From the heart, Poly life

I’m a little, but….

What springs to mind when you think of a ‘Little’? Cute little girls and boys, in rompers, with dippers, Sippy cups and pacifiers? Brats, throwing temper tantrums? Submissive baby girls and boys with their Dominate care givers? Well you would be right and wrong, because like with all kinks the title ‘Little’ is not a one fits all title. The are the, stereotypes and for me I never thought that I fit any of them. But after talking to people and doing a little reading up on it, I came to a shocking discovery about myself, I have a little side, however I had kept it so well hidden from myself and others, that to look at me you would never know!

I guess looking back on things I just did fit in to the serotypes I had in my head. I mean I’m not a baby girl or a brat. I’m not into age play, I don’t want to call my Dom daddy and I don’t like being treated like a child. I don’t want a Sippy cup or pacifier, nor do I want dippers and onesies. I’m not a girlie girl, more of a tomboy. I raced motor bikes, boxed, and played rugby. I have always been the grown up one, take care of other people and keep everything running smoothly.

But after reading some great articles and talking to some fabulously stereotypical littles, I did a bit of a 360 on the little idea. When I talked to Maîtriser about it, I admitted to him and myself that I thought I might be a little, just not your normal run of the mill little. A pixie type little, different and unique like every other little or person in the world. So, we talked some more and researched a lot more together and we found are fit. We decided to try adding in a care giver / little aspect to are dynamic. Little by little and see how it went.

One of the first things Maîtriser had me do was sit down and make a list of things I felt made me a little. Top of the list was my love of colouring books and Lego, my love of unicorns and fairies, my love of Disney and Pixar films. Then I came to my habits o being shy and getting over excited by things. The was my hate of having to be in charge, the fact I love him ‘looking after’ me and that if left to my own devices in will getting in to some sort of trouble.

With this list we decided to make a few changes to day to day life. First thing we did, at home was bring all the things I did in privet, that I classed as ‘Being little’, out in the open. I learnt that it was ok to sit and colour or do Lego. We also added a few rules like a bedtime, holding hands when outside and being given weekly spending money. It was also around this time that I asked Maîtriser to take over my finance and gave him a little more control over my day to day life. We also discovered that I have a love of thing like kinky sleepovers, love being called princess and having my cloths picked out for me.

That was 18 months ago, and I will now proudly say ‘I’m a little’. I have found it to be a very freeing thing, but I keep it hidden from the outside world. I have found that I’m not in to age play, adult baby thing or being bratty. I also don’t see myself as a typical baby girl. What I have found with my little space is that it is the place I go when I’m stressed or not coping with the big bad world. It is a place I get to be me and breath. It’s when Maîtriser takes over the thinking for me and looks after me. it’s full of lights, laughter, and cuddles. It’s a place I can be free and silly. But above all it’s unique and everything I never knew I needed.

musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Pixie prompt , Sir beasty's pick.

A Woman’s work is never done.

