From the heart, musings of pixie heart, social

Things I don’t believe in….

Things I don’t believe in….

Ok, ok I know I seem to be doing down beat blog posts this week, I know ! But this is less down beat than the tittle would have you think, ok? It kind of came to me this morning, laying in bed after a rather lovely morning fuck. Maîtser was humming one of ‘are songs’, Dream by Gabriel , and as I snuggled in close and started drifting back to sleep and my own dreams, I was hit by thoughts of my nana. I have been thinking a lot about her recently, with my own mother coming to the end of her own life. I was really close to my nana, and she taught me so, so ,so many things. Like how to clean house, how to take care of babies and how cook for 14 people without breaking a sweat. But I also remember all her ‘funny’ ways of looking at the world. To an outsider looking in, she was a very simple creature. A country girl, a wife, a mother and housewife. But she also was a feminist, peace protester and loved learning. The 3 things I remember her saying the most often were, always have a dream , nobody is perfect, and I just want them (her family) to be happy. This got me thinking about how she always refused to believe anything was perfect, and then on to the things I don’t believe in. So I thought I would write about them.

Perfection and paragons – ok so this kind of a stolen one from my nana (sorry nana!). But I really don’t believe anyone or anything is perfect, I just don’t. Growing up in a very strict Orthodox (Russian) / Catholic household we learned the bible forwards, backwards, upside down and standing on are heads. So I knew the words ‘he, who has not sinned cast the first stone’ really well. My nana used that to stop arguments, and my daddy coming down to hard on us, when we did something wrong. But my belief goes a little deeper than the bible . I also think that it is impossible for things to be perfect. They may seem it or look it, but if you dig a little deeper the is always a flaw or an imperfection. I also think that some of the most beautiful things and people in the world have imperfections. In fact , those imperfections , make them so much more wondrous. Don’t get me wrong I always aim for as good as humanly is possible, but by excepting things having flaws, it save heaps of time and a hole lot of worry.

Miracles – now this is going to sound mad, coming from someone who thought she could not have children, who had non identical twins girls. But the reason I don’t believe they were a Miracle, is simply the fact that non identical twin girl do happen. Mine are not a one off, the are a fair few around. I also don’t think people ending up millionaires from winning the lottery isn’t a miracle, for the same reason. I also hate, more than words , when people say to me, ‘oh it’s a miracle you turned out so well” or “ it’s a miracle your still alive” . Everything I have or have gotten in my life has either come from a lot of hard work, or a great deal of hardship and loss. I have the great fortune to of inherited, a pretty large amount of money, when I was younger. But I only have that due to losing my god mother to breast cancer. I have had 3 really good jobs and I am respected in the fields I have worked in. But again I worked really hard to get there.

Respect your elders and betters – No, no, no! this is just not true. I believe that you should respect everyone, without exception. But people can lose that respect, and telling me I need to respect them, just because they are older or in a ‘better’ position than me. oh and while we are the subject of respect I completely disagree with the idea that respect needs to be earnt. Bull squirt! Respect should be given to everyone freely without exception. But as I said, I also believe that respect can be lost, and it can be lost very easily, and then it has to be earnt back.

Sorry is the hardest word to say – Again to me this is Bull squirt! Sorry is really easy to say. What is hard , is saying sorry and really meaning it from the bottom of heart, or that you were wrong, when you are wrong. My ex said sorry every time he beat me or sexually abused me, was he sorry no. sorries that are hollow and meaningless are in fact an insult to the person receiving them, or at least they are to me.

Swearing show how unintelligent people – Well then Mastier is stupid! (No his not, I’m not saying that maitsier) . So many super clever people I know swear like dockside navy. Steven Hawkins swore. Swearing is actually good for you. it’s a great way to relieve stress and realise happy endorphins .(ok can I may of made that part up)

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger- again, wrong on so many levels. Not wanting to make things about me, but things that have nearly killed me (yes I mean kill me!) have in-fact had the apiarist effect. Physical health stuff has left me with arthritis, lung damage and poor hearing. My ex beat so badly that I have had 6 operations to fix what he broke. Sexual assault and rape left me so frightened and depressed that I tried to take my own life. It also gave me ptsd, extreme anxiety attacks and full of triggers. But all this has left me with a need to slowly rebuild myself. It taught me to be open, caring and forgiving , as well as making me pretty mentally tough and determined to live. So I guess it is a-least a little true.

