From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Me and my Collar.

Me and my Collar.
Collar within the BDSM and D/s scene can have many different meanings. From Protection and safety, to ownership and control, to love a devotion. They can be worn all the time, only when playing and sometimes only when with a the dominate. They can be a simple chain necklace, or a fancy ribbon collar to a more traditional leather buckle collar.

I am admittedly a little bit of a collar addict, as I love that I can have a different look or style of collar for different occasions. But I have 3 main types of collar I wear. Firstly, I have my day collar, that is worn most of the time. It is a simple silver chain that is joined in the front with a large sliver O-ring and a smaller silver on ring. The large O-ring represents Maîtriser and the smaller one is me, the are linked together like we are. I’m not allowed to take this off, unless it is a medical emergency. Next are what we call ‘Bedroom collars’. They are the ones I sleep in and wear if we are playing in the bedroom. They are simple ribbon and webbing collars that have a d-ring at the from and to larger ones at the back, that are used to close the collar, either with ribbon or a padlock. Maîtriser or Babe will change my day collar to my bedroom collar at bedtime and then back to my day collar when I get up in the morning. Lastly, I have my play collars. These are leather buckle collars. They are worn when ever we are playing outside the bed room, go to clubs, are around other kink friendly or when Maîtriser says he wants me to wear on. They all have locking buckles so one of my heart padlocks locks me in to them. The is a d-ring at the front that has one of my tags on it. My tags simply read Mouse, my pet name from Maîtriser. They don’t have owned or property of on them, as Maîtriser says he like people to know that I’m his willing submissive and that it was 100% my choice. 3 of my leather collars have spikes on then, this is my way of saying ‘yep I’ll talk to you but touch me without mine and maîtriser permission and I’ll bite!’ I also have a collection of charms and bells that I lave for my bedroom and play collar. The charms are to sort of change the look for my mood. The bells are for when I get in a strop and start stomping round. I get told to not make the bells jangle and in doing that calms me down. Although I do love the jingle it makes when I get fucked hard!

I have a few rules around my collars as well. They are:
• The only people allowed to change my collar are Maîtriser, Babe or Sir Beasty.
• I’m allowed to remove my collar if I must have treatment, scans, or medical emergency.
• I’m allowed to choose what collar, tag, charms, or bells I want to wear on my collar, but maîtriser must ok my choice and but the collar around my neck.
• I must not allow people to touch my collar without asking me and maîtriser first.
• When I’m having my collar changed I am to kneel and hold my hair out of the way.
• I can have an agree upon other change my collar or help me change my collar if maîtriser or babe are not with me.

My collar/s mean a lot of things to me. The are a sign of my submission, that I have a Dom and belong to him. It’s a sign that I am loved, protected, and cared for. It is some thing that brings me great joy and a sense of pride in myself. It makes me believe I am strong and that I am safe to be who I am. It is something that brings me a sense of calm and peace, and I draw strength from it. Lol my boss, who is kink friendly and knows I’m collared says, he can see how much my collar having has help me and how much it means to me. by the fact that when I stand up to teach or give a speech my hand goes straight to my collar.

Well that is little bit about my collars and what they mean to me. hope you enjoyed it!
Pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail

Protectors, guides, and mentors.

So, a few months ago kink craft had an article and podcast about protectors and their role with in the kink community. (John brownstone and Kayla Lords were guest on the podcast). It was a great article and had excellent points. It got me thinking about my own experiences of ‘Protectors’ and wanting to know other options of them I asked on Twitte what others thought of them. Well that was opening a big old can of worms!

People have a lot of very strong opinions of them, both good and bad. The general opinion was that most people who offer to act as ‘Protectors’, are in fact abusive predators and should be avoided like the plague. That some responsibility needs to newbies in doing their own research and being as prepared as they can be. That ‘protectors’ have more of a mentor role. That Doms and Subs new to the kink scene Could use a Mentor or a guide. And above all, always stay ‘Sane. Safe and Consensual’.
I personally hate the term protector or protection. Those terms making me think of the mafia or a brand of condoms. However, I do think that the is a place of protectors in the kink world. Hell, I don’t just think it, I see it as the responsibility of people how have been in the life style for a while to keep an eye on newbies and stand up to people who are likely to course harm to them.

