broken brained, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social

Accident waiting to happen!

So, many people think they are the most accident-prone person in the world, right? Well I can without any doubt say that they are all wrong. I can even say I know who the clumsiest and most accident-prone person is, because it happens to be me! No really, it’s me.
I have been like it since I was a tiny kid. If I could fall off something, bump my head, brake, or drop things I did. I have no idea how I made it to adulthood. The first big and noteworthy accident happened when my sisters and I got sent to stay with my aunty Molly and uncle Stan on their farm in county Antrim. The was a loose slate on a roof of they barn, and me being, at the time the smallest and lightest of us, I got sent up to fix it. (don’t judge, this was in the 80’s and long before health and safety). well I got to the top of the ladder, shimmed along and just as I finished fixing the slate in place, I stupidly looked down and slipped. I throw out my hands to steady myself, throwing the hammer in my hand flying, and put my foot through the roof. I manged to get my foot out, and get back to the ladder, making my way down. Only to be greeted at the bottom by my aunty Molly looking cross and uncle Stan on the floor with broken glasses, a huge lump on his head and covered in blood. In my defence, who sends a child up a ladder to fix a roof?!

The was another time that I as on holiday on the south coast of England, in lovely little village called whittering. My daddy took me and my sister off to do a spot of crabbing. I was walking along a wall by the sea, lost in my own little world of fluffy unirons and rainbows, when my daddy yelled at me to look what I was doing. Slightly startled I turned to look at him but kept walking. Not looking where I was going, I came to the end of said wall and walked straight off the end of it. I don’t recall very much after that, apart from getting back to are tent, covered in very smell, sticky mud, and sore arm. Frog marched to the shower, by my hopping mad nana, and scrubbed clean, I remember saying my wrist hurt and felt funny. Nana when running to get my daddy and I was taken to A&E. after x-rays, a doctor said I had a displaced fracture and that it would need to be put back in place and then plastered. Daddy thought I would need to be asleep to have that done, but no, the doctor just pulled it there and then. Bloody hurt! My sister Sophie, still to this day takes the micky out of my over it by mocking the ‘Agrgh oww aghrrr’ that I apparently made when I fell off the wall!

I some how manged to get to the age of 16 without killing myself or anybody else. Then I got my first job working in McDonalds. (oh, the shame). Well I made through the first week ok. I was being trained on the grill and the manger was telling me about the ‘ansle system’ . it was, as I remember a fire extensor thing that you pushed if the grill court on fire. It would cover the grill and everything around it in a yellow powder. Well all was going so well when I stooped down to do up my shoe lace, getting up I sort of head butted the manager training me in the nuts, and stepping back in shock and horror, and bumped in to something with my bum. Next thing I knew the whole of the grill area, backroom and half the front counter were covered in yellow powder. Luck for me the manger saw the funny side to this and did not sack me. That’s not to say I did not have any more accidents, nope they still happened. I stumbled filing up the shake machine and poured 10 little of shake mix down my front, I got my hand stuck in the inside of a yellow wet floor sign and had to sit in the walk-in chiller till my hand cooed off and I could get it out. Oh, and I manged to knock myself out, by tripping and head butting a customer.

I decided to stop for the day with them after I sort of eltricuted a rather vile floor manager. I was putting the shake machine together one morning, when I need to get some more lube from the stoke room. So off I went to get it, but I only got half way before the was a big bang, a scream and the lights went out. Running back to the front counter to find said floor manger laying on the floor, looking dazed and confused, holding a burnt hand up. Turns out she thought I had finished, tried to pull a shake and something was exposed or stuck. She tried to push it back, but it decided to fiddle with it and got a shock, in every sense of the word.

As I moved on to university and things calmed down a little on the accident front. Sure, I set off the fire alarms in halls at least once a week and the were hundreds of times I got locked out of my room, but that happens to everyone right? I worked in shop in Camden market for a while and was asked to clean out the loft space with collige on Sunday. They went up first, followed by me. but I missed a rung of the ladder, slide down, hitting my chine on the loft opening, splitting it open. The ladder went flying, I fell flat on my face, knocking myself out and leaving said colleague stranded in the loft.

After university was done with and my working life started the accidents kept happening. I set fire to a bin in a workroom, I tripped, and head butted a window in a meeting room, and I dislocated a knee by kneeling on a very hard floor. When I made the move to working in the film industry, I took a lot more care, making sure I did not do a ‘Pixie’. I kept hurting myself to myself, I mean it’s not fair to inflict other people with unneeded booboos!

After my break up with my ex and the full out from that, well everyone wanted to wrap me in cotton wool, so I went through a good amount of time without hurting myself. But that was not for want of trying. I mean I was not allowed to use a razor without someone watching me, knives, and scissors where out of bounds and I was not allowed to shower with the bathroom door shut for a good 12 months. (If I sound flippant or blazed about this, I’m not, I promise. But the way I deal with trying to kill myself and the full out from it is by poking fun at it). But in spite of this I still dropped things, broke things, and got ouchies. My darling Maîtriser was one of the first people in my life to say “Pixie, you are just clumsy. You don’t mean it to happen, its just how you are built.”. He put rules to lessen the chances of my hurting myself, but also saw that being watch 24/7 was not helping me get better. So, he gave me free time and I was allowed a 20 min bath every day, with a closed bathroom door. I love him so much for trusting me and believing in me. (ok depressing part over)

Not to say I stop having accident altogether, but they are a lot less now. Well I did have a big one dusting. You see I was dusting the DVD unit thing in the living room. I was moving the sky box, thinning bob, tripped on the mat, knocked over the vase of flowers, and pulling the tv bizarre all at the same. Water went over the plugs and tv, the was a massive bang, smoke, and total loss of power. I still don’t know what or how ii did it put half my street was without and had to have generators for the weekend. I have also broken a dishwasher, 3 microwaves and a washing machine trying to fix things. So now if something is not working right I must tell Babe and let her fix it. I am also not allowed a posh phone like an iPhone as I have a habit of cracking screens or dropping them.
O you can see why some people say knowing pixie can be bad for your health. But the Boss Man says I’m just accident prone and he loves me for it. It just means he gets to look after me a little harder.

