wicked wednesday

Dearest Little one…..

Dearest little one,

This is a hard letter for me to write, hell I never thought I would be in a place in my life that I would want to write it. I always thought I would be fine with just women coming and going in my life. But I have realised I can’t continue on like that, not anymore. I never thought I would meet someone who I would want to have as mine mind, body and soul, but here I am.

I’m terrified of what we have, truly terrified. For the first time in my life I’m not content to just have something open and fun. I want you, all of you. I want you when your happy, sad or angry. I miss you when I go to work in the morning, when your away from my side, with in minutes I feel the loss. When your sad I’m sad, when your happy I’m happy. But it’s more than liking you, it’s a need to have you with me. I can’t sleep without curled up, spooning into me. I can’t eat or concentrate without knowing your safe, cared for and well, it has turned in to my number one job in life to know your ok.

For the first time in my life I know the true mean of home is where the heart is. My house , my bed, my life is empty when your not with me. With your giggles, silliness and smile. The house is so quiet and cold without you in it. But every time I hold in my arms I feel like I’ve come home.

I don’t know when it went from sexual desire , to love, but it has. Now all you have to do is smile and want strip you naked and fuck you. But after that I want cuddle you in my arms, till you fall Asleep, and I get to watch you sleep. This is not who I am , but it’s who I have become, and it’s all your doing.

These two weeks apart have made it clear that I can indeed live without you, but it has also made it clear that I don’t want to live without you. I want you here with me, as my partner, my submissive and my love. The choice is yours and I will respect it , no mater what it is. I hope you will come back, I prey you do. Think hard little one and let me know.

All my love my darling girl,

Always and for ever.

Yours,

Sir x

Wicked Wednesday

wicked wednesday

it could only happen to me!

When I read this week Wicked Wednesday I thought I was going to write a serious , straight laced tale, and then I heard a chuckle , followed by “mes souvenirs vous souvenez-vous de cette époque qui revenait d’Amsterdam?”. that stopped me in my and then made giggle till I was crying.it led to me and the rest of the family sitting down and reminiscing about some of the more memorable travels we have had over the years

the memories of a trip to Amsterdam with a group of biker friends was amazing , but coming home was one of the most morterfifing points of my 20’s. are boat was late and we were left waiting around a port , in the freezing cold for a number of hours. I decided I need to change and put warmer clothes on , so I quickly rummaged through my rucksack to find some thermals I had packed ,  shoving my clothes and stuff back in and scurried off to change in to them. by the time I got back it we were being usher through customs and on to a boat. when I got to the customs officers , I got pulled over and motioned to take my helmet off and let them look in my bags. now I had gone to Amsterdam and had ‘treated’ myself to a few new toys. so the thought of them seeing them was a little embracing , but when I put my bag up to be looked through the was a very load buzzing come from it. the custom officer seemed to think I had a weapon or bomb in the bag , and then things got silly , with my bag being moved , people moving out the way and the officer shouting “what have you got in the bag miss” . Well I had to tell them, but the mortifying part was them going through my bag, pulling out all the toys and demanding I took the batteries out of all of them and giving me a warning that I should have done this before packing them and to of declared them, as they nearly called the bomb squad!

Another time that comes to mind was last year at crufts, well at are hotel. I had gone up to days before hand with kitten and 2 of my dogs. well we had been allowed to take a couple of toys with us, so we could have some fun and enjoy each other . we took a very nice dildo and a bullet vibrator. well we did indeed have a lot of fun on are first night, and the next morning we woke up late . in a rush not to miss breakfast and be late to help set up the stands we were working on that we left are room in a bit of a mess. When we got back that evening the housekeeper hand been. the bed was made, room straighten and the tea and coffee restocked . When I went in to the bath room I found at vibrator and dildo all nice and clean next to the skin. not where I had left them on the bedside table. that was a face palm moment! lol it was made even worse by my dog Mad Eye getting out of the room while kitten was at the bar and I was in the bath. I panicked and run out after him in a towel , that cover very little , shouting that he was a little shit  and I was going to kill him! Well I caught him outside the kitchen, but had forgotten to a lead. So I had to pick a wiggling dog up , while trying to keep a towel in place and get back to the room. When I finally made it back, I found that the door was locked, meaning I had to walk in to reception and find someone to open the door for me, still holding a wiggling and now growling Mad Eye, wearing nothing but a towel.