Photo 05-11-2017, 20 23 25
I had told them so many times to pick up after themselves and leave things how they find them. Is that too much to ask? I mean I know it’s my job as a wife and mother to take care of them and to run the home, but I am only one woman and I can’t do everything, all the time.
The day had started out badly. Towels on the bathroom floor, clothes tossed all over the bedroom, dirty coffee cups on the dining room table and a sink full of dirty dishes. Then he comes down demanding to know where his coffee is, and have I got the paper in off the front step. ‘Breath, just breath’ I say to myself. He’s just a silly man, who can’t do things for himself, he would be lost without me.
Then the children come stomping down the hall, in to the kitchen, dragging book bags behind them. ‘where’s breakfast mum’ and ‘have you ironed my football kit’ from Johnny, so like his dad. Sally is glued to her phone, but manages to hold out a coffee mug. Bless her, its such hard work being little miss popular.
I pour their coffee, serve up breakfast and fetch the paper. I find homework, run an iron over a football shirt and finish packing lunches. Just 10 more minutes and they will off out the door to work and school. Then I can get down to some light house work and then start to think about what to fix for dinner.
Then it happens I hear a loud mew at the back door and He yells ‘for Christ sake Susan let the cat in, or do I have to do everything for you’. what was I thinking, stopping to sip me Luke warm coffee? Instead I scurry of to the door and open it for the cat. In she comes and jumps up on the beautifully clean counter top and drops a dead and stinking mouse next to the coffee pot. That’s when thing get I little fuzzy …
I seem to recall picking up the coffeepot and swinging it at Bret’s head, then bringing it down repeatedly, the blood splattering all over the kitchen blind. The was a scream coming from somewhere and a gagging sound. Next thing I remember is the door slamming, me turning around to see the shocked faces of Sally and Johnny. Then the is shoe flying, the heal in baling Johnny to the fridge by the hand.
Next thing I recall is a retching sound coming from Johnny and me standing in a pool of blood, with a knife in one hand and sally’s tongue in the other. Her lifeless body at my feet, bloody and her pretty little head off in the other side of the kitchen.
Johnny was trying to pull his hand free, but I seem to of done a good job of keeping it in place. Now I know why those shoes cost quit so much! Walking slowly towards him, I feel a sense of calm and relief wash over me. only to be shattered by a high-pitched scream, then the sound of a knife hitting flesh and bone and then a soft thud and splash as his insides hit the floor.
At last the house is quiet and still, as I sit at the kitchen counter, sipping my coffee and servicing my handy work. The lifeless body of my husband, slumped in his chair at the head of table, his head and face a pulpy mess. My beautiful daughter lays on the floor, in a puddle of her slowly congealing blood, phone still in her hand, and her head clean off her shoulders. Johnny’s body hangs from the fridge by his hand, his guts at his feet.
I shake myself from my little day dream and breath a heavy sigh. ‘come on Susanne, time to get on’ I tell myself. ‘look at this mess, someone needs to clean it up’. I stand up stepping over sally’s body, thinking ‘I’m never getting the blood out of my dress’

bdsm, Question time., Uncategorized

Question time with the girl….. and ravenhaired_sub.

So up this we have the Stunning hottie that is the Miss Walker or @ravenhaired_sub .A bit of a twitter star, sharing her life with her equaly hot Husband and Daddy , in words and picture that always make us smile! Kinky positive and one of the best role models for DDlg and D/s that we have the pleasure to meet! So here is our Q/a with her…..

1. When did you realise you had a kinky side? (babe) Pretty much a few years into becoming sexually aware, so at least by my mid/late teens.
2. What things make a good submissive? (kitten) I don’t know if there is a “right” answer for this (I think it depends on the dynamic) – but being trustworthy and honest with your Dominant would be what I would expect though.
3. What do you do for none kinky fun? (Mouse) I like to read and I’m pretty much a horror fanatic. Anything gothic or to do with serial killers will get my attention, this could be a book, TV programme or film. I’m also a bit of a foodie so I enjoy dining out.
4. Do you have any guilty pleasures and what are they? (little Bear) I have no guilty pleasures, they are all guilt free!
5. What is your favourite type of music and why? (All) Rock or metal. The musicianship that goes into this genre is second to none.
6. What makes for a perfect date night? (little Bear)  An intimate dinner date, followed by a stroll and good conversation.
7. What are your thoughts on body piercings and tattoos? (Mouse) I’m don’t mind piercing providing it’s not excessive, especially in the face. As far as tattoos go, I would say I love tattoos, but I actually love well done tattoos 😂
8. What are your top 3 sex toys and why? (kitten) 1. The Magic Wand, just the intensity is amazing. 2. Butt plug, instant wetness for me. 3. Nipple/clit clamp, again, just a huge turn on. The pain mixed with pleasure.
9. What does sub space look and feel like to you? (Babe) Sub space to me as a feeling of relaxation, of total calm. Where I am out of my body almost.
10. Have you ever acted out any sexual fantasy and if so what were they? I will be soon but it’s a secret! 🙊
Silly question from little bear.
Where do you stand on stuffies? I love stuffies! My Tsumtsum ones are my faves!
Why does it take so long to get ready for a night out? …Because we have to always looks our best!
What is your favourite fruit? Strawberries
Do you like pop tarts? Never tried them!
Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Only a little bit!