Well I hope that my Misfortune has made you at least smile,

Hugs,
Pixie x

Eroticon, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social

Where in the world is Pixie Heart?

So, I have been posting and been around, but not really been ‘Around ‘of late. By that I mean I have been a little distant, a little distracted and felt a little bit outside of things. It’s not the nicest of feelings in the world, hell it’s horrid, but it has been kind of unavoidable really.

Why? I hear you cry. Well for one I have been rushed off my feet getting ready for Crufts. I’m not only working and teaching at the event this year, but all my dogs are there too. Don’t get me wrong it will be amazing, it is amazing every year, but it’s a planning and logistical nightmare. My boss has been epicly helpful and said that the babies can work on the stand. Basically, they are going to be strapped to different people in their carries and used to itemise people to come say hello. Which they are going to love as they love having chats and meeting people!

Then we come to the Elephants in the room. The big nasty that is Cancer has struck my family. My Uncle Keith had been struggling with chest infections and breathing difficulties for the last couple of months and his GP finally sent him for a chest x-ray. It sadly showed that he had tumours on his lungs. Well after scans and biopsies, it turns that the is nothing that can be done. It is a very aggressive cancer, it has spread, and he has a matter of months left. Then the is my mother’s cancer. We had thought she was going to beat it, but sadly not. The treatment is not working, the is nothing else that will work, and she has 3 to 6 months left. Now I may seem a little like I don’t really care about the fact they are both going to die. I do, I care very much, but I don’t see the point in sitting round wailing over it. Cancer is a bastered of an illness, it has taken a lot of people I love. It kills people slowly and painful. The best thing I can do is stay strong, keep going and be there when people need me. I have a life and people who need me to keep going, not crumble in to a ball and give up.

I have a lot of good things in pipe line. For all the stress it brings I am looking forward to crufts. I get to see my friends and shop for my dogs! Then the is Eroticon the weekend after. Lol I’m treating it as a holiday. No husband, babies, dogs, or house work for a weekend, in London, on my own! Truthfully, I’m terrified, but I’m going if it kills me. It will be good for me on so many levels, I just have keep moving the worry and doubts I have about myself and my abilities. Lol the Boss man said if I get through it on my own I get 20 reward stickers. The 5 days leading up to Eroticon I am teaching secturely dog handlers. which is always fun!

The changes I made with the help of the boss man at the start of the year have finally started to make them selves know so to speak. I’m happier and less stressed. I’m sleeping better and coping with some of the crap that life throws at me. my health, is getting better and I’ve stopped freaking out if I get a sniffle or cough. My writing schedule is working amazingly well and I’m making time to write more than I thought I would. It is amazing that by giving the boss man more control and having a heap more structure in my day, how much happier it makes me and the more settled I become. I had some say recently that they don’t know how I cope with being in something that is so high protocol and that the rules I have are too restrictive for me to feel truly happy. but it is in fact the other way around for me. Without the protocols, rule, and structure, I feel lost, anxious, and deeply unhappy. What I have would not work for may people, but it does work for me.

Well that turned in to a rant rumble, but hay hum!

Pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social

Protectors, guides, and mentors.

So, a few months ago kink craft had an article and podcast about protectors and their role with in the kink community. (John brownstone and Kayla Lords were guest on the podcast). It was a great article and had excellent points. It got me thinking about my own experiences of ‘Protectors’ and wanting to know other options of them I asked on Twitte what others thought of them. Well that was opening a big old can of worms!

People have a lot of very strong opinions of them, both good and bad. The general opinion was that most people who offer to act as ‘Protectors’, are in fact abusive predators and should be avoided like the plague. That some responsibility needs to newbies in doing their own research and being as prepared as they can be. That ‘protectors’ have more of a mentor role. That Doms and Subs new to the kink scene Could use a Mentor or a guide. And above all, always stay ‘Sane. Safe and Consensual’.
I personally hate the term protector or protection. Those terms making me think of the mafia or a brand of condoms. However, I do think that the is a place of protectors in the kink world. Hell, I don’t just think it, I see it as the responsibility of people how have been in the life style for a while to keep an eye on newbies and stand up to people who are likely to course harm to them.

Thankfully the kink scene has a few awesome people who do keep an eye on newbies and keep the A-holes at bay.
My first personal taste of a protector was when I met kitten and she took me to my very first fetish club. I was only 18 and at the time very vulnerable. It was that night that she introduces me to her Dom, a fresh faced 34-year-old boss man. (aww I forgot he was that young once). He sat and chatted to me, pointing out things and explaining stuff. He also introduced me to all the trustworthy and friendly people and pointed out the people who I should avoided like the plague.

We as a family have from time to time acted as a sort of guide to newbies. Showing people around, introducing them to people, explaining term and etiquette. Also pointing the A-holes and wirdos. (I have a picture of sir Beasty going ‘WIRDOs’ and ROTFLMAO’)

Us girls also acted as what I guess you would call mentors, but I would call it more of a friend and being open and approachable. We have all been around and active in kink, on some level for a lot of years. (Babe has been for 21 years, but I’m not saying she is old, just mature, and sexy as hell). We will take newbie subs under are wing, answering questions, explaining things, sharing safe and informative rescores and inviting them to come to events with us. The Boss Man has also acted as a mentor many times. He first got in to kink and BDSM when he was 22 and is 53 now. (his sexy as hell though). He does pretty much the same as we do but will also teach or show them how to use floggers and canes and the like.

