family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

oppsss I did it again, well sort of!

So I was meant to be sitting down and confessing to my sins , and I will , but something happened when maîtriser was handing out punishment and telling why I was getting punishment. I disagreed with him on a couple of points, and he actually stopped, thought about what I said, and agreed with me. Now to a lot of you this would sound like I was being blushy and naughty for not just taking my punishment and that maîtriser should have just stamped down on my disagreement . But we roll a little different here in the Beaulac  household. I do what I’m asked , without hesitation 95% of the time, no really I do. But I also have the right to ask questions if I want or need to and I am allowed to disagree with maîtriser and point out why I disagree. As long as I do it politely and respectfully . Most of the time , when I disagree with something we will sit down and talk about it, and nine times out ten , I see that I’ve got it all ass about tit. (no I really do!) But this time , well I got it right , and an apologue from maîtriser, and he never says sorry unless he means it!

But back to the fessing up part, So here goes again…..

  • I went out without a coat on and got court in the rain.
  • wore the wrong shoes out, getting wet feet in the rain and blisters.
  • I forgot to do BG levels 5 times in a week.
  • I refused Pain meds , when I needed them.
  • I refused sleep meds, When I needed them.
  • I exceed my step count by 1800 steps 4 days in a row.
  • I stayed up past my bed 3 days in a row.
  • I allowed my sister to speak to me in a rude and aggressive manner.
  • I listen to my mother and took what she said to heart.
  • I forgot to write in my diary 2 days in a row.

My punishment for these rule breaks are as follows:

  • Kitten will be testing my BG level 3 times a day for next week.
  • I will wear what ever maîtriser tells to, without questions  for the next week.
  • I have to Keep a food diary , on top of my normal diary for the next week.
  • My bedtime is moved to 9.30 instead of 11pm for the next week.
  • CNC is inforced for the next week.
  • I will do a daily mantra and extra  mindfulness for the next week.

The points I disagreed with were:

I allowed my father in the house without maîtriser being home. – Yes I did allow him in the house , but aunty may was here , the weather was very bad and he was locked out of his flat, meaning he could have got hurt. I also phoned maîtriser as soon as I could and asked aunty may and uncle fred to stay till you came home to take my daddy home. – It was agreed that these were fair points and that I missed out punishment for this rule break.

I did not eat all my meals and snacks on 3 days in a row. – I disagree with as I have been on very strong antibiotics and they have been making me really sick and tired. I skip snack and ate a little less , so I would not be sick and kept my medication down. – it was agreed that this was a fair point, but I should have asked for antisickness medication. So Although I should have told someone, maîtriser that he understood that I was feeling very unwell, so I am let off this rule break.

I shouted at Babe when she told my off for forgetting my phone when I went to the doctors. – I disagreed with this as I believe I only raised my voice and was extremely worried about my chest and asthma . She has even said that she judge her timing and impact of what she said. After speaking to Babe , maîtriser agreed that it was not as bad as he first thought, but I should of taking my phone no mater what, but he except worry over took my thinking. So I have been let off this rule break.

So that’s all of it , promise! maîtriser is also making me email all this to everyone, so yay! any way , I’m off to bed!!!

Hugs,

Pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

The search for bedtime stories, Mood boosting and Smiles!

When I saw this weeks wicked Wednesday prompt was all about spreading the love for other blogs and bloggers, well I got rather excited. I love spreading the love of things that make me happy. Maîtriser says, when I love something or someone, I turn in to a little cheerleader. Lol that must be why I always cheer about him and the girls quite so loudly! (well they are awesome!). So, I decided that I would spread the love for my favourite blogs, cos they are also awesome and so worthy of a pixie cheer!

So, the first blog that I want to shout and cheer about is the epic CandySnatchReviews. This lady is funny, smart and I love the way she writes. Her product reviews are detailed, thought out and you know she really tested them out. Her sinful Sunday pictures, are nothing short of breath-taking and her candysnatch chats are not only informative, but funny at the same time. Her post about taking a sexy selfie, has led to me taking selfies and texting them to the boss man at work! but the biggest reason I love her blog is that she is full of body positivity and conference, that is contagious. Being a girl with body image issues and living with two other girls who struggle with self-esteem, reading her post has started to undo some of the damage that has been done over the years.

