Day 16 – 3 things that you are proud about your personality .
1) Tough – I’ve be through some shit over the years (slight under statement?!?!). I have come close to giving up a lot of times, but I have not. I have stuck at it and fought on and carried on living. I am pretty sure that some of it has been done through being bloody stubborn , but hay I’m still here!
2) Caring – I like to think that I’m carrion , I hope I am! I like looking after people and making sure they are safe and away from harm. I will always stick up for and protect the people I love . I will always try to support my friends and family, even if I don’t agree with them.
3) None judgemental – I have fucked so many times, and I know first-hand what it feels like to have someone judge you and your feelings. I would never want to make someone feel the way it made me feel.

Day 17 – Things that scare me.
I don’t like to admit that stuff scares me, but they are quite a few things that I’m frightened of. So, I’m going to make a list of them.
• Birds
• Deep open water
• Crowds
• Drunk people
• Confined Spaces
• Driving in the rain
• Outside (I’ ok with beaches/hills/wood)
• Germs
• Dirty places (Bus stations / Public loos / near bins)
• Being sick
• Mice and rats
• Fly’s
• Maggots
• Rotting food
• Thunder storms
• Large groups of teenagers
• Drowning
• Hospitals
• Eels
• Jellyfish
• The bottom of the ocean
• Space
• Things that can’t be explained by science
Strongly I’m not frightened of death.

Day 18 – Disrespecting parents
This is kind of a touchy subject for me as things with my own parents are not good right now and I don’t see things getting any better anytime soon.
I’m off the belief that show and treat your parents with respect , but that respect should also have been shown to you too. I also think that it is very easy to lose respect for them. It does not mean that you love them any less, it just means that they are not the people that you thought they were and that you are different to them .

Day 19 – something that never fails to make you happy .
Without a doubt, it must be waling my dogs, as it makes me happy on so many levels. The fact that just picking up a lead fills the house with wagging tails and excited barks. The are days that I’m in huge amounts of pain or really low , but I take them out and it makes things less tough. I can have a good old stomp, chat to them about the crap that I have going round my head, Safe in the knowledge that I’m not being and they’re not going to tell anyone.
Add to all this that they are so happy to run around like looneys, sniffing and peeing playing with their little friends, laying in muddy puddles, and rolling in the sand . I sit there watching and thin I did that, I made them happy , and that makes me happy!

Day 20m – The last argument that you had.
Weirdly I think it was either about putting petrol in the car or pop tarts. I just don’t remember which. The last proper grown up one was with a receptionist at the doctors, about my need to see a doctor that day and being told I was not sick enough to need to see one . To which I asked what qualifications they had to trig penitents. I also pointed out that being pregnant , suffering from an immune disorder and being diabetic, I felt I did need to see a doctor . After that she found me one pretty dam quick!

Day 21 – Something you can’t seem to get over.
Depression, I have had this bastard illness most of my adult life. It comes and goes, sort of an ebb and flow thing. Sometimes I hardly notice it , it’s just the little grey patch on me sunny day. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming , me in-tier world becomes stormy and dark . But it never truly leaves me. I guess that it never really will, but what has changed is the way I handle it now. I talk about it , I reach out to people, I ask for help and I don’t try to hide it anymore. I have stopped looking at it as an infliction and treat it as an illness. People get sick with it all the time, the are so many treatments for it, from mediatisation to therapy. So, what I means is, Yes, I have depression, no I don’t think I will ever be 100{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} over it, but I can live with it, and I’m cool with that!

 

Hope you enjoy,

Pixie

bdsm, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Blog challenge day 8 – What is something you are currently worrying about….

Well the is a lot of things that I’m worrying about right now, not sure I can narrow it down to jus one thing! So what I’m going to do is a thing I my therapist and the Boss Man get me to do, a worry list . what I do is a make a list of all the thing that I’m worried and then share it with at least 5 people, so I’m going to do it here and share it with you all!

