From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail

A year in the writing.

A year in the writing.
Last week my blog turned a year old! Most people who blog seem to do a giveaway or celebrate big time. Well with things being a bit rough over the last few weeks, I sort of for got about it. Maîtriser and the girls didn’t forget about it. I got loads of little presents form the girls and Maîtriser let me cook a big family dinner, with chocolate rice pudding for afters. But I’m still a little bummed that I did not really mark it, I mean it for me has been a big step and huge achievement for so many reasons. It has meant that I have been able to share my thoughts, get things out of my head and breath. It started out with me wanting to share goes on in my family in a positive light, but it quickly became so much more. I found that I like writing and I love the fact I can be creative in ways I never thought I could be. It has gone from being something I enjoyed doing, to something that I feel I need and want to do more of. I have made friends, ginned confidence and no longer feel like I need to hide who I really am.
I have also learned stuff about writing that I simply had no idea about. I mean dear god where was I when other people were learning about this grammar and punctuation crap? Sentence have rules and regulation? Proud to say that my spelling is better, I turn my grammar and spell check on now and I write in English now. Making a whole lot easier to post things that make sense to the public. Believe me writing in Gaelic and then translating it in to English is a pain in the bum, and not I a good way! But I’m going to share the things that I have learnt that have had the biggest impact on my writing.
Consistency is the key – I have gone from having no writing routine at all, to make myself sit down and write for an hour a day, to the point now that it is not a task but a habit. I have turned the box room in to a writing space, quiet, still, and warm. My little space to sit and write. I have also found that making myself blog at least once a week has help me fight some pretty harsh demon, that seem to like dancing on my self-esteem a lot. But it also keeps me connected to people and the outside world.
Edit like you mean it – looking back now over early blog posts I am shocked at how bad my spelling was and how badly edited they are. I have started for bigger pieces started using and editor (Aedan O’Healy). His got me doing Self editing thing that means I read it, reread it, and read, then post it. So now my work looks heaps more professional!
Plan, plan and plan some more – Ok so I am in my Realtime life a habitual planner. I love sitting down with a planner and getting things in order. I find it calming and helpful with my day to day life. But planning out something I’m going to write is so helpful and keeps me on track with what I’m writing. It has curbed my waffling and rambling, leading to me writing faster and with less fluff that was not needed.
Connect with other bloggers and readers – the sex blogging community, for the most part is amazing, and I love them. They have been a source of inspiration and encouragement. As have people who read my blog, I find it hard to get my head round the fact that people give a crap about what I write. I really do feel blessed to now have so many epic friends in my life!
Memes, Such fun! – So, the are loads of super fun kinky writing memes out there, Masturbation Monday, Kink of the week and Wicked Wednesday. They are great fun to take part in, et the creative juices flowing and inspire some Smutty writing! They have also got me thinking out side the box, working to limits and sticking to a dead line!
Find your spot, be unique and be yourself – So the biggest thing I have learned, is that I have a spot in the blogging world, that I am in lots of ways unique and that people like me when I’m just me! I can inspirer to be like people and like what they do, but I can’t be them and that is ok, cos they can’t be me either!
So that is what I have found after a year of blogging, shall we see where the next year takes us?

Hugs,
Pixie x

Masturbation Monday

Caught in the act – part 3

 

Conner pushes me gently over the thresh hold of his room and shuts the door firmly behind him. He pulls out the chair form his desk and urges me to sit down upon it. He sat himself down on his bed, arranging the pillows behind him and making himself comfortable. grapping hold of the hem of his black t-shirt and pulling it up and off in one clean move, tossing on the bed beside him, and then tucking his thumbs in the waist band of his short. “Jo your one stunning girl, but your bundled up like a nun really isn’t that inspiring you know. Do a guy a favour and flash some flesh, will you?” His says in a horny tone that make me smile, even though I feel like I might throw up at any second.
“what do you mean by inspiration and how much flesh do you need to see” I reply in a quiet shy voice and not daring to make eye contact with him.
“Use your imagination babe” he retorts in a rough tone.
My eyes flick up to his, to be met by his smiling face and eyes, burn bright with desire. I let out a calming breath and reach up to my hair, pulling the pin that had been doing a bad job of restraining messy curly red locks. I shake my head a little and run my fingers through the tangle. “how’s that? I ask
“Good start but keep going” he replies with a grin. So, I stand and pull my hockey shirt over my head and let it drop from fingers to the floor. Then I push my yoga pants over my hips and down my legs, wriggling free and stepping g out of them. I adjust my thong panties, I return to the chair, this time perching on the edge, hold eye contact with Conner the whole time.
“is that better?” I ask, and it met with a very enthusiastic nod of his head, that sent a jolt of electricity through my core and leaves me with tingling toes and a suddenly wet pussy. I laugh and say, “Well I seem the one taking my clothes off here, don’t you have something to be getting on with?”
He grins widely and shakes his head with silent laughter. “Little eager aren’t we, been awhile?” he says, and I nod and blush. His thumbs slowly pull his short and boxers down to relive the rippling muscles of his stomach, the thick dark hair and then a very satisfying cock. “are you sure you can handle this?” he says and points to his cock, that is so hard it is standing clear from his stomach.
I Signer and say, “I’m not the one who’s going be handling it, but I’m sure going to enjoy watching”. as I stare him gently stroking his length.
“better loose the panties and bra then” he says.
I stand up and reach behind and unclasp hooks holding my blue lace in place, and with a role of the shoulders it falls to the floor. Then I hook my fingers in my panties and shimmer my way out of them. as I’m about to sit back down I notice that his hand has stopped moving “hay buster, you have a job to do!” I chide him.
“Well you see I never got to see you come, and that seems mighty unfair to me” he quips back at me with a cheeky grin and deadly serious look in his eyes.
“what you want to see me make myself come, while your making yourself come?” I ask in a sort of shocked amusement”