Now I’m going to share the reason babe actively act as a mentor / protector. On a night out in a club in London in early 2006 the was a newbie male sub, who was trying to get in with the hardcore mistresses who put on a great show and had these amazing sub, who were willing to do anything. Well to cut a long story short this poor guy took GHB and went on to have a bad reaction, now that is bad part. The good part was a very well known at respected female Dom saw what had happened, had her 2-male sub to calmly move him to the side, then took it on her shoulders to take care of this poor guy. Make sure someone sat with him, made him drink water, got him food, kept him warm and went as far as making sure he got home and that the was someone sober stayed with him till he was sober. It really impacts on babe in a big way. I think it is one of the ways that make Babe the way she is as a Dom.

I’m going to say here that as a family we believe that if People in the BDSM, kinky and fetish Scenes want to be seen in a positive manner, they sold act and play in a responsible, none judgemental way. So why would they not wanted support and encourage new people and offer them protection.

As with anything in are little family we do things a little differently, cos we are us. Maîtriser always says that our safety and well being is the most important thing in the world to him. But the are 4 of us at home and he only has one set of arms and one set of eyes. So, we have rule and regs to keep us safe and to give him peace of mind. Are rules being: No going out after 10pm on our own. No going to pubs or clubs on are own. If 3 of us are drinking, 1 of us must stay sober. No playing in clubs with out babe with us. If in doubt, ask yourself What Would Babe do. (WWBD)

We also have a list of real world and online friends that act as sort of protectors for me and the girls. They are known as ‘pre-agreed others’ and are listed at the back of are contracts we have with maîtriser. The are there to keep an eye on us, but we can also turn to them for advice and guidance if we need it. This was added to are rules, not because he does not trust us. But we have had issues with other people in the past and we all wanted to feel as safe as we can be. The list is full of people that us girls and maîtriser feel we can trust totally

For me the whole safety thing has been huge part of my recovery from Domestic violence and has helped me to rebuild my life. I sometimes think people might see it as me going from one controlled relationship to an even more controlling relationship. But 80% of my rules are there at my asking. They are there to make me feel safe, and thus keeping me happy and healthy. Some of my rules: Who I can and can’t talk to. The amount of contact I have with my family. Social media, email and phone checked when ever maîtriser asks and that my blog is co by Sir Beasty. I asked for these as when I get sick I ide things and with these in place, the slightest sign that I’m getting sick, the boss man will step in and stop it getting worse.

So that is My thoughts and take on things. What works for me and the family, may not work for you, but it works for us. What I will say is you should always do your research, take your time to think, don’t rush. Stay sane, safe, and consensual. be careful who you trust. If something feels wrong in your gut, trust it, and remove yourself the situation. But above all safety first!

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life

Endless Possibilities – Being part of an open poly family.

So, I was sat moaning to poor Sir Beasty, about not having anything to write about and how I was one post short for my seven I needed to post this week. He said, ‘write about the possibilities of being in an open poly family’. (I think he may have been fed up with my moaning). But it hit me, I talk endlessly about the D/s side of are little family, but not so much the poly side of things. So, liking Besty’s idea a great deal, I decided to write about it!

Now first things first I guess I should explain are ‘Family’ dynamic a little. Well briefly the is 1 straight man living with 4 bi-sexual women. (I know he is a lucky man). At home we all classes each other as partners and we are pretty much equal, but we do also have are D/s side and that will always be part of a poly side as well. All of us girls are sub to the boss man and we are pretty high on the old protocol side of things, so of course this plays in to are poly dynamic. I’m also going to say that we do not class are selves as swingers. For us playing with people or fucking is not something we can do with out feeling an emotional connection with someone. Don’t get me wrong the is nothing wrong with swinging, but it’s not for us. (your kink is not my kink and that is ok)

Now leaving the boss man out of things for a minute, I’m going to explain us girls dynamic and how it fits in to the ‘Family’ When it comes to playing and sex. Babe is the family switch, she dates people away from the family, but is also a driving force behind a lot of are fun and play at home. Kitten, Little Bear, and myself are subbie with her and she is kind of second in charge. Kitten is sub and is free to date and play away from the family, but Babe and Maîtriser have the right to step in and stop her doing so if they think that it is harming her mental health. Little bear does Has a Daddy/ fences but is also Sub to maîtriser and Babe. She can date and play away from her family but chooses not to at the moment. Then the is little old me, I’m married to maîtriser and his sub. I don’t date outside of the family and I don’t play or fuck anyone else without maîtriser or babe being with me (ok so I can play with kitten and little bear). I do this through choice and not because of rules. It’s more the fact that I draw strength from having them with me and I feel more relaxed with them with me.

Us girls Go on are Girl dates and this is where we get to have some fun! We all love flirting, teasing, and getting phone numbers. We can kiss who ever we want as long as we have the other girls in sight. But the is no taking people home or disappearing outside. If we are drinking, someone (normally me or Babe) stays sober, just in case. Maîtriser says when we go for a ‘Big ‘night out it’s like we are hunting in a pack and the men and women of where ever we are going should watch out!

At home we fuck and play pretty much when and where we want too! If we ask maîtriser first. We also have people who join us in are kinky fuckery from time to time. In kind of a kinky sleep over (I don’t like the word orgies, they sound kind of dirty). The girls can also have people stay over, if they let us all know first, if they play safe and if the person understands and Is respectful of are set up. We also have rules around play and sex. We always stay safe, sane, and consensual. We don’t play if we don’t want to or don’t feel like it. If we bring anyone else in to playing with us, we all must agree. But above we never make each other feel awkward if we don’t want to play.

We also invited people to join us in D/s senses as well. Normally Dom / Switch males who don’t mind following directions, And Dom women who can do the same. We also have a lot of playmates who are Sub female, who’s Doms let them join in are fun and games. Now I mentioned ‘as long as they can take direction’ bit, well this is because Maîtriser is a big old vouarist and loves telling people what to do us girls. (one of the reasons he is known as the boss man). So, when we have others in sense with us he is normally sat at the side, getting his rocks of to us playing to are hearts content. The fact that we all have very naughty exebishunest streaks means that we a happy to play like this and make him proud.For me on a personal level, I find playing with other amazingly good for my self-esteem, but I need to know the person first and need to trust them. My ex would bring other women and men home and expect me to want to fuck them, but now I get to bring people I want to screw in to the mix and I can say no whenever I want. I prefer Maîtriser or Babe with me and I love being told what to do. But that is more my submissive side than anything else. Oh, and I am always looking for new playmates!