Next up is the wonderful blog of Cara Thereon. Now this lady is funny, witty, clever and has a very positive out look on life. She is submissive, is in a ldr with her daddy, and it is a poly, open relationship, so she is kind of on my level. She writes some very sexy things, that have led to some lovely times with my head between kitten’s legs! Her stories have now become a favourite of ours as are bedtime story. Again, the boss man is happy for us to read her blog, as she I polite and respectful of others and loves how her and her Dom are together.
Next is the blog of the very funny and charming John Brownstone Now I’m going state at the start, the are two blogs of male dominates that I can follow and read. One is Sir beasty’s and the other is John Brownstone’s blog. His blog is full of musing of a dom, on his life with his baby girl, kalya Lords and on life in general. He seems to have a very refreshing take on things and everything seems to be met with humour and thoughtfulness. I mean he even says when he gets things wrong. the boss man lets as read and comment, cos he likes the banter and he’s style of treating other people’s submissive. (with respect and humour)

The next blog I want to shout about is one of my favours to sit and read when I need cheering up or my mood boosting, and that blog is the wonder of Floss does life. Or as my aunty may calls her, that jolly nice lass off the ProudToBeKinky Podcast. Floss writes some very hot erotic fiction, that again has become some of are best loved bedtime stories. But the thing I Adour is her musings on life. She can put in to words, things that I think and can’t put in to words. the boss man lets me read and follow this blog, as he thinks she is a very good kink portative role model and act in a ladylike manner.

Lastly, but not least Has to be Girl on the net.. Just a great blog, full of giggle, things to make you think and ponder. The writing found in this blog is nothing short of perfection and was one of the blogs that inspired me to start blogging. The boss man lets me follow her blog, as he likes her writing and her outlook on life.

I could go on, and on about some other blogs till the cows come home, but I would be here forever. The are some many amazing blogs out there, that teach, support, and inspire me. Since I start this blog a little under a year ago, I have learnt some much about blogging, from other bloggers and can’t wait to see what the coming year will be bring.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday!

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family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 21 of the submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Volnteerism is next to submission.

Well good evening my pretty little things, how are you all today? I’m a happy but tired little pixie, with a nagging feeling that something is about to go wrong. Babe is home, so the house is settled and functioning better. Emit being here is amazing, I’ve missed him the last few months. Very sweetly , babe did chore list for today last night. Emit being signal , submissive and with no Dom in his life, babe asked if he wanted a chore list as well. He jokingly said yes, only to be handed one this morning! its nothing major on it , mostly helping me with cleaning stuff and moving the big things . but its made him and us happy so it’s all good!

So today’s focus was volunteering, and how it helps you connect to your submission. The first activity was to volunteer at a local homeless shelter or a nursing home. The second activity was to donate , if you did not have time or could not get to a place to volunteer . I needed to be at home for a large part of today, waiting for some things to be delivered so I went for the later idea.

I started of this morning by going through my airing cupboard and seeing what towels and sheets that I could get rid of to a local Greyhound rescue. (it also means I’m allowed to get new towels in ikea in the new year!) We all decided to donate some clothes to the salvation army, so we have had a good old tidy and sort through cupboards. Even the boss man did this, or I did for him (I asked first and know what could go) . Then I had a brain wave, I have a lot of books that I have read and are gathering dust. maîtriser buys me books as rewards for getting good marks, or doing well at work or for trying extra hard. I find English really hard , but love reading , so maîtriser say’s books in English are a reward and a little challenge all in one! So I asked if I could donate 20 books that I have read to our local cancer treatment center, and it got the thumbs up. We even donated some jigsaw puzzles and board games as well!

So what have we gained from today? Well apart from the warm fuzzy feeling of doing something nice and helping other people. I got to feel good about myself and made maîtriser proud of me. It has kind of inspired me to want to volunteer to do stuff in the in the new year. I think I might offer to do some training at the local greyhound rescue . I have also looked up to see if I could knit stuff for the local NICU that the girls were in when they were born. We have also decided as a family are going to do some found raising for something, just not sure what yet! So watch this space people!!!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Day 19 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar , by submissive guide – Seen but not heard.

Hello my lovely friends of the interweb! how are you this fine day? what have been up to? I myself  have been a very busy . I had an English lesion, breakfast with my boss, tidy and cleaned the spare room, waxed lyrical about jam, eaten jam, and loved my babies! I also tried to pic my little dog spidie up, all 3 kg of her and buggers my back, to the point I had to call Kitten to help me get off the floor and get my ciro to do a home visit. Turned out not to be my back but my hip popped out of line, ouchies later and now move, all be it looking like I have been kicked in the bum!

