From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Day 17 of the Submissive's advent calendar , by submissive guide – saying thank you.

So this time next week I will be getting ready for a massive family Christmas eve party. It is a family tradition that my daddy’s side of the family gather at my aunt’s house , eat drink and be merry. I used to love it, but since my nana passed away, I find it very hard. after the death of two of my dads sisters , it is almost to painful to go. they were the lynch pin in the family and without them are once close family has become fragmented. So I’m going , but it has left me feeling very strange.

Right enough whingeing on to today’s fun and games . the focus of today is saying thank you. It’s about think of who and what you are thankfully to have in your life , and saying thank you so they know how important they are and how much you appreciate them . the first activate was to take some time out and say a proper thank you to some one important in your life and tell them why they are so important to you. the second one was to make some home-made cards and use them to say thank you to people . I’m doing they first as I am feeling a little under the weather and I’m not sure I would give 100% to making card, wich is a shame as I love-making cards , and doing craft . especially with the girls., spread out on the kitchen table and a Podcast on . But the girls are with their blood family today, so I chose to do the first one.

As the girls are not here and cos I still feel poorly and low,  maîtriser sat a did this with me! (and I was allowed to have bat cat and poppins!) . I wrote a postcards for the girls , Aunty May, Uncle Fred, Emit, Big Steve and Sir Beasty. I also wrote down why I am thankful for maîtriser, and this is what I wrote.

Maîtriser, I am thankful to have you in my life. You have helped me take back my life back and rebuild myself. you have taught me that it is ok to be myself, to love myself and to take pride in everything that I do. thank you for making see that I need to take care of myself, to be my best and to be able to care for others. you have shown me that I have a great deal of strength and courage from freely submitting to you and by the level of control I have also freely given you. I want to say thanking for my collar, my wedding ring, my home , the girls that you bought in to my life and for the beautiful twin baby girls. After every thing I did to hurt myself and to hurt the people around me, you forgave me and showed me how to forgive myself, you trusted myself and to belive in my self. Thank you for pushing me and making me work as hard as I can to be the best me I can be. thank you for providing me with everything I need to be myself, to feel loved, cared about and safe. But lastly thank you for letting me love you and belong to you!

well I am now off to say a very special thank you too maîtriser!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

family update, From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Day 12 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by submissive guide – Proud Mary

Well good evening you wonderfull people doing today? What have you been up to? Anything amazing happened? I was up super early today and in the car, going to a local christmas market , with the twins and my great Uncle Fred. We had a lovely time, i got a new christmas hat and the babies got little elf wooly hats! I was feeling super brave today as well and let Uncle Fred buy me lunch at Carluccio’s. I had Spinach and ricoter canaloin and chocolate bread and butter pudding with cherry ice cream!

Right on to , todays fun! as the tittle might suggest it’s all about taking pride in your submission and shouting it from the roof tops! well a steady ground floor for me as i’m allowed on the roof, ladders, lofts or to stand on chairs, cos i fall off them. the first activaty was to find ways to shout your pride out to the big wide world in what ever way you can. in a blog post , in a tweet or on instagrame . the second was to celabrate your pride in submission , in a quiet , self refelction. thinking about all the things you do and how well you do them. I did the first and the second today.

For the second activaty i did pretty much this . Made a cup of tea, chatted to little bear about why and how we are proud of areselves as submissive, then ate cake. lol thats the sort of day it’s been.

Now for the first , well i kind of think the fact that i where a collar 24/7 is taking pride in my submission. i know my day collar does not scream D/s , but 95{df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of the time , if asked i will tell people what it means. i also wrote to some friends and told them why i’m proud to say im a sub! they know all ready , but i gave reasons in the letters. i’ve written a blog post about it that im posting tomorrow, about why i love being submissive and how proud i am to say i’m maîtriser Specail girl. I have also made a sort collage with the names i use and then added a ‘And proud’. that i will post on my instagrame feed, that also post to facebook and twitter. I’ve also decided to share some love for my fellow subs on the internet!