“Well I would much rather it was my cock that was making you cum, but I’ll settle for what I can get” his says and settles back and gets back to job at hand.
“what you want to fuck me?” I say in a shocked gasp.
“for fucks say jo, of course I do. Your stunning, funny and whip smart. What would I not want to fuck you? What do you think all the flirting has been for?” he growls at me.
Wide eyed I reply with “but I thought that is how you are with all women, I thought you were being friendly.”
It’s met with a snort of laughter “So pretty, so clever and yet so slow on the uptake. If you don’t get that pussy over and start fucking me, then I might start wondering why I’m So attracted to you”
My mouth opens and closes for a few seconds at his words, and then I manage to get out “I still want to see you come”
“well you better get on with the job in hand yourself jo” he growls, his hand still stroking his member. With that I decided to just let go of my self and just go with the moment. I spread my legs, on tip toe. Run my hands, down my neck over my breast, tweaking my already hard nipples as I go. Then carry on down over my stomach, my hip and then slowly part my lips. Using one hand to hold them open I use the other to fuck myself for a few minutes and then feeling the tension building in my stomach, I start to rub my clit, building up the pressure till I can’t hold back any more. My head goes back, my eyes close and I let out a prolonged groan of pure excites. I have never come that quickly or hard at my own hands ever before.
Floating back down to earth my eyes open and expecting to see Conner on his bed, I get a shock when I find him standing over me. The next second his pulling me to him and in to a fierce kiss. Then he’s spinning me round, kissing and biting my neck. his big hands a grouping my tits roughly and in a gravelly voice his saying “tell me this ok jo, foe god sake “
I nod that its ok and get thrown on the bed. He reaches inside this night stand, grabbing and condom, tearing it from the packet and rolling it over his cock. Then his body is back, covering mine and pulling me to him. then he plunges in to me I one stroke and then his thrusting in to me with a power I have never felt before. Then he gets faster, and I know his climax is close, but I’m not quite there yet. he pulls out, flips me over, plunging back in to me and then reach a hand round the front and using his thumb he rubs my clit hard and fast. Its enough to set me off and he follows my, coming with a roar in my ear, slamming in to me one last time.
Moments later he roles off me and throws the used condom in the bin. I sit up and say, “where the fuck did that come from”
With a smile he pulls me back done to the bed and kisses again, in a possessive way. He say’s “no idea, but things are going to have to change round here. Cos, I need to do it again and I feel I neglected parts of you. So, Roommates with benefits or something he says. all I can do is nod in agreement as his hand start to fondle my breast. “good cos I think these could do with a little attention, don’t you? And he starts to mull my breast and nipples and all I can do is moan in agreement.

caught in the act part 1

caught in the act part 2

Masturbation Monday.

 

Masturbation Monday, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Caught in the act – Part 2.

Second part to Caught be the act… (part 1)