But by far the most embracing thing that has happened in a hotel was on my wedding night. Well I was a little drunk, extremely happy and hornier than hell, and when I’m like that I get really vocal. Well to cut a long story short , we had some one knock on the door a grand total of 3 times in 1 night. oh and the boss man-made it worse by cuffing me to the bed , answering the door wrapped in a duvet and holding the door wide open so the poor guy who had to come tells us to be quiet saw me naked, covered in bite marks and panting!

Well that’s my wicked Wednesday ramble and my first blog post from this site!

 

Hugs,

Pixie

 

Prompt #295: Suitcase

musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

21 Mulberry Mews.

21 Mulberry Mews.

Looking down at my phone I reread her text. “Flat 2, 21 Mulberry Mews, New Cross. I left the key under the mat. My room is the last door on the top floor. I left you towels for a shower and the is veggie curry in the fridge. I will be home around 2, make yourself at home.”. Locking my phone just as the train pulls in to New Cross station. Heaving myself to my feet, I grab my bags and my folio case and make my way off the train.
It’s been a rough 72 hours and not having a place to come home to had made it all the harder. So, when you text offering a place to crash for a few days I jumped at the chance. It means I get to curl up in bed with one of the most handsome men in the world, warm and safe. Instead of on the sleeping on the sagging old sofa in the corner of my lonely cold studio, all on my own. Only I could leave myself without a place to stay between now and when my flat is ready to move back in to.

After trudging up the station steps and making in through the barrier with my bags and case, I am confronted with the cold, slushy paths of new cross and the 10-minute walk to your place. If its possible its colder than when I left. Trying to not shiver, I plod on and my mind wanders to the times I have ‘crashed’ at your place over the last few months. The have been the nights we have been out drinking and you insisted it would be safer for me to stay than walk home drunk. I decided I need to sober up and that the best way was to have crazy wild monkey sex. It did nothing to sober me up, but I got to come and then you cuddled me to sleep. The was the slow sensual screw after my break down over my finals and all the stress it brought with it. It started with a friendly back rub and a joint and ended with some very slow sweet loving! The have been countless other times and just thinking of any of them brings a warm feeling in my tummy and a blush to my check.

Before I know it I’m at the door of you shared house, 21 Mulberry mews. I locate the key under the mat and let myself in and make my way up the stairs and find your room. It is full of your masculine furniture, with a flare of colour that is your theatrical side. I dump my things on the floor, stipe of my damp clothing, grab a t-shirt out of your draw and the only pair of clean panties out of my bag. I shower quickly, heat the food left for me and put the plate in the dishwasher. Back in the safety of your room I turn on the bedside lamp, pull back the covers and climb in. the crumbled sheets and pillows small of you. That citrus scent with hints of sandalwood and little touch of something spicy. I snuggle down and within 5 minutes I am fast asleep, exhausted with hours of traveling and forced being sociable.

The next thing I know someone is leaning over me, tucking stray hair behind my ear and kissing me on the forbid. My eyes open to see you in the dim light crouched at the side of the bed smiling down at me. Without a word I scoot over in the bed making room for you to climb in next to me. turning the light off as you go, gathering in to your arms and cuddling me back to sleep.

I wake an hours later, spooned with my back flush against your front. I can feel your morning erection poking me in the bottom, and I deliberately wiggle a little as I stretch and yawn. You gasp a little and then stammer out an apology for it.
“why are you sorry?” I say in a fake coy manner “it’s flattering, and I like it” I add, giggling and wriggling a little against your hardness. This seems to be too much for you, as you pull me harder against you, biting my neck and practically tearing my clothes from my body. My hand rid you of your boxers in record time and the next thing I know you flip me on my back, pinning me to the bed with your weight. You don’t wait for me to come to my sense, instead you capture my lips in a demanding kiss and impale me on your cock. this is not the wild animal sex of a drunk night out, but nor is it the soft slow fucking. It’s hard and fast, it drags me along with it. It makes me moan and I feel the tension build in the pit of my stomach. I feel your muscles tighten, signalling that your close, but you want me to come with you, so you’re back biting my neck hard and grouping at my breast with enough force for me to know you will have left a mark, that will last days. Then the tension breaks and sweeps us both off to some bliss filled ecstasy.
Moments later, when we both come back down of our shared high. we are cuddle back up together and drifting off to sleep I hear you say something that brings me back to my senses like a shot. “you want us to be a proper couple?” turning in your arms to look at you, I see you looking unsure, but your nodding.

Thrilled, excited and happier than I could ever thought I nod back at you. Knowing that being with you on a more of a proper footing is what I have want for so long, but not know how to ask for it. Kissing me on the nose, you declare it’s a deal! Then you decided it’s time to snuggle back to sleep again, so you can wake me up again in the same way!