Well i am off to shout from my roof tops , well the top floor of my house out the window!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 10 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by Submissive guide – Spreading good cheer.

Well good evening to you my lovely kinkies and perverts! How has you weekend been? anyone had snow? I have had a very busy, tiring , yet extremely satisfying weekend, working. I had thought that after having the twins and being away from my job for 4 months that my brain would have turned to mush, that my anxiety levels would be of the chart and that people might look at me differently. Nope, nope, and Nope! I am blessed to work with amazing people and they always give me the help, support and encouragement I  need.

So on to today’s focus, and that was about spreading some seasonal cheer. in a world that is So busy and stressful this time of year. Tempers are frail and people can be rude , uncaring and grumpy. So todays activity were ways to not only improve your mood, but those around you. The first activity was to stop, look in the mirror and smile. Smiling lifts your mood and energy levels , and it can spread like the flu! So the task was to try to keep smiling for as much of the day as you could. The second activity was for those who find smiling hard or can’t smile for a whole day. it was entitled Bells . i told of th tradition of jingle bells and how the were used to ward of evil spirits . but newer days are a quick and easy way to bring cheer and smiles to people. it suggested attaching a bell to your bag or purse and spreading cheer where ever you go! i already have a bell on my bag for work, cos it some times gets left by the dogs and they have a habit of going through my blinking bag! So i went for the first activity .

Now this was no easy task for me, cos i don’t really go round smiling that much. I have quit bad social anxiety. i avoid making eye and talking to people a lot of the time , but as with a lot of things , I’m working on it! Also i genuinely look frightening if try to smile and think about it at the same time, think Sheldon Copper trying to smile in the big bang theory , and that is me! So i kind of decided that i would think about things that make me want to smile. It worked wonders and also lifted my mood greatly . I was smiled at the reception lady , my boss and students. The first thing i notice was that my mood soured when people smiled back at me and that people stopped and said i looked happy and full of life. It was defiantly contacts as everyone was so much happier and full of beans. It also had the knock on effect of me sitting with people at lunchtime and talking, something that i can’t normally do! finished up the day and the Boss Man arrived with the babies to drive me home. I did no more than throw arms round him and give him a big kiss , right i front of people, another thing i don’t normally do. So all in all i think I’ll try the whole smile thing a bit more often!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

PS – I have just read the fed back i got for the course i led , people loved it and thought i was a good teacher!

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Diary, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 5 of the Submissive's Advent calender, by the submissive guide – The Music.

Hi, hello,hay! Well I’m up early and have hit the road running today! My uncle Fred is watching the babies while I have my English lessons. So I’m getting some help with writing this and get to have a lovely chat with a friend.

Today’s activities focus is Music and how affects you and how it inspires you . The first activity is to sit and listen to music that you love, then think about a few questions . The second is about finding a poem, or quote or single word that inspires you. Keeping it your pocket and thinking about it, and letting it inspire you. I chose the first , as music is a big part of who I am . It can effect my mood, make me smile or cry or laugh or make me horny as hell! I have quit eclectic tastes in music. I love Punk, metal and rock. But I also have a soft spot for rap and country. I will even admit to liking so pop music and even Abba. Not a huge fan of jazz or classical stuff , but they do have their place. but one of the biggest loves I have is for Folk, or should I say Irish Folk music that I was bought up on. No mater what I have going on or how I feel , Irish folk can cheer my soul, calm me down and make me feel grounded. Haha I guess I am more of traditional girl than I thought.