  • Being Pregnant – It not an easy thing for me to deal with, ok I know no woman goes yay pregnancy what a riot. But with all the health issues I have and mental health stuff some days it’s just bloody terrifying!
  • motherhood – I did not have a good time growing up with my mother, and trust me that is putting it lightly. It has left me worrying that I won’t be able to bound with my babies when they get here. or that I won’t be a good mother and I will turn out to be just like my own mother.
  • My Daddy – My daddy has bipolar , Parkinson’s disease and Pick disease . His not that old , his 71, but every day we seem to lose a little more of him. In recent months his become very erratic and lashes out at people. with being pregnant it means I can’t spend time with him on my own, it’s just not safe.
  • My Mother – As I have said I don’t get on with my mother , I never have and I never will. We are polar opposites and want very different things in life. But I still love her, and that will never stop. 7 months ago she was sent to prison for Drink driving among other things , and for the last 7 months I have not seen or spoken to her. over the weekend gone she was rushed to hospital after have trouble swallowing and vomiting blood. It was thought it due to years of heavy drinking and smoking , but on Sunday she was found to be suffering with cancer of her throat. It hit me kind of  hard, left me not knowing how to fell or what to do. Thankfully the boss man took over talking to my sisters, who wanted me to drop everything and go see my mum. It has turned out not to be as bad as first thought but it’s terrifying.
  • Crufts – I have some how got 3 dog through to different thing at crufts next year. I am also teaching and working on the KC youth stands. It’s going to be epic, but tiring and the is going to be a lot of training and prep involved !
  • Work – I have had to give up working till after the babies get here. as I have said I was struggling to cope with a really busy schedule , working in a field that knocks you sideways and is incredible physically demanding. So I am having to think at what level do I need to go back after the babies get here. Hopefully I will be able to go back in to teaching and also get back to working with rescue dogs!

So those are the main worries going round my pretty little head, I have told you and now I will let them go , and breath!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

bdsm, Diary, Little, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Oppss I did it again…..

Well world I have gone and landed myself in trouble , again, big trouble this time 🙁 See this week has been massively full om for me. I have been writing courses content, presentation for a 3 day conferences and trying to sort classes out in the UK from the USA. I have been running around trying to be everything to everyone. I have been forgetting to eat at times and not taking naps when I need to. I have put myself down, I have allowed myself to be belittled by people and taken to heart some silly comments from unkind people. So Maîtriser has told me I have to list everything I have done and then the punishment for this and then post it on my blog. So here goes….

  1. I have not been eating my 3 meals a day and forgetting to have my 3 snacks a day.
  2. I have put myself down a total of 15 times in a row, even after being given warnings.
  3. I said I looked fat and that maîtriser is crazy for still wanting me when I’m fat and ugly .
  4. I pushed Kitten away when she trying to comfort me.
  5. I forgot to eat before bed on 3 nights, leading to 3 hypo .
  6. I refused to let Babe drive when I was tired and need her help.
  7. I grumped at my great Aunty May .
  8. I forgot to test my blood sugar levels for 3 days.
  9. I took a Skype call  from my Daddy with out someone with me.
  10. I took an email from my sister to heart, when she had no right to say what she did.
  11. I refused to take my afternoon naps.
  12. I took on more work than I could handle and refused help when it was offered.
  13. I refused help with my chores.
  14. I said I was fine when I came over faint in the groceries store.
  15. I went to mass when i was meant to be resting.

My punishment is as fallows. For the next 2 weeks maîtriser we chose what i wear, eat and how i spend all my free time. I am to take an afternoon nap between 3.30 pm and 4.30pm every day. I am to do everything i am told without answering back, if maîtriser is not about to tell me what I should be doing i must ask Babe. i have lost the right to my alone time for the 2 weeks . i am not allowed to speak to my sisters or father without maîtriser for the next 2 weeks. All emails, social media and blog post must be joked by maîtriser, Babe or Sir Beasty. I am to eat 3 times a day, have 3 healthy snacks a day and i must drink 3 litter of fluids a day. I am on a total caffeine ban for the next 2 weeks and i am not to have soda. i must have my phone with me at all times and i must not leave the house without Bella and one of the girls. i am not to go over 100000 steps in one day. i am not allowed to drive for 2 weeks, I must keep my diary and list all sleep, food and bs level in it. all this has been done for my own sake and i must try harder not to break my rules.