Thankfully the kink scene has a few awesome people who do keep an eye on newbies and keep the A-holes at bay.
My first personal taste of a protector was when I met kitten and she took me to my very first fetish club. I was only 18 and at the time very vulnerable. It was that night that she introduces me to her Dom, a fresh faced 34-year-old boss man. (aww I forgot he was that young once). He sat and chatted to me, pointing out things and explaining stuff. He also introduced me to all the trustworthy and friendly people and pointed out the people who I should avoided like the plague.

We as a family have from time to time acted as a sort of guide to newbies. Showing people around, introducing them to people, explaining term and etiquette. Also pointing the A-holes and wirdos. (I have a picture of sir Beasty going ‘WIRDOs’ and ROTFLMAO’)

Us girls also acted as what I guess you would call mentors, but I would call it more of a friend and being open and approachable. We have all been around and active in kink, on some level for a lot of years. (Babe has been for 21 years, but I’m not saying she is old, just mature, and sexy as hell). We will take newbie subs under are wing, answering questions, explaining things, sharing safe and informative rescores and inviting them to come to events with us. The Boss Man has also acted as a mentor many times. He first got in to kink and BDSM when he was 22 and is 53 now. (his sexy as hell though). He does pretty much the same as we do but will also teach or show them how to use floggers and canes and the like.

Now I’m going to share the reason babe actively act as a mentor / protector. On a night out in a club in London in early 2006 the was a newbie male sub, who was trying to get in with the hardcore mistresses who put on a great show and had these amazing sub, who were willing to do anything. Well to cut a long story short this poor guy took GHB and went on to have a bad reaction, now that is bad part. The good part was a very well known at respected female Dom saw what had happened, had her 2-male sub to calmly move him to the side, then took it on her shoulders to take care of this poor guy. Make sure someone sat with him, made him drink water, got him food, kept him warm and went as far as making sure he got home and that the was someone sober stayed with him till he was sober. It really impacts on babe in a big way. I think it is one of the ways that make Babe the way she is as a Dom.

I’m going to say here that as a family we believe that if People in the BDSM, kinky and fetish Scenes want to be seen in a positive manner, they sold act and play in a responsible, none judgemental way. So why would they not wanted support and encourage new people and offer them protection.

As with anything in are little family we do things a little differently, cos we are us. Maîtriser always says that our safety and well being is the most important thing in the world to him. But the are 4 of us at home and he only has one set of arms and one set of eyes. So, we have rule and regs to keep us safe and to give him peace of mind. Are rules being: No going out after 10pm on our own. No going to pubs or clubs on are own. If 3 of us are drinking, 1 of us must stay sober. No playing in clubs with out babe with us. If in doubt, ask yourself What Would Babe do. (WWBD)

We also have a list of real world and online friends that act as sort of protectors for me and the girls. They are known as ‘pre-agreed others’ and are listed at the back of are contracts we have with maîtriser. The are there to keep an eye on us, but we can also turn to them for advice and guidance if we need it. This was added to are rules, not because he does not trust us. But we have had issues with other people in the past and we all wanted to feel as safe as we can be. The list is full of people that us girls and maîtriser feel we can trust totally

For me the whole safety thing has been huge part of my recovery from Domestic violence and has helped me to rebuild my life. I sometimes think people might see it as me going from one controlled relationship to an even more controlling relationship. But 80% of my rules are there at my asking. They are there to make me feel safe, and thus keeping me happy and healthy. Some of my rules: Who I can and can’t talk to. The amount of contact I have with my family. Social media, email and phone checked when ever maîtriser asks and that my blog is co by Sir Beasty. I asked for these as when I get sick I ide things and with these in place, the slightest sign that I’m getting sick, the boss man will step in and stop it getting worse.

So that is My thoughts and take on things. What works for me and the family, may not work for you, but it works for us. What I will say is you should always do your research, take your time to think, don’t rush. Stay sane, safe, and consensual. be careful who you trust. If something feels wrong in your gut, trust it, and remove yourself the situation. But above all safety first!

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life

Endless Possibilities – Being part of an open poly family.

So, I was sat moaning to poor Sir Beasty, about not having anything to write about and how I was one post short for my seven I needed to post this week. He said, ‘write about the possibilities of being in an open poly family’. (I think he may have been fed up with my moaning). But it hit me, I talk endlessly about the D/s side of are little family, but not so much the poly side of things. So, liking Besty’s idea a great deal, I decided to write about it!