So, to us being part of an ‘Open’ Poly family really does hold a world of possibility’s and we love the little, twisted family that we are. So that is my take on it! What does Open mean to you?
Pixie x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Uncategorized

New year, Better me!

New year, Better me!
Well 2017 is gone and I find myself in a reflective mood. For a lot of people, I know 2017 was not the best of year. With loss, illness, big ass storms and Donny-j. For me it was full of lows and highs. It was the year my daddy got sicker, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I lost friends and family and my depression and anxiety decided to kick me in the butt. But it was also a year of great personal growth for me. I found my fit as a wife, blogger, and feminist. But by fair the best thing of 2017 was becoming a mother to my beautiful twin girls. I know a lot more to life that being a mum, but when you have thought for many years that it is something you’re not going to get to do. Well when you do, it blows your mind. I never knew I could love something so deeply and fiercely as I do them.
I have seen loads of people posting their new year resolutions, but you won’t be seeing any from me. We don’t make them, as maîtriser thinks it away of setting yourself for an unnecessary fail. What we do is sit down and make a list of targets and goals we want to work towards and plan how we can achieve them. it’s something we do every 3 months and we cover pretty much every aspect of are lives. Even maîtriser does it and will let us set goals for him! We sat down on Friday last week and did are lists. This is where I admit that I love the whole planning side of this. I get to get all my gel pens and stickers out. It’s really good fun!
Some of my goal for the next 3 months are: Loose the last of the baby weight and 15lbs extra, run my dogs at crufts, attend eroticon, pitch some ideas at other blogs, do my muck run training, more swimming lessons and get my new and improved blog up and running!
Maîtriser has also sat down with my and we have set some goals for my blog. Such as post a min of 3 times a week, keeping up to date with emails and upping the number of followers to my blog. Lol one of my friends got me a bloggers journal and a diary that is designed for people who have autism, that have been amazing. They are fun, clear, easy to use and don’t feel like they are shouting at me. So, yay!

I have also decided that I want really work on my English. Not just writing, but spelling, grammar, punctuation and understanding. This came about after several nasty comments about my spelling and grammar. I’m dyslexic and have Anxious ADD, so that makes learning and understanding really flipping tough at times. adding to this I grow up speaking a mix of Irish Gaelic and Russian you can see why English is something I have ongoing struggles with it! But I have Bob my English tutor tailoring lessons for help with this. Also, Sir Beasty is stepping in to help with editing my work, so it’s a case of bring it on!

So, as I wave good bye to 2017, I’m hitting the ground running in 2018, so bring it 2018!

Hugs,

Pixie x

Diary, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 5 of the Submissive's Advent calender, by the submissive guide – The Music.

Hi, hello,hay! Well I’m up early and have hit the road running today! My uncle Fred is watching the babies while I have my English lessons. So I’m getting some help with writing this and get to have a lovely chat with a friend.

Today’s activities focus is Music and how affects you and how it inspires you . The first activity is to sit and listen to music that you love, then think about a few questions . The second is about finding a poem, or quote or single word that inspires you. Keeping it your pocket and thinking about it, and letting it inspire you. I chose the first , as music is a big part of who I am . It can effect my mood, make me smile or cry or laugh or make me horny as hell! I have quit eclectic tastes in music. I love Punk, metal and rock. But I also have a soft spot for rap and country. I will even admit to liking so pop music and even Abba. Not a huge fan of jazz or classical stuff , but they do have their place. but one of the biggest loves I have is for Folk, or should I say Irish Folk music that I was bought up on. No mater what I have going on or how I feel , Irish folk can cheer my soul, calm me down and make me feel grounded. Haha I guess I am more of traditional girl than I thought.

So the thing points:

  • How does music connect you to the world around you? Music is one of the things that can really effect my mood. I use it to help when I’m anxious  to help me stop focusing on the thing that is making me anxious. I can use it when I have a cry stuck, to make me cry. I use upbeat music start my day happy and full of energy. I guess it sort of feeds my soul!
  • Do you have a theme song? The boss man would say ‘right on time’ Cos I always have to be on time for things! but I think it would be ‘don’t take it personally’ by Monica or maybe ‘Savior’ By Destiny’s child. Cos I can be a little grumpy at times and cos I have been through some shitty times .
  • Thinking about when your playing with your partner/s or fantasize about doing so – is the there a play list in your mind? Yes defiantly! For D/s it has to be chilled and calm, with a slow beat and a melody . For fucking it has to be either slow and soft , if it’s romantic. Or if it is more intense or spontaneous , the has To be a stronger , faster beat.
  • Do you have a specific music you love to play to? What are they? why do you think they connect you to the moment? Well not specific songs , but bands like the kings of Leon, green day and nickel back. I think it’s cos they have songs that inspire me to dance and act a little naughty. I can then remember what I did to that song if it comes on the radio and then I get that sort of not in my tummy and blush at the memory of it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

bdsm, family update, From the heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

#SoSS – Spreading the love!(family style)

Right so yeah we thought we would jump on the Share our Shit Saturday band wagon! (the Boss man, the girls and myself . not the Royal we!) to be honest ive had 3 people give me shout outs in the last 3 weeks and really feel the need of d to share the love for some pretty epic bloggy -woggy- do dah peeps that are out there. (I’m going to point out , I’m not drunk or high , but I’m that tired at the moment and had to deal with dog drama today, that it has fried my brain a little bit! ). So having said that I was going to do this to the girls, they wanted to join in and the French man was like, oh well I’ll have some stuff I wont to big up too! So we are doing a  big old family round-up! What we have done is each pick 3 things / blogs / People we are loving and rambled about why we like them, So here goes!