Anyway back to the task in hand , If I can stop thinking about jam . right todays focus was the saying ‘children should be seen and not heard’. the first activity was called Quiet Bells. The idea was to attach bells on to your person and to see how quietly you could move and see what you noticed. the second was called Quiet voice. the aim was to speak and act in a quiet calm manner as much as you could for the day . now I read todays activities to maîtriser at breakfast, and him being in a mood for testing me, decided that I could do both! (his in a grumpy cos his not allowed to go skiing)

So he adapted the quiet bells activity a little, I was allowed to wear one of leather collars today, that locks and has a bell on it! most of my collars have bells on them for the very reason of this activity or as maîtriser says , so he knows where I am and what I’m doing! I was also allowed to wear the little cuffs that we put bells on too! at first I was jingling all over the shop and it made me very a wear that I was stomping round the house and being a little clumsy and loud. So I tried taking small step and listened for the jingle, and it was less. strangle making the effort to make less noise while moving , left me feeling calmer. having bells on my cuffs meant I learnt how flipping much I move me hands around when I talk with my hands and how hard I can hit the keys on my laptop when typing. so I try to cut back on both of them, but it did mean sitting on my hands a lot!

For the quiet voice activity , well I really loved this. I have a form of autism , and one of the things I really struggle with is the tone and volume of my voice. So this task made me practice me tone and volume , and that is a really good thing! also by being a little quieter and more softly spoken meant that I used please and thank you more, smiled more and giggled rather than use my Wally laugh! maîtriser said he likes it when I talk , rather than shout, and I got an extra reward sticker today for being calmer and even more polite!

So today has been great fun and really made my think, so I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Night all .

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 18 of the Submissive advent calendar, By submissive guide – Becoming Real.

Hello Kinksters! Again how are we all today? How are doing this evening? I have my Little bear and my Kitten home with me, but babe will not Wednesday. I do however get to drive to the airport, with the babies to pick her up and my Friend Emit , who is coming for Christmas. So that is something that I have to look forward too!

So today we have an excerpt from the wonderful , The Velveteen Rabbit. this is the passage.

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just
to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When
you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit
by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It
takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved
off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very
shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are
Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The first activity was to sit and think how it tied into to your submission and  how it relates to love in genres. the second the was about Becoming real. It was to identified when your submission became real , what it look like, how it and how it cemented you identity as a submissive. I decided to do the second activity today.

I guess I first felt submissive when I was about 15 and a girlfriend took control and told me what she wanted me to do to her. But I think when I first felt submissive with maîtriser was when he visited me in hospital after trying to take my own life. I had lied to a lot of people, and I was still hiding a lot of thing from my family and doctors. He sat by my bed and told me he would help me heal and put myself back together , but I had to tell him the whole truth, that the were to be no more lies and that I had to trust him. I was at my absolute lowest point, almost given up on life and defiantly on myself. He made me open up, it hurt , the were tears and a shit load of pain cam pouring out. He locust out ever little bit, pushed me when I thought I could not go on and tested my limits of being vulnerable. But he also held my hand, his calm strength and did not judge me. He knew what I needed , made me talk and never flinched at what I said. He left me with 3 rules to follow if I wanted his help to fix myself 1) No lies. 2) to ask for help when I needed it. and 3) to not harm myself . at this point we were only ‘friends’ , but he saw how much I need rule to follow to get well. but he also knew I needed to do the work, with someone to hold my hand and stand by my side. it Looking at it now I guess he was giving me my first ever rules as a submissive. but to me it just felt like It was just a friend helping a friend. he made my brain calm, loved and safe. I think that is when I really feel in love with him. Cos he saw me  at my worse , and loved the way I need to be loved.

Well that turned out rather deep and meaningful for a Monday night!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 17 of the Submissive's advent calendar , by submissive guide – saying thank you.

So this time next week I will be getting ready for a massive family Christmas eve party. It is a family tradition that my daddy’s side of the family gather at my aunt’s house , eat drink and be merry. I used to love it, but since my nana passed away, I find it very hard. after the death of two of my dads sisters , it is almost to painful to go. they were the lynch pin in the family and without them are once close family has become fragmented. So I’m going , but it has left me feeling very strange.