Now first things first I guess I should explain are ‘Family’ dynamic a little. Well briefly the is 1 straight man living with 4 bi-sexual women. (I know he is a lucky man). At home we all classes each other as partners and we are pretty much equal, but we do also have are D/s side and that will always be part of a poly side as well. All of us girls are sub to the boss man and we are pretty high on the old protocol side of things, so of course this plays in to are poly dynamic. I’m also going to say that we do not class are selves as swingers. For us playing with people or fucking is not something we can do with out feeling an emotional connection with someone. Don’t get me wrong the is nothing wrong with swinging, but it’s not for us. (your kink is not my kink and that is ok)

Now leaving the boss man out of things for a minute, I’m going to explain us girls dynamic and how it fits in to the ‘Family’ When it comes to playing and sex. Babe is the family switch, she dates people away from the family, but is also a driving force behind a lot of are fun and play at home. Kitten, Little Bear, and myself are subbie with her and she is kind of second in charge. Kitten is sub and is free to date and play away from the family, but Babe and Maîtriser have the right to step in and stop her doing so if they think that it is harming her mental health. Little bear does Has a Daddy/ fences but is also Sub to maîtriser and Babe. She can date and play away from her family but chooses not to at the moment. Then the is little old me, I’m married to maîtriser and his sub. I don’t date outside of the family and I don’t play or fuck anyone else without maîtriser or babe being with me (ok so I can play with kitten and little bear). I do this through choice and not because of rules. It’s more the fact that I draw strength from having them with me and I feel more relaxed with them with me.

Us girls Go on are Girl dates and this is where we get to have some fun! We all love flirting, teasing, and getting phone numbers. We can kiss who ever we want as long as we have the other girls in sight. But the is no taking people home or disappearing outside. If we are drinking, someone (normally me or Babe) stays sober, just in case. Maîtriser says when we go for a ‘Big ‘night out it’s like we are hunting in a pack and the men and women of where ever we are going should watch out!

At home we fuck and play pretty much when and where we want too! If we ask maîtriser first. We also have people who join us in are kinky fuckery from time to time. In kind of a kinky sleep over (I don’t like the word orgies, they sound kind of dirty). The girls can also have people stay over, if they let us all know first, if they play safe and if the person understands and Is respectful of are set up. We also have rules around play and sex. We always stay safe, sane, and consensual. We don’t play if we don’t want to or don’t feel like it. If we bring anyone else in to playing with us, we all must agree. But above we never make each other feel awkward if we don’t want to play.

We also invited people to join us in D/s senses as well. Normally Dom / Switch males who don’t mind following directions, And Dom women who can do the same. We also have a lot of playmates who are Sub female, who’s Doms let them join in are fun and games. Now I mentioned ‘as long as they can take direction’ bit, well this is because Maîtriser is a big old vouarist and loves telling people what to do us girls. (one of the reasons he is known as the boss man). So, when we have others in sense with us he is normally sat at the side, getting his rocks of to us playing to are hearts content. The fact that we all have very naughty exebishunest streaks means that we a happy to play like this and make him proud.For me on a personal level, I find playing with other amazingly good for my self-esteem, but I need to know the person first and need to trust them. My ex would bring other women and men home and expect me to want to fuck them, but now I get to bring people I want to screw in to the mix and I can say no whenever I want. I prefer Maîtriser or Babe with me and I love being told what to do. But that is more my submissive side than anything else. Oh, and I am always looking for new playmates!

So, to us being part of an ‘Open’ Poly family really does hold a world of possibility’s and we love the little, twisted family that we are. So that is my take on it! What does Open mean to you?
Pixie x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Pixie's Prompt – my love language .

Take the love language test , write done you result, is it true? Explain. max 300 words.

My results are:

10 Words of Affirmation
7 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch
6 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts

So this was actually not that surprising . I’m not big on receiving gift , although I do get given lots as rewards for being a good girl. I love my cuddlies and spending time with my partners. The acts of service part well I don’t agree with that as I would much prefer to be the one doing the act of service, I think I’m just hard weird that way. The words of affirmation well yeah! no shocker there. I / We have none for ages that I turn to goo after a partner tells me they are proud of me , or stop and listen to me or tell me I’m doing a good job. But it is also that being told I’m loved and that I’m wanted is a sure-fire way to make me feel calmer and smiley. So on the whole I think it’s true except the act of service part, as I really don’t like it when people have to feel they need to do stuff for me. but the rest is pretty on point. quite funnily Kitten got nearly the same as me , Babe got a really high score in quality time and Little bears highest for physical touch. The Boss Man got 11 for acts of service and 1 for receiving gift, so I think it shows that we really are well suited!