Maîtriser / Boss man

From Daddy’s Desk, with John Brownstone. – A short video from John Brownstone from the Loving BDSM podcast, on why it’s not cool to use silence as away of punishing a submissive. This gent has articulated my thoughts in a much better way than I could have. as I would have said don’t treat you sub as second class citizen, grow up and stop being a dick! Clear , to the point and highlighting that it can do more harm than good.

Wear and Tear, by Molly Moore, for KOTW – Beautiful piece and stunning photo by Molly Moore of Molly’s daily kisses. Good read, but the best part by far is the picture she took of herself. Getting across how arousing knife play and cutting off of clothes can be!

Anxiety and Events, By the princess of kink, for Kinkcraft. – Now I should say that the Kinkcraft Podcast is in my girls top podcast. Bless them , they will all sit at the kitchen table and listen to Andrew and Pixie , then afterwards they will discuss what they had been talking about and each give their take on it. This article really hit a cord with me as mouse suffers so badly with G.A.D. it gave me more ideas of how to help her and also made me look at things from her view point. So Thank you to all involved!

Babe –

Pink hai don’t care!!! Learning to love myself! – A Post from the wonderful Candysnatch, a blogger who has a great outlook on life and is the epitome of body and sex posativatey . I read this article and past it on to are little bear, who has really bad problems with her body image problems. It has given her a real boost and as a knock on effect we have much happier little bear! So Big thank gouges lady!

Drama in the BDSM comunity , Loving BDSM. This one was kind of said what we all want to say about people bringing drama in to a D/s or kink environment. It really was wicked for people to actually say what we thought , but out loud for a change. lol basically the advise is just to deal with it calmly , talk to people, find your on fit , speak up or to someone as needed , and for everyone to just try the hardest to get the fuck a long! Little Pixie loved this on and she giggled the whole way through, so a Big thank you to Kayla and John! x

Hoilday gift guide 2017. By Coffee and Kink. – Really big thanks for this article. I hate Christmas shopping and I never know what to get people , but this is a fucking awesome guided to what is hot for the kinkies in my life!

Kitten –

Bisexuality, episode 48. Proudtobekinky podcast. -so we all love the Proudtobekinky podcast and when we first listen to this one it was kind of light bulb moment for us all! Floss was speaking for not just her but us too! So many myths got busted in this one podcast. Pixie also listen to this with Aunty May , who said ‘That girls got away with words and talks a lot of sense’ . So if she is saying it’s worth a listen it’s worth a listen!

Bitch. – Beatiful picture of an Irish blogger that we are all a little obsessed with! Great use of colour and lighting, positioning and placement. Sends shiver down my spine. Lace – Sinfull Sunday #344, by Little Switch Bitch.

Southern Sir’s Place, By John Brownstone.  – So we are not really allowed to fallow blogs of other dominates unless the boss man knows them in person. But the is a the odd exception , Sir Beasty is one and  rather new one is Mr John Brownstone. His blog is now one of are favourites. The are great post for Sinful Sunday, Kink of the week and about his life! one of the most funny , sweetest and loving Dom that the is around and on the net!

Little Bear

The complete truth about Daddy Doms and little girls , By Kayla Lords , For KinkCraft. – I’m a little and I love being a little , but I some times feel people think I just act like a child and do it for attention. No I do it cos it is part of who I am and allows me to feel happy, safe and loved. This article by Kayla lords sums everything up so well and is right on the money for me. Thank you Mrs Babygirl!

Sinful Sundaysinful Sunday is one of Molly Moore’s memes . Your given a prompt every month and come up with sexy Picture that you feel fits the prompt or any other sexy pic you want to add. I’m not good at taking pics , but I love looking and reading what others come up with!

Submiisve Guidesubmissive guide is a site I love, its full of all things to do with submission and great ideas. with article and ebooks that you can download and keep. We have got the submissive advent Callender and I can’t wait for it to be time to start it!

Mouse –

Torture Garden Special , Floss does life. when I was younger I used to love go to To TG , but after things went pear-shaped for me I stop going and now my anxiety levels are stopping me from going. Read this piece by floss was like being there myself, she made I sound so really. I could almost feel the beat of the music and see all the bright colours. She has really got it spot on and has got me going I have to make it back to TG next year!

How to picth your idea to website, By the smutancer. Great article by Kayla Lords , aka the smutlancer. All about how to pitch ideas to people and companies. Now I have not use this to pitch writing stuff to kinky peeps yet, but I did use the advice and use it in my none kinky life, selling some article and 4 course idea, so it really does work. Pretty much everything on the smutlancer is super helpful and so easy to understand!

Wicked Wednesday, Reblsnotes.com – Wicked Wednesday is one of my fav writing memes on the net! Great prompts weekly and you can write erotica or a little bit about your real life. Love the feedback you get and the support you get!

Podcast we love and thing everyone should give a listen!(even Great Aunty May agrees)

Loving BDSM

Kinkcraft

Proudtobekinky

The Dildorks

Black People Kink

Cousenually Speaking

Off the cuffs

And lastly ….. My great Aunty May wanted this to be included as she thinks it’s the funniest , best written and most relevent Podcast around at the moment, and that all men and women should listen to it! The Guilty Feminist.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Ps this was meant to be posted on Saturday, but I was a bit manic , then on sunday all I did was cry and giggle , then last night but I fell asleep again! So it’s posted on a Tuesday!