Right enough whingeing on to today’s fun and games . the focus of today is saying thank you. It’s about think of who and what you are thankfully to have in your life , and saying thank you so they know how important they are and how much you appreciate them . the first activate was to take some time out and say a proper thank you to some one important in your life and tell them why they are so important to you. the second one was to make some home-made cards and use them to say thank you to people . I’m doing they first as I am feeling a little under the weather and I’m not sure I would give 100% to making card, wich is a shame as I love-making cards , and doing craft . especially with the girls., spread out on the kitchen table and a Podcast on . But the girls are with their blood family today, so I chose to do the first one.

As the girls are not here and cos I still feel poorly and low,  maîtriser sat a did this with me! (and I was allowed to have bat cat and poppins!) . I wrote a postcards for the girls , Aunty May, Uncle Fred, Emit, Big Steve and Sir Beasty. I also wrote down why I am thankful for maîtriser, and this is what I wrote.

Maîtriser, I am thankful to have you in my life. You have helped me take back my life back and rebuild myself. you have taught me that it is ok to be myself, to love myself and to take pride in everything that I do. thank you for making see that I need to take care of myself, to be my best and to be able to care for others. you have shown me that I have a great deal of strength and courage from freely submitting to you and by the level of control I have also freely given you. I want to say thanking for my collar, my wedding ring, my home , the girls that you bought in to my life and for the beautiful twin baby girls. After every thing I did to hurt myself and to hurt the people around me, you forgave me and showed me how to forgive myself, you trusted myself and to belive in my self. Thank you for pushing me and making me work as hard as I can to be the best me I can be. thank you for providing me with everything I need to be myself, to feel loved, cared about and safe. But lastly thank you for letting me love you and belong to you!

well I am now off to say a very special thank you too maîtriser!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Days 15 and 16 of the submissive's advent calendar , by submissive guide – our needs reclaimed and the prayer.

Evening all you lovely little kinster! How are all doing this fine Saturday afternoon? what have you been up to? one day someone will actually go ‘ well pixie, today I’ve done XY, & z ‘ But hay hum.

Now before I get started on my daily ramble, I am under orders to make a small confession, cos maîtriser thinks it’s something that should be in the open. I think it makes me look like I’m moaning and people will get sick and tired of hearing me wine on about my health and stuff like that. But being a good girl, I’m doing what he asked, even though I don’t want to d: . I have for the last 10 days been trying to fight off a chest infection. I’m fighting it with help of antibiotics, steroids and extra nbs, and I’m bloody well winning. I didn’t say any thing cos , well I have had some people have digs about me always being sick. The truth is I do get sick a lot and I will always get sick a lot. I try my hardest to sat as healthy as I can, but some times it gets too much and I wind up needing to go in to hospital, which is hard, stressful and upsetting , for myself and the whole of my family. With babies now it has become terrifying , so I’m fighting even harder to get well and stay that way. But I  have also got to a point in my life that I am sick to the back teeth of being told to go fight being sick nice and quietly in a corner , so I don’t upset the nice people. I did that for years with me mother and then my ex, and having to hide something that is a fucking huge part of my life , is actually fucking my mental health over. so yeah , I’m sick, I’m fighting it ,no I want to hide it, no I don’t want you to feel sorry for me , but I do want people to know and respect me! Rant over !!

So now back to yesterdays actuates . the focus was me needs and wants as a submissive . With Christmas fast approaching ,  me needs can more than usable . the first activity started with sitting and make a short list of my current needs, my needs right now. the actual activaty was to make a bunting , to go up in a room in your house , and write on the back one of your bunting and then if the are some not being met , talk to your partner about how they can be met. the second was a simple hot chocolate , to sit down and take 15 mins of me time with a cup of hot chocolate. I had some down time yesterday so I sort of did them both, just slightly different.