For my Kitten, love you always.

Pixie x

Wicked Wednesday

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From the heart, musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

The search for bedtime stories, Mood boosting and Smiles!

When I saw this weeks wicked Wednesday prompt was all about spreading the love for other blogs and bloggers, well I got rather excited. I love spreading the love of things that make me happy. Maîtriser says, when I love something or someone, I turn in to a little cheerleader. Lol that must be why I always cheer about him and the girls quite so loudly! (well they are awesome!). So, I decided that I would spread the love for my favourite blogs, cos they are also awesome and so worthy of a pixie cheer!

So, the first blog that I want to shout and cheer about is the epic CandySnatchReviews. This lady is funny, smart and I love the way she writes. Her product reviews are detailed, thought out and you know she really tested them out. Her sinful Sunday pictures, are nothing short of breath-taking and her candysnatch chats are not only informative, but funny at the same time. Her post about taking a sexy selfie, has led to me taking selfies and texting them to the boss man at work! but the biggest reason I love her blog is that she is full of body positivity and conference, that is contagious. Being a girl with body image issues and living with two other girls who struggle with self-esteem, reading her post has started to undo some of the damage that has been done over the years.

Next up is the wonderful blog of Cara Thereon. Now this lady is funny, witty, clever and has a very positive out look on life. She is submissive, is in a ldr with her daddy, and it is a poly, open relationship, so she is kind of on my level. She writes some very sexy things, that have led to some lovely times with my head between kitten’s legs! Her stories have now become a favourite of ours as are bedtime story. Again, the boss man is happy for us to read her blog, as she I polite and respectful of others and loves how her and her Dom are together.
Next is the blog of the very funny and charming John Brownstone Now I’m going state at the start, the are two blogs of male dominates that I can follow and read. One is Sir beasty’s and the other is John Brownstone’s blog. His blog is full of musing of a dom, on his life with his baby girl, kalya Lords and on life in general. He seems to have a very refreshing take on things and everything seems to be met with humour and thoughtfulness. I mean he even says when he gets things wrong. the boss man lets as read and comment, cos he likes the banter and he’s style of treating other people’s submissive. (with respect and humour)

The next blog I want to shout about is one of my favours to sit and read when I need cheering up or my mood boosting, and that blog is the wonder of Floss does life. Or as my aunty may calls her, that jolly nice lass off the ProudToBeKinky Podcast. Floss writes some very hot erotic fiction, that again has become some of are best loved bedtime stories. But the thing I Adour is her musings on life. She can put in to words, things that I think and can’t put in to words. the boss man lets me read and follow this blog, as he thinks she is a very good kink portative role model and act in a ladylike manner.

Lastly, but not least Has to be Girl on the net.. Just a great blog, full of giggle, things to make you think and ponder. The writing found in this blog is nothing short of perfection and was one of the blogs that inspired me to start blogging. The boss man lets me follow her blog, as he likes her writing and her outlook on life.

I could go on, and on about some other blogs till the cows come home, but I would be here forever. The are some many amazing blogs out there, that teach, support, and inspire me. Since I start this blog a little under a year ago, I have learnt some much about blogging, from other bloggers and can’t wait to see what the coming year will be bring.

Hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday!

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musings of pixie heart., Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

Muse.