My eyes lock with Conner’s for a couple of seconds before I can shake myself out of my daydream. realising I’m nearly naked in front of my house mate, with a boob out and my hand in my panties, I immediately blush from head to toe. Picking up the Tv remote, I fling at his head. Sitting up straight, I make a bolt for the safety of my bedroom. Shouting “get out Conner “as I go. Not stopping till I reach my room and the door is closed and locked behind me.
Then the is gentle knocking at the door and Conner’s voice say “Come on Jo, we need to talk about this. I get in my bed, hiding under the covers, holding a pillow over my head trying to block out the tapping at my door and Conner’s pleading for me to come out and talk to him. “Jo don’t be a twit, come on let’s just talk about it! I sit up, with a humph. “please just Go away Conner’ I get out, through the shame filled tears that have started full.
After he finally leaves, I creep out and turn the tv off, grabbing some snacks and then decided to hide in m bedroom for the rest of the weekend, in case he comes back wanting to ‘talk’ Saturday pass with me only leaving my room only to pee or get food and drink. Sunday pass the same, with the add extra of a very quick shower, cos I was staring to smell. Sometime after 11pm I wake up with a growling stomach and raging thirst. I slowly open my bedroom door and peek out to see if the is any sign of Conner. Then I creep down the hall, past his door and in to the kitchen, glad to of made it and glad his not back from his trip.
Then just as I round the corner in to the lounge, I walk straight in to the solid wall of naked muscle that is Conner’s chest. Smacking in to it, I quickly step back with a slight wobble, that Conner corrects with his strong arms gripping my forearms. I look up to say thanks and he can let go now. Only to be told to shush and listen.
“Jo it’s totally naturel you know, everyone does it. “He says in a calm steady tone.
“what You have been caught pleasuring yourself on the sofa by your house mate have you” I shoot back at him” my mortification complete.
“well no, but then I always go some place privet to pleasure myself” he says with a smirk on his handsome face. “But then I’ve never thought about setting up camp on the sofa and just going at it”
His words make me blush, as my head is filled with pics of sat on the sofa, naked and stroking his cock, till he comes. I giggle and let out a sigh. “so, we good now?” he asked with a warm smile on his face.
“I guess so, but I feel at a disadvantage here. I mean you’ve seen my boobs and ….” I get out before he cuts me off before I can finish.
I saw one really nice boob” he say’s adding “What do you want me to do to even it up Jo, whip my dick out and start wanking in the kitchen?” he says with a tone full of humour, but now all I can think about is how much I want to see his cock. I meet his eyes with a shy nerves smile, blushing from head to toe. “Is that it Jo you want to see my Cock?” he asks
Blushing even harder, if that is possible, I croak out a “Yeah, I really want to see Your Dick”
Laughing and shaking his head, he says “fine, but once this is over, we are going back to normal ok? Grabbing my hand in his and dragging to his bed room he casually adds “I’m Going to need a little inspiration though”

 

Masturbation Monday.

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broken brained, From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

Pixie’s Prompt – three questions, 300 words.

Pixie’s Prompt – three questions, 300 words.
Answer the 3 questions in 300 words or less, but giving reasoned answer.

1) An important person in your life: My Great Aunty May. Simply because she is an amazing woman. Strong minded, open, and clever. She has taught me some many things about being who I am. She is a feisty lady, who is farce and brave, even when she’s not. But the thing I love about her the most is the fact she has been there every step of the way of my recovery. From hospital, to coming home, to remarrying and becoming a mum, she ha been there. Oh, and she can tell the boss man what to do!

2) A thing your life has in excess: Love, my life is full of love. Whether that is giving love, being loved, or feeling love. Some many different types of love. For friends, lovers, family, or my babies. I never thought it was possible to feel this much love and I’m a very blessed lady to have this amount of love in my life.

 

3) How you procrastinate: Well I don’t really! No, I do, but I also must have a lot of structure in my days, or I feel very stressed and like I’m just waiting time. That would then make me panicky and anxious and no one wants that. I guess I do like Pinterest and twitter quite a lot. I also enjoy stripping down to my panties and a t-shirt, turning up the music and dancing round the kitchen. Also, a big fan of taking long baths and naps. But then I am also happy to spend the day writing or to clean for a few hours. For me life is about balance and priorities.

See i can write something in under 300 words!

Hugs,

Pixie

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

The search for bedtime stories, Mood boosting and Smiles!

When I saw this weeks wicked Wednesday prompt was all about spreading the love for other blogs and bloggers, well I got rather excited. I love spreading the love of things that make me happy. Maîtriser says, when I love something or someone, I turn in to a little cheerleader. Lol that must be why I always cheer about him and the girls quite so loudly! (well they are awesome!). So, I decided that I would spread the love for my favourite blogs, cos they are also awesome and so worthy of a pixie cheer!

So, the first blog that I want to shout and cheer about is the epic CandySnatchReviews. This lady is funny, smart and I love the way she writes. Her product reviews are detailed, thought out and you know she really tested them out. Her sinful Sunday pictures, are nothing short of breath-taking and her candysnatch chats are not only informative, but funny at the same time. Her post about taking a sexy selfie, has led to me taking selfies and texting them to the boss man at work! but the biggest reason I love her blog is that she is full of body positivity and conference, that is contagious. Being a girl with body image issues and living with two other girls who struggle with self-esteem, reading her post has started to undo some of the damage that has been done over the years.