Hope you enjoyed reading as much as we did!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

bdsm, Diary, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Saturday night fess-up / punishment.

Well here we again. It’s Saturday night, I’m in bed at 9.30 and I’m being made to write a blog post , fessing up to all the rule breaks I have had this week and telling you what punishment has been handed out too. I have a very cross and grumpy boss man sat behind me to make sure I do it all, just so and don’t skip anything. I should say having to sit and write I did is part of the punishment. Cos I find it so hard to admit and it is one of the quickest ways to change my behaviour.

What I did…..

  • I put myself down 17 in one day.
  • I refused to let little bear help with the cleaning .
  • I did not give the girls chores on 3 days in the last 7.
  • I grumped at Babe, Uncle Fred and Aunty May.
  • I sassed Maîtriser and Sir Beasty on at least 5 occasions.
  • I went over my allowed step count on 3 days out of the last 7.
  • I forgot to eat my snacks on 5 different occasions .
  • I did not check my blood sugar level before bed twice , leading to hypo.
  • I skipped my afternoon nap 5 times in the last 7 days.
  • I did not do my mindfulness at all for the last 7 days.
  • I stayed up past my bed time twice and got up before 6 am 3 times in the last 7 days.
  • I answered emails asking if I was free to take on new clients without showing or asking maîtriser for permission
  • I have started to swear and lose my temper with myself.
  • I have not done any of my self-care task for 7 days.
  • I ate fast food without asking if it was ok.
  • I did not eat enough on 3 days out of 7.

punishments are…..

  • No Free time for 7 days.
  • No answering back, I must do exactly as I’m told, first time. For the next month.
  • all emails must be checked by maîtriser or Babe before the are sent or replied to.
  • No junk food or fast food for the next month.
  • Only one sweet treat a day for the next month.
  • I am to stick to 8000 steps a day and 30 mins of yoga a day for the next 7 days.
  • my bedtime is 10pm and I may not get out of bed before 6am without asking first for the next month..
  • I will take my afternoon nap between 3pm and 4.15pm every day for the next.
  • I will do my self-care and mindfulness with Kitten everyday for the next month.
  • I am to wear my locking collar all the time, except when I have dates with uncle fred or the midwife.
  • I to eat what I am told every meal for the next month.
  • maîtriser will give me a list of chores every evening, I must divide them between myself and the girls for the next month.
  • I am to post on my blog every day ,about  something that maîtriser tells me to.
  • No swearing or sassing , anyone at anytime.
  • I must say ‘Good morning’ and ‘ Good Night’ to Twitter everyday for the next month.
  • I am to email this to everyone in my address book.
  • I will wear what I am told every day for the next month.
  • I will let maîtriser check my Blood sugar levels every day , before bed for the next month.
  • I will promise to take better care of myself and not neglect myself anagin.
  • *should Connie or Evie need me at anytime I may go to them and look after them without having to ask first.

Well that is that then. I know this has to be done and I know it is done out of love. Maîtriser only ever has my best interested at heart. I will Behave and be his good little mouse.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, socail, Uncategorized