So the thing points:

  • How does music connect you to the world around you? Music is one of the things that can really effect my mood. I use it to help when I’m anxious  to help me stop focusing on the thing that is making me anxious. I can use it when I have a cry stuck, to make me cry. I use upbeat music start my day happy and full of energy. I guess it sort of feeds my soul!
  • Do you have a theme song? The boss man would say ‘right on time’ Cos I always have to be on time for things! but I think it would be ‘don’t take it personally’ by Monica or maybe ‘Savior’ By Destiny’s child. Cos I can be a little grumpy at times and cos I have been through some shitty times .
  • Thinking about when your playing with your partner/s or fantasize about doing so – is the there a play list in your mind? Yes defiantly! For D/s it has to be chilled and calm, with a slow beat and a melody . For fucking it has to be either slow and soft , if it’s romantic. Or if it is more intense or spontaneous , the has To be a stronger , faster beat.
  • Do you have a specific music you love to play to? What are they? why do you think they connect you to the moment? Well not specific songs , but bands like the kings of Leon, green day and nickel back. I think it’s cos they have songs that inspire me to dance and act a little naughty. I can then remember what I did to that song if it comes on the radio and then I get that sort of not in my tummy and blush at the memory of it!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

bdsm, family update, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 4 of the Submissive's advent calendar by submissive guide – Rewards for service.

Well Good Afternoon world! How are we all doing this fine and awesome day? I have been on a roll today. I got up did my yoga , Walked the hounds, did my neb and meds and ate breakfast, ok so that’s not the epic bit! maîtriser set me the challenge of going in to town , with the babies , on my own. So not to bigger deal really right? Well it was are first solo trip in to town on my own, I have really crippling anxiety at the moment and I have phobias of dirty places, public transport and pigeons. So for me it is a huge , huge fucking deal that I managed it! So as a reward I was allowed to buy Lego and have fries at McDonald’s !

That kind of leads us nicely in todays activities and their focus, which is based round rewards for service . The first activity was to think about what rewards you get and for what service you get them for. Not just in a submissive role ,  but as well as in your normal , every day life . the second was to write a plan or a list of what you want to achieve in the coming year. Both are majorly appealing to me , but for this post I did the first, as I’m on my own and I guess it’s easier, as any plans I make, would involve the girl and the boss man, and I can’t do that if they aren’t here!

So first thing I did was writ a list of things I do kinky and none kinky . on the none kinky list was: run the home, cooking , cleaning , washing and ironing. I run my own businesses and teach for another company .On the kinky side I look after maîtriser needs In anyway he needs me to, be that sexual or in a bdsm D/s sort of way. Him and I use consensual none consent , so I basically do as he asks, when ever he asks. It’s at this point I go , see he asks , not orders . I think the is a big difference between asking and ordering some one to do stuff. I mean yes he does it in a stern manner that makes me get all wet and horny , but he never shouts orders, he uses please and thank you and always heaps on the praise if I get something right. We have also in the last year changed and added in a care giver/little aspect and I have given him much, much more control over my day-to-day life. His also had me working on things like my self-esteem , my English , my confidence and my health. we also use reward charts, reward money and stickers. If I do all my chores and task for the day,  I get a sticker and £1 goes in my treat money tin. he will give me extra stickers for extra effort , and £1 for each one of them. I have to wait till the 1st day of the next month to open my tin and count the money. I can then save some of it if I want to buy something big or spend it if I want some little treats. It’s my money and as long as I spend it on myself and stuff that wont hurt me, I can do what I like with it! but one of the rewards I love the most are the words, cuddle and kisses I get from the girls, when they want to show how much they affricate what I do for them. The best one from the boss man is getting to spend time with him. Be it a 2 minute cuddle on a Saturday morning , or meeting at lunch time for a pub lunch , or the bath that he sits and reads to me. Other rewards I love Lego, books, stuffies, spa treats and anything to do with unicorns!

So that is my take on rewards for service, I wonder what tomorrow will bring!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Day 3 of the submissive guides advent calendar for submissives – The wise words.