When I told maîtriser what this weeks Wicked Wednesday prompt was he could not help smiling and chuckle. The prompt is the word ‘Muse’ or ‘Muses’ and that is what he sometimes calls us girls. He is a very creative man and writes music and songs, so I guess we might be his Muses, its’s really rather flattering I think. I see what he means though, I really do see the girls and him as my biggest inspiration, it’s for me one of the biggest benefits of the way we live.
Kitten draws and paints beautifully and will quit often ask if someone will set for to draw or paint. Now this is a lot more fun than it sounds and for me at least for me is something that I always want to offer to do. I’m not the world’s most confident person when it comes to my face or my body, so posing for her at first was hard to do. But she has away of making me feel at ease and she takes such care to position you and instruct you how to move and hold yourself, that I now find it really freeing. The fact I get to sit around in the nip, with Kitten looking at me is also a huge turn on. I will sometimes fidget so she gets all stern and tells me to hold still, then my nipples get hard and I get wet, so I fidget more. That leads to her coming over to reposition me and when she smells that I’m aroused she, she will kiss me and run her hand over my nipple, which to me is her saying ‘Ok mouse, show me what you got’. Oh, how I show her what I have for her. I have lost count of the times that I have dragged her over to the beat-up armchair in the corner of the studio and gone down on her, proving how she inspires me to misbehave!
Babe says that Little bears mouth and my bum are her Muse when it come to creative punishment! Let me explain little bear has got the whole dirty talk down to a fine art when it come to what people should do to people, normally me! I am very much the family pain slut and lover of being tied up, And Babe is very much the Queen of rope and I adore when she go’s in to Dom mode with me. Maîtriser is. the best, but I really do love a good Femidom session, So Little Bear making suggestions to Babe, and the glint she gets in her eye because of them, gets me excited, every bloody time! I think the best one was before I got pregnant and I spent the morning swearing like a dock side navy. Babe hates swearing, so I knew she was cross. Little bear whispered in her ear and next thing I knew, I was bent over the kitchen table, legs apart, ankles being tied to the legs of the table and then my body pushed forward on to the table. An hour later she let me up for air, with a very red bottom, a well fuck look on my face and little bear smiling and covered in me!
But I really do love the way that we all seem to inspire each other. Whether it be in an artistic way, professional way or just to want to try harder and do better. Have 3 beautiful Ladies with such different personalities is amazing, it has gotten me making dresses and corsets again, something I have not been able to do for a long time without it making me sad. Seeing how much pride in being her own boss that Babe has and how she is ‘the boss’ in her professional life, well it’s given me the confidence to kind of take charge of my professionals life and I have learnt that I can get people doing stuff, without being seen as a bossy woman and gaining respect of the people that I work with. Little bear well she is the one who has such a fun outlook on life and has just so much positivity, that you can’t help smiling, laugh and feel better. (although her waking you up at 6 am on a Sunday cos she wants to make pancakes makes you want to kill her). Kitten has inspired me to take the passion I feel for the people around me and channel it in to the rest of my life. Then the is my darling Maîtriser who has been my inspiration to live my life how I want and to fight my way back to health after being really ill. He is also the reason I gave the Love, marriage, and children a second try. I now have two very wonderful little reasons to not give up trying, ever again.
So I guess my muse in life is my crazy , wonderful and amazing little family!

Wicked Wednesday.

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Diary, From the heart, Uncategorized, wicked wednesday

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.

The girl in the mirror, learning to love myself.
I have never really had a great love of what I see when I look in the mirror. I never liked how I looked growing up as a kid. I was small and scrawny as little kid. I had thick glasses, red frizzy hair, thick glasses and a tiny up turned pig nose. Then at the age of 9 need to take steroids for health problems and I put on weight. I was bullied badly at school and at home, by my mother and her father. When I turn 13 a grow about 5 inches in a year and I start to train at a boxing club with my dad. I lost weight, gained muscle and attitude. I chose to fight back at the bullies and the world. but this led to me getting kicked out of school for being a ‘troubled ‘kid.
Fast forward a to a few years ago and you see a girl whose self-esteem is rock bottom, who hides herself away. My body was covered in scares from years of self harm and tattoos from my years of angry rebellion against a harsh world. Stretch mark from rapped weight gain and then weight loss. Add more scares from chest drains from ill health and miss shaped bits from bike accidents and broken bits from my beatings from my ex. So, when my darling Maîtriser came in to my life a few years ago, one of the First things he wanted me to work on was my, in his view titled perception of my body. He said he wanted to me to see myself the way he and the rest of the world saw me, and not how my broken brain saw myself.
So, with therapy, gym workouts and time and love, I started to work on my self-esteem and started to challenge how I saw myself. One of the things I did and still do from time to time is put myself down. I will say something like I hate my face or I’m so fat. This upsets maîtriser, he says it’s like me saying that he is not right that I am worth him loving. At first, I was not sure I was worthy, but as the days went on and I feel increasingly in love and I learned to trust again, I saw that he was right. So, I tried to stop, but I still slipped from time to time.
As a sort of punishment and sort of his way of challenging this, he would for ever put down I made about myself I would have to come up with 10 things I liked about the way I looked. Having just had twins, the put downs have come to the surface again. So, when I said, ‘lord my face looks so chubby’ I was made to stand in front of the mirror again and make my list of 10 things I like, here is what I found
1. I love the colour of my eyes and how they seem to change with my mood.
2. I like my small pug nose and how it’s too small to keep my glasses on when I sneeze.
3. I love my high cheek bones and dimples.
4. I love my Hight. Just right that I can rest my head on maîtriser shoulder when we dance.
5. I love my small hands, that are strong and know how to do so many things.
6. I love my boobs and nipples, and the amazing feeling I get when they are played with.
7. I love the stretch marks on my tummy and hips. Reminds me of caring my babies.
8. I like the scares on rib cage. They remind me of the strength it took to fight back from illness
9. I like the scare on my left for arm. It makes me think that, given time scares fade, if not always leave you totally
10. I love the tan line on my ring finger, reminds me of being married to maîtriser and how special are bond is.
I don’t think I’m ever going to the type of person who is going to spend hours looking in the mirror. But I have learned to like what I see and realised that if maîtriser is happy and loves what he sees, then so should I, cos he is a man who is rarely wrong about stuff like that.