Diary, From the heart, Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.
I have never really had a great love of what I see when I look in the mirror. I never liked how I looked growing up as a kid. I was small and scrawny as little kid. I had thick glasses, red frizzy hair, thick glasses and a tiny up turned pig nose. Then at the age of 9 need to take steroids for health problems and I put on weight. I was bullied badly at school and at home, by my mother and her father. When I turn 13 a grow about 5 inches in a year and I start to train at a boxing club with my dad. I lost weight, gained muscle and attitude. I chose to fight back at the bullies and the world. but this led to me getting kicked out of school for being a ‘troubled ‘kid.
Fast forward a to a few years ago and you see a girl whose self-esteem is rock bottom, who hides herself away. My body was covered in scares from years of self harm and tattoos from my years of angry rebellion against a harsh world. Stretch mark from rapped weight gain and then weight loss. Add more scares from chest drains from ill health and miss shaped bits from bike accidents and broken bits from my beatings from my ex. So, when my darling Maîtriser came in to my life a few years ago, one of the First things he wanted me to work on was my, in his view titled perception of my body. He said he wanted to me to see myself the way he and the rest of the world saw me, and not how my broken brain saw myself.
So, with therapy, gym workouts and time and love, I started to work on my self-esteem and started to challenge how I saw myself. One of the things I did and still do from time to time is put myself down. I will say something like I hate my face or I’m so fat. This upsets maîtriser, he says it’s like me saying that he is not right that I am worth him loving. At first, I was not sure I was worthy, but as the days went on and I feel increasingly in love and I learned to trust again, I saw that he was right. So, I tried to stop, but I still slipped from time to time.
As a sort of punishment and sort of his way of challenging this, he would for ever put down I made about myself I would have to come up with 10 things I liked about the way I looked. Having just had twins, the put downs have come to the surface again. So, when I said, ‘lord my face looks so chubby’ I was made to stand in front of the mirror again and make my list of 10 things I like, here is what I found
1. I love the colour of my eyes and how they seem to change with my mood.
2. I like my small pug nose and how it’s too small to keep my glasses on when I sneeze.
3. I love my high cheek bones and dimples.
4. I love my Hight. Just right that I can rest my head on maîtriser shoulder when we dance.
5. I love my small hands, that are strong and know how to do so many things.
6. I love my boobs and nipples, and the amazing feeling I get when they are played with.
7. I love the stretch marks on my tummy and hips. Reminds me of caring my babies.
8. I like the scares on rib cage. They remind me of the strength it took to fight back from illness
9. I like the scare on my left for arm. It makes me think that, given time scares fade, if not always leave you totally
10. I love the tan line on my ring finger, reminds me of being married to maîtriser and how special are bond is.
I don’t think I’m ever going to the type of person who is going to spend hours looking in the mirror. But I have learned to like what I see and realised that if maîtriser is happy and loves what he sees, then so should I, cos he is a man who is rarely wrong about stuff like that.

I really loved writing this and I feel like it was something I needed to do, without knowing I did. Does that make sense? I wrote today at a coffee shop, while my little ones dozed in their pram and the rest of the world went about their business. For now my life is good, happy and settled.

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday

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bdsm, Diary, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Dairy 16/10/17 – 22/10/17.