For the bunting , I adapted it slightly . I have been making bunting to go over the cots in the twins room. So after I sat down and made my list of needs , instead of writing them on  the back , I carefully stitched the pieces of paper to the back to the bunting. then I got Babe to put them up for me for me, cos I’m not allowed to stand on chairs or ladders.. Then I sat and talked to my partners ( I love saying that) . Now what came to light is that I’m a really lucky girl cos nearly all of them were being met. I had 3 that I felt could be worked on or stuff that could be tweaked. Firstly I wanted more cuddles and kisses, will sound silly but we have all been working silly hours and I just wanted some physical affection. So we have all made time today to cuddle a bit and remember good bye and welcome home kisses! second was my want to start pushing myself harder to get back in shape. This was met with coition. After having twins and a C-section , I’m not allowed to push to hard. but we have agreed that I can do more swimming and up my daily step count. Lastly the was my want to do something with my brain and may do some form of study. well we have agreed that I can up my English lessons, the boss man is going to set me more writing task and today I have signed up to not only my creative writing class , but to do a physics class too! For the second one   maîtriser made me hot almond milk with honey and let sit with my jerboas  for 20 minutes . well I was supposed to mental , but ended plotting out a story!

So on to today’s focus was on prayer and how it can be used to focus the mind. The first activity gave you a ‘Submissive’s Prayer ‘ that has done the rounds on the internet, and to sit and think about it and practice focusing you mind, The second was to write your own prayer or at least have ago. I was feel sick and run down so I did the first activity . This is the submissive prayer we used.

prayer

I have for most of my adult life found prayer a very great way to calm my mind and to reflect on things. So this was a great way to do just that. I spent a lovely quiet 10 minutes just sat , thinking about the word and what they mean to me. after I had finished I felt so relaxed that the boss man-made me go take a nap!

Well that was 15 and 16 , I wonder what 17 holds for us!

Hugs,

pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 13 of the Submissive's Advent calendar, by Submissive – Light a candle

So I am writing this while having an English lesion . I should explain that I stated having ‘English lessons ‘ about 15 months ago. I grew up speaking a mixture of Rusin , Irish Gaelic and English, added to this I have dyslexia and Anxious Add , and you will under stand why I struggle with English as much as I do .So maîtriser ask one of his female Dom friends , if one of her subs , who teaches ESL classes, if he would work with me on my English, spelling and grammar and punctuation . So we meet twice a week in a local café . We started off doing spelling and grammar. We then started to add in reading and writing short things. Then he taught me how to plan out what I wanted to write. That was a 15 months ago, and I still love those lessons , not only do I feel that my English is better and my spelling have improved, but I have gained a lot of conference and I am much happier just sitting and writing.

So todays activities are based on lighting a candle, and what that means to you in terms of love and your submission. The first activity was to find a quiet 10 minutes , light a candle and reflect on what it means to you in terms of your submission and love. the second was based round the yule log and using as reflection on the same things. I have been pushed for time over the last few days and the thought of actually going and sitting any place quiet for 10 minutes sounds like heaven.

So I went early this morning to the ladies chapel and light some candles. I always light them here and not in the main church as it tends to be quieter and less busy. I always light 5 candles when I go to church. One for my Nana, friends lost to illness, friends who took their own lives and one for friends I have serving in the armed forces or the emergency services . I light one for my family , and one for the peace process in Ireland to never stop working. I’m a lapsed yet good catholic, church has always in my darkest days been my sanctuary . I have an amazing priest , who would let me sit at the back of the church and calm myself when things at home with my ex were really bad and when he found out he beat me , without stopping for breath said I was worth more and should try to find the courage to leave.

Then I sat and I thought , pondered and reflected. To me I beleave that the submission I have now and the man I chose to submit to are linked and even at the start when it was just a sort of platonic D/s thing, was always given and received with love. I also think that as a poly D/s family we burn far brighter together , than we do alone. I now that I take great strength from my Dom , and I know that getting to the point where we got married and had babies , well the was pain and hurting that I had to get through to be whole and happy. but unlike a candle , I don’t see this as this love and these feelings every burning out. They may grow and evolve , but I will fight to the death to keep this love going as long as it can.

Well after that little out burst of feeling and emotion , it’s time this little pixie to do her spelling test!

 

hugs,

Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 12 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Proud Mary

Well good evening you wonderfull people doing today? What have you been up to? Anything amazing happened? I was up super early today and in the car, going to a local christmas market , with the twins and my great Uncle Fred. We had a lovely time, i got a new christmas hat and the babies got little elf wooly hats! I was feeling super brave today as well and let Uncle Fred buy me lunch at Carluccio’s. I had Spinach and ricoter canaloin and chocolate bread and butter pudding with cherry ice cream!

