From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 23 & 24 of the Submissivs Advent calendar, by Submissive Guide – Twinkling stars and lights & Spirt of submission.

So you may have noticed that this my last post and this one are going out on Christmas day. Things have been a little made round here for the last few day, and that is saying something! All the girls are done with work till the new year, we have Emit and Steve staying, my mother-in-law arrived yesterday to stay as well. I spent 7 hours in A & E with Steve , after he split his head open after fainting. Added to this that I forgot to get half the food shopping we needed and still forgot the carrots , so I had to do a emergency shop at 7.45 last night. Well yeah, it’s been mental. Then this morning Little Bear got the whole house up at 5.15 am to do stockings, I may be found in a corner asleep at this rate!

So on to Saturday’s activates, the focus of which was lights and stars , and how they can leave you in awe of their beauty and light. The first activate was called look at all the lights. The idea was for you to wrap up warm and take a walk around the area you live in and look at all the Christmas lights. The second was call , What awes you? . It was a reflection on what leaves you in awe around the winter session. Well I did both!

What I did was wrap myself, the babies and two of the dogs up , and went for a nice long walk round the local area to look at the lights. I used my alone time to do this, I get an hour a day that I can do what ever I want. it was amazing and really beautiful , if not a little cold. the most breath –  taking site had to be the light that come form the cathedral. Sat right in the middle of the town, on a hill and flood light. it is just stunning and always makes me feel like I’m home. As for what I’m in Awe of? well So many things. How loving and giving people are, my little poly family and what the boss man does for us all. Then is my great aunty may , at 82 she is still as feisty as ever and still kick butt when she needs too!

So on to Sunday’s activity and their focus, which was the spirit of Submission. It gave a famous quote , by Rumi ‘ There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground’ . This point of the quote for submissive is that the are so many different ways to submit. The first activity was to think about the quote and how you have shown as a submissive this year. the second was to think about the holidays and how it relates to your submission. I chose to do the first.

The were some hand little points to think about, so I have used them , here is what I came up with.

  • How has your submission shone this year? Well I have had a massively busy year, but I have now got to the point that I know what I am expected to do, without be asked to do it. I have also done nearly everything I have been asked to do with grace and a smile. I’m not going to say its all been easy, some of the things I have been asked to do have really push me out of my comfort zone, but I have done them. Properly the biggest thing for me is that I have actually spoken up for myself and also asked for help when I need it, which is something I have really had to try hard with. Are roles have also changed a lot this year. With the growth of the CG/l and the CNC parts becoming a very big part of life. I have also become a lot softer and more relaxed with myself, that has led to me being happier and more settled .
  • What can you d to enhance your feeling of submission in the coming year? Oh well that is a tough question! Well I have asked that I am allowed to wear my proper leather collar more, so I will know be wearing that at home in the day time if I’m on my own. I have also hand over a lot more to maîtriser over the last few months, and I would like for us to step things up a little more , I’m just not sure how or in what way. a few people have suggested TPE or Master / slave dynamic , but that would not work for me, as I can’t ring and ask to be allowed to go to the loo , I need to be able to think on my feet. I mean I run a business, have 7 dogs and 2 small babies!
  • Where are you in your Journey? Are you stuck at a fork in the road or are you traveling on easy street? How would you describe your current situation? Well I would say I’m happy, settled , in love and proud. I think maîtriser has got me to a point that I am kept guessing what is to come, but it does not make me anxious or to off kilter. I hope and pray that things remain this way for a long time to come , but I am sure that , we as a family can deal with anything that comes up!

Well sadly that is the end of my Advent Calendar! but maîtriser has decided that his going to be giving more bloggy-woggie-do-dah challenges in 2018, So YAY!


Pixie x x x x

Diary, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Day 22 of the Submissive Advent Calendar, by Submissive guide – Here we come – A – Caroling.

Evening all! How are we all doing this wonderful day ? what have you all been up to? Today has been another fab day in the weird world Pixie! The boss man worked really late and then work up saying he was going to work, even though he did actually need to. He would not listen to me so i brought out the big guns, in the shape of his Mother and my Great Aunty May , and after phone calls and being told off , and he stayed home with us! I got to make him breakfast in bed, then had cuddles and nookie! Then Big Steve turned up 2 hours early for his Christmas visit!

So anyway on to todays activities! They are all based on obscure Christmas traditions. the First activity was called Apples. Oranges and Carols. it is based on the tradition of making a Christmas basket of apples and oranges and going round the village, sings carols and giving out the fruit to their boughs . the task was to make your own basket and take it to a nabourgh, that you have never spoken to , so you can spread some Christmas cheer! The second was to crack open out the Christmas music , sit back and enjoy! being a bit anxious today , I chose to do the second!