Next up is the wonderful blog of Cara Thereon. Now this lady is funny, witty, clever and has a very positive out look on life. She is submissive, is in a ldr with her daddy, and it is a poly, open relationship, so she is kind of on my level. She writes some very sexy things, that have led to some lovely times with my head between kitten’s legs! Her stories have now become a favourite of ours as are bedtime story. Again, the boss man is happy for us to read her blog, as she I polite and respectful of others and loves how her and her Dom are together.
Next is the blog of the very funny and charming John Brownstone Now I’m going state at the start, the are two blogs of male dominates that I can follow and read. One is Sir beasty’s and the other is John Brownstone’s blog. His blog is full of musing of a dom, on his life with his baby girl, kalya Lords and on life in general. He seems to have a very refreshing take on things and everything seems to be met with humour and thoughtfulness. I mean he even says when he gets things wrong. the boss man lets as read and comment, cos he likes the banter and he’s style of treating other people’s submissive. (with respect and humour)

The next blog I want to shout about is one of my favours to sit and read when I need cheering up or my mood boosting, and that blog is the wonder of Floss does life. Or as my aunty may calls her, that jolly nice lass off the ProudToBeKinky Podcast. Floss writes some very hot erotic fiction, that again has become some of are best loved bedtime stories. But the thing I Adour is her musings on life. She can put in to words, things that I think and can’t put in to words. the boss man lets me read and follow this blog, as he thinks she is a very good kink portative role model and act in a ladylike manner.

Lastly, but not least Has to be Girl on the net.. Just a great blog, full of giggle, things to make you think and ponder. The writing found in this blog is nothing short of perfection and was one of the blogs that inspired me to start blogging. The boss man lets me follow her blog, as he likes her writing and her outlook on life.

I could go on, and on about some other blogs till the cows come home, but I would be here forever. The are some many amazing blogs out there, that teach, support, and inspire me. Since I start this blog a little under a year ago, I have learnt some much about blogging, from other bloggers and can’t wait to see what the coming year will be bring.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday!

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From the heart, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Day 19 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar , by submissive guide – Seen but not heard.

Hello my lovely friends of the interweb! how are you this fine day? what have been up to? I myself  have been a very busy . I had an English lesion, breakfast with my boss, tidy and cleaned the spare room, waxed lyrical about jam, eaten jam, and loved my babies! I also tried to pic my little dog spidie up, all 3 kg of her and buggers my back, to the point I had to call Kitten to help me get off the floor and get my ciro to do a home visit. Turned out not to be my back but my hip popped out of line, ouchies later and now move, all be it looking like I have been kicked in the bum!

Anyway back to the task in hand , If I can stop thinking about jam . right todays focus was the saying ‘children should be seen and not heard’. the first activity was called Quiet Bells. The idea was to attach bells on to your person and to see how quietly you could move and see what you noticed. the second was called Quiet voice. the aim was to speak and act in a quiet calm manner as much as you could for the day . now I read todays activities to maîtriser at breakfast, and him being in a mood for testing me, decided that I could do both! (his in a grumpy cos his not allowed to go skiing)

So he adapted the quiet bells activity a little, I was allowed to wear one of leather collars today, that locks and has a bell on it! most of my collars have bells on them for the very reason of this activity or as maîtriser says , so he knows where I am and what I’m doing! I was also allowed to wear the little cuffs that we put bells on too! at first I was jingling all over the shop and it made me very a wear that I was stomping round the house and being a little clumsy and loud. So I tried taking small step and listened for the jingle, and it was less. strangle making the effort to make less noise while moving , left me feeling calmer. having bells on my cuffs meant I learnt how flipping much I move me hands around when I talk with my hands and how hard I can hit the keys on my laptop when typing. so I try to cut back on both of them, but it did mean sitting on my hands a lot!

For the quiet voice activity , well I really loved this. I have a form of autism , and one of the things I really struggle with is the tone and volume of my voice. So this task made me practice me tone and volume , and that is a really good thing! also by being a little quieter and more softly spoken meant that I used please and thank you more, smiled more and giggled rather than use my Wally laugh! maîtriser said he likes it when I talk , rather than shout, and I got an extra reward sticker today for being calmer and even more polite!

So today has been great fun and really made my think, so I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Night all .

Pixie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, socail, Uncategorized

Day 18 of the Submissive advent calendar, By submissive guide – Becoming Real.

Hello Kinksters! Again how are we all today? How are doing this evening? I have my Little bear and my Kitten home with me, but babe will not Wednesday. I do however get to drive to the airport, with the babies to pick her up and my Friend Emit , who is coming for Christmas. So that is something that I have to look forward too!

So today we have an excerpt from the wonderful , The Velveteen Rabbit. this is the passage.