Right on to , todays fun! as the tittle might suggest it’s all about taking pride in your submission and shouting it from the roof tops! well a steady ground floor for me as i’m allowed on the roof, ladders, lofts or to stand on chairs, cos i fall off them. the first activaty was to find ways to shout your pride out to the big wide world in what ever way you can. in a blog post , in a tweet or on instagrame . the second was to celabrate your pride in submission , in a quiet , self refelction. thinking about all the things you do and how well you do them. I did the first and the second today.

For the second activaty i did pretty much this . Made a cup of tea, chatted to little bear about why and how we are proud of areselves as submissive, then ate cake. lol thats the sort of day it’s been.

Now for the first , well i kind of think the fact that i where a collar 24/7 is taking pride in my submission. i know my day collar does not scream D/s , but 95{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of the time , if asked i will tell people what it means. i also wrote to some friends and told them why i’m proud to say im a sub! they know all ready , but i gave reasons in the letters. i’ve written a blog post about it that im posting tomorrow, about why i love being submissive and how proud i am to say i’m maîtriser Specail girl. I have also made a sort collage with the names i use and then added a ‘And proud’. that i will post on my instagrame feed, that also post to facebook and twitter. I’ve also decided to share some love for my fellow subs on the internet!

Well i am off to shout from my roof tops , well the top floor of my house out the window!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 11 of The Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Pancake identity.

Well Good evening my lovely’s , how has your day been? Anyone snowed in? Or are you all stuck with the horrid wind and rain that we’ve been having? Today has been a day of two halves for me. the first half was full of cooking, baking , clean and crafting. Then it turned to crap this afternoon, but more about that later.

so todays activities are based on a chapter from a book called Conquer me , by Kacie Cunningham, about her own submission. The chapter is tittle ‘this one time at Pancake Camp’  and the is a short excerpt from the book, about titles and labels and how the writer was feeling she did not feel fit them. She goes to say that she was talking to her Master over breakfast and telling him of her frustrations, and how she was not going to ascribe to them any more and that from that point on she would be known as pancake. when asked why pancake her you chose reply was ‘Because you chose pancakes! Because you obviously like pancakes! pancakes are simple, honest things, not all high-mantence like , say, crepes. I want to be something you would order!.

Both the activities are reflecting on the words we use to identify are selves , as submissive. The first was a simple reflection on the words, titles and how they make us feel. the second was to take the reflection and turn them in to an ornament. by taking one word traits like ‘love’ loving’ , then drawing or printing out an image that represents that word and making them pretty and fun using craft surplus. I was going to do the first , but then changed after I got some bad news.

The words and titles I identifier with are Submissive, Little and masochist . The masacist title is something that I kept well hidden for a very long time, as for me it was kind of hard to admit that I liked pain and being hurt, and most people don’t like that. The same with submissive, I mean who would admit to loving their partner dominating them. but as I got more in to the D/s life I saw that I was ‘Normal’ . but it still took a long time to really embrace it fully. Little is something I have found much easier to embrace, and I think this is I saw really positive images of littles and I really read up on it before hand. I knew I did not fit the classic DDlg little or AB little. I’m not in to age play, I don’t call My Dom daddy , and I don’t really have a bratty side. I do have a baby girl side , I like being looked after and I do have my own ‘little space’. I guess that Its more of a caregiver , little thing. I feel my labels fight real well now, but its taken a lot of time. We/I kind adapt the labless mean what we/ I need them to be. sort of they evolve as we grow and change as people.

So now for my bad news. Just before 5 this evening I got a phone call from my Great Aunty Betty saying that my Great Aunty Molly had passed away this morning following a massive stroke yesterday. She was 90 years old and the head of my daddy’s side of the family since my Nana died. She had a bad heart, artheritus and dementia, so really it was a happy release. But it still hit like sucka punch to the stomach and it sitle hurts. Anuty Molly was an amazing lady, who has always marched to her own beat. whether as a young girl who refused to leave school without  taking her exams. or the feisty Irish lass, who ran away to join the wrens and worked as a radio operater in ww2 .or the brave woman who kicked her husband out and divorce her husband , when he beat her. She was amazing , strong , feisty, outspoken and loving. So I have decided not to be sad , but raise a glass , kick up my heals and celebrate having this lady in my life for 37 year!

Right , now I really must go to bed and sleep. I’m off to a Christmas market in the morning!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x