See you tomorrow kinkies!

Hugs,

Pixie x

 

broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Pixie’s Prompt – three questions, 300 words.

Pixie’s Prompt – three questions, 300 words.
Answer the 3 questions in 300 words or less, but giving reasoned answer.

1) An important person in your life: My Great Aunty May. Simply because she is an amazing woman. Strong minded, open, and clever. She has taught me some many things about being who I am. She is a feisty lady, who is farce and brave, even when she’s not. But the thing I love about her the most is the fact she has been there every step of the way of my recovery. From hospital, to coming home, to remarrying and becoming a mum, she ha been there. Oh, and she can tell the boss man what to do!

2) A thing your life has in excess: Love, my life is full of love. Whether that is giving love, being loved, or feeling love. Some many different types of love. For friends, lovers, family, or my babies. I never thought it was possible to feel this much love and I’m a very blessed lady to have this amount of love in my life.

 

3) How you procrastinate: Well I don’t really! No, I do, but I also must have a lot of structure in my days, or I feel very stressed and like I’m just waiting time. That would then make me panicky and anxious and no one wants that. I guess I do like Pinterest and twitter quite a lot. I also enjoy stripping down to my panties and a t-shirt, turning up the music and dancing round the kitchen. Also, a big fan of taking long baths and naps. But then I am also happy to spend the day writing or to clean for a few hours. For me life is about balance and priorities.

See i can write something in under 300 words!

Hugs,

Pixie

broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Anger is an energy…

Anger is an energy.
Right let me start by say, yep totally ripped of John Lydon book. Now moving on to what this blog post is about shall we?! Well in a nut shell it’s about anger, how people see and treat it, and how it affects me and how I deal with it.
Anger is kind of the elephant in the room for a lot of people or a sort of forbidden emotion. I mean pretty much every other emotion is accepted, if not welcome. But poor old anger is always seen as a negative emotion and something you’re not meant to show. But like all things we try to keep hidden, when it finally comes to the surface it can be messy, hurt people and really fuck you up if you don’t deal with it. The way I look at it is, that anger is not always a negative thing, it is a very strong emotion with a lot of energy behind it, needing careful handling, but should not be feared, as we all at some point feel anger.
For me anger was and is a big part of my life, that I work hard on controlling. I know that may sound shocking to some, as online pixie is sweet and innocent, cute and little. With maybe the odd rant or rude word here and there. For the most part you would be right, but the is another side that you don’t see and that is the angry Pixie, who rants rages and has been known to throw plate at the boss man. I know shocking right?! But I am only human, and it is only natural to get angry sometimes. But for me anger has or did for a long time have a negative impact on my life. I was not allowed to show anger at home growing up. My mother would never allow it and my daddy would turn his anger on me in the form of a beating or horrid word. when I hit my teens, I started to have angry outburst, that I now know were due to not dealing with abuse and with having Anxious ADD. But I was lucky that some one saw this and I got sent to an anger magnet therapist and learnt ways to deal with it
For my anger has a few different Face. The is Mrs grumpy face that people get when I’m tired, feel unwell or get woken up by the phone at 6 am. Then the Rage monster, this is when I get mad at people being treated unfairly, people hurting those I love or some numpty cutting me up oh the rounder bout. It is normally accompanied with a lot of swearing, shouting and hot air. Then we have anxious, broken brained angry Pixie. I don’t now when or what this looks like, not as my brain switches off and I can’t function. I have been told I become short, extremally critical and rude with people. Then the is to me the scariest type, the silent sighing type, that I turn in on myself. It’s the one I get when I feel I have fucked something up or not done enough. It is my self-critical side and it frightens the crap out of me. it has in the past led to self harm, anxiety attack, and a few times trying to take my life. It is spiteful, rude, and aggressive and it is always turn in on me. It led to me losing my friends, disliking myself and not try anything.
But with everything I need to do in my life, I say, I’m working on it. Its not gone, but I am living with it. I did this by meeting it head on, challenging it and fighting it. I won’t let it rule my life and I do not deserve to fell like it makes me feel.
I have ways to deal with it, that I have learnt in therapy and from maîtriser. They are:
• Breath – Ok so deep breathing works amazingly well for so many things. But I also have a little mantra I say while doing deep breathing, it is ‘Breath just breath. Keep moving forward, take baby steps if you have too. But keep moving and just breath.’ Saying this brings me back down to a normal level of meness.
• Time out – So yes, I give myself time outs. Simply as turning my phone off, iPod on calming music and I go sit and calm down for 20 mins, not talking or interacting with anyone.
• Walk it off – Again as simple as putting my shoes on and taking a dog for a walk. I come back, and I’m calm and not going to kill anyone.
• Scream about it – Ok so this is always as simply as screaming. It normally involves the boss man taking me to the gym, stick loud music on and making me spare with him. The is highly stress reliving about kicking the crap out of someone.
• Talk or write about it – I see a therapist every 2 weeks and blog as a way of keeping a lid on things.
• Hug it out – ok so this is pure and simply my nana’s idea! When I was a kid, if I got angry instead of telling me off or shouting at me and resulting in me getting angrier. She would make me hug someone. Normally my granddah, her or my great, great aunty win. It was her belief and now mine that you can’t stay mad if your hugging someone.
So that is my take on anger and how I deal with it. I know it must seem a little strange to some but for me it really does work!

