From the heart, musings of pixie heart, social


Over the last 72 hours I have been party to some pretty vile bullying on twitter. Why? I replied to a question about collars with a photo of me in a collar , and some vile troll didn’t like it. They went on to throw abuse at me on twitter and in my DM . I blocked and reported to them . But they started on maîtser and publicly saying they hated ‘chubbies’ . This really unsettled, hurt and bought back all my body image problems. But what hurt more than the bulling was people seemed to agree with her and also liked her comments. It felt like she was being validated.

I’m not a skinny mini, never will be. But right now I’m pregnant and a little sensitive about the way I look. I get that people are allowed to have an opinion and free speech, but I also know how damaging it can be. (DonnyJ 🤭) . How many hundreds of teen girls and boys end up with eating disorders, self harming or killing the self because of vile words and taunts?

Thankfully I ranted, cried and reached out this time. But in the past this would meant I would of done something stupid . I’m super blessed to have friends, like my lovely little andronic that I can go ‘ does this look fat to you’ to, and get a ‘No ‘ but other people don’t have the love and support I do.

So I’m asking everyone to do a few things to fight bullies.

  1. If you see someone being bullied, offer help. Whether that’s an ear, stepping in or reporting what you’ve seen.
  2. Call bullies out, most of them are stupid idiots and back straight down
  3. Unfriend, Unfollow, report and block them. Take their spot light away.
  4. Never tell someone who is being bullied to get over it, ignore them or your stronger than them. It’s not helpful and in many cases it will hurt them more .
  5. Lastly if you are being the bully, stop it and think about what you words and actions can actually do.



broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart

High cliffs.

I have a place that I go, in my mind when I become totally overwhelmed by life. Whether its

sadness, anger, pain, anxiety, or fear that send me, it’s the same place, a sort of high cliff

Inside my head. The emotions build gradually, I can see it happening, I try to stop it happening.

But as it grows, it builds faster and faster, till I can’t stop it.

Then I’m on my high cliff, all alone. It high steeply falling ledges, sharp, jagged rocks. On the

top of this high cliff, its open and the is no place to hide. the is either bright, harsh, hot

sunshine. Or Heavy rain and howling winds. Every part of my body hurts. Light and sounds

become physically painful. My tummy is in knots, I can hardly breath, with sweaty palms and

shacking from head to toe. It’s so high, I can’t see the ground or away down. The only way

down seems to be jumping.

So how do I/ we deal with this? Well maîtres would say that to heal and become whole again, is

to first break apart, and for me that is true. I need to shatter and then build myself up again.

But breaking apart is hard to do and can in its self be painful. It sometimes takes a therapy

spanking or kicking the crap out of a punch bag or someone pushing me mentally but sometimes

I need someone to talk me down. But it always ends with shattering and sobbing in whoever

saved me arms.

After breaking apart, I need to rebuild myself. Nobody can do it for me, it must come from me.

I need love, support and understanding If I need help I will ask for it. I need people in my life

that are consistent, open, and gentle. who will approach with care, but more than anything I need

people to stand by my side as I fight my way back up off the floor, and hold my hand while I do it.

30 days of D/s, bdsm, Loving BDSM, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Safe words.

So today’s hot topic of breakfast discussion is Safe words and what they mean to you. (Loving , Loving BDSM 30 days of D/s)) . Just adding  todays breakfast Is a little bit different from my normal breakfast , firstly I actually talked to people (I know right!!), I was formally allowed to tell the world I’m pregnant and we have been joined in New Jersey by My Great Aunty May for the next 2 weeks! I think maîtres asked her to come out to keep an eye on us while he has to work, but I don’t care. Aunty May is Awesome and super fun! Any , safe words….

Right so yeah I have 2 safe words,  Dearg and Buidhe. Buidhe is Gaelic for orange and Dearg is red. For me Buidhe is used when things start to get a little too much , if it is hurting to much and also for if I start to feel panicky. I am also allowed to hold eye contact maîtres for 3 seconds as well. if I use it in a play session or at a club he will back off a little and will always check if I’m ok to go on. If i use it in a social situation he knows i need to take a breather or to speak to him privately . I have and do use it a lot , i know he will always act pone it and it is instantaneity. Dearg is only to ever be used when i cant take things any more , when i need things  to end straight away and if i am freaky out. I know that maîtres will move heaven and earth to stop things , to make me feel safe and to stop any harm that could derail all the hard work i have in to get myself well. In the 2 years and a bit years we have been together i have never had to use it once.

As for not having a Safe word , well if that floats your boat then coolio! But for me Safe words are a hugely  about trust. Firstly having come from a place of not having one and a partner who would not stop and me thinking that i had to toughen up and deal with it. To someone saying , hay I’ll stop when you say and i mean it , well that is a huge thing and it has taught men that i very much have a choice in what i do . But also on the flip side its a big thing for maîtres to. I don’t hide the fact that i tried to kill myself a couple of years ago and before that i hid a lot of stuff from maîtres, even though at he time we were just friends at the time.  It took a lot for maîtres to forgive me for hurting myself and for him to trust that i would tell him if i could not handle things. So yeah, we have them and we use them. they work a little different to most and they mean the blinking world to me!


Pixie x x x x

Ps – It’s all a mater of trust