Diary: Mouse
Monday 16th October 2017: 5.45am – Well I have to say waking up in my own, with the girls and with you is the best feeling ever! So, I’m getting up and having breakfast.
6.30am – I’m dressed, had breakfast and meds and neb done. Can I go feed the girls now please???
7am – squeak! The girls can have a bath I a bit! Thank you for feeding Evie and burping Connie, Evie is not quite getting the boobie yet! And shush about my boobies and wanting to tie me up, not for a bit big man!
8.30am – Bath time. Be still my heart, I have never seen a man look so frightened of doing something wrong. Connie looks tiny in your hands.
9am – So home and house mouse time! Little bear is such a good girl, she has put the washing on and the dishwasher!
10am – Ok so I’m doing my own meds for the week…. Breath mouse, breath….
11.15am – back to feed the girls and have cuddles! Love you Frenchie.
12.45pm – Please, please, please stop sing Justine Bieber songs at the babies, they are starting to like them! Can’t you do something metal or rock? Country or punk? People are going to think were weird or something!
1pm – fettucine Alfaro, from starch, I’m so impressed!
1.30pm – Nap time! (and story and cuddles!)
2.45pm – Off to do feeds and cuddles. Blimey, I will be glad to get them home so it’s a wee bit less chaotic!
4pm- Dog walking! Dear god have I missed being able to do this and not get puffed out after a km!
5.15pm – Little bear and Babe cooking dinner together for the first time ever. Was awesome and Babe letting little bear boss her round a little was a nice touch! (was that your idea?)
6pm – Last feed of the day and just think they will be home this time tomorrow!
8pm- tired and needy! Bath, snack, and bed.
9.15pm – Can we go and get the girls tonight?!? Please?!?!?
12.10am – ok so I feel sleepies, but it’s tomorrow so we can go get the girls 
1am – pain killers and sleeping pill is needed! Love you x
Tuesday 17th October 2017: 8am- Ok so I slept well, thank you for taking charge and making me take meds. I admit I was being stubborn and I’m very sorry. So, can we go get the girls now???
9am – Ok I made a pig of myself, but that is the best breakfast ever! Porridge with bananas and honey, fruit toast and 3 figs with yoghurt and nuts! Can we go now?!?
10am – kitchen clean, bathrooms blitz, and dinner in the slow cooker. Can I at least pop the stuff in the car?!?
10.30am – YAY! Thank you for saying we can go get them!
11am – This is really real!!!
11.30 – Way to make your wife cry! How did you get NICU graduate t-shirts and the unicorn car set cosy’s??? I must say thank you to Kitten as well, leggings and zip up hoddies, in different purples. I have the most style savvy babies!
12.45 – baby briefing done and home we go! Ekk!
1pm – They are home!!! So yeah, I’m taking them on a guided of the house and introducing them to the dogs!
2pm – Ok I’m going to level with you Frenchie, being sat on the bed, feeding the girls and just looking after my tiny little humans is just the most amazing feeling ever and I feel like it’s just what I was meant to do.
2.30pm – Babies are sleeping and I’m meant to be napping , but I’m sat watching them!
4pm – Ok so I was tired, but waking and the babies not being there freaked me out! Come downstairs to find you dancing round the kitchen with them , while cooking dinner , fucking priceless 
5pm – Girls are all home from work , I get to cook with you and the girls are getting cuddles from everyone. Babe has even asked to give them their feed 
6pm – cripes I think we may have made too much food!
6.15pm – aww you knew Steve was coming, round, didn’t you?!?!
7.30pm – aww Steve looks big and burley most of the time, cuddled up with the girls he looks all little and cute!
9pm – feeding times, nappy change and down for the night. Now time for a shower, snacks and meds and bedtime!
11.20pm – umm why is little bear cuddling Evie and holding a hole conversation with her?
2am – So this will no doubt get old, but first ever night feed! For some reason Bella, mad eye and spidie seem to think I need their help!
Wednesday 18th October 2017: 6am- Early morning feeds done, breakfast and meds and neb done! I’m dressed and ready for the day!
8am – Girls bathed, dressed and down for a morning nap! Now it is time for house work and time for you to go do some work buster! *Bossy Dommy wife stare*
11.15 – Bedroom blitzed, sheets changed, dirty sheets washed and hung out. upstairs vacuumed, dusted and wood work cleaned. Bottle serialised and made up. Silly as this will sound but I recklessly happy to be able to clean my house again!
11.30 – Feeding, burping and bums done!
12.15 – ummm your making linguini Alfaro for lunch, what do you want?!
12.40pm- Dear god that was lush! Can we have cuddles and read on the sofa!
1.20pm pm – Well if you will read me filth, you will get blow jobs!
1.30pm – Your taking the girls to work with you?!?! that is so cute! But thank for this, means I can sit down and do the course content and finish that article. X
3pm- So taking the girls to work is code for having a chat and a cuddle with them does it!
3.15pm – Dinner is on, pudding is made and I’m now going to take my nap!
4.20pm – can I have my babies back now please? They need feeding and I need cuddles!!!
5.30pm – why does everyone arrive home at the same time? But it is bliss having you all home! Kitten and Little bear look like nutters dancing with babies, but hay I don’t judge. Thank you for kicking back and having a beer with babe, I know she loves teaching but something has gotten her worked up and I worry she is bottling stuff up!
6.50pm -That was good food! Time to put the girls down and then get ready for bake off!
7.30pm – I cannot tell you how nice it is to be able to have a bath on my own with the door shut and not have to worry that I’m going to get stuck in the bath!
8pm – Bake off! Can I get a pocket-sized Noël fielding please?
10.20pm – I was checking for light leaks not sleeping: P. but yes, I will do the girls and go to bed!
11pm – Bed time story, lights out and cuddles, thank you x
2am – night feed done and bum clean! Again, the dogs seem to think the girls need a guard of houner or something!
Thursday 19th October 2017: 5am – I think Connie takes after me for her love of early mornings, food, and cuddles while the sun comes up! Evie is like you and grumpy if I wake her up early, but like me for fulling asleep half way through things!
6am – breakfast with the girls! Have not done this in weeks and it is sooooo good! It is made all that much better that are numbers have go to 6 now!
7am- Time to get me and the girls ready for the day, as Aunty May will be here at 8.30. Little bear is very excited about a day of clean and tiding!
8.20am- can you please stop copping a feel of my boobies please! Girl bath and down for a nap, Dressed and meds and neb done. Tea made and wish me luck!
8.45am – tea drunk and let the house cleaning begin!
11.30 – Holy crap almighty! I had forgotten what it feels like to clean with aunty may watching! Upside is that I fed the girls and she took over burping and bums!
12.15pm – Family lunch. Blimey we get through a lot of bread with soup 
2pm – ok I admit it I love watching the girls sleep and I need my afternoon nap still!
4pm – Got to love when May cooks dinner! I get to play with the girls and the dogs. #spoiltmadam
5pm – your all home early! So, what do we do, play Cluedo, we are that rock and roll!
6pm – I put it to you that home cooked food is better than 90{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of stuff you can but while out!
6.45pm – Babies and I are going to take a shower and put are jamies on, cos we can!
7.10pm – girls down! Thank you for taking may home. now let’s do this games night thing then!
9.15pm – You are such a sore loser! We beat you fair and square, just cos I chose to make out with kitten does not mean we cheated: P
10pm – fed, burping and bums done. Kitten and I are turning in for the night, I’m cream crackered!
11pm – story, cuddles and lights out!
2.30am – Love you so much for doing night feed! X x
Friday 20th October 2017: 5.45am – So that was the best night sleep in ages! Thank you so much for making me stay in bed! Girls are super hungry today. Thought I was going to lose a nipple!
6.30am – yup I love figs and honey and will give blow jibs for them! Hell, I would beg for them, hell how am I kidding I beg for anything if your involved!
8.30am – Up dressed, breakfast, meds and neb done. Babies bathed, dress and awake! Why am I so nerves about the midwife coming??
9am – midwife is on time, so that is a first! Girls are doing fine. Connie is dead on 5lbs and little miss Evelyn is up 4lb 9, so super proud of my girls! I’m healing up well, but got a lecture about pushing myself to hard 
9.45am – So I am going to attempt to walk to the shop and back with the girls!
10.20am – Ok so not doing as well as I thought, close to a panic attack  I am going to take a bit of time and have a rest. Tired now!
11am- Fed, burped and clean bums! Must get Babe chocolate for her feeding chart!
12.15pm – Ok I could very much get used to having you popping in for lunch! Oh, and getting me tacos!!!
1.15pm – Yup you get afternoon blow jobs if you are working from home! 😉
3pm- feeding, burping bum cleaning done! Now having a nap, again!
5pm – oh bless Babe waking me up with a kiss on the nose!
5.30pm – I love Babe’s idea of cooking dinner, Fish, and Chips!
7pm- ok now I’m so shocked, I never thought the girls would fight over changing a poopy nappy!
9pm- Hehehe, we beat you at monopoly again!
9.50pm – I swear Connie just cries so she gets cuddled!
10.30pm – bottle, burps and bums done! And so, to bed. x
1.15am – Boobie, burps and bums done!
Saturday 21st October 2017: 7.30am- who…. What…. Where…. . Thank you for letting me sleep in and doing the whole of the morning thing, love you froggie x x x . Also, just so you know the girls love their daddy very much too!
8am – I’m up, dressed, eating breakfast, and doing my meds and neb. Kitten is making me go in to town with the babies and her, cos I need to get out the house and not let my anxiety level build up too much. Terrified, but going to do it. *determined look*
9am – Ok so bag packed, girls tucked up warm, comfortable shoe on, anxiety meds taken and off we go.
11am- I did it! So proud of me and Kitten knows best! On a flipside, I think people must think me and kitten are a couple, cos we keep hugging and kissing. I love that.
11.15 – First time breast feeding in public. No dirty looks or fuss. No need for an apron or fancy get up just used the scarf you got me. thank you, hang up got over!
1pm – Ok we are getting the bus home!
1.25pm – Did it, I’m doing well today!
2pm – late lunch, again thank you!
3pm – off to the super market, please let the girls be ok!
5 pm – oh lord, now I remember why I hate the feck super market on Saturday!
6pm- thank you for asking Steve to dinner I was really worried about him.
7.30pm – I have missed curry night! Girls are tucked up.
10.35 – last feed and now to bed!
12am – I can’t sleep 
2am- getting up cos I really can’t sleep.
2.15am – Hell, what the flip is with the dogs?!?! Mad eye has now decided that I can’t hear the girls crying and must come get me when they do! It’s very off putting to be woofed at by the sheath dog!
Sunday 22nd of October 2017: 6am – so yes, no sleep, feel like crap, need food and strong tea. Thank you for doing the girls morning feed and bath, it is going to take a lot to get this pixie ready for mass!
7.30am – You didn’t have to make me breakfast, get me in the shower or pick my cloths out. But thank you, it is such a help! I’m now going to power nap till a little before 10, like you said to!
9.50am – Smooches to babe for sorting me out. Tea, makeup, and hair done!
10.30am – Well here goes mass with two tiny babies!
12pm- Oh my god Father Michael is epic! Cuddling Evie, the whole first half was wicked!
1pm – pub lunch!
3pm – Home and power nap time! Zzzzzzzzzz
5pm – Why the feck do I have 17 potential client emails and one from &(${df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a}! Asking me to host and run 3 courses in December? I’m on maternity leave!
6pm – Beans on toast for tea, thank you! I could not have eaten proper grown up food.
7.30pm – Bath time.
8.30pm – So yeah, I now fall asleep in the bath. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10pm feed done, bums done, babies asleep, Little mama to bed and sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzz
3am – dear god, never has 5 hours sleep felt so good! Mad eye came and got me to sort the girls out, again! Is he after extra sweet? Or does he think the are some weird human looking puppies? Anyway boobie, burped and bums done! I am now going back to sleep!