Hugs,
Pixie x

broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Pixie’s prompt – Music be the food of love….

Pic 3 pieces of music that mean different things to you. Explain what they mean to you and why? How do you feel when you hear them? What do you think of when your hear them?

The town I loved so welll , by Phil Coulte. (the High Kings version).

This is a song that was written by Phil Coulte of the Dubliners and it’s about his childhood growing up in a town called Derry in Northern Ireland. For me it takes me back to my childhood in Belfast and Armagh. I have some very happy memories of my childhood, which this song reminds me of. But on the flip side it reminds me of the troubles in Ireland. It also for me sums up the people of the towns I grow up in. Fiercely proud of are roots, Loving, caring and are refusal to let the troubles impact on are lives. It makes me happy and sad at the say time, with a little bit of home sickness thrown in for good measure.

One more light, by Linkin Park.
So this song is not the happiest of songs, and a few weeks after this song came out the leader sing of the band took his life. But I can really relate to it on a lot of leaves. When I’m really depressed I feel like my light goes out and that people cant see me. I love how this song sort of tells you that if your light really were to go out that it really would mater to people. That your not just one more light to go out and that we all mater. But I can also feel the pain of the person say that it would mater to them, reminding me of the pain I have felt when my friends have past away or try to hurt themselves . it a beautiful song that reminds me that no matter how bad I feel someone would miss you.

I’m Yours, by Ron Pope.

This was the song that maîtriser and I had been first dance at are wedding to, so it brings back memories of that. But it was also a song that he would sing to me as I was recovering from trying to end my life. Thinking about it I guess maybe it was his way of saying “oi, your daft cow I love you” But I was so poorly, both mentally and physically at the time, just nothing sunk in. But know when I hear it I just feel a rush of love and want to hug maîtriser. IT also reminds me that his mine and I’m his, for the rest of are lives!

broken brained, family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Me and my broken brain – Fighting on.