So today on are submissive advent calendar Words of wisdom that we have been given, found , or stumbled upon in are journey through life or in submission. how they have inspired us and stayed with us over time. The were 2 activities to day. The first was to sit and spend 5 minutes thinking of all the wise words you have received over the years. thinking about how the effect you and why they have stuck with you. The second was to take these wise words and turn them in to a holly bundle Christmas decoration. As much as I wanted to make the holly bundles , we have had a really busy day . We all went to mass , went a bought the last bits of are Christmas decorations , had a Lego building marathon , homework and babies to care for, so we did the first.

It was actually a really awesome way to spend 15 minutes of quiet time. I got to sit with a cup of tea, reflecting on the past and how it has shaped me as a submissive. we as a family , well us girls chose to kind of build on the idea , by listing them and chatting about while we cooked dinner. what was amazing , well I think was how we all had listed advice that we had got from each other and how they had affect us!

some of the words of wisdom I listed.

  • breath , just breath. keep moving forward, take baby steps if you have to but just keep moving, and just breath.
  • What make you weird and different , is you greatest strength.
  • in submission I find power.
  • It’s ok to not be ok all of the time.
  • The is nothing wrong with a good girl having a naughty side.
  • Love should never hurt , unless you want it to.
  • Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
  • Never under-estimate the power of a coy smile and shy eyes.

Well that was todays, cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

3 weeks down , 1 to go!

Well I have made it through another week of punishment and lived to tell the tale! was quite a good week on the whole, been some ups , but the has also been a few lows! Both the twins are doing good, everyone at home are awesome and I found out tonight that one of my best friends Emit Is coming to stay for Christmas and New year! I have also got 5 advent calendars! But the have been downs as well. I had to get blood work done , as I do every month. It all came back clear except for me being low on iron and folate, which I pretty much knew, so i’m on iron and flote pills ): I had a wobble , that led to me having a full on panic attack, that I had to take meds to get out of ): I got court swearing , a lot and got given the hair brush. ): I also had a ‘I hate my face’ day, that was really not a lot of fun ):  I also have to confess that my head is telling me  I don’t need to take my meds, well my anxiety and depression meds. but I have been really good and told / talked to people about it. lol the help I got from peeps on twitter was amazing! (ladies you know who you are!)

So with all this I mind Maîtriser has come up with some interesting and fun punishments and rules for this coming week! He’s  calling it the refine, define and shine week. I’m calling the Self-in-flaitted-ego week, but hoo hum! Changes / rules / tasks as follows!

  • No swearing what so ever. Punishment for each swear word , 5 from babe a the paddle.
  • 1 early morning , 1 post work out and one bed time selfie to be posted. no make up or filters.
  • Daily affirmation to be said.
  • Free time is back , but is to be used for something fun and relaxing. eg Craft , reading or writing prompt.
  • I am to rewrite my about page, using only prospective words.
  • Spelling list and reading for 30 mins a day to be done.
  • 30 mins yoga every morning followed be 10 mins meditation.
  • 2 gym sessions with Steve (core and cardio) And one sparring session with John.
  • Do daily tasks for my submissive advent Callender (starting on Friday)
  • Start the pattern for Christmas party dress.
  • Dentist appointment made and attended.
  • Write for #MM #Wickedwednesday #KOTW.
  • Plan, tidy and finish a writing space for myself.
  • Daily self-care task to be given and done daily .
  • Afternoon nap to be taken between 3 and 4pm , babies permitting.
  • Christmas list to be written , by Friday.
  • To wear what is layed out for me each day.

I also get to go on a girl date and we are all going to dinner and dancing on Saturday night to celebrate our 1 year wedding anerverseryy.

Now this is where you guys get asked to help! if by any chance I swear on here or twitter the boss man would like to know! So if you see it , drop him a line at antoine.beaulac.1965@hotmail.com.

So that’s my week , have a good one guys!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, Uncategorized

Reading, thinking and 1 – 5, take two!

So the #SoSS post I used as a reading list was Kayla Lords post for Loving BDSM.  Showing kinky love for #SoSS issue 2 As always with anything Kayla writes it is a great post , that is honest and straight forward, well written and full of meaning. Full of praise for some pretty epic blogging !