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that
happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just
to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When
you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit
by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It
takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who
break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved
off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very
shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are
Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The first activity was to sit and think how it tied into to your submission and  how it relates to love in genres. the second the was about Becoming real. It was to identified when your submission became real , what it look like, how it and how it cemented you identity as a submissive. I decided to do the second activity today.

I guess I first felt submissive when I was about 15 and a girlfriend took control and told me what she wanted me to do to her. But I think when I first felt submissive with maîtriser was when he visited me in hospital after trying to take my own life. I had lied to a lot of people, and I was still hiding a lot of thing from my family and doctors. He sat by my bed and told me he would help me heal and put myself back together , but I had to tell him the whole truth, that the were to be no more lies and that I had to trust him. I was at my absolute lowest point, almost given up on life and defiantly on myself. He made me open up, it hurt , the were tears and a shit load of pain cam pouring out. He locust out ever little bit, pushed me when I thought I could not go on and tested my limits of being vulnerable. But he also held my hand, his calm strength and did not judge me. He knew what I needed , made me talk and never flinched at what I said. He left me with 3 rules to follow if I wanted his help to fix myself 1) No lies. 2) to ask for help when I needed it. and 3) to not harm myself . at this point we were only ‘friends’ , but he saw how much I need rule to follow to get well. but he also knew I needed to do the work, with someone to hold my hand and stand by my side. it Looking at it now I guess he was giving me my first ever rules as a submissive. but to me it just felt like It was just a friend helping a friend. he made my brain calm, loved and safe. I think that is when I really feel in love with him. Cos he saw me  at my worse , and loved the way I need to be loved.

Well that turned out rather deep and meaningful for a Monday night!

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

 

From the heart, Masturbation Monday, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized

All good things….

I’ve been sat outside sirs house waiting for the last 15 minutes, knowing how much he hates tardiness , I’m always get to appointments and work early now. I would hate to disappoint him or let him down, but that’s not the reason I am early today. We have been apart, with no contact for the last 2 weeks. No were not 24/7 , but were not casual either. no I don’t have a collar nor are we exclusive, I mean we’ve not really put a label on what we have, not yet. I mean we have talked about collaring and where we see this , what ever it is going but not agreed on a solid future or putting things on a more formal footing. what I do know is that not being able to text him or speak to him or see for the last 2 weeks has left me with an ache in heart and sadness in my soul. So when he text last night saying he was back from his business trip and that he wanted to see me today at lunch time , so we could talk , but only if I was free. I jumped at the chance to see him and be near him. The fact that I had been meant to be working and having lunch with my sisters , well they could be put off and called in sick to , but i so needed to see him.

the fact is for some horrid self-doubting reason that I just can’t shake , I think this is not going to be a nice chat . Nope I have a feeling that I am going to be told that you don’t want to take it any farther and your going to send me away. I mean most of the time we’ve met it’s been at a bar and then we have gone back to your place, rather than my tiny little studio flat. we talk, and laugh, we play and screw. I’m treated with care and respect, I know you feel desire for me and that you enjoy using my body. You must know how much I’m in to you and what we do, maybe a little too much. have I started to feel more for you than you do for me. Do I want more than are casual informal fun. Am I feeling for you and been lying to both of us when I said I was happy with how things are.

Then It hits me like a punch to the chest and brings tears to my eyes. I so feel more than I thought and want more than we have, but I don’t know how to deal with these very new and extremely strange to me feelings. I don’t even know what I want . To be moved from casual fun to what? Kinky girlfriend? No, I want something more formal. I want rules, I want the discipline , the pain and to serve. I want to be owned, loved and controlled. But more than anything I want him to call me his, and nobody else’s, unless he wants me to share with someone. I just sit there and let it sink in slowly, washing over me in waves .

My phone suddenly starts sing at me, making me jump so much I hit my on the roof of my mini! With a shaking hand I rummage through my handbag , looking for me phone, desperate to shut off the offending noise. When I find the bloody thing I look to see who is calling, flashing on the screen are three letters that send my heart in to a nerves flutter, Sir. I slide the lock screen open ,  clear my throat and hit the answer button. I manage to squeak out ‘Hello’

It’s met with a deep chuckle and a ‘hello yourself’ followed by ‘you took your time answering, not misbehaving are you ?’

Why the hell the word ‘misbehaving ‘ should have any effect on me at all, is boned me . Yet every muscle in my lower half tenses , my breathing hitches in my throat and my nipples , instantly get hard. I stammer out a ‘no’ In a high pitch tone that I don’t recognise as me.