#metoo #ustoo #wehearyou

#metoo #ustoo #ihearyou

So, the #metoo hash tag has been sweeping across the interweb in a show of solidarity to the whole, vile Harvey Weinstein affair. Thousands of Woman and Men sharing their stories of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape. I have been impressed by people’s bravery, Saddened, and deeply troubled by some of things I have read, an amazed at the amount of support that I have seen others offer victims. I have also got very angry that still after all this some people think that it’s just hype and some of it is the woman’s fault, still in 2017.
The other thing I have found troubling is a sort of pressure from people for other ‘victims ‘to share their stories, even if they are still processing what happened to them, without care that by doing so could cause the victim even more pain, harm, and distress. I guess that is why I felt I needed and wanted to write about this. I am a survivor of domestic violence, rape and serve mental, physical, and sexual abuse. I have spoken a little about it in the past, I am still dealing with it, every day, and at this point in my life I am not ready to share more. So how can I write anything for this or do more than listen to others?
It was over lunch a few days ago with the girls and my Great Aunt May that we got to talking about it. I said I felt I needed to share, but was not sure if I wanted to talk about it more than I had. Aunty May piped up with ‘well why don’t you share other stories, so they have a voice, but don’t have to share it themselves.’ I think that was a light bulb moment for me, help others share and be their voice! So, we talked about it and aunty may and the girls shared their stories. we got to talking it over dinner and Big Steve (my personal trainer) shared his story, and later that night via skype one of my best male friend shared his story with me. They have all said it is ok to write down what happened to them, in the chance it helps someone else. So here are their stories.
Great Aunty May 82 – Now for any of you that don’t know much about my Aunty May, she is the feisty, vocal, and strong minded and strong-willed head of my daddy’s side of the family. She is also one of the cleverest, most full of life and love and the most spirted people I have ever known. She was born in 1935 in Ballygowan in county down, Northern Ireland. She is a devote catholic, as were all her family. Growing up she saw that the church and the priest ward was that of god and you agreed with it. Girls who did would be sent to the reformatory schools or the Magdalen launderers. May recalled that at the age of 14 she was asked to help at the local presbytery after school. She had heard awful stories of thing going on there and that several of the girls had been sent to the feared launders. A few weeks in to working there, one of the priest offered to help peg out some sheets with her. While caring a heavy basket of wet sheets, he came up behind her and grouped her chest and tried to rub himself against her leg. Terrified and sacked she screamed, dropped the washing and this caused the priest to stop his assault. She left that day and after begging her mother to not send her back. Aunty May said she never spoke to anyone, except her older sister Irene (my nana), who said that they should stay quiet and pray that the priest never touched another girl. Fast forward 6 years and May found herself working as a Nanny to a posh society family in New York City, a very different place than her small village that she grew up in. She loved her job and the freedom it gave her. But she was homesick and sometimes was left tearful. The father of the family seemed very kind and always seemed to have words of comfort. It was on one of her low moments that her boss made her move. Her cornered in the kitchen, kissed her very hard while grabbing her wrists and pinning them to her side. Thankfully she managed to knee him hard in the balls and run and lock herself in the bathroom. She was dismissed the next morning and turned out on the streets with very little money, no job, and a very long way from home. thankfully NYC has a very large Irish community and she was taking in and found a new job within days! Again, she never talked about this till years later, fearing how people would look at her or how they would judge her. She survived, stayed strong and has lived a full and happy life. She says ‘A man or woman has not right to try and take anything be force. I would urge people who anything like this happens to speak up and to not keep it hidden, you have done nothing wrong’
Babe, 40 – Babe is are family little d. She is the sassy, strong and fearless. She is the one who the boss man leaves in charge when he must work away or if we are out and about without him. She recalls in her first job as a junior hair dresser, her 45-year-old male boss would make suggestive comments and lude remarks. He would always brush up against the joiners and made her feel uncommittable with the way he acted. Being only 17 she kept quiet and kept her head down not wanting to rock the boat. A few years later she was when she had just discovered her love for women (she’s bi-sexual), she was hanging out on Brighton’s gay scene a lot. On one night out the was a random drunk straight guy in the club that she was in. he seemed to latch on to babe and babe being a friendly lass and feeling a little sorry for him danced with him. After they danced he started trying to ply her with strong drinks, started to get a little handsy and said, ‘she was too pretty to be a less, he was going to turn her straight’. He started trying to kiss a drunk babe and shoved a hand up her top. The club had some amazing door staff who saw what was going on and pulled him off her. He was frog marched out of the club, in to a waiting police car and later the next day was charged. He pleaded guilty and got 8- hour of community service. Babe said that ‘if you ever end up in this predicament and you want to feel like justice has been dealt? Then go to the police. Yes, it is hard and yes, it’s frightening, but the police are there for this sort of thing. I was treated with respect, compassion and kindness.’