So what we decided to dig out the Christmas play list of Spotify. We made it the first Christmas we were together as a little poly family! We popped it on after lunch while we all did craft this afternoon, with tea and cakes. The play list seems to be in two halves first one was full of really upbeat music, stuff you could dance round the kitchen too! the second half is slower and full of carols, that I always end up singing along too, really badly. but the are three songs on the playlist that send shivers down my spin and bring tears to my eyes. Silent night, sung by the High Kings, an Irish family group. it just takes me back to Christmas eves as a little girl and my granddad sing it in his arm-chair by the fire. Then the is away in a manger , this was my nana’s favorite Christmas carol. It makes me really miss her, but remember part of her will always be with me. Then the is How great thou art. This was the song that was being sung the first time I went to Mass after I tried to take my life. It was a really hard thing to do, to walk in to a church paked of people, who I thought would judge me for ‘Sinning’. But instead I was met , for the most part, with love and respect. This song just takes me back to that time, and I feel humbled that people are so forgiving and It has made me a lot more forgiving as well. If people could forgive my lies and what I did to myself , then I can and will be the better person and forgive others. I have even started , with the help of my therapist to try to forgive my ex for what he did to me, but that will take a lot of work and time.

So that is today, see you all tomorrow!


Pixie x x x x


From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 20 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Christmas Cookies.

So how are we all today ? Been busy? Over worked? well I’m sending you all lots of love and hugs! Today has been an epic good day for me. I have Babe home and my friend Emit is here for the Holidays!

So today’s activates focus was Christmas Cookies, or focusing on the smaller picture and Christmas traditions. Not the Big and Clever christmas traditions. It was time for us to hull up in the kitchen and bake Cookies . Well that was the first activity , get all the stuff you need to make a batch of your favorite , none fancy pants cookies. The second was to use store-bought cookie dough and cookies , warm them up and sit bake and enjoy! We had extra time , all us girls and Emit fancied a spot of baking and well it was cold out so we did the first activatiy !

So we actually spent half and hour all together tiding and clean the kitchen. We got the puppy play pen out and tuck the babies behind it in their snuggle pods. Then Babe made a pot of tea. we found the latest Guilty Feminist Podcast, and little bear went through the cupboard to see what Cookies we hand the ingredients to make. we went with my nana’s chocolate chip Cookies and Ginger farling. It was really nice to actually show and explain to little bear how to make them. I really love passing things on to someone who really loves what I’m showing them. As for the rest of us, well we sat around , caught up on what is going on in each others lives and just relaxed. No big fuse, no need to think of the bigger picture , just being with the people we love.

So that was our afternoon , look forward to seeing what tomorrow brings,

Hugs ,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Day 19 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar , by submissive guide – Seen but not heard.

Hello my lovely friends of the interweb! how are you this fine day? what have been up to? I myself  have been a very busy . I had an English lesion, breakfast with my boss, tidy and cleaned the spare room, waxed lyrical about jam, eaten jam, and loved my babies! I also tried to pic my little dog spidie up, all 3 kg of her and buggers my back, to the point I had to call Kitten to help me get off the floor and get my ciro to do a home visit. Turned out not to be my back but my hip popped out of line, ouchies later and now move, all be it looking like I have been kicked in the bum!

Anyway back to the task in hand , If I can stop thinking about jam . right todays focus was the saying ‘children should be seen and not heard’. the first activity was called Quiet Bells. The idea was to attach bells on to your person and to see how quietly you could move and see what you noticed. the second was called Quiet voice. the aim was to speak and act in a quiet calm manner as much as you could for the day . now I read todays activities to maîtriser at breakfast, and him being in a mood for testing me, decided that I could do both! (his in a grumpy cos his not allowed to go skiing)

So he adapted the quiet bells activity a little, I was allowed to wear one of leather collars today, that locks and has a bell on it! most of my collars have bells on them for the very reason of this activity or as maîtriser says , so he knows where I am and what I’m doing! I was also allowed to wear the little cuffs that we put bells on too! at first I was jingling all over the shop and it made me very a wear that I was stomping round the house and being a little clumsy and loud. So I tried taking small step and listened for the jingle, and it was less. strangle making the effort to make less noise while moving , left me feeling calmer. having bells on my cuffs meant I learnt how flipping much I move me hands around when I talk with my hands and how hard I can hit the keys on my laptop when typing. so I try to cut back on both of them, but it did mean sitting on my hands a lot!