‘So are you actually going to come inside, or were you planning on staying in your car all afternoon?’ Shit, shit ,shit he’s seen me. Oh god what do I do now. As if reading my mind you add ‘ If you’re not on my front pouch, by the front door in less than 30 seconds I will come and drag you out the car’

‘okay , I’m coming already’ I say in a slightly less submissive tone than I would normally use. I’m a tad peeved that you sound way to relaxed and full of humour for this to be anything other than another play session or bout of stress relief. I shake myself , grad my bag from the passenger seat , and make to get out the car. Only now thinking my choice of summer dress and saddles is , possibly not the best thing to wear if someone is going to break things off with you. I mean I feel like ive made too much effort , I should have gone with jeans, t-shirt and trainers, then I would look so bad when I stop at the petrol station on the way home for ice-cream to help with a broken heart.

I’ve almost made it to your porch and front door before I realise that I’m really over thinking all this. More than likely this is just a booty call and that I’m going to have as much fun as you. breathe Kallie , just breathe and stop being so fucking stupid. It’s not going to be all bad , not what you want but at least it well feel good.  lost in thought again , I raise my hand to knock on the door , only for it to swing open  and I’m left knocking on his rather muscled , tanned chest covered in a light brown hair. I just stand their stock still staring at the wall of you that is in front of me. i hear your slow, deep chuckle as your arm go round me and pull me in to your chest for the biggest hug of my life . I breath in a big deep breath , that is full of your sent , lord you smell good, i have missed that smell so much. I breath out a long , deep sigh and let you take me by the hand and guide me in to the house.

You shut the door behind you with firm shove of you foot and I hear the key turn in the lock. I have only taken a few in to the coolness of the tiled hall , the butterflies are back in my tummy and I half heartedly try to figure out how easy I could run and crash through the pouch window and get in to the safety of my car. Lost in thought, I jump when your hands make contact with the bear skin of my shoulder and upper arms. Then your voice in a whisper in  my ear says ‘hush little one, calm down, it’s ok. Why don’t you put your bag down and slip your shoes, then go through to the lounge , while I get us some thing to drink. Go on make yourself comfortable little one’ and then his gone from my side .

I do as I’m told putting my bag on the hall table , slipping my feet out of my sandles and pad along the hall to the lounge, remarking to myself how cool the tiles fell under my bare feet. Once in the lounge I run my fingers across the smooth leather of the couch , and then turn and look out the window to your small garden, with its chairs and table, that would make a perfect spot to share a glass of wine in the late summer sun. Something I’m not likely to every get the chance to enjoy . I turn the blinds down and stand , slowly unbuttoning my dress, opening it wide and shimming it from my shoulder. stepping out of the fabric, I fold it neatly on the end table , then I start to go to work on my bra and panties , folding them and adding them to pile on the end table . I turn to your high back chair , the one you sit in when you want to watch me play and edge myself . not quite sure what to do for the best, I decided that kneeling at the side of your chair would be the best idea. So I walk to the chair and I start to lower myself to my knees, a sense of foreboding and sadness washing over me. I’m really having to fighting of tears and stamp down the sobs that are rising from some place deep inside.

again I’m so court up in my own little world, that I don’t hear you come in the room. The first I know about you being near me is a shocked gasp, the clatter of a tray being sat down and you saying ‘jesus Kallie, I said make yourself comfy , not get bare assed and kneel on the floor’

Lifting my face to yours , I look at you with a very confused look on my face. I stutter out ‘but I thought you wanted to ‘talk’ about stuff'” I feel the sob in my throat rising and tears stinging my eyes, ‘way to make a fool of yourself kallie’ . Looking at you face for some idea of what you really meant , I see you with a bemused grin on you lips and you head shaking . Feeling like a total idiot know I get up from the floor and make to grab my cloths and flee the scene of my shame. But your hand has my arm in a vise like grip, and your turning me to face you. That ‘s when you see the silent tear fulling down my face. all I hear before you fold me in to your arms is ‘fuck Kallie , no sweetie , no , I just want to chat with you about some stuff”

That just makes me sob harder and harder. Great I was right in the first place, you want to call all this off and send me away. I can’t seem to stop the tears or the sobs, but I also try to push my self free of your arms, as they are and your touch is not helping my addled brain to function. but your strong arms are not  letting go , you drag me over to the couch , sit down and host me on to your lap. tucking my head in to shoulder and making shushing noise while you stroke my hair.

when I’ve calmed a little , I whip my eye and blow my nose, wow I must look a mess. I try to stand up, but you’re not having any of it . “hold still missy! Your not moving till you tell me what the fuck all those tears  were for”

to tried to fight you, I relax , take a deep breath and start. ” I thought you called me here to tell me that I was being realised , but when you said get comfy , I thought you wanted to use me and play. So I thought I should be naked and kneeling, but then when you saw me you clearly didn’t  want that , so I felt not only a fool but realised my first thoughts were right , that your about to realise me, and … and…”

“shush little one, let me speak now ok ‘ You say in your firm but friendly tone. I nod , my head bumping under your chin. you hold me tight pull me closer, so I feel safe, little and warm.