Thoughts on Subspace (and other headspaces), Floss does life. – So this is a great little post by Floss off of the ProudToBeKinky podcast . Floss has a way with words that always makes me smile and has a great insight in to kink. She really got the whole feeling of Subspace and Ropespace. (would not know about the whole Domspace thing cos I can’t do Dom) I just really enjoyed reading this!

30 Days of D/s days Seven through 11 by Witty – So this was a blog that is new to me, though we have been friends on twitter for a couple of months. This post is well thought out , beautifully written and very moving! it takes a lot to make me cry but this did the trick. Will defiantly be stopping by more often to read her stuff!

What Do You Think About Orgasm Control? by Selina – Love , love , love this post! A true little , writing in a charming and natural way. It just make your heart sing and puts a smile on your face! Reminds me a lot of my little bear!

Heavenly Silk by Cammies on the Floor – Some great, extremely steamy erotica written for the #KOTW meme. Blimey , it really did get me hot and bothered! adds the Boss Man says thank you!

So now my 1 -5

Crappy thing – I had a really bad attack of gastric nasties, due to me not reading the instructions on my antibiotics.

Good stuff –

  1. I have finally written all the thank you notes for the baby gifts!
  2. I get to have a lay in tomorrow!
  3. I have a gym session with Steve!
  4. I get to spend the day with my mother in-law next week!
  5. I remembered to take meds to help my tummy and I felt better after a nap, drink and a couple of polo!

So that was my Tuesday reading done and my 1-5 , lets see what Wednesday brings shall we?! Same time and place tomorrow???

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

 

 

 

bdsm, Diary, From the heart, Little, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Saturday night fess-up / punishment.

Well here we again. It’s Saturday night, I’m in bed at 9.30 and I’m being made to write a blog post , fessing up to all the rule breaks I have had this week and telling you what punishment has been handed out too. I have a very cross and grumpy boss man sat behind me to make sure I do it all, just so and don’t skip anything. I should say having to sit and write I did is part of the punishment. Cos I find it so hard to admit and it is one of the quickest ways to change my behaviour.

What I did…..

  • I put myself down 17 in one day.
  • I refused to let little bear help with the cleaning .
  • I did not give the girls chores on 3 days in the last 7.
  • I grumped at Babe, Uncle Fred and Aunty May.
  • I sassed Maîtriser and Sir Beasty on at least 5 occasions.
  • I went over my allowed step count on 3 days out of the last 7.
  • I forgot to eat my snacks on 5 different occasions .
  • I did not check my blood sugar level before bed twice , leading to hypo.
  • I skipped my afternoon nap 5 times in the last 7 days.
  • I did not do my mindfulness at all for the last 7 days.
  • I stayed up past my bed time twice and got up before 6 am 3 times in the last 7 days.
  • I answered emails asking if I was free to take on new clients without showing or asking maîtriser for permission
  • I have started to swear and lose my temper with myself.
  • I have not done any of my self-care task for 7 days.
  • I ate fast food without asking if it was ok.
  • I did not eat enough on 3 days out of 7.

punishments are…..

  • No Free time for 7 days.
  • No answering back, I must do exactly as I’m told, first time. For the next month.
  • all emails must be checked by maîtriser or Babe before the are sent or replied to.
  • No junk food or fast food for the next month.
  • Only one sweet treat a day for the next month.
  • I am to stick to 8000 steps a day and 30 mins of yoga a day for the next 7 days.
  • my bedtime is 10pm and I may not get out of bed before 6am without asking first for the next month..
  • I will take my afternoon nap between 3pm and 4.15pm every day for the next.
  • I will do my self-care and mindfulness with Kitten everyday for the next month.
  • I am to wear my locking collar all the time, except when I have dates with uncle fred or the midwife.
  • I to eat what I am told every meal for the next month.
  • maîtriser will give me a list of chores every evening, I must divide them between myself and the girls for the next month.
  • I am to post on my blog every day ,about  something that maîtriser tells me to.
  • No swearing or sassing , anyone at anytime.
  • I must say ‘Good morning’ and ‘ Good Night’ to Twitter everyday for the next month.
  • I am to email this to everyone in my address book.
  • I will wear what I am told every day for the next month.
  • I will let maîtriser check my Blood sugar levels every day , before bed for the next month.
  • I will promise to take better care of myself and not neglect myself anagin.
  • *should Connie or Evie need me at anytime I may go to them and look after them without having to ask first.