Well that’s it! See not all punishments are about spankings and kinky stuff. This for me has really hits me where it hurts , being made to very publicly admit what I have done and how i fucked up is really hard, to have my free time and freedom to answer back is going to be so hard. but i know that it’s done out of love , concern and so i look after myself better.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

30 days of D/s, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Orgasm Control

So todays , well yesterdays topic of discussion on Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s orgasm control. Now before I ramble about this to you let me paint a little picture for you,  we walked in to a little Mom & pop diner in NJ yesterday myself and the girls. Now we don’t have ‘Kinky fucker ‘ tattooed to are heads , but we don’t look like locals either! Think a kinky version of the Adam’s family. We sit down and ordered are drinks, but said we were waiting to order food till the last member of are party . Then we start to discuss Orgasm control, which we did quietly , well for us! but the funny looks, turned to opened mouthed stares when my fluffy , white-haired, 82-year-old Great Aunty May walks in , sits down and Says ‘So were talking about orgasms today then!’ I a rather load voice. (i honestly don’t think any of my family know the meaning of ‘hushed tones’). Thankfully , the diners owner was rather open-minded and when we explained what was going on and what we are , he gave us a free drink for being refreshing different and open.

So back to orgasm control , well yeah as with every thing we have are own take on it . The Boss man uses it as a form of punishment some times. He is very good at throwing you down on the bed, getting your hands tied to the bedstead and then goes down on you , but will bring you to the edge over and over, and when he is finally ready to let you come , well dear god does he know how to make you ‘Feel’ it ! Hmmm, see i have read that some people think if a Dom dives oral , it makes them less of a Dom. Well that to Me/us is very much not the case. The Boss man loves going down , i mean really loves it. It as he says ‘ is his favorite way of warming a lady up’ . But the is no doubt when his head is between my legs who is in charge. oh god the was the time that he got me in the car park , pushed me down and just went to work on me. (ok pixie keep your mind and hands on the keyboard missy)

He has also taken it on himself to school us girls in how to hold off from coming . For me it is kind of like finding a place in my head , where i can feel what is going on , but I’m slightly detached. I know now that my point of no return , comes just after when i feel the tighting in the pit of my tummy and when my thighs start to shack a little. i can also now use the same deep breathing that i have learnt to ward of a panic attack , to calm myself down and hold off coming. FYI – personally i find when anxious and at home, reading a favorite story or watching a favourite piece of porn and having a wank , is the single best way to calm myself down. Hell i come and full asleep in minuets. but then i think I’m pretty good at knowing how to pull back when i feel him about to blow. It’s at this point i feel i should share i LOVE giving oral on both men and women. I would even say i pride myself in my oral skills! (Big head i know)

One of the goals that the boss and i set for me in this last 3 months was to work on coming on command, again it’s come with me giving him more control over me. i think i have finally started to trust people again and feeling much more comfy in my own skin. But this has been really fucking hard to do, but we had fun working on it . Then i found out i was pregnant and things went out the window! It turns out the Boss man has gone really protective and is very proud of his handy work. my sex life has gone from hot to of the fucking chart! i mean not just wanting to fuck , make him and the girls come and masturbate. but i seem to sneeze and I’m horny. everything seems more sensitive and full on. Hell kitten decided to play with my boobs and nipples i was dripping and when babe got me on my hands an knees and went at me with a strap on, well all I’m saying was i screamed and we had to change the sheet!

Well that is my ramblings about ‘Orgasm control’. Lol i seem to of lost any control over myself , a  little just walked in and i seem to feel the need to make her scream a little….

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

30 days of D/s, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

When Real Life Interferes With Your D/s .

So this mornings breakfast discussion thanks Loving BDSM’s 30 days of D/s is what happens when real life interferes with your D/s . Well this , for us is quite an emotive topic right now. We have had a lot of stuff to deal with , outside of are normal (well D/s) life and routine. Babes sister passed away, Little bear had major surgery and Kitten stop eating. Are little family got hacked and targeted by Cyber Baddies. I found out I was pregnant , I’m have treatment to strengthen my immune system and I have started writing my own course for dog trainers. maîtriser has changed from working every hour god sends in god only knows where , To working Monday to friday, a max of 14 hours a day and working in london or are home town. We are also in the proses of finding a house in New jersey and moving out of the uk. So you could say we have a few things going on! lol just a few.