You start talking again in a low , calm tone ” I asked you to come here today , as I have things I need to say to you . I did not ask you here for a booty call nor am I going to release you from anything little one. I wanted to talk to you about where we are headed and what future you see for us. I was going to say that not having contact with you for 2 weeks has been hell, that I missed your pretty little face, your cheeky chatter and could not stop thinking about your body and the things I longed to do to it . I was hopping you would say you felt the same and that you might want to take this a step farther. I was going to ask you to do me the honor of wearing my collar and become my sub. I know we have a lot to talk about still and a lot of things to work out but I was so hopping you wanted the same as me. So what is your answer Kallie , is a collar something you are interested in, my collar I mean, me as your Dom on a much more permanent footing?”

I sit stock still in your lap , my eyes are threatening to spill tears again. I open my mouth but no words will come out so I nod my head as hard as I can, bumping the underside of your chin again. I take a deep breath, swallow and finally find the words ‘yes , yes please , ever so much sir!’

With a chuckle you set me on my feet , stand up yourself and pull my into you and lean down and kiss me. soundly, full of passion and leaving me with no doubt that you’re in charge. it goes on and on , and I never want it to stop. but you pull away ,stroking my face with one hand and adjusting  yourself with the other, looking me in the eye the whole time, causing me to blush. You say in a soft and gentle tone’ now little one, I want you to kneel, close your eyes and hold your hair up and away from your neck, I’ll be right back , no peeking , promise?’

I nod and drop to my knees , gathering my hair up in my hands and closing my eyes tightly. I hear you walk in to the hall, rustle through a bag, take something out of it and then pad back me . You kneel behind me and then I feel you place something made of leather round my , it tightens and I can feel you buckling it closed . checking it’s not to tight, you tell me to open my eyes and let go of my hair. my hands fly to the thine strip of leather round my neck , I look up and begging with my eyes, you chuckle and help me to my feet , and I run to the hall and the mirror. I stare at the thin purple , kitten style , leather buckle collar , with a small sliver d-ring at the front and hanging from it is shiny, heart shape tag. with shaking fingers I catch hold of the tag, turning so I can read what is on it . It reads  Sir’s Little one. I cant help myself , I turn round , squealing with delight, I run back to the lounge and launch myself at him.

With my legs wrapped round his waist and arms round your neck, I cover your face I kisses, not realising that your hands are rubbing my bum and moving to my lower lips. Nor that you are walking towards the couch, then I come to just as my naked back hits the smooth leather . the next thing I know I’m rough turned over on to my tummy and then hosted over your lap. your growling at me to hold still. Then comes , in a husky voice ‘ Now little one I think you need to be punished for think the worst , before asking what I wanted to talk to you about , don’t you? hmm, I think 10 of the best on each should do it , now I want you to count little one and say thank you , do you understand?’

‘Yes sir ‘ I squeak and then gasp as I feel the sudden sting of his hand making contact with my bum cheek. ‘1 , thank you sir’ I manage to get out just before your hand makes contact with the other cheek. I count out loud, as the blows land on my bottom , one after another. then as soon as its starts it end and you pull to you for yet another cuddle, but I can feel your erection through your jeans. I look up at you , pleading with my eyes , uttering a ‘please’ , as I slide from your lap, coing to rest between your knees. Not brake eye contact , my hands move to your jeans , to the zip of your fly , slowly dragging it down.

“ok little one , show me what you want to do” you say as you pull your t-shirt up and over  your head , and tossing it to the floor. I pull you fly down, delighted that you have gone commando, tugging your jeans down your toned legs, tossing them to the side with your t-shirt . Then I turn back to you, steeling between your legs , looking to you to check it’s ok! You nod and smile, and I go to work!

Slowly kissing from the tip , down to the base, stopping to drop kisses, then gentle licks and sucks to you balls . I then lick from the base, along the underside , right back to head of your cock. It’s glistening with pre come, that I run my fingers through and use as a lubricant, as I gently pump your cock for a minute or two . But then I can’t wait any longer , sitting back on hunches I take the tip of your cock in my mouth , slowly taking you deeper and deeper in to my throat . Your hand has weaved their way in to my hair and you now decided to take control . Using. My hair, you control the depth and speed of things , leaving me to control how hard I suck and allowing my hands to tease your balls. Soon you stroke speed up, thrusting my face and mouth down harder. I feel you tense , and then with a deafening raw , your empty yourself in to my mouth and I swallow as much as I can . When you finish , you release you death like grip on my hair, and I come up gasping for air.

Still kneeling on the floor, red-faced , swollen lips , hair a mess and still panting. You hover over me and then host up in to your arms, kiss my soundly and cooing soft words in my ear. When my breathing returns to normal , you speak again. ” well little one I think we have an awfully to talk about and things to work out, that is if you still want too that is!?”