Well that is that then. I know this has to be done and I know it is done out of love. Maîtriser only ever has my best interested at heart. I will Behave and be his good little mouse.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Diary, family update, musings of pixie heart, social, Uncategorized

Beaulac Family update – Team Pixie.

So I did post my diary this and won’t next week as it has a lot of stuff in it about stuff we have going on with in are little family unit that the girls want to keep hush-hush. So I have orders to post a family up date. So here we go!

Maîtriser / Boss Man – Well the French man has been working hard as always, but has also been looking after us all tip-top! He has been cooking dinners and breakfast that are to die for. He was amazing when I was stuck in the hospital and came in every night to have dinner with me. He also had a night out with the boys , that he took babe with him. So he came home earlier than we thought, did not drink and he even when and got us all happy meals. (I got fries, fruit and a wrap with salad and spicy mayo, that was lush and also carrot sticks!!) . He has also blown me out the water by saying that he is going to work from home on Thursdays starting in the new year. This means I can leave the little ones with him and go back to my creative writing class. Love you froggy x

Babe – Well what can I say about babe , well as always she is my hero , crush and sexiest woman alive! Work is going much better for her , now that she is working for herself. She has now got a Brand new Hyundai I10 so she can zip round and not have to worry about need to find a huge parking space that she would with the family car! she has also been think about looking at doing one day a week at the local hospital cutting and styling wigs for cancer patients in memory of her sister. She did however end up getting a spanking for being late home and not ring to say she would be late! 20 on each check!

Kitten – we had need to celebrate this week with kitten, she has finally reached her goal weight and gained 5 extra lbs on top of it! work is going well and she is far more relaxed, although I keep distracting her!(but she is cute and yummy). She has been a good little Kitten and has kept up going to her therapy sessions each week, with the help and support of my Aunty May! Kitten also came up with an idea that her and I could set up a little etsy store , selling the Dog collars and bits we make for my dogs and the rescues I work  with. Thinking of calling it Cat and Mouse designs!

Little Bear – My clever little girl is now a fully fledge vet nurse! So we had to have a party for that! while I was in hospital she did most of the cooking and very proudly sent me pics of everything she cooked. She has officially adopted My great-uncle Fred as her granddad and I think she is now his fav none blood granddaughter! He has been giving her cooking lessons too! She did manage to knock a crown out , remembered we keep a kit to fix broken teeth, tried to fix her’s and cermnted herself to the kitchen table!

Mouse / Pixie – Well I’m out of hospital , for now! It was a good job went , if I’m truthful I was bloody frightened this time round. My lips went blue and I was really struggling. I wish this was a one-off , but my chest and lung damage are a daily worry to me, but I’m not letting rule my life! The babies are doing great , but raspberry seems to like laying along my sciatic nerves and that hurts like buggery! So got just over 5 weeks till D-day, how did that get here that quickly! This weekend is nursery prep time! Babe is putting furniture together , kitten and little bear are painting and I get to make it look pretty! I have decided that I’m going to go back to my writing class in the new year, cos I really miss it and it is kind of self-care thing. I am also going back to teaching on a Monday night and even though I’m on leave , I have been planning some course ideas and writing pitches for them. I have also somehow managed to get 7 dogs qualified for crufts in flyball , agility and rally! so I will be shattered after crufts next year!

Well that’s us! How are you all going and what are you up to?

Hugs,

Pixie