My Great Aunty May summed what we do really well. We stick together, support the one who is struggling , talk about it, and if tea, cuddle’s and talk can’t fix or mend it. We come out fighting (Fight, fight , fight!) . The are times like when kitten stopped eating that maîtriser will come down hard on us. But if us girls think he is being to harsh we will send in Babe . She could have been a hostage negotiator, She is very calm and has a way of putting thing to maîtriser so he sort of thinks it was his idea. Again taking Kitten stopping eating , He wanted her to go in to hospital to get help. But for us that would have killed and it would in my humble opinion really hurt kitten. So Babe came up with a compromise of Kitten seeing the gp, starting back with her therapist and Doing freelance design work from home. maîtriser agree and bingo with therapy , working from home and antidepressants , with in a month she was on the mend!  (also are lovely Sir Beasty let her vent and cry on his shoulder) .

From my part , I have rules that help me deal with stuff like mental health issues and physical health stuff. I must have some one come with me to all doctor appointments , I have to see a therapist once a week , do my daily physio and I have to take all the meds and do my nebs everyday! maîtriser also puts someone in charge of sorting out a visiting plan for when I’m in hospital. I’m really luck that the hospital have agree to allow me to have someone with me from 8am till 10 pm . purely on the fact that , I find play really hard to cope in hospital (I know who does?) but I also have a bad habit of not asking for pain meds, nebs or stuff to calm me down. So by having a person with me , they will go straight to a Doctor or nurse if they notice anything wrong. Bless , most of the time I have My Aunty May with me. She basically turns up and 9 am , sits in a chair , knits , makes sure I do as I’m told and we watch midsummer murders!. The girls come in after work and we have dinner together . maîtriser comes in every morning before work and brings me peach tea, a gingerbread man and cinnamon and raisin bagels. (yup I’m a very spoilt girlie) . I know people are doing cos they love me and want to, and you know what?!? it means so much to me!

So to recap we deal with real life getting in the way, we talk , talk and talk some more . we support each other, we are watchful of others feelings and stay open to compromise. If it is one person having problems we will find ways to help them , by playing to their each of are one strength. if we feel maîtriser is being to hard on one of us girls , we send in Babe. maîtriser  will also do stuff to help. Like if I’m tired and poorly . He orders me to take a sofa with are little bear (think blanket fort, with colouring , Disney films , little food , jammies, her stuffie and my anxiety blob and naps while cuddling!). or if little bear has to see a doctor , I’m  allowed to take her and afterwards we get to go have a happy meal! (were not allowed fast food normally). if it is something that effects all of us , we stick together , talk about , come up with a plane of action and meet things head on , together. If all else fails we come out fighting!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

bdsm, Diary, Little, Poly life, Uncategorized

Little me!

So until the last 6 months or so , I would of said I differently of said the I didn’t have a little side to me . I in fact never really never got the whole DDbg thing. But then the Boss man ask me to think about it for a while and talked to people . When I finally got my head round what being a little really meant, I had to admit, that I to have a little side too! For me its more about escape from the big scary world, away of relaxing and me letting someone take care of me.  So after exploring some more , the Boss man set me a challenge of writing a list of 20 things that make me a little bit little! So here it is…

  • I am a Tomboy
  • I love playing with Lego
  • Love my colouring books
  • Love bedtime stories
  • Loves Disney and dream works films
  • Loves cuddling
  • Loves being taken care of and fussed over
  • Love having my hair brushed
  • Love when the Boss man orders for me.
  • Loves Bath time
  • Loves slumber parties
  • Loves being given chores and tasks
  • Loves my pet names
  • the words ‘how’s my girl’ turn me to mush.
  • I get spooked and frightened easily
  • Loves hot milk, marshmallows and gingerbread men
  • Loves my Jammies and slippers
  • Hates being BIC (Bird in charge)
  • Live to make Boss man Happy and proud
  • Loves doing stuff with the girls, like craft, home work or being silly

Well that’s little me!

Hugs and Kisses,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ha