“Of course I do buster !” I giggle and playfully punch you in the chest . But it all gets lost in the look On you face . grabbing my arm , you stand taking me with you, only to stoop and gather me up in you arms, telling I need to be punished again , and with that your striding off.to your bed room with me in your arm. Knowing that we’re not done with talk just yer, but also the talking can wait, for now!

Masturbation Monday.

nee mm

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 14 of the Submissive's Advent Calendar, by Submissive guide – Don't be afraid to be brave.

So yesterday about being afraid and brave with inn are submission. like being frightened to do something and still doing it. We have a made up word for it Scave , When your scared and brave all at the same time!

The first activity was a simple reflection on the current fears you currently have about your submission, are relationship and within resells . The is also a passage from Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin, and you are asked why do you think he wrote that slavery requires bravery ? the second was second was to make a coupon book. By sitting down and writing a list of thing that you were too afraid to do over the last year , then turning them in to a coupon book , that you can give to your dom , a sort of list of things that you are too scaired to try without a little pushing! I did the first on.

I’m going to say that over the last few days I have been very low and my anxiety levels have gone through the roof. I’m ok and maîtriser has stepped up and is take care of me , but I just felt the need to say.

Now what am I fearfully of as a submissive, hmmmm . Well firstly that I don’t please maîtriser enough or that he will stop wanting me . I now I’m enough and I know his not going any place but it that niggles at the back of my mind , but I’m working on it ! Other worries are I can do the same as the rest of the girls. I mean physically I have limits. I can’t kneel for long periods of time and some of the rope stuff that babe is in to. But the way I have found to deal with it , is to speak up about it and then we find a way to adapt it . I also have things that due to having been abused and hurt really badly by me ex, that I find really hard to do. but again we are working on them . taking them to the point that I get scared and then when it is too much I will use my word for I’m not feel happy with this and we take a few steps back. I think Guy Baldwin saying that with slavery the comes bravery , is true. You are putting your life in someones hands , and it takes a lot of trust to believe that person is not going to do any thing to hurt you and that everything is safe. its even harder if you have had a bad entrance in the past.

Well that is as far as I’ve got . I am going to go cuddle maîtriser now!

Hugs,

Pixiie x x x x

From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Poly life, Uncategorized

Day 13 of the Submissive's Advent calendar, by Submissive – Light a candle

So I am writing this while having an English lesion . I should explain that I stated having ‘English lessons ‘ about 15 months ago. I grew up speaking a mixture of Rusin , Irish Gaelic and English, added to this I have dyslexia and Anxious Add , and you will under stand why I struggle with English as much as I do .So maîtriser ask one of his female Dom friends , if one of her subs , who teaches ESL classes, if he would work with me on my English, spelling and grammar and punctuation . So we meet twice a week in a local café . We started off doing spelling and grammar. We then started to add in reading and writing short things. Then he taught me how to plan out what I wanted to write. That was a 15 months ago, and I still love those lessons , not only do I feel that my English is better and my spelling have improved, but I have gained a lot of conference and I am much happier just sitting and writing.

So todays activities are based on lighting a candle, and what that means to you in terms of love and your submission. The first activity was to find a quiet 10 minutes , light a candle and reflect on what it means to you in terms of your submission and love. the second was based round the yule log and using as reflection on the same things. I have been pushed for time over the last few days and the thought of actually going and sitting any place quiet for 10 minutes sounds like heaven.

So I went early this morning to the ladies chapel and light some candles. I always light them here and not in the main church as it tends to be quieter and less busy. I always light 5 candles when I go to church. One for my Nana, friends lost to illness, friends who took their own lives and one for friends I have serving in the armed forces or the emergency services . I light one for my family , and one for the peace process in Ireland to never stop working. I’m a lapsed yet good catholic, church has always in my darkest days been my sanctuary . I have an amazing priest , who would let me sit at the back of the church and calm myself when things at home with my ex were really bad and when he found out he beat me , without stopping for breath said I was worth more and should try to find the courage to leave.

Then I sat and I thought , pondered and reflected. To me I beleave that the submission I have now and the man I chose to submit to are linked and even at the start when it was just a sort of platonic D/s thing, was always given and received with love. I also think that as a poly D/s family we burn far brighter together , than we do alone. I now that I take great strength from my Dom , and I know that getting to the point where we got married and had babies , well the was pain and hurting that I had to get through to be whole and happy. but unlike a candle , I don’t see this as this love and these feelings every burning out. They may grow and evolve , but I will fight to the death to keep this love going as long as it can.

Well after that little out burst of feeling and emotion , it’s time this little pixie to do her spelling test!

 

hugs,

Pixie x x x x