So that was last week and my first week of motherhood done and dusted! how was all of your weeks?

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

musings of pixie heart, Question time, social, Uncategorized

Question time with the girls….and Team Kinkcraft!

Well this week for question time with me and the girls is not one but two awesome kinksters! None other than the awesome Andrew and Pixie from the fab Kinkcraft .  Not only do they make , sell and teach people to make awesome kinky toys. They also design and make some of the best plus sized latex I have ever seen! Add to this their awesome Podcast , that is informative and current . So go forth and give them a listen or have a look at their site! (I am getting the linked cuffs kit for my birthday!) want to say a hue thanks to them both for doing this! here is their Question time!

 

Question time with the girls …. And Team Kink Craft!
Describe yourself in 10 words? (Babe)
Andrew: calm, geeky, intelligent patient, funny
Pixie: Short, opinionated, sarcastic, caring, huggable

What do you do for fun away from your everyday life? (Kitten)
One of the most fun things we do is getting out and meeting the bloggers we work with and talk to on twitter. They are an amazing bunch and they are always such a laugh to be with.

Which 5 books have made the biggest impact on you and why? (Mouse)
This is really hard to answer. We both love books but it is hard to narrow it down to books that have had an impact.

 

If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with your spare time? (little bear)
What is sleep and what is spare time?

What are your top 5 pet peeves about society today? (all)
Donny J – Our name for President Trump
The general intolerance of others (Racism, Homophobia, Nazis, etc)
Rudeness – It comes in so many forms from the people on the street, to companies who just don’t seem to care about their customers
Celebrity culture – It is hard to idolise people who seem to have done no good in the world.
Government posturing – There seems to be a lack of care for governments own people at the moment, it’s depressing.

What is the worst job you have ever had and why? (little bear)
Andrew: Working in a shoe shop – playing around all day with people’s feet have put me off them forever.
Pixie: Putting tickets in numerical order – It was the most mind numbing job I have ever done.. I left after a single day and never went back.

What is your kinky skill set? (mouse)
Making kinky toys

What is your idea of a perfect day? (Kitten)
Andrew: Staying in bed till well after midday
Pixie: Good food, good wine, good company

What 5 things could you not live without and why? (Babe)
Internet – You don’t want to see Pixie without the Internet
Chocolate – A world without chocolate isn’t worth living in
Friends – Because good people are hard to find
Sense of humor – because without that what do we have?
Books – I listen to a lot of books about so many things

Tell us how Kink craft came to life? (ALL)
It was a crazy idea I had been thinking about, why can’t people make their own toys? On the whole they are not that hard to do so why aren’t people making their own?

It just so happened Pixie had the skills to make that possible so we thought why not give it a shot.

Silly Questions from little bear (feel free to not answer them)
What do you prefer ice-cream wise?
Andrew: Mint-choc-chip
Pixie: Mainly chocolate but I like to mix it up now and then
Grilled cheese sandwich or bacon sandwich?
Andrew: Bacon sandwich with brown sauce of course
Pixie: Grilled cheese
What is your normal bed time?
Andrew: about 2am most days
Pixie: about the same
What is the best time of day for sex?
Any time
Heals, kitten heals or ballet pumps?
Andrew: None of them do my legs any justice 😛
Pixie: Heels to give me height

Thanks again guys!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x