My broken Brain – Fighting on.
So, I had a wee bit of a break down at the weekend (A all at once i’m sad again..). It was I guess a long time coming. I have had so many things going and with me if I drop one of the balls that I juggle, and everything comes crashing down around me. It leaves me feeling like I have failed, leading to me losing my focus, becoming over whelmed by everything and then not being able to do anything. It feels a lot like my brain freezes and I need help to defrost it. So today with maîtriser to hold my hand I went to see my CPN, as I was not sure of the best way to move forward. Not wanting to take on to much, but scared of doing to little. Knowing full well if I do either thing will only get worse and that I do not want to go back to my dark days. I should say My CPN is amazing and he has been there every step of the way after I tried to kill myself (it never gets easier saying that). At first, he was an NHS CPN, but when I was well enough to be discharged from the NHS care, maîtriser made me keep seeing both my physiatrist and CPN privately, as he feels my mental health is something that should not be neglected. Luckily for both wonderful mental health works have been willing to work with me as a privet patient. Even more luckily, we can afford to do this, I know the are so many people let down by mental health services.
So, after talking for a bit, my CPN agreed I am having a depressive episode and that my anxiety levels are high right now. After saying that aloud we sat and talked about a plan of action to get me better and back on track. We broke it down in to 3 parts and I have been made to promise not to try and do all 3 at once (DAMN!)
So, the first part is making sure I take of my basic needs as a human people. So, this is the plan for each of them:
• Nutrition – I must make sure I have 3 balanced meals a day and 3 snacks a day. Eating my 5 a day, clean protein, and complex carbs. Limiting processed food and refined sugars.
• Fulgide in take – Make sure I drink 3 litters a day of un caffeinated liquid, that is also low sugar. I also must limit my caffeine in take to 3 caps of a day and no caffeine after 1pm
• Exercise – 30 mins a day of something other than walking my dogs.
• Sun light / Fresh air – Spend 30 mins a day out side.
• Rest and relaxation – Spend 3o mins a day doing an activate that I find relaxing and peaceful. It must not involve tech or writing.
• Sleep – 7 hours at night, with a 30-min afternoon nap.
The next part of the get pixie better plan is kind the get your fight on part. It is al about dealing with what is in my head and not listening to the voices and push on. We are going to do this in 3 key ways, they are:
• Adapt to it – So my anxiety is stopping me doing things, but with anything if you think out side the box you can find away round it. I mean I can’t just get on a bus or train to go some place on my own, but if I have the babies or one of the dogs with me I can. As they give me something other than the thing that is making anxious to focus on!
• Challenge it – This applies to the negative voices in my head that tell I have failed, that I’m stupid or that I should just give up. The way I challenge them is. I write down the thing that I am thinking and how it made me feel. Then later with someone else, normally kitten I will sit down and find things that prove that they are not true.
• Fight it – This is the hardest thing to do, but it gives me the best feeling ever. I fight it in a lot of ways. Walking to the post box to post a letter when I get anxious about leaving the house. Or poking fun at my depression, calling it names back or refusing to listen to it.
The last part is my does and don’ts
My dos are:
• Stand tall.
• Breath.
• Ask for help.
• Talk about it
• Meet it head on.
My don’ts is:
• Don’t hide it.
• Don’t shy away from it
• Don’t feel ashamed of it.
Well that is my plan for getting my brain better, again. I also have 2 things I must remember as well, they are, I am enough and that it is ok to not be ok. With all this I feel a little brighter and lighter. Like I have a tiny bit of my fight back again. So yeah bring it!

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 23 & 24 of the Submissivs Advent calendar, by Submissive Guide – Twinkling stars and lights & Spirt of submission.

So you may have noticed that this my last post and this one are going out on Christmas day. Things have been a little made round here for the last few day, and that is saying something! All the girls are done with work till the new year, we have Emit and Steve staying, my mother-in-law arrived yesterday to stay as well. I spent 7 hours in A & E with Steve , after he split his head open after fainting. Added to this that I forgot to get half the food shopping we needed and still forgot the carrots , so I had to do a emergency shop at 7.45 last night. Well yeah, it’s been mental. Then this morning Little Bear got the whole house up at 5.15 am to do stockings, I may be found in a corner asleep at this rate!

So on to Saturday’s activates, the focus of which was lights and stars , and how they can leave you in awe of their beauty and light. The first activate was called look at all the lights. The idea was for you to wrap up warm and take a walk around the area you live in and look at all the Christmas lights. The second was call , What awes you? . It was a reflection on what leaves you in awe around the winter session. Well I did both!

What I did was wrap myself, the babies and two of the dogs up , and went for a nice long walk round the local area to look at the lights. I used my alone time to do this, I get an hour a day that I can do what ever I want. it was amazing and really beautiful , if not a little cold. the most breath –  taking site had to be the light that come form the cathedral. Sat right in the middle of the town, on a hill and flood light. it is just stunning and always makes me feel like I’m home. As for what I’m in Awe of? well So many things. How loving and giving people are, my little poly family and what the boss man does for us all. Then is my great aunty may , at 82 she is still as feisty as ever and still kick butt when she needs too!