For the quiet voice activity , well I really loved this. I have a form of autism , and one of the things I really struggle with is the tone and volume of my voice. So this task made me practice me tone and volume , and that is a really good thing! also by being a little quieter and more softly spoken meant that I used please and thank you more, smiled more and giggled rather than use my Wally laugh! maîtriser said he likes it when I talk , rather than shout, and I got an extra reward sticker today for being calmer and even more polite!

So today has been great fun and really made my think, so I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Night all .

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 18 of the Submissive advent calendar, By submissive guide – Becoming Real.

Hello Kinksters! Again how are we all today? How are doing this evening? I have my Little bear and my Kitten home with me, but babe will not Wednesday. I do however get to drive to the airport, with the babies to pick her up and my Friend Emit , who is coming for Christmas. So that is something that I have to look forward too!

So today we have an excerpt from the wonderful , The Velveteen Rabbit. this is the passage.

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just
to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When
you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit
by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It
takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved
off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very
shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are
Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The first activity was to sit and think how it tied into to your submission and  how it relates to love in genres. the second the was about Becoming real. It was to identified when your submission became real , what it look like, how it and how it cemented you identity as a submissive. I decided to do the second activity today.

I guess I first felt submissive when I was about 15 and a girlfriend took control and told me what she wanted me to do to her. But I think when I first felt submissive with maîtriser was when he visited me in hospital after trying to take my own life. I had lied to a lot of people, and I was still hiding a lot of thing from my family and doctors. He sat by my bed and told me he would help me heal and put myself back together , but I had to tell him the whole truth, that the were to be no more lies and that I had to trust him. I was at my absolute lowest point, almost given up on life and defiantly on myself. He made me open up, it hurt , the were tears and a shit load of pain cam pouring out. He locust out ever little bit, pushed me when I thought I could not go on and tested my limits of being vulnerable. But he also held my hand, his calm strength and did not judge me. He knew what I needed , made me talk and never flinched at what I said. He left me with 3 rules to follow if I wanted his help to fix myself 1) No lies. 2) to ask for help when I needed it. and 3) to not harm myself . at this point we were only ‘friends’ , but he saw how much I need rule to follow to get well. but he also knew I needed to do the work, with someone to hold my hand and stand by my side. it Looking at it now I guess he was giving me my first ever rules as a submissive. but to me it just felt like It was just a friend helping a friend. he made my brain calm, loved and safe. I think that is when I really feel in love with him. Cos he saw me  at my worse , and loved the way I need to be loved.

Well that turned out rather deep and meaningful for a Monday night!


Pixie x x x x


From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 17 of the Submissive's advent calendar , by submissive guide – saying thank you.

So this time next week I will be getting ready for a massive family Christmas eve party. It is a family tradition that my daddy’s side of the family gather at my aunt’s house , eat drink and be merry. I used to love it, but since my nana passed away, I find it very hard. after the death of two of my dads sisters , it is almost to painful to go. they were the lynch pin in the family and without them are once close family has become fragmented. So I’m going , but it has left me feeling very strange.

Right enough whingeing on to today’s fun and games . the focus of today is saying thank you. It’s about think of who and what you are thankfully to have in your life , and saying thank you so they know how important they are and how much you appreciate them . the first activate was to take some time out and say a proper thank you to some one important in your life and tell them why they are so important to you. the second one was to make some home-made cards and use them to say thank you to people . I’m doing they first as I am feeling a little under the weather and I’m not sure I would give 100% to making card, wich is a shame as I love-making cards , and doing craft . especially with the girls., spread out on the kitchen table and a Podcast on . But the girls are with their blood family today, so I chose to do the first one.

As the girls are not here and cos I still feel poorly and low,  maîtriser sat a did this with me! (and I was allowed to have bat cat and poppins!) . I wrote a postcards for the girls , Aunty May, Uncle Fred, Emit, Big Steve and Sir Beasty. I also wrote down why I am thankful for maîtriser, and this is what I wrote.

Maîtriser, I am thankful to have you in my life. You have helped me take back my life back and rebuild myself. you have taught me that it is ok to be myself, to love myself and to take pride in everything that I do. thank you for making see that I need to take care of myself, to be my best and to be able to care for others. you have shown me that I have a great deal of strength and courage from freely submitting to you and by the level of control I have also freely given you. I want to say thanking for my collar, my wedding ring, my home , the girls that you bought in to my life and for the beautiful twin baby girls. After every thing I did to hurt myself and to hurt the people around me, you forgave me and showed me how to forgive myself, you trusted myself and to belive in my self. Thank you for pushing me and making me work as hard as I can to be the best me I can be. thank you for providing me with everything I need to be myself, to feel loved, cared about and safe. But lastly thank you for letting me love you and belong to you!

well I am now off to say a very special thank you too maîtriser!


Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 14 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by Submissive guide – Don't be afraid to be brave.

So yesterday about being afraid and brave with inn are submission. like being frightened to do something and still doing it. We have a made up word for it Scave , When your scared and brave all at the same time!

The first activity was a simple reflection on the current fears you currently have about your submission, are relationship and within resells . The is also a passage from Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin, and you are asked why do you think he wrote that slavery requires bravery ? the second was second was to make a coupon book. By sitting down and writing a list of thing that you were too afraid to do over the last year , then turning them in to a coupon book , that you can give to your dom , a sort of list of things that you are too scaired to try without a little pushing! I did the first on.

I’m going to say that over the last few days I have been very low and my anxiety levels have gone through the roof. I’m ok and maîtriser has stepped up and is take care of me , but I just felt the need to say.

Now what am I fearfully of as a submissive, hmmmm . Well firstly that I don’t please maîtriser enough or that he will stop wanting me . I now I’m enough and I know his not going any place but it that niggles at the back of my mind , but I’m working on it ! Other worries are I can do the same as the rest of the girls. I mean physically I have limits. I can’t kneel for long periods of time and some of the rope stuff that babe is in to. But the way I have found to deal with it , is to speak up about it and then we find a way to adapt it . I also have things that due to having been abused and hurt really badly by me ex, that I find really hard to do. but again we are working on them . taking them to the point that I get scared and then when it is too much I will use my word for I’m not feel happy with this and we take a few steps back. I think Guy Baldwin saying that with slavery the comes bravery , is true. You are putting your life in someones hands , and it takes a lot of trust to believe that person is not going to do any thing to hurt you and that everything is safe. its even harder if you have had a bad entrance in the past.

Well that is as far as I’ve got . I am going to go cuddle maîtriser now!


Pixiie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 13 of the Submissive's Advent calendar, by Submissive – Light a candle

So I am writing this while having an English lesion . I should explain that I stated having ‘English lessons ‘ about 15 months ago. I grew up speaking a mixture of Rusin , Irish Gaelic and English, added to this I have dyslexia and Anxious Add , and you will under stand why I struggle with English as much as I do .So maîtriser ask one of his female Dom friends , if one of her subs , who teaches ESL classes, if he would work with me on my English, spelling and grammar and punctuation . So we meet twice a week in a local café . We started off doing spelling and grammar. We then started to add in reading and writing short things. Then he taught me how to plan out what I wanted to write. That was a 15 months ago, and I still love those lessons , not only do I feel that my English is better and my spelling have improved, but I have gained a lot of conference and I am much happier just sitting and writing.

So todays activities are based on lighting a candle, and what that means to you in terms of love and your submission. The first activity was to find a quiet 10 minutes , light a candle and reflect on what it means to you in terms of your submission and love. the second was based round the yule log and using as reflection on the same things. I have been pushed for time over the last few days and the thought of actually going and sitting any place quiet for 10 minutes sounds like heaven.

So I went early this morning to the ladies chapel and light some candles. I always light them here and not in the main church as it tends to be quieter and less busy. I always light 5 candles when I go to church. One for my Nana, friends lost to illness, friends who took their own lives and one for friends I have serving in the armed forces or the emergency services . I light one for my family , and one for the peace process in Ireland to never stop working. I’m a lapsed yet good catholic, church has always in my darkest days been my sanctuary . I have an amazing priest , who would let me sit at the back of the church and calm myself when things at home with my ex were really bad and when he found out he beat me , without stopping for breath said I was worth more and should try to find the courage to leave.

Then I sat and I thought , pondered and reflected. To me I beleave that the submission I have now and the man I chose to submit to are linked and even at the start when it was just a sort of platonic D/s thing, was always given and received with love. I also think that as a poly D/s family we burn far brighter together , than we do alone. I now that I take great strength from my Dom , and I know that getting to the point where we got married and had babies , well the was pain and hurting that I had to get through to be whole and happy. but unlike a candle , I don’t see this as this love and these feelings every burning out. They may grow and evolve , but I will fight to the death to keep this love going as long as it can.

Well after that little out burst of feeling and emotion , it’s time this little pixie to do her spelling test!



Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 12 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Proud Mary

Well good evening you wonderfull people doing today? What have you been up to? Anything amazing happened? I was up super early today and in the car, going to a local christmas market , with the twins and my great Uncle Fred. We had a lovely time, i got a new christmas hat and the babies got little elf wooly hats! I was feeling super brave today as well and let Uncle Fred buy me lunch at Carluccio’s. I had Spinach and ricoter canaloin and chocolate bread and butter pudding with cherry ice cream!