Emit, 43 – Emit is one of my best friends. We meet when I was working in Paris and bounded over are love of all things art nivo . Sweet, fun, and extremely talented. (he made my wedding dress). We were both dating the wrong guy and were being treated like crap. But both loving each and just wanting to be happy, we stayed quiet. Roll on the years and Emit and his partner Kirt got married, I was grooms’ maid. It was at the wedding it became clear to me that something was very wrong with Emit. He was a shadow of himself and had become withdrawn and timid. after 8 months of marriage, on a visit to the uk from Albany, on his own, a wan down Emit told me how bad things were. Kirt had been using emotional and verbal abuse and blackmail, to get Emit in to sexual activity that he was not commutable or happy with taken part in. he said he did not know how much more he could take. I was terrified that when he left to go home, I was going to get a phone call to say that he had taken his own life or something worse. I did get a phone call, but It was Emit to say that he had kick Kirt out. Was very proud of him, knowing how hard it was for him to do that. 6 months on he is still rebuilding himself, but us getting more like his old self every day. Emit added that ‘For so long I have seen Men hit on women or other men, in ways that make the mind boggle as to how their brain is working. Why would grabbing some one’s ass or trying to get handiest on a first date be likely to make the person to want more dates? Just stop being a dick and treat them with respect and dignity’
Kitten, 38 – Both kitten and I have worked on and off as dresser with in the Film and TV industry on and off over the years. The things we have seen at times have been enough to make you sick to your stomach, but the sake of keeping jobs we kept quiet. it is some sort vile unwritten rule that these sorts of things happen. From lude comments, to over friendly touching and to well a lot worse. From a personal level she has had men who she has overseen their wardrobe that have gotten erections form her dressing them. They always say, sorry I can’t help it, or you should be flattered really. But it can be helped, it’s not just a natural thing, and hell no we ‘ant flattered about it! Kitten wanted to make sure I added this last part, as a lot of this #metoo has focused on women and men being victims of men saying and doing stuff. She wanted to make a point that some women do this stuff too. Her ex-girlfriend, used emotional blackmail and abuse, to ware her down to the point that she would let her do stuff to her that she was not happy with. It led to kitten to become extremely depressed and was a big part of why she suffered a relapse of her eating disorder last year.
• Little Bear, 25 – So my sweet little bear has had a rough time for someone of her age. He first proper boyfriend at the age of 14, was in Lb’s words a numpty spunk muppet! He was a couple of years older and was a bit of a bully. He made her feel worthless and like she weird for not wanting to be giving him blow jobs or letting him do things to her. He also wanted her to take topless pic of herself, but being close to her mum, she went to her with his text. she in turn went to the school and they came down hard on the lad, why after an investigation got kicked out of the school. Fast forward a few years and at the age of 18 on a night out she got off with a guy and gave him her number. Waking up the next morning, she soon learned that she had made a huge mistake when she found 5 missed calls, 4 voice mails and 30 texts from this guy. She texts him to say that she did not want to take things any farther and thought nothing more of it. Well he turned out to be a nasty piece of work. the text and calls kept coming, he somehow got hold of her Facebook and twitter id’s, then found out where she works. Basically, her turned in to a stalker and not in a ‘I love you and will do anything for you’. It got to the point that he was threatening her with extrema sexual violence. That was when we as her friends stepped in and made her to go to the police. Who again were brilliant, arrested him, charged him and he plead guilty to all charges. He was sent to prison for 9 months. We later found out he had spent time in jail for hurting his ex-female partner. She wanted to say as well ‘never suffer in silence, talk to someone, anyone, but talk to someone’
Big Steve, 43 – Big Steve is one of the Boss Man’s best friends. He is a doorman and Personal trainer. He is 6 ft. tall, blond, blue eyes, and muscles. He is handsome, and I guess his what you would call ‘Eye candy’. However, he is a very sensitive guy and one of the deepest and must caring people in this world. He is my personal trainer and I have seen how woman can act towards him. The stares, the giggles and flirting. The are also the women who make remarks about his looks, who are very touchy feely and who make him feel like a piece of meat. Sadly, he has also been assaulted by a woman he was training. She flirts openly with him and Steve shut her done. he was at the time in a very committed relationship however carried on with the flirting and became extremely touchy feely. Then on a very early morning training session she decided to move things along, came up behind him and slipped her hands into his shorts. Steve jumped, pushed her hands away and went shout at her, saying ‘what the hell are you playing at’. This was heard by his manager, who had seen what was happening and how the woman had been acting towards Steve. She was escorted from the building, band from the gym and Steve was asked if he wanted to go to the police, he declined. As being a bloke, he felt they would not be taken seriously.
So that is are tales we wanted to share for the #metoo. We also have some advice we wanted to offer some advice, so here we go.
• If you see it happening, then find a way to help and speak out about it.
• If it happens to you speak out if you can and if it is safe to do so.
• If not, find someone to talk to, a friend, someone you work with or family member and ask for help.
• If you need to, go to the police and report what has happened to you. they will take it seriously and will treat you with respect.
• Get help to proses what has happened to you.
• Never feel that you are to blame, you have not done anything wrong.
• Hold your head high and feel proud of yourself for serving and for speak out.
We also wanted to add, if the is anyone out there who needs someone to talk to, we are all here to listen. simply mail any of us at Pixieheartblog@hotmail.com