I really loved writing this and I feel like it was something I needed to do, without knowing I did. Does that make sense? I wrote today at a coffee shop, while my little ones dozed in their pram and the rest of the world went about their business. For now my life is good, happy and settled.

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday

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Masturbation Monday, musings of pixie heart., socail, Uncategorized

Tattooed Heart.

Do I like tattoos? Umm, well yes, yes, I do! No, I don’t like them, I love them. I should really confess here, before I go any farther to being what the Boss Man calls a tattoo addict. I Love how they look on other people, on me and I see them as one of the most beautiful forms of artwork that the is. I grew up in a very strict Irish catholic / Russian orthodox culture, where the word tattoo was a dirty word and a taboo. I guess that kind of fuelled my love of them!
From a very early age (5 or 6) they fascinated me. I can remember being sat on my great uncle Tony’s knee and quizzing him about the pictures on his arms. He had been in the mechation navy in WW2 and it seemed he got a new one every port he was every in. he would sit and tell the story of each one. As I grew older I saw another side to men with tattoos. I have ridden motor bikes from the age of 4 (I think). doing trials ridding and then motor cross. This is where I started to see them as art work and not just ink on skin. When I hit my teens, I didn’t get crushes on boy band types, no it was bikers I wanted. Over the years I was increasingly attracted to strong men, who wore their ink with pride. My first proper boyfriend was in the RAF and had military tattoos and I think that is what got my attention. Fast forward to now and I find myself married to a heavily tattooed, bearded, muscled biker of my own! Who I will add sits and tells me the story behind all his ink!
I also adore them on women. The is something about some well place ink that I think and feel is highly erotic. Most of the ladies I know who have been under the needle have tattoos that show strength and courage. They are stunning and dark, yet still manage to be feminine and soft at the same time. I also love the small, understated tattoo, that show the slightest hint of a daring wild side. The whole Pin up look, but with tattoos is a look that I find appealing and something I aspire to!
Now as for my own ink, well I have a lot of it. I have 35 of them. they start with a feather behind my right ear and end with the word ohana on the inside of my left ankle. They all have a deep and special meaning. The ones on my back are sort of badges of hunger. the one under my boobs have been redone and covered over, now caring a message to how ever gets to see, that this girl has survived domestic abuse. The ones on my hips are evidence of my misspent youth and my love for my Irish roots. They ones on my left leg show that even after being broken and left with scares something beautiful can come. The cladder on my left leg was done after I married the boss man. He has the same one on his left pec, next to the word ohana.
As for getting tattoos, well that is something I can’t get enough of. It’s kind of like I get to be an artist canvas. I have only ever been tattooed by 4 people and 80 {df7bb8344c8fbc08004428db04482721bad042a20adaf6cb6f45d2148c3c353a} of that work was done by one person, who I now class as a dear friend. Then for me the is the act of have the tattoo done. Now I love some sorts of pain and it turns out tattooing is right up there with a good old spanking for this girl. The guy who does most of mine has a light airy studio, he lets you sit and stroke his dog buba to keep you calm and always make sure you are relaxed. Then he cleans your skin, applies the design and then he starts, and that is when magic begins. Slow and steady, with the right amount of stinging, burning and the tingle. at first, I tense up a little first and then I slowly relax in to it and focus on my breathing.as the clam settles in to my bones, I can let my mind wander and then the is just the sweet pain. It is kind of like going into subspace and its blissful for me. when it ends I get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit and then I float home on my happy little clouds of endorphins! I have a lot more planed.
And to end, my favoured of my tattoos, well that is the one on the inside of my right wrist. It is an arrow and above it read Warr;or. It was done the day I was discharged from hospital, after a 3 month stay due to a botched attempt at taking my life. It is my reminder to not give up, to keep fighting and never forget that I am worth so much more alive than dead.

warrior.jpg

hugs,

Pixie x x x x

Wicked Wednesday.

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