So that is what I don’t believe in, but I do believe in loads too ! So to close I will leave you with my grandads and mr Walt Disney’s saying “you gotta have a dream to make a dream come true”



Dreams, by Gabriel

bdsm, musings of pixie heart, Poly life, social, Uncategorized

Names and how we got them……

So, I got talking to a nurse yesterday about my name. She was kind of amused and thought I was using a fake name. Luckily my Great Aunty May was with me and explained that its quit a common name in the part of Ireland I’m from and it was also my Nana’s name. (FYI – My nana was fucking awesome!). It got me thinking about names and the many meanings they can have.

I mean my lovely wonderful amazing and awesome Dom goes by a lot of names. (I maybe sucking up a little with all the nice things I said, but we go on holiday net Friday and we are looking forward to a VS shopping trip). His Christian name is Antoine, but the are only 3 people in this world that get to call him that. His 94-year-old Nona, His mother and My great aunty may. To most he is just Tony, cos he hates Antoine. My god kids call him Uncle Tony and my niece and nephew call him Neeeeiiii! Myself and the girls refer to him as Maîtriser, which is French for master (his half French half Italian) r. We are allowed to call him tony if we are in polite company (none kinky company), but it feels very odd to do that. We of course have been pet names for him, we often refer as the grumpy Frenchman, the crazy frog or Frenchie, but only cos he allows us to.


He has given us all pet names to. (I don’t referee to the girls as anything but their pet names on this blog cos of work and family stuff) Babe got her name from the reaction of most people when they first see her, they tend to go ‘Wow, what a babe’ cos well she is a stunning girl! She stands 6ft tall with brown eye, dark brown hair, slim, great boobs, and the most amazing smile! She quit often gets sub men calling her mistress and will very politely points to her collar and smile, it’s an easy mistake to make really! Kitten gets her name for the nose she makes when she has someone going down on her. She mews and purrer! It has nothing to do with animal play, she really is not into that. She does now how to snuggle for Poland, so the is that. I love hearing the frog say that’s a good girl kitten, means I get to snuggle with her or make her come, which is just the best thing ever! our little bear got her pet name for many reasons? The little part, cos well she’s a little and kind of in a little john way if you get me?!? The bear part is down to the fact she is like a bear cub, she is just so full of energy and mischief, she never sits still, gives the biggest hugs ever and can be a grumpy bum if you wake her up at 6 am to do yoga!

Then you have me, I seem to be known as a lot of things. Maîtriser calls me his Little Mouse. Again, this has nothing to do with animal play. It’s mainly down to the fact that I am a very quiet and timid person, no really I am. I may talk a good fight, but I have a huge anxiety problem, that I have learnt to deal with. But a lot of the time I will let others take the lead and be the that shine. That is one thing I Adour about the Frenchman, he lets me draw on his calm support when I need it so I can be the one who shines, sometimes and when I need to! The girls call me the house mouse at times. because I love nothing more than squaring around at home, keeping it clean and tidy, make sure everyone has everything they need and is on track and basically making home! I get call Yoda if drunk, cos I make no sense hat so ever and I get called Berry if I have too much sugar or caffeine, as I sat running, tripping over and squeak like a Ribena berry. If I am in trouble with maîtriser, its girl or missy. My Aunty may calls madam or daft bint, but I let her cos she is the head of my family. The are names I will not allow myself to be called, Bitch, Slut, Slag, or Whore. Cos well I’m none of them and I just plan don’t like them. The are two names that I get called by maîtriser that turn me to mush. The first is My Girl, cos well I am ‘His’ Girl! The other is something a friend called me recently, which seems to of stuck, that is little Mama. Cos well that is what I’m going to be! (that was thank to are darling Sir Beasty!)

So that is are names and what they mean to us!


Pixie x  x x x