Diary, From the heart, Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.
I have never really had a great love of what I see when I look in the mirror. I never liked how I looked growing up as a kid. I was small and scrawny as little kid. I had thick glasses, red frizzy hair, thick glasses and a tiny up turned pig nose. Then at the age of 9 need to take steroids for health problems and I put on weight. I was bullied badly at school and at home, by my mother and her father. When I turn 13 a grow about 5 inches in a year and I start to train at a boxing club with my dad. I lost weight, gained muscle and attitude. I chose to fight back at the bullies and the world. but this led to me getting kicked out of school for being a ‘troubled ‘kid.
Fast forward a to a few years ago and you see a girl whose self-esteem is rock bottom, who hides herself away. My body was covered in scares from years of self harm and tattoos from my years of angry rebellion against a harsh world. Stretch mark from rapped weight gain and then weight loss. Add more scares from chest drains from ill health and miss shaped bits from bike accidents and broken bits from my beatings from my ex. So, when my darling Maîtriser came in to my life a few years ago, one of the First things he wanted me to work on was my, in his view titled perception of my body. He said he wanted to me to see myself the way he and the rest of the world saw me, and not how my broken brain saw myself.
So, with therapy, gym workouts and time and love, I started to work on my self-esteem and started to challenge how I saw myself. One of the things I did and still do from time to time is put myself down. I will say something like I hate my face or I’m so fat. This upsets maîtriser, he says it’s like me saying that he is not right that I am worth him loving. At first, I was not sure I was worthy, but as the days went on and I feel increasingly in love and I learned to trust again, I saw that he was right. So, I tried to stop, but I still slipped from time to time.
As a sort of punishment and sort of his way of challenging this, he would for ever put down I made about myself I would have to come up with 10 things I liked about the way I looked. Having just had twins, the put downs have come to the surface again. So, when I said, ‘lord my face looks so chubby’ I was made to stand in front of the mirror again and make my list of 10 things I like, here is what I found
1. I love the colour of my eyes and how they seem to change with my mood.
2. I like my small pug nose and how it’s too small to keep my glasses on when I sneeze.
3. I love my high cheek bones and dimples.
4. I love my Hight. Just right that I can rest my head on maîtriser shoulder when we dance.
5. I love my small hands, that are strong and know how to do so many things.
6. I love my boobs and nipples, and the amazing feeling I get when they are played with.
7. I love the stretch marks on my tummy and hips. Reminds me of caring my babies.
8. I like the scares on rib cage. They remind me of the strength it took to fight back from illness
9. I like the scare on my left for arm. It makes me think that, given time scares fade, if not always leave you totally
10. I love the tan line on my ring finger, reminds me of being married to maîtriser and how special are bond is.
I don’t think I’m ever going to the type of person who is going to spend hours looking in the mirror. But I have learned to like what I see and realised that if maîtriser is happy and loves what he sees, then so should I, cos he is a man who is rarely wrong about stuff like that.

I really loved writing this and I feel like it was something I needed to do, without knowing I did. Does that make sense? I wrote today at a coffee shop, while my little ones dozed in their pram and the rest of the world went about their business. For now my life is good, happy and settled.

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday

WW badge