Right on to , todays fun! as the tittle might suggest it’s all about taking pride in your submission and shouting it from the roof tops! well a steady ground floor for me as i’m allowed on the roof, ladders, lofts or to stand on chairs, cos i fall off them. the first activaty was to find ways to shout your pride out to the big wide world in what ever way you can. in a blog post , in a tweet or on instagrame . the second was to celabrate your pride in submission , in a quiet , self refelction. thinking about all the things you do and how well you do them. I did the first and the second today.

For the second activaty i did pretty much this . Made a cup of tea, chatted to little bear about why and how we are proud of areselves as submissive, then ate cake. lol thats the sort of day it’s been.

Now for the first , well i kind of think the fact that i where a collar 24/7 is taking pride in my submission. i know my day collar does not scream D/s , but 95{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of the time , if asked i will tell people what it means. i also wrote to some friends and told them why i’m proud to say im a sub! they know all ready , but i gave reasons in the letters. i’ve written a blog post about it that im posting tomorrow, about why i love being submissive and how proud i am to say i’m maîtriser Specail girl. I have also made a sort collage with the names i use and then added a ‘And proud’. that i will post on my instagrame feed, that also post to facebook and twitter. I’ve also decided to share some love for my fellow subs on the internet!

Well i am off to shout from my roof tops , well the top floor of my house out the window!


Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 11 of The Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Pancake identity.

Well Good evening my lovely’s , how has your day been? Anyone snowed in? Or are you all stuck with the horrid wind and rain that we’ve been having? Today has been a day of two halves for me. the first half was full of cooking, baking , clean and crafting. Then it turned to crap this afternoon, but more about that later.

so todays activities are based on a chapter from a book called Conquer me , by Kacie Cunningham, about her own submission. The chapter is tittle ‘this one time at Pancake Camp’  and the is a short excerpt from the book, about titles and labels and how the writer was feeling she did not feel fit them. She goes to say that she was talking to her Master over breakfast and telling him of her frustrations, and how she was not going to ascribe to them any more and that from that point on she would be known as pancake. when asked why pancake her you chose reply was ‘Because you chose pancakes! Because you obviously like pancakes! pancakes are simple, honest things, not all high-mantence like , say, crepes. I want to be something you would order!.

Both the activities are reflecting on the words we use to identify are selves , as submissive. The first was a simple reflection on the words, titles and how they make us feel. the second was to take the reflection and turn them in to an ornament. by taking one word traits like ‘love’ loving’ , then drawing or printing out an image that represents that word and making them pretty and fun using craft surplus. I was going to do the first , but then changed after I got some bad news.

The words and titles I identifier with are Submissive, Little and masochist . The masacist title is something that I kept well hidden for a very long time, as for me it was kind of hard to admit that I liked pain and being hurt, and most people don’t like that. The same with submissive, I mean who would admit to loving their partner dominating them. but as I got more in to the D/s life I saw that I was ‘Normal’ . but it still took a long time to really embrace it fully. Little is something I have found much easier to embrace, and I think this is I saw really positive images of littles and I really read up on it before hand. I knew I did not fit the classic DDlg little or AB little. I’m not in to age play, I don’t call My Dom daddy , and I don’t really have a bratty side. I do have a baby girl side , I like being looked after and I do have my own ‘little space’. I guess that Its more of a caregiver , little thing. I feel my labels fight real well now, but its taken a lot of time. We/I kind adapt the labless mean what we/ I need them to be. sort of they evolve as we grow and change as people.

So now for my bad news. Just before 5 this evening I got a phone call from my Great Aunty Betty saying that my Great Aunty Molly had passed away this morning following a massive stroke yesterday. She was 90 years old and the head of my daddy’s side of the family since my Nana died. She had a bad heart, artheritus and dementia, so really it was a happy release. But it still hit like sucka punch to the stomach and it sitle hurts. Anuty Molly was an amazing lady, who has always marched to her own beat. whether as a young girl who refused to leave school without  taking her exams. or the feisty Irish lass, who ran away to join the wrens and worked as a radio operater in ww2 .or the brave woman who kicked her husband out and divorce her husband , when he beat her. She was amazing , strong , feisty, outspoken and loving. So I have decided not to be sad , but raise a glass , kick up my heals and celebrate having this lady in my life for 37 year!

Right , now I really must go to bed and sleep. I’m off to a Christmas market in the morning!


Pixie x x x x