So on to Sunday’s activity and their focus, which was the spirit of Submission. It gave a famous quote , by Rumi ‘ There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground’ . This point of the quote for submissive is that the are so many different ways to submit. The first activity was to think about the quote and how you have shown as a submissive this year. the second was to think about the holidays and how it relates to your submission. I chose to do the first.

The were some hand little points to think about, so I have used them , here is what I came up with.

  • How has your submission shone this year? Well I have had a massively busy year, but I have now got to the point that I know what I am expected to do, without be asked to do it. I have also done nearly everything I have been asked to do with grace and a smile. I’m not going to say its all been easy, some of the things I have been asked to do have really push me out of my comfort zone, but I have done them. Properly the biggest thing for me is that I have actually spoken up for myself and also asked for help when I need it, which is something I have really had to try hard with. Are roles have also changed a lot this year. With the growth of the CG/l and the CNC parts becoming a very big part of life. I have also become a lot softer and more relaxed with myself, that has led to me being happier and more settled .
  • What can you d to enhance your feeling of submission in the coming year? Oh well that is a tough question! Well I have asked that I am allowed to wear my proper leather collar more, so I will know be wearing that at home in the day time if I’m on my own. I have also hand over a lot more to maîtriser over the last few months, and I would like for us to step things up a little more , I’m just not sure how or in what way. a few people have suggested TPE or Master / slave dynamic , but that would not work for me, as I can’t ring and ask to be allowed to go to the loo , I need to be able to think on my feet. I mean I run a business, have 7 dogs and 2 small babies!
  • Where are you in your Journey? Are you stuck at a fork in the road or are you traveling on easy street? How would you describe your current situation? Well I would say I’m happy, settled , in love and proud. I think maîtriser has got me to a point that I am kept guessing what is to come, but it does not make me anxious or to off kilter. I hope and pray that things remain this way for a long time to come , but I am sure that , we as a family can deal with anything that comes up!

Well sadly that is the end of my Advent Calendar! but maîtriser has decided that his going to be giving more bloggy-woggie-do-dah challenges in 2018, So YAY!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Diary, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Day 22 of the Submissive Advent Calendar, by Submissive guide – Here we come – A – Caroling.

Evening all! How are we all doing this wonderful day ? what have you all been up to? Today has been another fab day in the weird world Pixie! The boss man worked really late and then work up saying he was going to work, even though he did actually need to. He would not listen to me so i brought out the big guns, in the shape of his Mother and my Great Aunty May , and after phone calls and being told off , and he stayed home with us! I got to make him breakfast in bed, then had cuddles and nookie! Then Big Steve turned up 2 hours early for his Christmas visit!

So anyway on to todays activities! They are all based on obscure Christmas traditions. the First activity was called Apples. Oranges and Carols. it is based on the tradition of making a Christmas basket of apples and oranges and going round the village, sings carols and giving out the fruit to their boughs . the task was to make your own basket and take it to a nabourgh, that you have never spoken to , so you can spread some Christmas cheer! The second was to crack open out the Christmas music , sit back and enjoy! being a bit anxious today , I chose to do the second!

So what we decided to dig out the Christmas play list of Spotify. We made it the first Christmas we were together as a little poly family! We popped it on after lunch while we all did craft this afternoon, with tea and cakes. The play list seems to be in two halves first one was full of really upbeat music, stuff you could dance round the kitchen too! the second half is slower and full of carols, that I always end up singing along too, really badly. but the are three songs on the playlist that send shivers down my spin and bring tears to my eyes. Silent night, sung by the High Kings, an Irish family group. it just takes me back to Christmas eves as a little girl and my granddad sing it in his arm-chair by the fire. Then the is away in a manger , this was my nana’s favorite Christmas carol. It makes me really miss her, but remember part of her will always be with me. Then the is How great thou art. This was the song that was being sung the first time I went to Mass after I tried to take my life. It was a really hard thing to do, to walk in to a church paked of people, who I thought would judge me for ‘Sinning’. But instead I was met , for the most part, with love and respect. This song just takes me back to that time, and I feel humbled that people are so forgiving and It has made me a lot more forgiving as well. If people could forgive my lies and what I did to myself , then I can and will be the better person and forgive others. I have even started , with the help of my therapist to try to forgive my ex for what he did to me, but that will take a lot of work and time.

So that is today, see you all tomorrow!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x